Hold Me Close, Make Me Smile
by PottyforPotter7
Summary: Despite her abusive husband Hermione has stuck with her marriage to Ron, believing it to be her responsibility as wife. But she has a secret he can't know, and shes torn between her mind & her heart. And this recent pregnancy is only complicating matters
1. Innocent

**First off, if anyone has been reading my other fics, I apologise for the waiting. I've written quite a bit for both of them, but lately every time I sit down to write them, this fic pops into my head. It won't go away! So I've uploaded it. My Rose/Scorpius fic will probably be updated soon, but my other Dramione will be a while. I'm focussing more on this.**

**To everyone else, I hope you like this! It's a lot darker than I've written before with lots of drama, but I hope I've done an okay job. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but plot and original characters.**

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><p><strong>Chapter One<strong>

**Did some things you can't speak of**

**But at night you live it all again**

**You wouldn't be shattered on the floor now**

**If only you had seen what you know now then**

Hermione took a deep, shuddering breath and looked at the test again, praying it would give a different answer. Unfortunately, she wasn't so lucky. But she wouldn't cry; not yet. This was a muggle invention, and it may not be accurate. When she thought about it, why hadn't see just gone straight to the magical option? But in her sudden state of panic, logic had evaded her and her mind went straight to her muggle roots and customs. But she needed a definite answer, and no matter how many muggle tests she took, she would not believe it until it was proved with magic. And she needed to know _now_. Looking into the bathroom mirror, she composed herself before she reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone, and hastily dialled the numbers.

"Hello?" came a soft voice after a few rings.

"Ginny, thank goodness I got you, I need you just now. I think..." Hermione heard her voice starting to break, and she took another deep breath before continuing. "I think I'm pregnant."

There was a short silence. "Wait, what? But you and Ron...I thought...is this good news?" She finally asked.

"I really don't know Gin, but I need to find out for definite. I don't trust the muggle tests and I don't trust finding out by magic myself. I want to go to St. Mungo's and have a professional tell me...will you please come with me?" She finished in a whisper.

"Of course I will, should I come over now?"

"Yes, but don't tell Harry! Please Ginny, don't tell Harry."

"I won't, don't worry, I'll be right over."

The call ended, and Hermione put her phone away with a shaking hand, then buried her face in her hands. How could she have let this happen? It was all wrong...

A cracking noise downstairs told her that Ginny had just apparated into her living-room, and she heard the banging of feet rushing up the stairs.

"Hermione?"  
>"Bathroom" she replied weakly, and stared into the mirror as the door opened to her left. Ginny stepped into the room, and looked sadly over at her friend, who still refused to look back at her. Ginny's eyes then drifted to the sink, where she saw five muggle pregnancy tests littered in it. She walked over, and saw that they all said the same thing.<p>

"Hermione, do you really need to go to St. Mungo's? All the pregnancy tests say-"

"They're muggle tests, magic will give me a definite answer. You can't always trust these."

Ginny nodded, knowing that Hermione wouldn't rest until there was no way to deny what was most likely the truth.

"Okay come on, we'll go to St. Mungo's"

Hermione allowed Ginny to take her arm, and before she knew it she felt the crushing blackness and then her feet landing on solid ground. Looking around, she found herself in the waiting room and being dragged up to the reception desk.

"Hello, how may I help you?" The receptionist asked kindly.

"My friend thinks she might be pregnant, she wants it confirmed." Ginny replied.

"Okay then," her attention turning to Hermione. "And have you taken any tests?"

"Just muggle one's, but I want a professional to tell me."

"Okay, if you could just fill in this form please." She slid a form to Hermione who quickly filled it in. "Ok, if you want to take a seat, someone will be along to see you in a minute."

Ginny and Hermione turned back to the seats, and the receptionist watched them sadly. _She can't want this baby very much_ she thought to herself.

After about ten minutes, Ginny and Hermione looked up as a healer called out her name. Slowly, they raised and followed her down a corridor. As the past the reception desk, the receptionist gave Hermione a reassuring smile, but it didn't make Hermione feel any better. She felt like she was walking to her death.

They followed the healer into a small room, where she gestured for Hermione to sit on the bed with the usual crinkly paper.

"So, Mrs Weasley, you believe you might be pregnant?" she asked as Hermione jumped onto the bed. She nodded, not trusting herself to speak for fear of breaking her composure and crying.

"Okay, have you missed any periods?"

She nodded again, before croakily whispering "one".

The healer nodded and asked her to lie down, then pulling up Hermione's top to reveal her stomach, she waved her wand in a smooth gesture over it, then watched as a golden glow emanated from her stomach.

The healer looked up at her. "Congratulations, Mrs Weasley, you're pregnant."

Hermione closed her eyes, forcing herself not to succumb to tears. "Cou-could...could you check again please? I-I need to be sure."

"Very well" and she repeated the spell, only to have the same result. "It's definite, no avoiding it."

Hermione nodded, and a single tear slipped out from under her closed eye-lids. Ginny moved forward and held her hand, squeezing it gently.

The healer suddenly looked hesitant. "I don't mean to pry, but...am I right in saying that this isn't good news?"

Hermione nodded and slowly opened her eyes. "My husband and I...we- we haven't been getting along for quite a while. I'm not really sure where our marriage stands. This isn't the best time to be having a baby." She whispered, before more tears slipped down her cheeks.

"I understand. I'll give you two some time alone." And she left the room.

"Hermione," Ginny spoke, "it's going to be okay. I know your marriage has been rocky for some time, but maybe this will improve things! Maybe a baby will bring you two back together."

"I don't know Ginny, we already have two kids and they certainly haven't helped us bond. Not to mention we can barely afford the children we have – how are we going to cope with a third? And how is Ron going to react when he finds out? He'll be furious!"

"He can't be that angry, it's not like he played no part in getting you pregnant!"

Hermione hiccupped nervously. "I want to go home now, Ginny. I need to sort some stuff out."

Ginny nodded and helped her up, and just then there was a knock on the door and the healer entered.

"Oh, are you getting ready to leave? Very well, but I suggest you make an appointment for a check-up every month, just to make sure everything is going well. That is, if you're planning on having the baby?" She asked hesitantly.

Hermione nodded. "I'm definitely having it, whether my husband wants me to or not. I...I don't know if I'll keep it, but I don't think I could face giving it away either."

The healer nodded, and opened the door for them. "Well if you just make an appointment, and I'm healer Grant if you wish for me to continue your appointments."

"I'll do that. You've been very kind."

They said goodbye to healer Grant and walked down the corridor, but when they arrived in the waiting room, Hermione stopped. "Actually, Ginny? Could you make the appointment for me? I just want to go home and be by myself."

Ginny nodded, and Hermione pulled her into a hug. "Thank you, and thank you for coming with me today."

"It's okay, Hermione" she said reassuringly, and gently rubbing her back. "Everything will be okay. Just go home, relax, and have a think."

Hermione nodded and pulled out from the hug.

"I'll owl you the date and time of your appointment."

"Okay, and Ginny please, don't tell anyone. I don't know when I'll tell Ron and I can't have people knowing before him."

She nodded again and headed towards the reception desk, while Hermione turned and disapparated.

As soon as she landed into her living-room, she collapsed onto her knees and happily welcomed the flood of tears she had been holding back for so long. How could she have been such an idiot? Why did this have to happen? Her life was about to become an even bigger mess than it already was. Ron was going to be furious - he was adamant that they were having no more children, despite the fact that Hermione wanted a big family. Being an only-child had been somewhat unsatisfying and empty, and she had always envied the Weasley's for having such a big family. It was one of the reasons she loved spending time with them. They were her second, and large, family. But considering how little money they had, even she knew having any more children would be foolish. But now...

Hermione sank sideways and lay on the floor, and had no strength or desire to move. She continued to cry for hours, until she finally sank into a restless sleep, and she welcomed the blackness that embraced her.

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><p>When Hermione finally opened her eyes, she wondered what it was that woke her up. Deciding that it wasn't the uncomfortable floor or the freezing cold, she looked around until she noticed an owl <em>tap tap tap<em>-ing on the window. Getting up off the floor and stretching her aching body, she made her way over to the window. It was then that she recognised the owl - Caspian, Harry and Ginny's snowy owl. That could mean only one thing: the letter he was carrying was from Ginny telling her when her next appointment was. Hermione took the letter and gave Caspian a small stroke over his soft feathers before he took off again, and Hermione looked down at the letter. No, she wouldn't look at it yet. She couldn't look at it yet. She wasn't ready. Instead, she headed to the bathroom, intending to forget her troubles momentarily by having a hot shower. This turned out to be a mistake, as she noticed the pregnancy tests from earlier that day still lying in the sink. Anger suddenly washed over her, and she furiously picked them up and threw them in the bin. Then accepted a new wave of tears. Blinking through them, she turned the shower on and stepped in.

The tears merged with the droplets of water, so she could pretend they weren't there. She desperately searched her mind for a distraction, and ended up trying to plan her day. _Get dressed, eat, pick up the kids (it must be quite late in the afternoon), tidy the house, make the dinner._

She then went into more detail when she ran out of plans. _Tidy the house. The kitchen was in a mess, the table needed cleared, floors swept, dishes done, living room needs done too, there's still a pile of mail lying there to go through..._

Hermione stopped in her thought tracks. Mail. Like the letter with a certain appointment...

She couldn't stop the tears for another ten minutes.

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><p><strong>Guess you really did it this time<strong>

**Left yourself in your war path**

**Lost your balance on a tightrope**

**Lost your mind trying to get it back**

After her shower, Hermione had dressed herself with shaky hands, wondering how long she could go before she told Ron. A part of her considered hiding the truth for as long as possible with baggy clothes and resisting any strange cravings she had (her first two pregnancies had caused a strange craving for fish covered in chocolate), but she wondered if this wouldn't make Ron angrier that he hadn't been told sooner. But maybe just getting it over and done with would be the best option. Just rip off the metaphorical plaster. But that idea scared her more than anything. A tiny voice of hope in the back of her head suggested that he wouldn't be that bad, that he would actually like the idea of another child, but Hermione knew that was foolish. With his temper, always yelling about money and how poorly they were living, complaining about the noise their two children were making, there was little chance for him to take this well. She was just going to have to find a time when she was at his bravest and he was at his least angry to tell him. She had noticed that her Gryffindor bravery had slowly disappeared into almost non-existence not long after they were married, and Ron had certainly lost his good streak. It had been good for a while, but the stress of dealing with the effects of the war and learning to handle his own life in terms of a job, mortgage, ad budgeting had led him to anger and drink, and he seemed to find more comfort there than he found from her. And slowly, as the drink stopped providing comfort, he sought it elsewhere. Namely, some random woman's bed.

Hermione wasn't stupid; the evidence was practically lying about for anyone to see. The unfamiliar perfume, the small lipstick stains, the oh-so-important meetings that for some reason never included Harry, despite them working in the same department. She didn't even know why he bothered lying to her anymore; they both knew the truth. Although she knew she should be angry, she couldn't help feeling guilty. Why wasn't she able to provide the help and comfort he obviously needed? Was she not a good enough wife? A good enough friend?

She sighed, pulling on a worn-out pair of jeans and a simple jumper. Maybe she didn't dress nicely enough for him. She had made the effort when they were first married, but now she didn't see the point. Ron often complained that so held absolutely no sexual appeal in how she dressed, but he never noticed her when she tried. There was also the fact that they just didn't have the money for nice clothes. Plus, having two kids, a part-time job, and looking after the house didn't put her in the mood to dress in some uncomfortable outfit just for Ron to ignore her. _'He can get his various mistresses to dress nice for him' _she often thought bitterly.

She walked quickly downstairs and made herself a quick sandwich, which she chewed hurriedly so that she wouldn't be late in picking up her children. She had managed to enrol them both into a school set up for magical children, so that they could get a basic education before they left for Hogwarts, and there wasn't the risk of them accidently exposing magic to other muggle children. It was run by a squib, along with a few witches and wizards that were predominately muggle-born. They recognised the importance of getting an education and interacting with other children their age, and this allowed it to happen. It was the sort of job that Hermione had considered after Hogwarts, but the birth of their first child Amelia had prevented this from happening. But she still had some hope to try once all her children were old enough.

Amelia was nine now, completing her second-last year of school before she went to Hogwarts. Hermione couldn't believe how quickly the time had flown by. Her son, Tom, had just celebrated his second birthday and went to the nursery in the same building. She guessed she'd have to enrol her next child into the school too.

It was a twenty minute walk to the school, so Hermione brushed away the crumbs from her finished sandwich and stood up, searching for the buggy. Finding it by the kitchen door, she shrunk it with her wand and placed it in her pocket along with her wand, walking out the door and locking it, securing the wards.

Because they didn't have a lot of money, they had chosen not to buy a car, which had caused some problems when trying to go anywhere with the children. They absolutely hated apparating, and there wasn't always a fireplace where they were going. Even when there was, Tom always ended up coughing for a good ten minutes afterwards. But since today was sunny and warm, she decided to walk there and back. Walking there would help clear her head, and the walk back would do her children some good.

No matter what was going on in her life, Hermione couldn't help but feel a little better whenever the sun was out. The heat soon started to feel a bit uncomfortable, so she rolled up the sleeves of her top to her elbows and tied her hair into a messy bun with a bobble from around her wrist. As she welcomed the breeze that swept across her face, her mind drifted back to deciding how and when she should tell Ron. Because the truth of the matter was, when Ron was drunk and angry, it usually led him to being violent too. And while it was usually her that was at the receiving end, there was the one time he had hit Amelia. Hermione had been shocked at what happened, fear for her only daughter clouding all judgement as she ran over to Ron, pulling him back away from her desperately, hitting his arm and not caring that he would probably hit her back harder. Which he had, causing her to fall to the floor from the force of it. She had automatically curled up in case he decided to hit her again, or worse, kick her, but he had simply stormed out of the room, leaving her to crawl over to Amelia as she ran to her, and she embraced her in a tight hug while they both cried. Hermione had made sure her tears were few though, not wanting to cause her daughter any more concern. That had been one of the few nights that she packed a bag and took the kids over to Harry and Ginny's, afraid for all of their safety. Ron never called, saying he was sorry and begging her to come back like he had the first couple of times. He knew she would anyway, so he could save his pitiful apologies for when they came back.

No-one apart from Ginny, and to some extent, Harry, knew the truth about Ron, and they had often questioned her as to why she kept going back. Truthfully, she was asking herself the same question. But she always did, never having it in her to leave him. They were married, and that meant something to her, even if it had stopped meaning something to him. When she was younger she couldn't have imagined herself putting up with this, but she knew she had changed as her marriage had went on. They had married just when she was nineteen after she found out she was pregnant, so she quickly had to assume the role of mother and wife. And as Ron slowly slipped away from her, she thought it her responsibility to try and fix him. And when she was finally forced to accept that she couldn't, she changed her responsibility to just looking after him and being there for him. If she left him, she would have failed her role as a loving wife. And this would cause her children stress, meaning she failed her role as a loving mother. All in all, her life would be a failure, and that wasn't something she was willing to accept. So she continued with it, regardless of the grief it was causing her.

**Wasn't it easier in your firefly catching days**

**When everything out of reach someone bigger brought down to you**

**Wasn't it beautiful running wild 'till you fell asleep**

**Before the monsters caught up to you**

While Hermione had been lost in her thoughts, her feet had carried her to the school, having walked this path so often. With a start, Hermione found herself outside the gate, and she pushed the cold metal bars to enter. Heading to the nursery part of the building first, she could hear the sound of children's laughter coming from it, along with screaming voices and feet running about. Hermione smiled to herself, thinking how wonderful it must be to be so care-free, not a care in the world except for if you weren't being fed often enough or if your toys started boring you. Entering the building, the whole area just had a care-free feel to it, with the brightly coloured walls covered in posters and children's artwork, and the floor that was covered in a well-worn carpet that had the occasional paint or food stain on it. There was a vague sense of areas of the room being designated with a certain activity, such as an art area with small art easels and tables covered in paper and various drawing utensils, a play area covered in toys and building blocks, an eating area with some tables and small chairs, and a reading area with bookshelves and cushions grouped around a chair.

One of the teachers there spotted her and walked over with a smile. "Hello Mrs Weasley, looking for Tom? He's in the garden right now. Last time I looked out he was chasing a butterfly around in a circle." She said.

Hermione laughed. "Yeah, that sounds like Tom. I'll just go get him so we're ready in time to meet Amelia."

"Oh yes, how is Amelia doing?"

"Great, she's looking forward to going to Hogwarts so much already, but I can tell she's going to enjoy her final years here."

"I know what you mean, my oldest child, Sam, went here and he's just started Hogwarts, and he said he really misses the school. But at least he's going up to Hogwarts with a whole class of people he knows. Unlike us, who were muggle-borns and didn't know anyone."

Hermione nodded. "It was pretty scary."

"Yes. And how's your husband? Is he dreading seeing his little girl heading off to Hogwarts?"

Hermione immediately plastered on a fake smile, but it seemed very real. After years of pretending everything at home was normal and happy, it got easier to lie about it.

"Definitely. He doesn't see her as often as me because of his job, so he's really going to miss her being around and seeing her even less. And of course I'm going to be missing her terribly too."

The other witch nodded. "I understand you completely. But I'll let you go get Tom, and I'll see you both tomorrow" she ended with a smile, and then walked off.

Hermione kept her smile in place until she had completely turned away, and let it slowly slip away as she headed over to the door that led to the nursery's private garden as the woman's words swung around in her head. _'I understand you completely' _she had said. _No, you don't_ Hermione thought. _You don't understand a thing._

Stepping into the garden and embracing the sunlight again, Hermione sighed. She hated lying. Thank Godric she had gotten better when it came to lying about her supposedly happy marriage.

Looking around, she spotted Tom playing in a sandbox, digging a small yellow shovel into the topmost layer of sand and flinging it haphazardly to the side. Apparently getting bored of this, he began dumping the sand onto his tiny legs, covering the small parts of his legs that weren't covered by his shorts, laughing happily at the feeling of the sand. A genuine smile growing on her face, she walked over to the sandbox, and sat on the side. "Hey, baby!"

Tom's head snapped round at the sound of her voice. "Mummy!" he exclaimed, waving his arms in the air.

Hermione laughed, pulling him out of the sand and placing him on her lap. "What are you doing, baby?"

"I played in sand!"

"I saw, you were covering your little legs in it, weren't you? But you can't bury yourself, Mummy would miss you!"

"I was catching butterflies" Tom told her proudly.

"Did you catch any to show Mummy?"

Tom shook his head sadly. "They too fast."

Hermione hugged him close. "That's okay sweetie, maybe you'll catch one tomorrow. Shall we go see Amelia now?"

Tom nodded his head ecstatically, smiling and yelling "Melia!" as he couldn't say her whole name yet.

"Let's go then." Hermione stood up and walked to the gate that would lead them out, still carrying Tom. She headed to the area where the parents usually waited, just next to the metal gate she had first entered. There was a small patch of grass next to them, so Hermione let Tom down so he could run about while they waited. Wasting no time, Tom sprinted out of her arms as quickly as his short legs could carry him, his arms outstretched like a bird.

A bell rang out, and it wasn't long before the area was crowded with pupils looking for their parents. Tom had immediately run back to Hermione and hugged her legs, scared by all the people suddenly arriving that were much taller than him. Hermione gently stroked his brown hair, calming him.

"Melia!" He suddenly called out.

Amelia was indeed walking towards them, her neat blue uniform jumper contrasting with her long red hair. She had her school bag hung over both shoulders, and it bounced slightly as she ran over to them. "Tom!" Amelia immediately hugged her little brother then gave her mother a hug.

"How was your day, sweetie?" Hermione asked as she pulled Tom's buggy out of her pocket and enlarged it.

"Great, we were revising fractions though" Amelia pulled a sickened face.

"You're good at fractions" Hermione frowned, placing Tom in his buggy and strapping him in.

"Exactly, it's boooorrrrring!" Amelia whined.

Hermione smiled as she stood up again and placed the buggy in front of her. "Consider it practice then."

Amelia just shook her head and followed her mother home, chatting happily on the way, and Hermione allowed herself a few happy minutes with her children, pushing her worries to the back of her mind.

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><p>Once they arrived back home Amelia immediately started her homework at the kitchen table. She had inherited Hermione brains, but she also inherited some of Ron's impatience, as she quickly became bored going over things she already understood, whereas Hermione would have appreciated the extra practise, no matter how well she understood the topic. Hermione took Tom into the living room, where she left him to play with some of his toys, placing some protective enchantments around him so he couldn't hurt himself on something. She then bustled around the house tidying up, making sure there was nothing out of place that could upset Ron. On days where he was in a particularly bad mood something out of place could cause him to erupt, cursing and yelling about how he worked all day just to come home to a complete mess, as if she just lazed around the house all day doing nothing.<p>

After she was sure the house was as perfect as she could (she was pretty sure sometimes Ron expected to come home to a palace) she went into the kitchen to prepare dinner. Amelia was just finishing her maths homework and moved onto her English.

Searching the freezer for something to cook, she was interrupted by Amelia's voice. "Hey mum, there's a letter here for you."

Hermione froze. She had almost let her problem slip to the back of her mind, but it suddenly all came rushing back full-force.

"Mum?"

Hermione slowly forced herself to stand straight, trying to ignore her rapid heartbeat. Turning to face her daughter, she composed her face so she didn't show her worry. She walked over to the table and reached for the letter Amelia was holding out to her with a surprisingly steady hand. She was sure her nerves would have caused her to shake. She pulled the letter out of her grasp, staring at it.

"Mum, is everything okay?"

Hermione forced herself to smile. "Yes dear. Everything's fine." She folded the letter and placed it in her back pocket, and she swore she could feel it burning, desperate to expose its secrets. Desperate to expose her.

Turning back to the dinner preparations, she didn't see her daughter's worried look, or her open mouth as she considered saying something, then quickly changing her mind and closing it.

Hermione realised she still hadn't figured out when to tell Ron. She figured that maybe she would _never_ know when to tell him, or what to say, so she just had to hope she would realise a good opportunity when it came and that the words would just come to her. It was a slightly more risky idea, as Hermione had always been one to plan everything carefully, but it was honestly the best idea she had.

But one idea that did come to her was to try and ensure he was in a good mood. That meant good, filling meals every day, a perfectly tidy house every day, and perfect, quiet children. She quickly spun round and sat next to Amelia. "Amelia, I need you to do something for me."

"What is it?" she asked, looking up from her homework.

"I need to tell daddy something, but it's going to make him angry." Hermione flinched at the scared look that flashed in Amelia's eyes.

Amelia just nodded, and Hermione was thankful she had such a responsible and logical daughter that didn't question her mother's motives or ideas, and didn't cringe away from something because she was afraid. In many ways, she was just like Hermione was at her age. She hoped she never lost that like she did.

"Now to make sure he doesn't get _too _angry, I'm going to make sure nothing upsets him beforehand. So I need you to help me make sure the house is always tidy, and to make as little noise as possible when he's home. I hate saying this to you, honey, but I need you to do this."

"Should I just stay upstairs when he's home?"

Hermione was pretty sure she felt her heart break a little when Amelia asked her that, no hint of sarcasm or anger in it. Just genuinely trying to do anything to help, even if that meant practically being banished to another part of the house. "That might be best, sweetie." Hermione stroked Amelia's hair, watching the light dance across it. "I'm sorry your life isn't perfect, like it should be."

Amelia just nodded sadly. "It gets me really angry sometimes. Sometimes I hate you for keeping us here." Hermione fought back a tear. "But I know you do it for a reason. And I trust you."

She couldn't help a few tears falling now. "Oh, Amelia, of course there's a reason. And that time he hurt you, I truly considered taking you and Tom away forever. But...but it wouldn't do us any good. I can't work enough to get us enough money to live... and believe it or not, your dad needs us. Sometimes I think we're the only thing keeping him from breaking down."

Amelia just nodded. "It's okay, mummy" she whispered. "I understand."

Hermione kissed her forehead. "You're such a big girl. Thank you."

Amelia hesitated for a moment. "What do you have to tell daddy?"

Hermione inhaled deeply. "I can't tell you yet. But once I tell him, I'll tell you."

Amelia just nodded. "Okay."

Hermione stood up again and placed a kiss on top of Amelia's head, then went back to making dinner. As she cut up some vegetables for a soup, she began to mentally brace herself for the anger that was inevitable whenever she got round to tell him. He would definitely yell at her and scare her. If he'd been drinking (which was highly probable) he might hit her. She shuddered slightly. She could deal with his yelling, even when the sound seemed to hammer at her eardrums and he walked towards her threateningly, trying to intimidate her and force her to back down. But she couldn't handle it when he raised his hands to her. He didn't do it often, but he still did it enough to make her fearful of him doing it again.

But despite his anger, she had to tell him; there was no getting around it. She just hoped he didn't find out the whole truth.

Merlin help her if he found out he wasn't the father.

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><p><strong>Hope you enjoyed it! I'm not sure about the song lyric thing I did, I just wanted to try something different and I was listening to that song a lot while I wrote this chapter. I would love it if you could recommend some songs that might be good for this fic, I know you don't really know the plot yet but just any sort of dark, angsty songs you can think of. Would really appreciate it :) And I hope it was believable, I wanted a good explanation of why Hermione wouldn't leave Ron, so I hope I've achieved it at least a little.<strong>

**Song was Innocent by Taylor Swift.**

**Please review, I would love to know your thoughts! xxxxxx**


	2. Is This the Prize I've Waited For?

**Being ill can have its advantages. I've had the day off college, so I managed to write up a chapter and upload it a day after the first. Yay me! This chapter's shorter, but there will be a lot in the next one and I didn't want to break it up. And thank you to everyone who added this story to their favourites, follows, left a comment, etc. Means a lot. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Me? Own Harry Potter? I can only wish.**

* * *

><p><strong>In this world of purchase<strong>

**I'm gonna buy back memories**

**To awaken some old qualities**

Hermione had served Amelia and Tom their dinner before Ron arrived home as usual. This was really more for their sakes than his, because she wanted them to enjoy their meal while she talked to them. There was nothing worse than eating while your stomach was constricted with nerves, as she knew from many occasions. She of course waited to eat with Ron, as she believed a loving wife should.

Tom mashed his food up with his plastic fork, more food landing on the high-chair tray than in his mouth. Hermione just rolled her eyes and tried to scoop it back onto his plate, avoiding pieces of flying food. "Tom, the food is meant to go in your mouth, not everywhere else."

"Yucky food!"

"I know, but you have to eat it. Do you want me to do the airplane?"

Tom shook his head. "Dragon dragon dragon!"

Hermione understood this to mean instead of saying 'airplane' as she flew the food into his mouth, she had to say 'dragon'. "I think you're getting a little too old for this, Tom" she said as she piled his fork with food. Using wandless, non-verbal magic, she charmed the fork to rise in the air and travel towards his mouth. "Open up the cave for the dragon!"

Tom obediently opened his mouth, dragging the food off the fork and chewing happily. "I eat dragon!"

"No, Tom, it's 'I _ate_ dragon'" Hermione corrected.

"Is a two year old really going to know the difference?" Amelia asked.

"He may as well hear it correctly, and hopefully he'll pick it up" she said, commanding the fork to collect more food and move up. "Here comes another dragon!"

"Did you do that with me when I was younger?" Amelia asked. "The dragon thing?"

Hermione nodded. "Except with you it was a hippogriff. Uncle Harry had just bought you that stuffed hippogriff toy and you were obsessed with it. Everything had to be hippogriff related, and any food I gave you, I had to provide some more for the toy, but say it was hippogriff food."

Amelia laughed. "I still have that toy. Didn't Uncle Harry say I should call it Buckbeak?"

Hermione nodded, smiling and still feeding Tom. "But you were so small at the time you couldn't say that. So it was just Beaky."

Amelia smiled too, and returned to eating her meal.

Once Tom had finished eating Hermione took away his plate and fork to the sink, and returned with a damp cloth to clean up the extra food that had landed on the tray and his face. "Honestly Tom, I've never seen a two year old make so much mess."

"You should see how messy it gets in the nursery after they've had lunch. There's food _everywhere_."

"How do you know what it's like at lunch? Shouldn't you be in class then?"

"No, it's still my lunch time. But one day I was bored and went over to see Tom, but they said it was nearly nap-time so I wasn't allowed to see him." Amelia frowned at the memory, never one to like being told what she can or can't do.

Hermione picked Tom up, who rubbed his eyes tiredly with his fat fist. "Well they were right to say that, you don't want to excite him just before he's meant to have a nap. It disrupts him and all the others. Besides, you can see Tom any time you want to here."

Amelia shrugged. "I know, but I just felt like seeing him."

"Well I think that's very sweet that you want to see your brother" Hermione said, moving over to kiss her head. "I'm going to give Tom his bath and put him down for the night. Say 'goodnight Amelia!'" Hermione said to Tom in a sing-song voice.

"Night Melia!" Tom called, his head slumping onto Hermione's shoulder.

"Goodnight Tom" Amelia said back, standing up to give his head a kiss. "Sweet dreams."

Hermione left Amelia to finish her tea and carried Tom upstairs to the bathroom. "You are getting so big now, Tom, I won't be able to carry you for much longer" she teased, tickling his stomach lightly with one finger.

Tom giggled as she took him into the bathroom. Closing the door and turning to the bath, she took a sudden intake of breath when she remembered what she had discovered not six hours ago in this very room. Tom, oblivious to his mother's troubles, began waving his arms in the air and instructing how he wanted his bath. "Bubbles! Bubbles!" he chanted delightedly.

Hermione forced herself to smile. "You want bubbles, Tom?"

Tom nodded his head with a big grin on his face, as Hermione turned on the taps and put in the plug. "How many bubbles, Tom?"

"Lots and lots and lots!"

* * *

><p>Just as Tom had demanded, the bathtub had been filled with bubbles. So much so, that Hermione felt she was in danger of losing Tom in them. And as usual when it came to bathing Tom, she ended up just as wet as him.<p>

Once she had dried him off with a big fluffy towel (and dried herself with a quick charm), she changed him into his pyjamas and put him to bed. Making sure he had his favourite toys to hug, she pulled the quilt around him and tucked him in, kissing him on the forehead. "Sweet dreams, Tom" she whispered. "I love you."

Casting a few charms to make sure he didn't fall out of the bed as he was quite a restless sleeper, she silently crept out of the room. Ron would be home soon, so she had to tidy up the kitchen and finish making his tea. Amelia had finished her meal and was sitting in the living room with one of her favourite books perched on her lap, looking lost to the world.

"Amelia" Hermione called as she cleared the table, "have you finished your homework?"

"Yes, mum" she called back.

Once the table was cleared she checked on the chicken breasts in the oven that she had prepared for her and Ron to eat, then flinched. She heard a small crack in the garden, and seconds later the door into the kitchen opened. Spinning around and forcing a happy look onto her face, she went to great her husband.

"Hello, Ron" she smiled, kissing him quickly and taking his cloak from him. "How was work?"

"Fine" he muttered. That was about as good as she ever got with him. She just breathed a sigh of relief that it hadn't been a bad day. They were the worst, not just for him but for her, too.

Amelia quietly crept into the room. "Hi, daddy."

"Hello" he muttered, storming over to the table and sitting down. Amelia hovered nearby uncomfortably, before quietly saying she was going upstairs to read.

Ron glared at Hermione as she served the food onto the plates. "Would you care to tell me why my own daughter is uncomfortable to be in the same room as me?"

"Well maybe if you acted like you cared she wouldn't have to be" she replied plainly, placing one plate in front of him and the other at her spot on the table. Sitting down, she summoned cutlery and two glasses over to them, then cast _aguamenti_ into the glasses.

Ron snort unappreciatedly. "Water? I work all day, come home and am served _water?_"

"We've not got much money, Ron, we need to make cuts wherever we can. I make sure you have a good meal every evening, so we can sacrifice our usual drinks for water."

Ron bashed the end of his fork against the table. "This is fucking ridiculous. Who the hell put you in charge of deciding what we spend our money on?"

Hermione cut into her chicken, trying to keep her voice calm. "I pay the bills, so I know where our money is going-"

"Yeah, it's going to pay for the kids' clothes, their toys, their food. When was the last time _I_ had something new?"

"I haven't bought anything for the children that they haven't desperately needed. All of Amelia's baby things have been passed onto Tom, they're wearing clothes that _just_ fit them, and Amelia's school stuff has all been bought in charity shops! We just don't have the money for anything we don't need!"

Ron groaned, frustrated, stabbing his chicken with his fork and cutting it a little harsher than was necessary. "I'm sick of not having enough money. Why the hell are you only working part-time?"

Hermione held back a sigh. If she had a galleon for every time they'd had this conversation...well they'd be a lot better off than they were now.

"Because someone needs to take care of the kids and the house. And we can't afford help-"

"I've told you my mum would do it-"

"And _I've _told you that I refuse to make your mum do our work! She's getting old now Ron, she should be allowed to relax! She's spent her whole life looking after seven kids, she's not about to take near-full responsibility of two more!"

"For Merlin's sake, Hermione, do you _like _living like this?"

"Of course I don't Ron, I would love to have more money, but I love being with the children more. I love the time I get with them between picking them up from school, up to when..." Hermione faltered.

"Up to when I get home, right?" Ron finished for her. "You all have a great time until I get home!"

"That's not what I was going to say, Ron-"

"Don't fucking lie to me! You think I don't notice how Amelia avoids any room I'm in, or how you act completely differently around me? I barely even get to see Tom, since you insist he goes to bed before I get here. It's pathetic!"

"Well, you don't exactly act like a loving father" Hermione said quietly.

"Excuse me?" Ron hissed. "What did you just say?"

Hermione kept her eyes on her plate, afraid to look up. She'd really done it now. So much for keeping him in a good mood.

"You think I'm not a good father? Me, who works every day, for _hours,_ just so we have food to eat and clothes to wear, and then I come home, and am expected to be enthusiastic about it when all we have to drink is bloody water!" He picked up his glass and slammed it back onto the table, water splashing over the rim. "I don't have the energy to play the loving father to two children who came at the worst possible time!"

Hermione's head snapped up, anger blaring in her eyes. "Don't you dare. Don't you _dare_ say such horrible things about our children! They love you so much, but you would treat them coldly just because they were born at the wrong time? And claim you're too tired from work to take an interest in them? What kind of father are you?"

"One that was forced into it far too young!"

"You said you didn't care how young you were when I told you I was pregnant with Amelia." Hermione said with tears in her eyes. "You said it was the happiest day of your life!"

"Yeah well, reality kicked in, didn't it?"

"What about Tom? We had Tom when I was 26. Is that still too young for you?"

"It is when we're still struggling for money! You couldn't just wait until we were living more securely, could you?"

"Oh of course, Ron, it's all my fault for getting pregnant. You played no part in it whatsoever!"

Ron shook his head. "I'm fed up of this. I'm finishing my tea in the living-room."

He picked up his plate of food, leaving his glass of water, and stomped into the living-room. Hermione stayed at the table, trying to chew her food with a lump in her throat. She hated that he blamed Amelia and Tom so much for their poor situation, and he didn't even hide it. He was constantly giving them the cold shoulder, not caring if they were hurt by his behaviour. She wondered if he even loved them. Surely he must, as he worked to make sure they were fed and clothed. He just hated them for coming along at such a bad time. Or was she just making excuses for his terrible behaviour again? Hermione abandoned her meal and put her head in her hands. Telling him she was pregnant again was definitely going to be bad. Even she knew this was a bad time to have another child, what with Amelia going to Hogwarts soon and Tom still being so young. Together, they needed a lot of things, meaning they needed a lot of money.

Her thoughts drifted to the father of her unborn baby. He didn't know she was pregnant yet, and she was debating ever telling him. It had all been a big mistake. She should have never begun anything with him, just run away when things got too intense between them. But there had been something about him, and how he made her feel...

Hermione shook the thoughts from her head. They were_ over_, and they had to stay that way. This baby would be the only proof of their affair, along with her memories. They were all she had left, and it had to stay that way, no matter how much her heart ached for him and his touch. She sighed. Right from the very first day he seemed to have some sort of hold over her, and it never let her go. But maybe that was because, after a few weeks, she had hoped he never would.

* * *

><p><strong>Your eyes whispered have we met?<strong>

**Across the room your silhouette starts to make its way to me**

**The playful conversation starts counter all your quick remarks**

**Like passing notes in secrecy**

"_Hello, Granger." She jumped at the voice behind her, a voice she recognised but hadn't heard in years. "What brings you here?"_

_She swallowed and urged herself to speak. "It's a book shop, Malfoy. Considering how often you called me a bookworm and teased me for spending so much time in the library, it shouldn't be that much of a surprise."_

_She heard him laugh a deep chuckle, and she turned to face him._

_Draco hadn't changed much in the five years since she last saw him at school. He of course had an extra six years of age on his face, but he still had the slightly long platinum blonde hair, the grey eyes, and the tall, aristocratic look that had irritated her so often. God forbid he could look like a regular, average person just once in his life._

_She on the other hand...well she'd always looked rather plain, hadn't she? Not very tall, curly brown hair, and brown eyes. Plain plain plain._

_Draco continued to look at her with a smirk on his face. "Yes, now you mention it, this seems like the perfect place for you."_

"_So I suppose the question should be, what are _you _doing here?"_

_Draco had an amused look in his eyes. It was strange, Hermione thought. Usually you couldn't see any emotion in his eyes._

"_You're not the only one who likes to read, Granger."_

_Hermione smiled slightly. "No, I guess not."_

_She continued to smile, like she had a little secret or fond memory._

"_What's got you so happy?" Draco asked, slightly intrigued by her look. He didn't know why, but her look had given him some strange idea that she smiled very little nowadays._

"_I could ask you the same thing" she simply replied. When he didn't say anything, only gave her a strange look, she explained. "I haven't seen such a happy look on your face since you were in that bloody inquisitorial squad."_

_Draco laughed again. It was such a foreign sound to her._

"_You" he said simply. "You amuse me."_

"_Why?"_

_He shrugged and didn't say anything._

_When she didn't think he was going to explain himself, she thought she better answer his question._

"_The reason I was smiling when you said I wasn't the only one who liked to read, was because it made me think of my daughter. She loves to read as much as me."_

_Draco looked shocked. "You have a daughter?" he asked. Not just a daughter, but apparently a daughter who was old enough to read. They were only 25, for Merlin's sake!_

_Hermione nodded. "Amelia. She's six."_

"_Six?" he asked incredulously. "Bloody hell, Granger, were you knocked up while you were still at school?"_

_He had meant it to be a sarcastic question, but he started to think it wasn't totally unreasonable to think that._

"_Of course not! You were there for our final year, I think it would have gotten round that a student was pregnant. It was just after we graduated. Let's just say she was unplanned, but the best thing to happen to me."_

_Draco slowly took in everything she was saying. He couldn't believe she had had a child so young. He always imagined that she would go far in life, earning a job where she could boss people around and irritate them to no end. But he didn't see how that would be possible now._

"_I take it she's Weasley's?"_

_Hermione nodded, and for a second...did she seem sad? But the look was gone so quickly, Draco ignored it._

"_We got married as soon as we found out I was pregnant. I was scared to tell him at first, but I figured he was bound to find out eventually" she said with a small laugh, but Draco thought it sounded forced._

"_So was he okay when he found out?"_

_There was the look again._

_Hermione bit her lip, before saying "yeah. He was fine."_

_Draco narrowed his eyes slightly, and for the first time in their entire conversation, she looked away from him._

"_So," she said nervously, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "What have you been up to since you left Hogwarts?"_

_Draco continued to look at her. She was definitely hiding something, and he wanted to find out what. It was in his Malfoy genes to discover any secrets he came across. Whether it was the love of knowledge and power, or the power of having something to dangle in front of someone, he wasn't sure. He just knew he had to find out._

"_Tell you what, Granger" he said, and she slowly returned her eyes to his. "How about you and I go grab something to drink? We can bore each other stupid with each other's stories with enough coffee to keep us awake."He said with a smirk._

_Hermione laughed, and Draco was amazed at how lovely a sound he found it. She found it difficult to stop laughing once she started – it felt like so long since she had laughed properly._

_When she stopped laughing, she turned to him again, and she suddenly had a more serious look on her face. What in Merlin had caused that, he thought._

"_Are you seriously asking me that, Malfoy? You want me to go get a drink with you?"_

"_Sure. Why not?"_

"_Well..."_

"_I'm not going to attack you, or start insulting you over coffee, Granger. Relax."_

_Hermione nibbled at her lip before she sighed. "I really shouldn't be spending money on unnecessary things like drinks."_

"_It's just a coffee, Granger. It's hardly going to break the bank."_

_She gave him an irritated look. "Maybe not to you! But we don't all get to go back to a manor at the end of the day and eat gold!"_

_Draco couldn't help but smile a little at her comment. "Fine then. I'll pay for your drink." And he pulled her arm to lead her towards the shop door._

_She let him lead her, but she continued her verbal protest. Draco was surprised. He was sure the Hermione Granger he had known would have put up more of a fight. He was actually a bit disappointed._

"_I don't want you to pay, Malfoy. I don't want that hanging over my head."_

"_It's just coffee" he said again. "It's fine. I just won't be able to eat as much gold when I get home to my manor" he said with a chuckle._

_Hermione scowled at him, but followed him into a little cafe. He walked over to a table by the window, but Hermione suddenly tugged on his arm. _

"_Can we not sit by the window? Please?"_

_The look she gave him was so desperate and pleading, he didn't even think to refuse. "Where should we sit then?"_

_Relived, Hermione looked around and spotted a table in the back corner. "There" she pointed, and led him over._

"_So," he said once they were seated, "is there any point in asking why you refused to sit by the window? Are you part vampire or something?"_

"_No" she said simply, picking up the small menu on the table._

"_No, there's no point in asking, or no, you're not part vampire?"_

"_Both." She stated, still staring at the menu._

"_Granger" he said, slightly irritated, and he leaned forward and grabbed the top of the menu and pulled it down so she was forced to look at him._

"_What?"_

_He looked at her for a long time, studying her, and then shook his head and sat back in his chair. "Nothing" he muttered._

_Hermione went back to looking at the menu, purely for something to do and avoid his eyes that were staring at her so intently._

_Draco still wanted to know what was going on. But when he pulled down the menu, there was just something in her face that seemed to ask him not to continue. So he didn't. And that fact confused him more than anything._

_But why didn't she want to sit at the window? Was she so afraid of the possibility of being seen with him? Or was she just afraid of being seen?_

"_Draco."_

_The voice was so soft it took him by surprise. He was even more so when he realised she used his first name._

_He looked over at her to see she had put the menu down, and was softly shaking her head with a sad smile. "Don't."_

_And he didn't need to ask what she meant. The look on her face clearly said: 'Don't think about it.' Don't analyse what it was about her that he seemed to find so strange. Don't wonder why she seemed so nervous._

_And so he didn't._

"_So, Granger. What do you fancy to drink?"_

* * *

><p>Hermione reached out and grabbed her glass of water. He had ended up buying her a big cup of coffee and a slice of strawberry sponge cake that day, much to her protest. But she had since come to learn that nothing stops Draco Malfoy from doing what he wants. Draco Malfoy. How did she even find herself in a relationship with him (if you could call it that)? He had called her a mudblood ever since second year, made fun of her for being smart, and because of her looks. He basically believed he was better than in her in every way, just because of the blood he was born with.<p>

Then there was her. She had always been the responsible one, the one so committed to doing the right thing. Even when her life took an unexpected turn she managed to keep her head above water, supporting her children and husband.

So why had this..._affair_...with Draco happened? A moment of weakness, perhaps? Maybe, just for a moment, her head had indeed sunk below the water, and Draco had just been her life raft. A way to survive.

Hermione took a slow sip of her water. It didn't matter how much she told herself this – that he had just been a way to get through the hurt and stress. Yes, he had made her feel better, but it had been so much more than that. When she was with him, she felt things she hadn't felt in so long. She felt...alive. Almost healed.

And when they had ended...well she had never felt so much pain in her life.

Hermione cleared the table with a wave of her wand, too emotionally drained to stand up and do it herself. She hated her feelings sometimes. It would be so much easier to simply not feel anything. Then she wouldn't be hurt by Ron's words and actions, and she wouldn't have this pain in her heart.

She didn't know how she would cope when her and Draco's child was born, having a reminder of what she once had running around. But she made a decision. She wouldn't tell Draco the truth. At least not for a few years. It was better if he didn't know, because then he wouldn't be upset about never getting to see his child. Ignorance is bliss, as they say. And if the truth was out there, he would use it to fight for her to come back to him. And Hermione just didn't have the strength to keep fighting for much longer, but she knew she had to. Her life was with Ron, and she had to keep it that way.

* * *

><p><strong>Hope you liked it! Once again, let me know what you think so far, and give me some song recommendations. I have far too much happy pop music on my ipod for this fic :P<strong>

**Next chapter will hopefully be telling Ron, and possibly some more Draco. Which we all love ;)**

**Chapter's Songs**

**Run by Collective Soul**

**Enchanted by Taylor Swift (I know,more Taylor Swift)**


	3. Never Thought We'd Have A Last Kiss

**Hey guys, sorry for the wait. For some reason I couldn't get this chapter quite how I wanted it, and I didn't want to put up a chapter I wasn't really happy with. So I hope what I've written is ok. I'm not 100% happy with it, but it's as close as I'll get without taking a year to do it. Hopefully the drama will make up for it :) **

**P.S. Sorry if there's any little mistakes. I usually do one final check before I upload, but after reading this chapter so many times and changing bits and pieces I just couldn't bear to read over it _again. _Also, I want to quickly apologise for making Ron pretty horrible in this fic. At one point I changed my mind and made Hermione's husband someone else, but I'd already written so much that required Ron to be the husband I had to change it back. Sorry! I really tried to make Ron nice. But it wasn't meant to be.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Nada.**

* * *

><p><strong>How you'd kiss me when I was in the middle of saying something<strong>

**There's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions**

It was time. She had put it off for long enough and now Ron needed to hear the truth. For the past few days she had been working harder than she ever had before, making sure that the house was perfect for him coming home every night with a good meal waiting for him. A few times she had even managed to leave work early to prepare his food, getting as much as she could out of the cheap food they had.

Tonight she had spent ages in the kitchen making tonight's tea – roast beef. This was probably the most expensive the meal they had eaten in quite a while, but she was willing to make a small sacrifice at the moment.

Today she had spent most of it lost in her thoughts. Planning how to tell Ron was distracting enough, but she couldn't get Draco out of her mind today. Of course it wasn't a surprise, considering it was Draco's child. She was constantly fighting with herself over what was the right path to choose, whether she made a huge mistake being with Draco in the first place. He had made her so happy...but damn it, she was married! What sort of person was she? But anytime she had felt doubt she just had to think about his touch, his kiss, how he seemed to make her smile...and all doubts simply disappeared. It wasn't until that day that they ended things that she truly felt like an idiot for being with him. She should never have done it, and now she was forced to live with the consequences and the memories.

She was distracted from her thoughts by Tom running up to her and tugging on her skirt. "Mummy! Food!"

She couldn't help but smile slightly as she picked him up. He certainly knew how to cut to the chase, and he wasn't happy seeing Amelia eating her tea while he had nothing.

"You'll get your food in a minute, Tom." But Tom was distracted by her wand which she had left on the counter, and he stretched over and grabbed it. "Wand!" He yelled.

"No no, Tom, you don't play with mummy's wand. Give it back please."

"_Draco Malfoy, you give me back my wand right now!" Hermione said with her hands on her hips, trying her best to keep a straight face._

Hermione held her hand out, but Tom held it close to his chest with a small pout, shaking his head.

_Draco was trying his best not to laugh at her efforts. "Come and get it then, Granger."_

"Thomas Weasley, give me my wand or no tea for you." Hermione knew it was an empty threat, and by now she suspected Tom did too, but he handed it over with an angelic look on his face, knowing he wouldn't get into too much trouble. Hermione walked around the table and placed him in his high-chair. Hermione knew it was about time he moved out of the high chair and used a booster seat, but he simply refused to sit still for longer than five minutes. Using a high chair just seemed a less tiring way to keep him in one place and make as little mess as possible, quite frankly.

"_Honestly, Draco, you need to be locked up sometimes" Hermione sighed, resuming her jumping as she tried to reach her wand he was holding above his head._

"_Who's the one jumping up and down like an animal right now?" he teased. "If anyone needs to be locked up, it's you."_

Hermione summoned Tom's tea over to his tray and continued making her and Ron's tea, trying to keep her concentration on it. But the memory she was living wouldn't go away now.

"_You know what you have to do if you want your wand back" Draco said simply, now stretching his arm straight behind his back so she was forced to be pressed closer to him._

"_Wipe that smirk off your face, Draco Malfoy" Hermione replied sternly, but she knew Draco could see the humour in her eyes as she struggled to reach her hand towards his, his other arm sneaking around her waist and restraining her. "I'd rather kiss a Blast-Ended Skrewt"._

_Draco suddenly moved the arm behind him around her waist, his other moved up her back, and literally swept her off her feet. Hermione gave a yelp of surprise, fastening her hands behind Draco's neck to steady herself as she found herself at a forty-five degree angle, her heels digging into the floor._

"_Is that so?" Draco asked from his position over her with a mischievous glint in his eyes that made her gulp. _

"_Yes"_

_Draco smirked, and Hermione quickly came up with a plan to get her wand. "I think you're lying, Granger."_

"_Is that so?" Hermione said, teasing as she moved her right hand from his neck and down his arm to where it was wrapped around her waist, the hand still holding her wand. Quick as a flash, she grabbed it from his unsuspecting hand and pointed it to any piece of skin on his arm, and cast a non-verbal spell that would create a small electric shock._

_Draco yelled and dropped Hermione on the floor in surprise, her head banging on the hard wood below. "That was sneaky, Granger."_

"_You would know," Hermione said as she sat up, rubbing the sore point of her head. "You're the Slytherin."_

_She was suddenly aware of Draco kneeling next to her on the floor. "Are you okay?"_

"_Yeah" she replied, looking down at her lap while she continued to rub her head. She looked up at him. "I'm fi-"_

_The second she had looked up at him he caught her lips in a kiss that seemed to evaporate the throbbing pain on the back of her head. When he pulled away, Hermione gave him a small shove but couldn't hide the small smile. "What was that for?"_

_Draco shrugged. "You stole your wand, I stole my kiss. It's only fair, Granger."_

_Hermione could only scowl at him._

"Mum, I've finished my tea."

Hermione was rapidly pulled from her memory. She thought she could almost still feel the shadow of his lips on hers.

"Okay honey, just stick your things in the sink."

Turning her attention to the dishes, she flicked her wand over the sink and the tap began to fill it as the washing-up liquid was squirted in. She then levitated everything into the sink and charmed the sponge to begin cleaning. With that taken care of, she looked over at Tom to make sure he was eating properly and not trying to redecorate the kitchen with his food. Luckily, as she was completely exhausted, Tom was eating properly. Well, he was using his hands more than his fork, but at least the food was going into his mouth this time.

"Do you want any help, mum?" Amelia asked once she had safely put her dishes into the sink, avoiding getting watered and soapy by the sponge.

"No that's okay, honey, why don't you just go watch some TV?"

"Okay!" Amelia smiled, and skipped into the living room. She seemed to be on a bit of a sugar rush, and while Hermione liked to see her so lively and happy, she hoped it wouldn't do anything to annoy Ron.

Hermione ran a hand through her curly hair, only to be stopped by a clump of tugs. "Great" she muttered. "_Accio hairbrush_!" she called with a wave of her wand, and a moment later she caught the brush that flew into her hands. Making her way into the living room, she desperately brushed at her un-cooperating hair, yanking it free of tugs and ignoring her watering eyes. As she did this she looked around the room making sure that it was tidy, and watched as Amelia laughed at a joke on the muggle programme she was watching.

Sending her brush back up to her room with a flourish of her wand, she hurried into the kitchen and picked Tom up for his bath, charming his dishes to float into the sink to be cleaned and a cloth to wipe down the tray. She usually liked to do small chores the muggle way, purely because it felt familiar to her and gave her time to think, but she simply couldn't afford that luxury right now. She was thinking too much of Draco as it was, anyway.

* * *

><p><strong>You paint me a blue sky and go back and turn it to rain<strong>

**And I lived in your chess game but you changed the rules everyday**

**Wondering which version of you I might get on the phone tonight**

Dinner with Ron had been...uncomfortable. He never raised his voice, but simply sat there, preferring to give one worded answers or grunts to anything she said. Not that she was saying much in the first place; her mind was decidedly elsewhere. Once they had finished eating and Hermione began to clear the table (the muggle way) Ron stared at her. "You've been especially quiet today."

Hermione shrugged. "Guess I've just been lost in thought."

Ron snorted. "When are you not thinking, Hermione? What is it this time, trying to improve relations with the centaurs? You'll have as much luck as you did with freeing the house-elves."

Hermione frowned as she put the dishes in the sink. She knew that her house-elf campaign did have some effect...but she couldn't tell him _how_ she knew that.

"It could happen" she said.

Ron sighed and stood up. "Why don't you just give up on all these stupid schoolgirl ideas? You're a grown woman for Merlin's sake."

He walked into the living-room, and once she was sure he couldn't hear her she whispered "because it's all I have to hold onto." She greatly missed her old Ron, the one that was always cracking jokes and making her happy whenever she was down, and who had been by her side no matter what. But nowadays she never knew where he was coming from.

She chose to do the remaining dishes by hand, giving her time to think and prepare. She had come up with an explanation a few days as to how she got pregnant, but it was pretty weak. But since she had come up with nothing better she would just have to go with it. After all, she couldn't expect Ron to believe it had just _happened._ Then again, she was pretty smart; she could probably convince him she got in the way of a faulty potion or spell that caused instant conception...

Hermione shook her head. Ron wasn't _that_ dumb. Just stick to the original plan and hopefully everything would go okay. Hell, the lie she concocted was extremely believable...unfortunately. It just showed how terrible her life was that the lie could be conceived as the truth. And she had definitely improved when it came to lying. Back at Hogwarts she had always been a terrible liar, and Ron and Harry were always quick to spot one when she told it. But as she gradually needed to lie more and more about her happiness in her marriage she had gotten better, almost to the point that no-one could tell. But not everyone. She didn't know how many times Draco had been able to tell that she was upset no matter how much she insisted she was okay. He just had to look into her eyes and he could tell her that she was lying and he was completely aware. What did that say about her marriage, when it was some other man that could read her so well? Or maybe it had just been Draco himself. There was something about his grey eyes and how they seemed to penetrate her, causing her to shiver in a lovely way. She probably just couldn't lie to him, not that he knew her well enough to spot a lie.

Sighing, she placed a tray on the drainer rack and emptied the sink, then dried her hands on the towel hanging nearby. She suddenly realised that Amelia had never gone upstairs, so she was most likely in the living-room with Ron right now. _Shit_ she thought. _And while she's on some sugar rush, too_.

Without raising suspicion she hurried into the living-room, and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw that Ron was sitting on the couch watching TV, seemingly unbothered, and Amelia was on the floor by the fire reading a book. Now that she was in the room she walked over to the couch, lightly running her hand over Amelia's hair as she passed, and sat next to Ron who gave no acknowledgement to her being there. And that was how they stayed for a few hours.

* * *

><p>Much to Hermione's dislike, Ron had somehow conjured a bottle of firewhiskey out of nowhere and began to fill a glass. Hermione frowned. She didn't like to think how much that must have cost, or how quickly Ron would go through it.<p>

About ten minutes later, she decided it was about time that Amelia went to bed. "Amelia, it's time for bed sweetheart."

"Aw, but I'm not tired" she complained, pouting a little.

"Do what you're told" Ron snapped, taking another sip of his drink. Hermione silently thanked Merlin it was only his first, so he was less likely to be violent. He would definitely be angry though – alcohol only made it worse.

"Come on" Hermione said softly, holding out her hand. Amelia took it, casting a nervous look over at her father.

"Goodnight, daddy" she said, getting up from the floor.

"Goodnight."

Hermione led Amelia upstairs, wishing things could be better for her daughter. Children should be able to run up to their parents, give them a huge hug and smile, and get it in return. But Amelia couldn't do that – her father was near unapproachable.

Hermione sat in her daughter's room while she brushed her teeth then got changed into her pyjamas. Hermione always thought she looked adorable in them, a few centimetres too short on the legs as she began to outgrow them. She got big so quickly.

Amelia climbed into bed and Hermione tucked her in, brushing a few hairs away from her face, a small smile on her face. "Sweet dreams Amelia. I love you."

"Love you too mummy" she answered sleepily, and Hermione gave her a quick kiss before standing up and leaving the room. She walked down the stairs, thinking _it's now or never_. She took a deep breath before she entered, then braced herself for what was waiting for her.

"Ron, could I talk to you about something?"

"Sure" he replied, filling his glass for his second drink. She needed to do this soon before he drank too much.

"I'm afraid you won't take this very well, but it's been done now, no turning back. And...although this will cause some difficulties, I'm prepared to do whatever I need to in order to make this work."

"Jesus, Hermione what have you done?" he spoke loudly. His voice wasn't sympathetic or concerned, just angry and accusatory. Hermione flinched at his raised voice. She just had to get this over with, as quick as possible, and face whatever he had in store for her for making him this angry.

"I'm pregnant" she blurted out.

Ron was silent and still for a few seconds, but they felt like eternity. Then she saw his face slowly grow red, and a furious expression took over. "You're what?" He asked in a low, slow voice.

"I'm so sorry Ron, I know you didn't want any more kids but it's not like I could help it, it was an accident, but we have to live with it now." She said all this very fast.

"We have to live with it now? No we bloody don't Hermione. We can get rid of it right now, which we're going to do!"

"No we're not!" She replied defiantly. "I will not let you kill our child!"

"Wait, how did this even happen?"

"You came home a few weeks ago after a night out with your friends; you were completely drunk, I'm not surprised you don't remember it." _That and the fact it never happened_ she thought.

"And you just went along with it?" he yelled. "Bloody hell, you won't even touch me when I'm sober, but drunk you're all over me?"

Hermione wanted to yell out that it was more truthful to say _he_ wouldn't even touch _her_, and she didn't even want to be in the same house as him when he was drunk, never mind be all over him, but she knew it would only make the situation worse.

"Well I'll tell you something Hermione" he said angrily, getting up from his seat. "I'm doing nothing to help you with this baby. It's bad enough having the two we have, having to work constantly to have enough money to feed them and clothe them, and I've had enough of changing nappies and waking up in the middle of the night because of their bloody crying. I've had enough. It's your problem, not mine."

"What?" she exclaimed. "You actually think you were _helpful_ raising the children? We wouldn't be able to feed and clothe them if I didn't have a job too, and you _never_ changed a nappy or got up in the night!"

"It's not my bloody job!"

"It's not mine either! I do it because I want to and because I love them! You can't just place all responsibility of a third child on me, it isn't fair."

"You want to talk to me about fair? I get no recognition for what I do, I work all day, but you don't thank me for the money I bring in!"

"That's because we hardly see it, you just go drink it every other night!"

Ron slapped her across the face, and she staggered in shock, holding her hand to her face.

"Until you begin to appreciate everything I do for this family, you won't be getting any help or support from me. And I certainly won't be included in raising this bloody unwanted baby." He spoke slowly and quietly, making him seem even more menacing.

Hermione felt tears fill her eyes. Not from the pain of being slapped, she got that too often now. It was everything he said, and the unfairness of it all. And saying the baby was unwanted. He would have a right to be angry if he knew the truth, but he thought it was his baby. He was rejecting his own child. The baby was certainly far from convenient, but she certainly wouldn't say it was unwanted. It was just so much harder with Ron being this hostile. But had she really expected anything else? A part of her had hoped he would be angry but embrace the fact, not push it away. And telling her to get rid of it...that was never an option for her, no matter how difficult everything would be now. She wouldn't kill the last part she had of Draco.

* * *

><p>For a few weeks, things had been a nightmare. Ron was furious with her, starting arguments every time they were in the same room, then storming out to the pub to try and drink away his troubles. Maybe find some random girl to help him take them away. Hermione didn't really care about that. The more time he was spending with random girls was less time with her, and that was exactly what they needed right now – space. The only problem she had with his actions was the drinking. Coming home drunk every night (or would it be more accurate to call it morning) and stumbling around, knocking stuff over and waking the whole house bothered her, but not as much as how much money they didn't have he must have been spending every night to get that drunk. The night she told Ron she was pregnant, he had immediately stormed out the house, slamming the door and nearly knocking it off its hinges, and she was actually worried about what damage he might do to himself when he was so angry. As soon as she had collected herself she called Harry and begged him to go to Ron's usual pub and look after him and make sure he didn't do anything too stupid. Harry had asked what was going on to get Ron so upset, but she simply told him that no doubt Ron would explain everything to him. Harry had then insisted that Ginny went over to visit, knowing that no matter how good a show Hermione put on, if Ron was angry and upset then she would be a mess, too. It was something Hermione loved about their friendship. So Ginny had dropped James off to stay with her parents and flooed right over. Hermione was glad for the company, even if they didn't discuss the situation very much. She was just glad to have someone there.<p>

**Talking to the moon, trying to get to you**

**In hopes you're on the other side, talking to me too**

**Or am I a fool who sits alone**

**Talking to the moon**

About three weeks after she had told Ron, Harry and Ginny invited them over to their place for dinner and possibly stay the night. However, Tom had developed a small ear infection and while he still could have happily gone along, Hermione jumped at the opportunity to stay home, claiming she had to look after him. She wasn't sure how well everyone bought her story, but they all went along with it none the less. Amelia had struggled deciding if she wanted to stay with her mum or go with her dad, but in the end she decided that it had been too long since she had seen some of her family (she had been told Uncle George would be there too, and she liked to test out his latest merchandise). She also knew that being around Ron's original family was when he was best behaved, so she didn't have to worry about how she acted around him as much.

She said goodbye to Ron and Amelia about two in the afternoon, then enjoyed some rare moments of just her and Tom.

"You're going to have a new brother or sister, Tom" she had told him. "You're going to be a big brother!" Tom had just clapped his hands and yelled with glee, completely oblivious to the trouble this new sibling was giving his parents. When she told Amelia she was a bit more aware of the problems that would arise, but being only nine years old of course meant that she didn't fully understand it. Hermione felt that was better though; children shouldn't have to worry, they should just be enjoying life.

After she had put Tom to bed that night, Hermione went downstairs to find herself alone again. She hated it, but grudgingly accepted the fact that it was her fault. She had been invited, but she couldn't face any more time of Ron's angry glares and Harry and Ginny's worried and sympathetic looks. No, solitude was probably best. After all, she didn't have anyone else to turn to.

She sat on a chair by the window, watching the moon gleam in the darkness and the stars sparkle around it. Whenever she felt alone she would always look at the night sky, knowing that other people were out there seeing the same moon. It reminded her that she wasn't necessarily alone.

Gazing out she couldn't help her mind wandering. She wondered what he was doing and if he was thinking about her. A part of her hoped he wasn't. She hoped he wasn't suffering as much as she was, although it would have been a small consolation. Was he sitting at his window, lost in past memories? Or had he already moved onto someone else, forgetting about her completely? While she hoped he was happy so that they could both move on and leave their past as nothing more than a memory, she would be lying if she said there wasn't an area far, far back in her mind that wished he was missing her as much as she missed him. Sitting here staring at the night sky seemed to bring these wishes forward just a bit more than during the day, and she didn't immediately bat them away, back into the corners of her mind where they would remain hidden.

Moving away from the window, she sat herself on the couch by the fire, and had just settled into a good book when the flames suddenly turned green and a figure appeared spinning within them. Hermione jumped, startled, then stood up and backed away from the fireplace when she realised who had stepped out of it.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, hoping the shake in her voice wasn't as noticeable to him as it was to her. "You can't just barge into my home unannounced."

"I was never really one to care for rules you know" Draco replied icily.

"What are you doing here?" She repeated.

"I thought that it was clear I came to see you, but I guess pregnancy has addled your brain."

So he knew.

"What do you want?" Hermione asked in a whisper, watching him as he slowly walked towards her. She continued to back away as he walked forwards until she hit the wall behind her. Draco continued to move forwards, and almost instantly he was close enough that she could almost feel his breath on her face. She took a breath and accidently got a whiff of his scent. It was warm and familiar, and she craved it, wanting it to wash over her. Very slowly, he raised one hand to cup her face, but before he touched her she suddenly flinched away, hitting her head on the wall. A throbbing pain erupted on the back of her skull, but she ignored it as she continued to watch him with apprehensive eyes. Draco lowered his hand.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Hermione."

"Well it's a little too late for that" she whispered.

She watched his eyes, and was surprised to see...hurt? Guilt? crossing them, but the look quickly disappeared and he returned to his stony expression.

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean, I made a mistake ever starting a relationship with you. It was wrong, but I believed you when you said you could make me smile again. I thought that maybe I had finally found something I had been missing, something that could make me happy, but all you did was hurt me."

A single tear rolled her cheek, but she quickly wiped it away with her palm.

"I'm sorry. I would never intentionally hurt you."

His soft, apologetic and comforting voice was too much for Hermione. She couldn't take it. "Please leave."

"I just need to know one thing. I know we...ended things a while ago, but as soon as I heard, I needed to know for definite." He took a deep breath. "Is it mine?"

Hermione just stared at him. She couldn't speak, couldn't move. He was asking if the child was his, but telling him the truth would not help them move on. It could only make everything more complicated, and she couldn't handle being around him when there were so many open wounds.

"Well?"

Hermione's mouth just opened and closed soundlessly.

"Hermione!" he spoke louder and harshly, and slapped his palm against the wall behind her. Hermione shuddered in fear. "You can't just ignore this, stay silent until I leave; I'm going to stay here until I get an answer. Fuck sake, why do you always have to make things so bloody diff-"

"No"

"What?"

Hermione stood there in shock, amazed the word had come out of her mouth. Draco looked taken aback. "What did you say?"

"I said no" she whispered, hating herself every second for telling a lie she didn't want to tell.

Draco took a step back. He couldn't believe it, she wouldn't, she wouldn't go near her ass of a husband... "I don't believe you. You and the Weasel would never –"

"He's my husband Draco, there was always the chance this would happen"

"No, there wasn't, because there is no way in hell the two of you could..." he broke off, a look a disgust crossing his face. He felt sick.

"It happened Draco. Ron was drunk one night, and it just...happened"

"Oh of course, your husband had to be pissed drunk to touch you, and you were stupid enough to believe him. That desperate to try and fix things were you?"

His words stung, and more tears fell down Hermione's face. "Yes Draco, how stupid I must be to try anything to fix my marriage and find even a shred of happiness. But of course not, because I ended up pregnant, and even that seems to be making things worse!" She was near hysterical now, pushing past him to stand in the middle of the room. The tears kept coming, no matter how hard she tried to fight it.

Draco followed her, taking up the space in front of her. "I admire your dedication, but what you have isn't a marriage! It's the worst pairing of people imaginable, but you refuse to leave it, telling everyone you're trying to fix it, because you don't believe in giving up, but really you're just too scared to leave because it's the only way of living that you know! If you were trying to fix it you wouldn't have coming running back to me all the time! You come back to me because you know it's what you want, you're just too much of a bloody coward to admit it!"

Hermione slapped him with as much force as she could muster. His head whipped to the side, his cheek slowly turning red. He looked back at her with a furious expression, and Hermione took a step back, her breath caught in her throat.

"Fine" he muttered, trying to keep his temper under control, his body visibly shaking as he restrained himself. "I hope you have a pleasant life with the Weasel and all your little brats. Hopefully he'll be drunk more often, as that's apparently the only time he'll pay the slightest bit of attention to you."

Hermione watched as he walked to the fireplace and disappeared without another word or look at her. Unable to hold it together any longer, she crumbled to the floor in tears, hysterical sobs erupting in her throat. As she lay there, she realised she wasn't just crying over what she had lost; she was crying because everything he said to her in hatred was absolutely true.

* * *

><p><strong>Flashbacks and Dramione and fights, oh my! Hope you all liked it, and that it was all believable. Writing Ron is hard, to be honest, especially when he's angry. Which is most of the time. Hermione's conflicted feelings are pretty hard to write down, too.<strong>

**Songs**

**Last Kiss - Taylor Swift**

**Dear John (but change it to Dear Ron and it totally works for this fic) - Taylor Swift**

**Talking To the Moon - Bruno Mars**

**The next chapter or two is basically going to skim over the pregnancy. All the fun begins _after _the baby is born. But is there anything you would maybe like to see during the pregnancy stage? I've got some memories all written up that I'll probably fit in. But any ideas you have I'll try and incorporate. **

**Reviews please! You have no idea how happy it makes me when I see I've got a review. Thanks! xxx**


	4. You'll Be In My Heart

**Thank you so much to everyone that left a review! It really made me smile, especially with everyone that has added this to alerts/favourites. A few of you aren't very happy with Hermione right now, so I've tried to explain a little better in this chapter why she's still with Ron instead of just cursing him and finding Draco. Don't worry, obviously she isn't going to stay with Ron forever. You just have to be patient. Hermione's in for a hell of a rollercoaster ride first. And I was doing a bit of research into domestic abuse, just to make it as beliveable as I can. And there was a section on why people don't leave when they're in an abusive relationship, so I've put as many of the deatails into the chapter as I can. Also, I read that the abuse can be in a cycle. Tensions build, then it reaches a climax which can involve violence, then there's a period where the abuser tries to be nice and make up for their mistakes, then the tension builts again. I should also point out that the change in Ron would have been gradual. And when things gradually change, people are more willing to accept it. It can take a complete outsider to see that somethings wrong. Also, Hermione isn't the person she was in school. She's pretty much broken at this point :(**

**Phew! That was a long authors note. Anyway, this chapter is a bit of a filler, but there are some important details. It's also my longest chapter yet :)**

**This chapter is dedicated to Star-Of-Hearts for recommending one of the songs I used for inspiration in this chapter. Thanks!**

* * *

><p><strong>And I need you like a heartbeat but you know you've got a mean streak<strong>

**Makes me run for cover when you're around**

**And here's to you and your temper yes I remember what you said last night**

**And I know that you see what you're doing to me**

**Tell me, why?**

The next day, Ron and Amelia returned home around lunch time, accompanied by Harry. Hermione had entered the room, and immediately ran to give Amelia a hug. "Amelia, I missed you so much!" She kissed the top of her head, then stood straight and ran her hand over Amelia's hair that had been put in a neat French plait. "Did you have fun at Uncle Harry and Auntie Ginny's?"

"Yes" Amelia smiled. "Auntie Ginny did my hair before I left, look!"

"It's lovely, sweetie. Why don't you go see Tom, he's been missing you. He's playing in his room."

Amelia nodded and ran past the three adults and out of the room, and soon they heard her feet banging on each step upstairs.

Hermione turned to Ron, and gave him a nervous kiss on the cheek. She didn't know how he would be feeling now he had spent the night away, and she feared he was still furious at her. "Hey, Ron. Nice to have you home again."

Ron just nodded his head, his face expressionless. Hermione internally gave a sigh of relief. An expressionless face was better than an angry one. "I'm going to make myself something to eat" he muttered, then walked past into the kitchen. Hermione turned to her friend. "Hi, Harry" she said with a smile and gave him a hug.

"Hey, Hermione" Harry replied, squeezing her slightly before he stepped out of the hug. "How are you?"

Hermione shrugged, and Harry nodded his head understandingly. "Why don't we go for a walk?" he suggested.

Hermione smiled again. "That sounds lovely."

Quickly summoning her shoes and a light jacket, she put them on and led Harry out of the front door. There was a small forest about two minutes away from their house, so they headed over towards the trees, the cool shade calling to them in the warm sun's light. They walked in silence until they were amongst the trees, the smell of moss and bark invading their senses.

"So..." Harry began. "I heard the good news."

"I bet Ron didn't make it sound like good news at the time" Hermione said. Harry never knew the complete truth about Ron, which caused her a bit of pain, not just from guilt at keeping him in the dark, but from the longing for their relationship to be like it was while they were at school. Back then, you would find it hard to find a closer group of friends. Everything they went through, they went through together, right from the day Harry and Ron saved her from the troll in the bathroom. Harry had also been the one that was there for her when she had admitted her feelings for Ron, comforting her when it hurt. But now, when it hurt the most, Harry couldn't fully be there for her because she was keeping him in the dark. But she couldn't ruin their friendship by letting Harry know what Ron was sometimes like. That was her problem, not his. She would not be the reason the Golden Trio split up. She had tried to keep the truth from Ginny too, but somehow she just knew, and eventually Hermione began to feel grateful for this. It was nice to have someone that she could speak to. Especially now that she had lost Draco.

"He did seem pretty upset when he told me, which I couldn't understand" Harry agreed.

"It's just the money" Hermione explained. "We're struggling as it is, and you know how expensive it is to have a baby."

"Hermione, I've told you, if you need to borrow some money-"

"I'm not taking any money from you, Harry."

"It's not a problem-"

"No, Harry." She said firmly. "We might be hard for money, but I don't borrow money from friends. Ron might disagree, but this is something I feel strongly about. No matter how much we fight about money."

Harry sighed and nodded his head. "I just want to help, 'Mione."

Hermione gave him a gentle smile. "I know you do."

They walked in a comfortable silence until Harry spoke again, kicking a pile of fallen leafs. "How...how have things been, between you two? Are you still fighting a lot?"

Hermione nodded. "Yes" she replied, tucking some hair behind her ear.

"What was he like when you told him you were pregnant?"

"Well you saw him at the pub, you must know."

"Yeah, but I mean, what was he like towards you? What did he say?"

Hermione sighed, wondering how much to tell him. "He was...unhappy. I mean, he only wanted one child, two at the most. Now we're about to have a third. And with the money issue and everything, it just stressed him out."

Harry looked at her, not quite believing her story. "You know, you're making it sound a lot better than I bet it was. If the state he was in when I saw him is anything to go by, he must have been in one of his worst moods."

_You have no idea_ Hermione thought. "Okay, yes, it was quite bad but it's nothing to worry about. We'll sort it out."

There was silence while Harry tried to place his words correctly. "Hermione...you are happy, right?"

Hermione stared at her feet while she thought. "I'm married with two beautiful children, about to have a third. What more could I want?"

* * *

><p>Harry and Hermione had returned to the house not long after, and Harry stopped in just to say goodbye to Ron then flooed away. When it was just the two of them in the kitchen and the <em>swoosh <em>of the Floo had faded into nothing, Ron spoke. "You know, it would be nice if you told me in advance when you decide to leave for a walk."

"Sorry" Hermione said, not quite looking at him standing on the other side of the room, the table separating them.

"I have a feeling it should be me who's apologising" Ron replied, causing her to look up at him in surprise. When she didn't say anything, Ron continued. "Maybe I shouldn't have told you to get rid of the baby. But you don't seem to care how much of a problem this is going to be. How the fuck are we supposed to afford another child?"

"I don't know, Ron" she said quietly. "But we'll make it work, we have to."

"You know it wouldn't be the worst thing if we gave it up for adoption."

Hermione flinched when he called her baby 'it'. He made it sound like he was referring to a dog.

"I couldn't do it, Ron. Believe me, I thought about it. But how can a mother give up her own child? It would kill me a little bit every day knowing that my baby was out there being raised by someone else."

"You're impossible sometimes" Ron grumbled.

"I'm impossible? Ron, you just told me a few weeks ago to kill my child!"

"And I just apologised didn't I?" Ron yelled back. "You're the one who doesn't seem to care that this child will completely bankrupt us!"

"Of course I care, but I care more about my baby!" Hermione stared at him for a moment before she spoke quietly. "Do you care about the baby?" Ron stayed silent. "Do you even care about me?" she asked, barely above a whisper.

Ron's shoulders slumped, and he put his hand over his eyes, looking completely exhausted but his voice still sounded frustrated. "Of course I care about you. You're my wife, aren't you? We've known each other for years and been best friends for most of it. Can't we just put all of this behind us?"

Hermione was taken aback by his sudden raise of voice.

"Look" he continued, staring at her again, "let's just pretend that night a few weeks ago didn't happen, alright? I've apologised, so let's leave it." With that he left the room, leaving Hermione along with the thought that actually, he didn't apologise once. Saying 'I should apologise' and 'I'm sorry' are completely different things, but Ron had got avoiding apologies down to an art. He should almost be awarded for his ability to weasel out of things. Hermione laughed a little to herself when she realised she had used Draco's nickname for him. Then she frowned, remembering last night when he visited her. It had crushed her to lie to him, but she had to cut off all ties between them. This is where she belonged. Or at least, it was the only place left to be. She had nowhere else to turn, nowhere to run. If there was one thing she was sure of, it was that Ron wouldn't let her go easily. He might not seem to care much about her, or Tom and Amelia, but if there was one thing he was, he was possessive. And the wizarding world wasn't big enough to hide forever. And say she did somehow manage to get away from him. What next? She certainly wouldn't be able to get a job and earn money while see had children to look after, and she would be too scared to leave them in some form of day care. Every day would be plagued by the worry that when she returned to pick them up they would be gone, taken by Ron or whatever authority service he had managed to convince to help him. No doubt feeding them some sob story about a horrible wife taking away his children that he loved so much.

And what would she do anyway? Drag her and her children from hotel to hotel, then, as the little money she had finally ran out, to some horrid homeless shelter? It wasn't like she had any friends or family that could take them in. Her parents, whose memories had been fully restored after the war and returned home for a few years, had decided to spend their well earned retirement rooted in Australia, while travelling to various countries while they were still fit enough to do it. She certainly wasn't going to be a hindrance on their golden years of retirement. As for friends that could take her in? Well... all of her friends were Ron's friends, too. She wondered how long she could hide at a mutual friend's house before he found out where she was and dragged her back home. She wouldn't even bet on a month.

But all these factors were pointless. At the end of the day, Ron was her husband and she was his wife. And she couldn't help but feel responsible for how he turned out. How could she possibly leave him when she was partly to blame for his actions, and no doubt everyone else would think this, too? She couldn't possibly face their judging eyes and criticizing gaze.

This is where she belonged. She believed everything happened for a reason, and nothing had come around to take her away from all this. The slightest hint at such a thing had been cruelly snatched away from her, leaving her more broken than ever. She just wished she had figured out the relationship with Draco was too good to be true sooner, then maybe it wouldn't have crushed her like it did. If she had just seen things earlier and not been blinded by Draco's caring and attentive behaviour, she wouldn't be in this mess, pregnant and trying to keep the pieces of her heart together.

* * *

><p><strong>Well, hello world, how you been?<strong>

**Good to see you, my old friend**

**Sometimes I feel cold as steel**

**Broken like I'm never gonna heal**

_Hermione sighed happily, Draco's arm wrapped around her waist as they lay on his sofa, his back against the back of the sofa, while hers was pressed firmly against his muscular chest. They both found a simple, relaxed bliss in just lying there together, Hermione tracing imaginary patterns on his arm while he buried his face in her loose curls._

"_You're hair smells nice" Draco mumbled._

_Hermione gave out a gentle laugh. "Thanks. You smell nice, too." This was definitely truthful. She found she could never get enough of his manly scent that was warm and spicy, drawing her in every time._

_Draco tightened his arm around her waist, and Hermione closed her eyes in content._

"_I wish we could just stay like this" he said softly, still speaking into her hair, as if it could hide the deep feelings and thoughts he was thinking and for some reason saying out loud. "Let's just lie here forever, forget about the rest of the world and all its trouble."_

"_We couldn't escape the world forever. It would catch up with us eventually" Hermione said quietly, reluctantly opening her eyes to make sure she didn't get sucked into this lovely daydream. Why wish for something that could never possibly happen? Even if they could, it would all be for nought when Draco finally realised there was nothing to gain from continuing this relationship. She was just waiting for him to tell her it was time for them both to move on._

_Draco sighed. "It would be nice to just run from it all though, wouldn't it? Even if it's just a dream."_

"_I don't see the point in dreaming." Hermione whispered. "What's the point when you know it could never come true?"_

"_But that's the whole point of dreaming. It keeps you going, something happy to hold onto, even if it could never happen. Otherwise life will just get to you, and you just let each day pass, not really living at all. Is that the sort of life you want?"_

"_Of course not" Hermione replied, blinking back tears. She didn't want that life, but it felt an awful lot like the one she was living. She wanted to be the person she once was, to see the good in everything, when she was filled with hopes and dreams of a perfect life with a perfect family. She had the perfect kids, at least. She wouldn't give up her children for anything, probably not even a chance to redo her whole life, because who knew if her children would be the same people the second time around. She might not even decide to marry Ron if she got a second chance, and then her children would definitely not be the same. And she loved her children as they were. They were the constant light in her life. "But I think I am anyway" she whispered so quietly she didn't expect Draco to hear, but he tightened his hold around her which made her think he had._

"_You need something that makes you happy" Draco whispered into her hair._

_Hermione smiled a little. "I think I do have something."_

"_Good. Just keep reminding yourself of it, and it will all get easier."_

_Hermione was quiet for a moment, pondering the idea that, as well as her children, Draco could be the happy something. There was no denying he made her happy, happier than she had been in a while, and her world certainly seemed a bit brighter when he was around. There was just the little fact that they probably could never truly be together._

"_Do you have something?" she asked._

"_Hmm?" Draco asked, like she was interrupting him from a deep thought._

"_Something happy to hold onto when life's getting to you?"_

"_Besides my good looks, my irresistible charm-"_

"_Draco!" Hermione chastised him mockingly and elbowing him gently in the chest._

"_Okay, my manor and filled-to-the-brim vault at Gringotts, then." Hermione could hear the smirk in his voice as he spoke. Leave it to him to claim his happiness was only based on material value and his apparently huge ego._

_Hermione shook her head. "Ever heard of the phrase 'money can't buy happiness'?"_

"_Obviously that is a phrase used by poor people."_

"_Really? I seem to recall someone in this room once telling me that it all means nothing if they have no-one to share it with."_

"_I think you were dreaming, Granger."_

_Hermione smiled. "Don't deny it, Draco. Or are you going to claim you were attacked by Wrackspurts?"_

"_What the bloody hell is a Wrackspurt?"_

"_You'd have to ask Luna. Apparently they can affect your brain."_

_Draco didn't reply, instead mumbled into her hair something that sounded like Luna had clearly been affected by one too many Wrackspurts in her life._

_Hermione settled back into his arms, just trying to focus on all the good things in her life. She had her children, she had Draco, she had her friends, she had her health, they may not have had a lot of money but they were getting by and there was always food on the table and clothes on their backs. Surely her life couldn't be that bad, right? She returned to tracing her finger on his arm. This was exactly what she needed, what would keep her sane in her dreary life and allowed her to look at life with a smile. Yes, what she had with Draco couldn't last, and every part of her logical brain told her to run while she still could, before her heart shattered into pieces with the end that was sure to come. Yet something else refused to let her leave and told her just to live in the moment and enjoy the happiness she had, while she still had it._

_Draco cleared his throat slightly. "Hermione?"_

"_Mmm?"_

_He faltered, and it seemed like he was debating whether to continue with what he was saying._

"_What is it?" Hermione asked, turning slightly so that she could see him fully. He looked... nervous._

"_Hermione, I-"_

_There was a tap on the window and both of them turned to see a black owl outside, Draco cursing slightly for the bird interrupting what he was going to say. Picking up his wand, he waved it and the window opened, letting the owl fly in and drop the letter on Draco's lap and immediately flying back out._

_They both looked at the envelope, and Draco groaned slightly. Examining it closely, Hermione could see the black seal had an emblem of three wands held up with their tips touching, a few sparks emitted from them. It wasn't an emblem she recognised, but Draco didn't seem happy to see it._

"_Draco, what is it?" she asked, sitting up slightly so that she could see him better._

_He didn't answer, just ran his hand through his hair. Then he quickly picked up the envelope and hastily crammed it into his trouser pocket, turning to her with a fake smile on his face. "Nothing, it's fine."_

_Hermione scoffed. "And you say I'm the bad liar."_

_Draco shook his head. "It doesn't matter anyway. Just leave it."_

_Hermione looked at him, worry etched onto her face. She didn't like how quickly he tried to hide it from her, or that he denied there was any significance to the letter. She had always respected his privacy, but she couldn't help getting a feeling of dread where this letter was concerned._

_Draco wrapped his arm around her and kissed her on the forehead. "Don't worry about it" he told her. "Everything's fine."_

_Hermione still didn't fully believe him, but she decided to drop it. Hopefully, he was telling the truth and this letter wouldn't cause her any concern. Draco kissed her then, his lips moving slowly against hers, and all thoughts of the letter escaped her mind._

* * *

><p><strong>For one so small, you seem so strong<strong>

**My arms will hold you, keep you safe and warm**

**This bond between us can't be broken**

**I will be here don't you cry**

A few days later, Hermione had her appointment at St. Mungo's for her check-up. She debated whether she wanted Ron to come with her. He may have calmed down a little about it all, but she was worried mentioning it again in-case it riled him up once more. But she couldn't help but wonder if involving him in the whole pregnancy would calm him down, maybe let him bond with the baby. The thought actually made her feel a little sick. She shouldn't want Ron to bond with her baby, not when he wasn't the father. With each day that passed she felt the guilt eating away at her, voices in her head hissing at her that she was betraying Draco. _No_ she would shake her head, like she was trying to shake the voices away, _Draco betrayed _her. What she was doing might be inexcusable, but was what he did any better?

In the end, she had decided to simply mention to Ron over dinner that she had an appointment the next day. If he wanted to go, then he could just say. She was letting him call all the shots, which was probably better, anyway. But apparently he had no interest in going with her, using some excuse about not being able to get away from work. _Bullshit _she had thought. He hardly worked in an important department of the ministry, and they practically gave away holidays and days off, they contributed so little. She instead owled Ginny, asking if she would accompany her to St. Mungo's again. She of course agreed, and met her the next day in the waiting room.

"So how have you been so far?" Ginny asked once they were seated on the plastic chairs that covered the large area.

"Exhausted" Hermione sighed heavily. "Trying to look after the house, Tom and Amelia, and having a job is taking its toll, and I'm not even that far into my pregnancy."

"How far along are you?"

Hermione shook her head, running her hands over her still-flat stomach. "I'm not sure really" she said, not thinking clearly and therefore not realising her mistake when she said it.

Ginny had a confused look on her face. "But...I thought you knew when you and Ron... you know..." she sighed. "Don't make me have to think about my brother doing it. But since you obviously don't do_ it_ often, I thought you would remember when you did."

Hermione swallowed. Shit, she hadn't realised how much of a mess she could make with just one sentence. She really should have found out how far along she was before she started telling everyone Ron got her pregnant. She was just thankful Ron hadn't asked the exact date, otherwise she would have a bit of explaining to do when she was told when she actually conceived. "Well, um... it was quite a while ago. All the days have just kind of blurred together." Hermione gave a light, fake laugh. "It's these damn pregnancy hormones, they're messing with my head."

"Right" Ginny said, her eyes slightly narrowed in suspicion, a look that was missed by Hermione as she stared intently at a mark on the otherwise spotless floor.

"But I'm sure the healer can tell me today, and it will all become clearer then" Hermione continued, biting her lip nervously.

"Yeah" Ginny replied, not really paying attention anymore. She was sure there was something that Hermione wasn't telling her, but she wasn't sure what. But she was Ginny Potter (née Weasley) and nothing stopped her from getting what she wanted. However, she didn't think it would be right to send a Bat-Bogey Hex at her best friend.

"Mrs Weasley?"

Hermione and Ginny looked up, and saw Healer Grant standing at the edge of the waiting area with a smile on her face. Hermione internally groaned. Other people might not be able to see it, but she knew a sympathetic smile when she saw one. It was just filled with pity directed towards her, and made her want to leave and never come back. She didn't want their pity. She just wanted life to continue on as normal as possible, as if she didn't have a care in the world. As if having this baby wasn't going to cause all kinds of problems.

They followed Healer Grant to the same room as last time, and that immediately gave Hermione an uncomfortable feeling in her stomach. She jumped onto the bed with the similar crinkly paper when instructed, and the sound attacked her ears and mind as she remembered the hopelessness and despair she felt the last time she heard that noise.

"So, Mrs Weasley-" Healer Grant began.

"Please, call me Hermione" she cut in, desperately trying to show a real smile.

"Okay, Hermione" Healer Grant returned her smile, but it didn't lose the shadow of pity. "How has pregnancy be treating you?"

"Well I'm completely exhausted, hungry all the time, I'm throwing up every morning, completely stressed out...but I'm apart from that I'm fine" Hermione ended mockingly.

"Well all these symptoms are completely normal. The stress, however, isn't good for you or the baby. You need to alleviate as much of the stress in your life as you can."

_Well then, I just need to get rid of Ron and cast a quick obliviate on myself _Hermione thought bitterly. "I'll try and do that" she said instead.

"Good. I'm sure you already know from your other pregnancies, but obviously a healthy diet is very important, and sometimes gentle exercise can get you energised and help you sleep better."

Hermione just nodded, already aware of all this.

Healer Grant pulled out something that looked like a large TV screen towards them, but it had no wires connecting it to anything, and no buttons on the side to control it. Placing it near Hermione's head so they could all see it clearly, she then pulled her wand out of her green robes. "Now Hermione, if you could please lift up your top."

Hermione did as instructed, and Healer Grant waved her wand over her flat stomach.

Healer Grant began to speak as she continued to move her wand. "Now, we will just be doing a few tests to check that everything is okay with the baby, that it's healthy and it's magic is developing properly. We should also be able to tell the exact date that you conceived. Do you have any idea when it happened?"

Hermione bit her lip again, casting a quick, nervous glance over at Ginny.

Ginny just laughed lightly. "She has no clue. Being pregnant just seems to combine all her days together."

Hermione looked at Ginny curiously. She had seemed so suspicious in the waiting room earlier. Had she just come to believe her? Or was she covering for her?

"Really?" Healer Granger looked amused.

Hermione nodded her head slowly. "I guess I've just been busy and a bit preoccupied recently."

"Very well, I should be able to tell you the date of conception. But first we'll check over your baby."

The screen by her side began to glow, and a picture began to appear on it. Hermione immediately began trying to look for her baby amongst the black and white.

"Now..." Healer Grant said slowly, looking over the screen then pointing at a small shape. "There is your baby."

Hermione didn't realise she had begun crying until Ginny offered her a tissue, which she took silently, her eyes only leaving the screen for a second. It all suddenly felt so real to her, to actually be able to see her tiny child, knowing for definite that it was growing inside of her, warm and safe. She couldn't remember feeling such protection for anything apart from Tom and Amelia. It was like her heart had suddenly grown in size, and there was nothing but the protection and joy she felt towards this little being inside her.

"By the looks of it, your baby is growing well. The magic is developing well, too. Everything seems perfectly fine" Healer Grant said, looking at her with a happy smile. Hermione saw no traces of pity this time.

"Thank you" Hermione whispered, truly smiling herself. This was the happiest she had felt in a long time, like she had suddenly been pulled out of the dark, murky water that was her life and into the fresh and clean air, embracing the sudden sunlight.

"Now as to the date of conception... it seems to be February 18th, making you about 9 weeks pregnant, and your due date around November 18th."

Hermione racked her brain, trying to place what happened that day. Obviously she was at Draco's, not long before they ended, maybe three, four weeks before they ended? And they didn't see each other often, so that only left a handful of da- oh. It was _that day. _One that had been permanently imbedded in her mind as one of her favourite days with him. She could feel the memories rushing back at her; the smells of the sheets, his gentle kisses, the way she felt so comfortable in his arms...

"Hermione?"

Hermione jumped, the memories disappearing as quickly as they appeared. "Sorry?"

"I asked if you would like a copy of your scan" Healer Grant said patiently.

"Oh...um, yes, please" Hermione said, wishing her heart would calm down its frantic beating that occurred from the sinful memory of pleasure between her and Draco.

Healer Grant summoned a piece of paper then cast a quick charm between the it and the screen. The paper now had a moving picture of her scan.

"Now I would suggest another appointment in the next month or two, just to check everything is progressing nicely and that you and the baby are healthy" Healer Grant explained, handing Hermione the picture as she sat up and straightened her top. "I also must ask" she said hesitantly, "the last time you were here you expressed the idea that you might not want to keep your child. Have you come to any final conclusions yet? Because if you have decided for adoption the sooner we can begin the process the better, especially for the baby."

Hermione jumped off the table and shook her head. "It's okay. I knew I could never really give up something that is a part of me. It wouldn't be right."

Healer Grant smiled. "That's very good to hear. I hope everything goes well, and I'll see you soon."

Hermione and Ginny left and walked slowly down the corridor, both holding a side of the scan and watching it move intently.

"I just know you're going to have a gorgeous baby" Ginny gushed.

"How can you possibly know that from this scan" Hermione smiled. "You can barely make out the head."

"Previous evidence" Ginny shrugged. "You already have two gorgeous children, how could your next one be any different?"

"That's very true" Hermione said.

"I mean," Ginny continued, "if all the children have the same genetics, they're bound to be similar, _right?_"

Hermione swallowed. She didn't like how this conversation was going _at all_. Ginny seemed far too much on the right lines.

"Right" Hermione agreed nervously, looking back at the scan. That was her baby there. And she would protect her baby from anything that happened if the truth got out, although she hoped it never would. She already felt such a bond to this helpless child, and she would keep him or her safe.

* * *

><p>It was with great relief that Hermione went from her first trimester to her second. The morning sickness disappeared, along with her insane cravings. However, her stomach was becoming much bigger, and she was forced to use magic to alter her clothes slightly and make them fit. She had also informed her work that she was pregnant so that they could organise her maternity leave. It didn't seem that long ago that she was going through this whole process with Tom.<p>

Ron had been acting strangely the entire time, or at least he was when she saw him. He was spending more and more nights out, either coming home around two in the morning or not at all. Meal times seemed to be the only time they saw each other, and they tended to be tense affairs. Unfortunately, her hope that his behaviour would change for the better once he had gotten used to the idea of her being pregnant didn't come true. While he never once raised his hand to her (Hermione supposed she should take that as a blessing), his anger never seemed to fail, causing at least three arguments a week over dinner. But at the moment Hermione couldn't bring herself to care about Ron's behaviour. Her only interest was looking after herself and her unborn child.

When her 20th week rolled around, she had another appointment where she would finally learn the sex of the baby. Ron had agreed to consider coming along, but Hermione knew he had no intention of going. Sure enough, the day before her appointment he explained that an emergency meeting had been organised that he had to attend. "A meeting?" she had asked sceptically. "On a Sunday?"

"Yeah" Ron muttered, wrapping his cloak around him as he prepared to make his usual leave to whatever pub he liked.

"Well I guess I'll ask Ginny to come with me. No doubt she'll be wanting some company."

"Why would Ginny want company?" Ron asked distractedly, looking around for his shoes.

"Well if this meeting is this important, I assume they'll be wanting Harry there too?" Hermione asked, knowing fine well that Harry had no intention of leaving his home for a meeting tomorrow.

"Um, no I- I don't know if they need Harry."

"Well if it's _so important-_"

"Will you just give it a rest, Hermione?" Ron yelled at her. "I have a meeting, Harry doesn't. Just leave it already!"

With that he had stomped into the fireplace, shoes held in his left hand, not bothering to hang around any longer to put them on.

She would never forget the way Healer Grant told her the sex of the baby, or the way she held desperately onto Ginny's hand. Somehow she had always known, but hearing it confirmed left her with a strange feeling in her heart.

"It's a boy"

A boy. A son. Draco's son. Draco Malfoy had a son, and he had no idea.

The feeling of guilt was eating away at her again. She wished so desperately that things hadn't ended the way they did. If they had just ended in any other way, she would tell him. She would run straight to his manor, and pound desperately on his door, screaming to let her in. She would hold his face in her hands, and tell him that she was pregnant with his child. That they were going to have a son. Maybe then he would hold her in his arms. Tell her that they would figure everything out. Tell her that everything would be okay.

But they didn't finish their relationship in a way that would allow that. She probably didn't even mean all that much to Draco anyway; she was probably just something that held his interest for a while, and any expression of deep feelings were just a result of being caught up in the moment. And at the end of the day, she knew she couldn't trust him. Not after that. Not after what he did.

Ginny had said very little the entire time she was with her, which Hermione found very odd for her. She also had an idea what was keeping her so quiet and she didn't like it at all. What if Ginny found out the truth? Would she hate her for it? Would she tell Ron? Merlin, what would she do if Ginny did tell Ron? Her life would just be a bigger mess than it already was. She felt claustrophobic, like there were walls pressing in on her from all sides, and it scared her. She felt so trapped, like if she made one wrong move she would fall into something she didn't even want to think about.

_You need something that makes you happy..._

Draco's words bounced around her head. She needed something good to hold onto, something that would make her feel alive again.

She felt a little, barely-there flutter in her tummy, and immediately placed her hand on the area she felt movement. She thought of the little life she was carrying that was half her, and half Draco. And she smiled.

* * *

><p><strong>Hope that was okay! I struggled quite a lot with this chapter, just because I want to quickly pass the pregnancy stage without missing it all together. <strong>

**So there was a small hint at why Draco and Hermione broke up there. Any ideas what it means? Also, do you think Ginny's going to figure out the truth? And if she does, what will she do?**

**Sorry if you still think Hermione should go straight to Draco. Believe me, I hate having them apart too :( But there is a reason that Hermione is trying to stay away from him.**

**Next chapter will most likely just be the last few weeks of her pregnancy. Then all the fun begins ;)**

**Feel like leaving some more reviews? It will make me very happy if you do :D**

**Songs in this chapter**

**Tell Me Why by Taylor Swift**

**Hello World by Lady Antebellum**

**You'll Be In My Heart by Phil Collins & Glen Close**


	5. Haunted

**I am SO sorry for the wait, but I had zero inspiration for this chapter. Then I finally got an idea and it ended up being so long I had to cut the chapter in two. I'll be posting the next one later tonight though because really it should just be one.**

**Anyway, thank you so much for all the reviews, and I'm glad to see some of you aren't as mad at Hermione anymore. This is just how I see her handling things, so sorry if you disagree. **

**To Sailorroxy, great ideas, I really enjoyed reading your review :) Won't say how accurate you are of course ;)**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

><p><strong>It's getting dark and it's all too quiet, and I can't trust anything now<strong>

**And it's coming over you like it's all a big mistake**

**Oh, I'm holding my breath, won't lose you again**

**Something keeps me holding onto nothing**

Hermione was walking down the familiar path in the woods that she had taken with Harry. It was oddly similar, with the sun shining brightly and the air warm, despite it being the start of October. Just over a month until she was due, giving birth to a beautiful little boy. She ran her hand over her protruding stomach while a small smile graced her face. The leaves on the branches above rustled in the slight breeze while a few strands of her hair blew over her eyes. As she pushed them away impatiently, she didn't notice the light quickly dimming.

She shivered. It was suddenly a lot colder, and the wind was harsher.

There was a rustling noise to her left, and she quickly whipped her head to the side, rooted to the spot as she fumbled for her wand, only to come to the frightening realisation that she didn't have it. Had she dropped it? Surely she had it when she left the house... but the more she thought about it, the more she realised she couldn't even remember leaving the house. It was like she had just arrived there, already walking the familiar path.

The sound was getting louder, closer. She had never felt more exposed and vulnerable; she was all alone, and she knew no-one had any idea she was here. _How did she know that?_ She had no idea; the fact was just planted in her brain. She also had no wand, and was so heavily pregnant that she had no chance of outrunning any person or animal that was waiting in the darkness.

_Darkness?_ she thought. _When had it become so dark?_ She could no longer see very far in front of herself, and her nerves were making her see strange movements in the shadows, while the bare branches of the trees created menacing shapes against the oddly bare night sky, the small crescent moon only providing a small amount of light. Looking briefly down at the path beneath her feet, she saw it was littered with dead leaves that had certainly not been there five minutes ago. How had all the green leaves on the branches suddenly appeared on the muddy ground, dead and brown, curling into themselves and offering a satisfying _crunch_ under her shoes?

Her head shot up again when the noise came closer. Whatever was making the noise, it sounded like it was just behind the large bush next to the path, and Hermione was just preparing to make a run for it, however slim her chances were, when something stepped around it.

Not something. Some_one._

Hermione breathed a sigh of relief. "Merlin, Harry. Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

Harry didn't smile or acknowledge her at all, just stared at her with his arms crossed.

Hermione's emotions, that had gone from to fear to relief in a heartbeat, were now slowly turning to confusion. "Harry? What are you doing here?"

She had been studying his face, trying to figure out his expression. But as he continued to just stare at her, she realised what it was.

_Anger._

_Betrayal._

What had happened?

"Harry?" she asked timidly.

"I know the truth, Hermione" he spat.

Hermione took a small step back in surprise at his tone. She had never heard her friend speak like that to her, his words so laced with venom.

"Wh-what are you talking about, Harry?"

"I know what you did. How could you do that to Ron, to your _husband_?"

Hermione's breath hitched. "I- I don't-"

"What the hell were you thinking, Hermione? I thought you cared about your family!"

"I do!" she exclaimed. "I love them more than anything-"

"Obviously not, since you decided to go shagging some other guy!"

"No Harry, it's not like that! You don't understand-"

"I understand perfectly. I never thought you could be so selfish!"

Hermione held back a sob that threatened to erupt from her mouth. She never wanted anyone to think she was selfish, although she couldn't help but think it was the truth.

"No, please-"

"You've been lying! Not just to Ron, but to everyone! Me, Ginny, your kids-"

"DON'T!" Hermione screamed. "Don't say I've lied to Tom and Amelia! I love them more than anything!"

"Well you have a funny way of showing it! I didn't want to believe it when Ginny told me-"

"Ginny told you?" Hermione choked out, tears threatening to surface.

"Yeah, she figured it out. We all know this is some other guy's baby, Hermione! How could you?"

"I'm sorry!" she cried.

"I don't fucking believe you! You've turned your back on all us, your friends and family! Who the hell is it? Who's the one you've been fucking behind Ron's back?"

Hermione just shook her head, unable to form words any more.

"I can't even look at you, Hermione! You can stop thinking of me as a friend, because you are _nothing_ to me now!"

Tears began to fall down her face, the cold wind biting at them but she barely noticed, too focused on the pain in her heart at his harsh words. Harry had been her closest friend for so long, she couldn't bear to have him reject her so cruelly.

"Harry," she begged, "please..."

"Don't! We're done, Hermione! I just hope Ron does the right thing and leaves you!"

Hermione gasped. "Ron knows?"

But the outline of Harry seemed to be getting blurry, like she was staring at him through a sheet of rain, but the air was perfectly dry.

"Harry!" she yelled.

The definitions of Harry were becoming less clear, until he seemed nothing more than a shadow, then disappeared into the darkness.

"HARRY!" she screamed.

Hermione spun on the spot, feeling lost and confused. She had no idea what was going on or where she was, because this definitely wasn't the same wood she had become so familiar with. This place was something dark, dangerous, and she was terrified. She could literally feel an ache in her chest where her heart was, and she knew it came from her once best friend's harsh words, then seeing him vanish from her sight.

Scared and with tears blurring her vision, she stumbled forward into what she hoped was the direction to get herself out of here. But as the trees became thicker and it was harder to see the moon and starless sky, she knew she was hopelessly lost. Blinking back tears, she continued on the muddy path, knowing it couldn't stay night forever, and eventually the sun would have to come up. She just hoped it was soon, but she couldn't forget how quickly it had turned from a warm day to this cold night.

She had been walking for what felt like hours, but when she turned quickly to look behind her she had to hold back a scream of frustration. Just within her vision, before everything was consumed by the endless darkness, she could see the bush Harry had emerged from.

Hermione shook her head. This couldn't be right, she must be mistaken. It _had _to be a different bush. How could she have walked for so long when really she wasn't even five minutes away from where she had started?

There was a large thump behind her as something fell from a tree, and Hermione gave a small scream as she jumped round. Standing far too closely to her, was Ron.

"Ron" she whimpered. "I'm so sorr-"

"Save it!" Ron hissed dangerously. "Ginny told me what you did."

His voice was lower than Harry's had been, and he seemed much more in control. But for some reason this scared her even more.

"Think you're smart, do you?" he said quietly. Dangerously. "Think I wouldn't figure it out? Well I guess the brightest witch of our age got one wrong."

Suddenly, Ron had a tight grip on one of her arms, and she gasped in pain.

"Who the _fuck_ do you think you are, going behind my back and screwing some other guy?" Ron was yelling now, his face so close to hers she could feel his warm breath ghosting over her face, his voice ringing in her ears. "You're nothing but a dirty liar!"

"Please" Hermione whimpered, desperately trying to get out of his tight hold. "I'm sorry!"

"You're sorry?" Ron repeated. "What the fuck does that mean to me? You're my wife, but you're a shit one. Always were, always will be! What kind of fucking wife and mother does what you've done?"

Hermione just shook her head, wishing she didn't appear so weak as tears continued to fall.

"You're no longer welcome in my home, and you're no longer allowed near my kids!"

This seemed to break Hermione out of her shock a little, and she fought against Ron with a little more vigour.

"NO! No, you can't! You can't keep me away from them!"

Ron grabbed onto her other arm with an equal amount of force, effectively stilling her.

"Don't tell what I can't do! You have no fucking right to tell me what to do! You can just clear your stuff out of my house, and go fuck off to your other guy!"

Ron suddenly pushed her, and she lost her balance as she tripped over a tree root. Hermione's only thought was to land on her back to protect her stomach, but she hadn't braced herself for the pain that shot through her as she landed on the ground. She supposed it was a small consolation that the ground was slightly muddy and covered in fallen leaves. At least it softened the blow a little, but not by much.

Ron towered over her as she groaned and rolled to her side, shifting away from the small rock that she had landed on, and placing her hands on her stomach as her son starting kicking against her in protest of the sudden movement.

"I knew we should have gotten rid of this spawn. You were honestly going to pretend it was mine? Have me earn money and buy food for the offspring of you and some guy you were fucking?"

Ron raised his foot, and Hermione instinctively rolled onto her back again, terrified he was going to kick her stomach. She let out a small moan as she landed on the rock again, but she kept her eyes firmly on Ron, noticing that he had only scuffed the ground, kicking away a few leaves. But the fact that she flinched away from him caused his face to warp into a dangerous look that scared her more than she had ever felt. He almost looked amused that he scared her so much.

"Then again" Ron said quietly, and Hermione felt herself shrink back into the mud and leaves at his soft but terrifying tone. "I don't think it's really fair that you can just run off to your precious lover now that you're not welcome here. And I certainly can't be bothered bringing up those brats. Unless I just put them in a home-"

"Don't you dare" Hermione hissed, earning a quick kick on her arm.

Ron squatted down next her and grabbed a fistful of her hair, and she gasped in pain.

"Shut. Up. Don't you understand? You are _nothing._ Nothing but dirt, a backstabber, and a liar. And you sure as hell don't deserve any happiness."

Hermione sobbed, and she couldn't help but think he was completely correct. She had lied to everyone, so maybe she didn't deserve to be happy. After all, her happiness with Draco had ended so maybe that was a sign that any happiness she had was short lived. And now she was threatened with the idea of never seeing her children again, and that was as good as saying goodbye to any glimmer of happiness.

"You're not leaving" Ron said clearly, and she felt her heart sink. "You're not stepping a foot out of the house, you're not going to have contact with anyone –" he tugged her hair harder as she began to cry again "- and you're certainly never going to see him again."

He tugged her hair again as she continued to cry, getting frustrated that she wasn't responding in any way. "DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?" He yelled in her face.

Hermione could only nod as tears choked her throat, but this made her whimper as the movement caused some of the hairs he was holding part with her scalp.

"Now," Ron said as he released her hair and stood up while drawing his wand, "I think we should make it clear that you belong to _me_. And that means getting rid of any evidence of your betrayal."

Hermione's eyes widened as she realised his wand was pointed at her large stomach, and she quickly rolled onto her side with her back to him, pushing her hands firmly against the ground to hoist herself up, ignorant to the mud that clung to them.

"NO!" she screamed, only losing her balance slightly as she clumsily forced herself into a standing position. Spinning on the spot, she chose a random direction and started running, dodging from side to side to avoid the spells he was sending at her.

"Get the fuck back here, Hermione!" Ron yelled, but his voice sounded far away, like she had travelled a far distance. Hermione didn't understand, she had only been running for about ten seconds, and being pregnant meant she couldn't cover distance very quickly, yet his voice was faint. She was itching to turn around and see how far she had travelled, but she already knew this place, wherever it was, could play tricks on your mind. So she kept running, scared that if she turned round or stopped for even a second Ron would catch up to her.

But eventually she had to stop, her extra weight becoming too much to continue. Once she was sure she could no longer hear Ron or see the light of his various spells casting colourful shadows against the trees did she slow down to a complete stop, bracing her hands against her knees.

She felt kicks against her stomach, and she ran one hand over it. "It's okay, baby" she said, trying to sooth her unborn son. "It's okay, we'll be out of here soon."

The kicks slowly began to slow down, and she wished she could be as easily calmed as her son. Her heart continued to beat erratically, still hurting from her encounter from Harry. Ron didn't hurt her heart, just sent it into overdrive from fear.

She tried to calm her nerves by running a hand through her hair, but she found it matted with mud, and the odd stick or leaf tangled in her curls. She then had a proper look over herself and discovered her clothes were covered in mud. Sighing, she looked around at her surroundings. The trees were thick together, and she was reminded briefly of the Forbidden Forest back at Hogwarts, where the trees grew to unknown sizes the further in you travelled, eventually blocking out all sights of the sky and leaving you with a trapped feeling.

Despite still managing to see the sky, she definitely felt trapped now. She had no idea where she was, and she couldn't help the little child-like voice in her head that said she was helpless, forced to wander the woods in an endless night until she collapsed from exhaustion. Or maybe a wild animal would find her. Hermione pondered her choices. A painless death from hunger and exhaustion, but would inevitably be slow, or a painful death from an animal, but it would quickly be over. But she supposed in the end it wouldn't matter. Either way, the end result was her dead.

She shook her head. She couldn't think like that. There was a logical answer somewhere, and she would find it. But she was tired, and there was a patch of grass and leaves below a particularly big tree that looked so inviting...

Just as she started to drag her feet over to the spot, she suddenly got the feeling that she was being watched. Surely that was impossible? Who else would be this deep in a forest in the middle of the night? But then she remembered Harry and Ron jumping out at her, and the idea didn't seem so impossible anymore.

Hermione spun on the spot, her eyes aching as she strained to see through the darkness. She alternated from looking around the forest floor and scanning the branches far above, but the darkness was too dense to see very far. Blinking back frustrated and tired tears, she began to back further up the path, praying she was walking away from whatever was watching her and not moving towards it. Then, as she continued to watch the shadows in front of her, she saw something move. She instantly stopped moving, rooted firmly to the spot, not even daring to breathe.

The shadows moved again.

Her breath hitched slightly, and she began to brace herself for a sudden sprint away. She watched in horror as the dense nothingness moved closer and closer to her, threatening to swallow her and keep her trapped there.

Unable to hold her breath any longer, she exhaled quickly with a small scream, and that pushed her into action. Turning on her heel, she ran away from the shadows chasing her, praying she could outrun them. But the forest had a habit of screwing with her.

As she continued to run, a shape began to grow clearer that was standing in the middle of the path, right in her way. Her adrenaline refused to let her stop running, and she was relieved to realise the shape was human, not some savage animal waiting to attack her. And even though she wasn't sure if this person was friend or foe, she chose it over the shadows and the unknown darkness it offered.

But as she ran closer, she decided the forest was definitely screwing with her. Why else would this person be here of all reasons?

"Draco!" she yelled, and she ran straight into him, wrapping her arms around his neck. For some reason she felt safe in his arms, like he was a source of light protecting her from the dark. All reasonable thinking about why she should be running away from him, not holding him tightly, evaded her, and she buried her head into his shoulder.

"Draco, I'm so scared. What's going on? Where am I?"

He didn't respond, and that's when she noticed that his arms had never left his side, refusing to embrace her in any way. Hermione backed away slightly to look him in the eye. "Draco?"

She didn't think her heart could hurt any more than it already did, but she realised she was wrong when she saw his face. It was cold and unreachable, like a marble statue. Only this statue had a sneer painted across it that made her shiver and drop her arms from around his neck.

"What are you doing?" he asked coldly.

"I- I don't know..."

"Look at you" he sneered. "Absolutely covered in mud. How appropriate."

Her heart was in agony now.

"And just so you know... I know your dirty little secret."

Hermione couldn't breathe, couldn't think.

"Were you ever planning on telling me?" His voice didn't sound hurt or betrayed, just disgusted and angry. And it confused and scared her at the same time.

"I couldn't" she said quietly. Draco scoffed at her, turning his head away from her. "I wanted to, Draco! Do you not think I've been living every day with guilt eating away at me? It physically hurts! But I couldn't, not after everything that happened!"

She was crying again, but she couldn't bring herself to care. Her only focus was Draco, praying he would understand. Understand that she hated herself so much it was nearly impossible to bear, that all she wanted were for things to be different.

Draco didn't say anything, and in the silence she barely acknowledged that the shadows hadn't moved any closer since she saw him.

Draco clicked his tongue. "It's just as well everything ended like it did" he said, turning to face her once more. "Like I'd want to be associated with that half-blood. Even worse, be associated with muggle-born filth."

Hermione shook her head, the tears flowing more strongly. "You don't mean that."

"Really?" he asked sarcastically. "And what makes you think that?"

"E-everything you said. I must have m-meant s-something-"

"All you were, Granger, was a decent conversation and a good fuck."

Hermione closed her eyes and her shoulders began to shake with barely controlled sobs. All the old wounds that had only just begun to heal from their break-up felt like they were being cut open brutally, exposed to his harsh words and sharp tongue. What made it worse was that he was voicing all the negative thoughts she ever had that she had meant absolutely nothing to him. She had told herself this, but it felt so much more real when he was saying them.

"You can't possibly think I thought of you as anything else?" he continued.

Hermione shook her head.

"Exactly. I'm a Pureblood, and you are nothing more than a mud-"

"Don't say it!" Hermione screamed, covering her ears like a temperamental child. She didn't think she could hear him actually say the word which would force her to accept that she was nothing but dirt to him. She _had _to have meant something, anything to him.

"Did you really think we could last?" Draco asked once she had uncovered her ears.

She shook her head. "No. But I didn't expect things to end the way they did. I never wanted it to be like this."

"Well tough shit, Granger, because this is what you've got."

One tear rolled down her cheek, and she remembered how he would always be the one to wipe away her tears. Had it all been an act?

Draco smirked, as if he could read her thoughts. Or maybe he just liked to see her cry. "It wasn't exactly hard for you to start trusting me, was it? Just had to offer a shoulder to cry on."

"So you didn't care at all?" she asked, scared to know the answer but knowing she had to hear it.

Draco shrugged. "Maybe a little. Not as much as you probably thought though."

Hermione just nodded, slowly closing her eyes. She felt the shadows edge closer, and she knew her time was almost up.

She kept her eyes closed, even as she heard Draco move closer to her until his breath moved some of the hairs on her forehead. "Just remember" he said quietly. "You and that baby could never mean anything to me."

Then she felt him walk away, and her eyes snapped open to find he had completely disappeared.

"Draco?" she called. The shadows were moving in quickly, and her breaths came out in short gasps as fear took over. "Draco!"

But he never replied, and more tears fell as she realised she was completely alone, the shadows claiming her and pulling her into the darkness, coldness penetrating her skin and reaching down into her soul.

* * *

><p>Hermione shot up in bed, her breathing erratic and her cheeks soaked with tears. For a moment she thought she was still in her dream until she realised it must have been the middle of the night and that was why it was so dark. But she had to be sure.<p>

Ignoring her husband who was still snoring loudly, she swung her legs off the bed and walked over to the window. Taking a deep breath she pulled aside one curtain, and gave a sigh of relief when she saw the sky was dotted with stars and the moon was casting a pale glow over everything.

Putting the curtain back into its place, she turned round, intending to go back to bed. But she realised she couldn't bring herself to go back to sleep. She was barely comfortable with the darkness in the room, and too scared to risk entering that nightmare again. She had been having strange dreams nearly every night of her pregnancy, but this one had to be the worst. She couldn't remember ever waking up so terrified and haunted by memories.

Hermione tried to swallow but found her throat completely parched. She walked over to her bedside table and picked up her wand, casting a low _lumos_ once she entered the hall to keep away the shadows. Before she headed downstairs for the kitchen, she quickly peaked her head into Amelia's room, then Tom's. She knew it was foolish, but she just had to know they were there, that the Ron from her dream hadn't taken them away. Finding them safely tucked into their beds, she began the descent downstairs and into the kitchen.

As she reached up for a glass in one of the cupboards, she realised her hands were shaking. Badly. The dream had obviously shook her more than she had initially thought. It had been all her worst fears about how her friends would react if the truth came out thrown together, mixed with terror and darkness, and she had no desire whatsoever to return to it. Possibly the worst part of it had been Draco's behaviour towards her, and that realisation surprised her when she came to it. Surely she should have been more upset at Harry, her best friend for years, yelling at her that she had betrayed them all. Or maybe at Ron's reaction, threatening to take away her kids, then promising to keep her locked up in the house, no sense of freedom left at all. But it had been neither of these; she was more distraught over the version of Draco in her dream and how cold and distant he was. But why had it hurt so much? Surely she hadn't expected anything else from him, not after... she couldn't bear to think about it. Maybe it was having to see that side of him again that shocked her so much. Any hope she had that it had been a onetime thing had diminished along with the idea that Harry would be okay with her mistake. It was like her brain was telling her what she already subconsciously knew – she would never be forgiven for her mistakes, she would never be able to move on, and, most importantly, Draco was not the person she thought he was. She supposed the old phrase 'a leopard never changes its spots' rang true here. Why had she so stupidly believed that there could be a new Draco, that he could change so quickly from the prejudiced bully he once was in school? She should have just stayed away from him from the beginning, but he had drawn her in and before she knew it she couldn't get out. He was like a drug, dangerous but too addictive to let go of no matter how many times you told yourself that you shouldn't be doing it. She was like one of those addicts that had found relief in something during moments of pain, then unable to ever function without it. But she hadn't realised just how deeply she had fallen in until the day Draco kissed her. The very fact that he had become a source of comfort to her, a place to run to when she was upset, should have told her everything, but she had desperately tried to ignore it.

Turning to the sink to fill up the glass, Hermione watched the water swirl as it hit the glass and found it oddly calming despite its chaotic turning. As her heartbeats slowed and her hands began to stop shaking, her mind drifted off to that day, and all the warning signs she had missed.

**Set me free, leave me be**

**I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity**

**Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be**

**But you're on to me and all over me**

_Hermione once again found herself over at Malfoy Manor. She barely even questioned it anymore, no longer debating whether or not it was okay to be doing this. After all, they were just friends, right? And she was allowed to have as many friends as she wanted. She had an idea that Ron wouldn't like the idea though, so she made sure he never knew what she was doing in her free time._

_There was something about being around Draco Malfoy that just made her...better. She felt happier with him, although she had yet to figure out what it was that caused it. She was more care-free, feeling all her worries and pains slip away. And there was a certain pain that she was hoping he could get rid of today._

_Ron had been violent again last night after coming home late, stinking of alcohol and perfume. She wasn't sure what it was about that night, but something in her had snapped, forcing her to wait in the living room for his return. At two thirty in the morning, she watched the flames in the fireplace grow and turn green and Ron tumble out of them. _

"_What are you staring at?" Ron had slurred._

_Hermione sat on the couch, her arms tightly crossed and her lips pursed. "Where have you been?"_

"_Out" he replied, moving further into the room._

"_I can see that. Where?"_

"_What does it matter to you?" he snapped._

_Hermione stood up as he walked past her. "Which tart was it this time?"_

_Ron spun round. "Excuse me?"_

"_You heard me. I want to know which slut's bed my husband was in tonight."_

_Ron walked towards her menacingly. She knew she was pushing her luck, but she stood her ground._

"_It's got fuck all to do with you" he said quietly, warningly, pointing a finger at her._

"_Actually it's got a lot to do with me. In case you haven't noticed, _I'm your wife!_"_

"_Well maybe if you were a bit better at being a wife we wouldn't have this problem!"_

"_How dare you! I am a damn good wife, you're just too soaked up in alcohol and common whores to notice!"_

_Ron had slapped her then, and her whole body fell to the side. Hermione fought to keep her balance so that she wouldn't fall to the floor. Clutching her hand to her cheek, she stood back up and faced him, holding back the tears. _

_She lifted her hand from her face to point a finger at him. "Don't you da-"_

_He slapped her again on the same cheek, and it took a moment longer for Hermione to gather the strength to stand straight again._

_The moment she faced him again, Ron had crushed his lips onto hers painfully with a clumsy, haste filled movement. Hermione struggled against him, trying to desperately push him off. Finally, Ron growled and stepped back. "'Damn good wife' my ass, won't even let her fucking husband touch her!"_

"_Not like this, Ronald! Not after you've hit me and while you still stink of alcohol and cheap perfume! I'm not one of your tarts that will put up with it!"_

_Furious, Ron picked up a nearby book and chucked it, just narrowly missing her head and hitting the wall next to her. Hermione gasped, looking at him with tears in her eyes._

"_Go tend to your precious book, Hermione! You probably care more about the state of it than me!" With that, he turned and stormed into the hall, and Hermione listened for the sound of their bedroom door closing before she let herself cry._

_Hermione had slept in Amelia's room that night like she usually did every time she and Ron had a particularly bad fight. She found comfort in hugging her daughter close, the sweet smell of her hair lulling her to sleep. And the next day she got Amelia and Tom ready, dropped Amelia off at school and Tom at The Burrow as Mrs Weasley had offered to babysit that day, then immediately apparated to Draco's. She had attempted to hide the powerful bruise growing on her cheek with an equally powerful glamour charm, but she wasn't sure how well it was done. She just hoped Draco wouldn't notice. She didn't want him to worry about her, just make her feel better like he did every time she spent time with him. It was a strange friendship they had developed, but Hermione found herself looking forward to the next time she could see him, thinking of what they might talk about this time._

_She rung the bell next to the door and started fiddling with her top while she waited. She wished all the clothes she owned didn't look so worn down. But at least they matched her in that sense._

_The door was opened by a house-elf, of course, she thought. "Is Draco available?"_

"_Yes, Miss, Blinky will just go get him! Miss should please come inside!"_

_She followed Blinky into the entrance area and looked around. Despite having been here a few times, she still couldn't get over the grandeur of the place. She wondered what it must have been like to grow up in a place like this; maybe she would have been a snob for most of her childhood too if this was something you could just take for granted._

_She was interrupted from her thoughts by the sound of footsteps coming down a nearby hall. "Granger" Draco said as he walked over to her, smiling and pulling her into a quick hug. "How are you?"_

"_Good. I had nothing planned today and thought I would come over... you're not busy are you?"_

_Draco smirked. "When am I ever busy?"_

"_Oh of course, I forgot that all you ever do is keep track of how much money is still in your Gringotts vault." she said with a smile._

"_And the vault here" he added._

"_You have another vault here?" Hermione asked in shocked disbelief._

"_Jealous?"_

"_Do you really have to ask?"_

_Draco grinned back at her. "Guess not. You hungry?"_

_Hermione nodded. "Starving. I missed breakfast today."_

_Draco led them to the dining room where he had just finished his, and he ordered a house-elf there to bring some food for Hermione._

"_Why did you miss breakfast?"_

"_You know, you really shouldn't order your house-elves about, it's just rude."_

"_Whatever Granger, why didn't you eat breakfast?"_

"_Concerned about me?" Hermione joked, taking a seat at the table that he gestured to while he sat opposite her._

"_Maybe I am concerned about you, Granger. Don't want you withering away because you're not eating. But what's really concerning me is that you're so obviously trying to avoid answering my question." Draco looked pointedly at her, and Hermione bit her lip._

"_Come on, Granger, I know when you bite your lip it means that I've figured, or close to figuring, something out that you don't want me to know."_

_Hermione gaped. "I do that?"_

_Draco nodded. "You never noticed?"_

_She shook her head. "No. But you did?"_

"_I guess I'm just full of surprises" he winked._

"_You certainly are" she mumbled. He had paid that much attention to her that he noticed that little quirk? What else had he noticed? _

"_So are you going to tell me why you didn't eat breakfast today, or am I going to have to try and trick you into telling me?"_

_Hermione scoffed at that. "I'd like to see you try."_

_Draco grinned, then his face turned more serious. "I'm still waiting, Granger."_

_Hermione exhaled a puff of air. It looked like she was going to have to tell him. "I had a fight with Ron last night, and I didn't want to go downstairs until he had left. By the time he did, I only had time to feed Amelia and Tom and get them set for the day. So I skipped breakfast. Happy now?"_

_Draco didn't answer, but he decided to try and push her just a little further. "What were you fighting about?"_

"_I don't want to talk about it" she said, leaning back in the chair and looking at a random spot in the room._

"_Did he hurt you?"_

_Hermione sighed exaggeratedly, still not looking at him. "No."_

"_Granger..."_

_Hermione looked directly at him. "He didn't hurt me, Draco. It's fine."_

_Draco looked at her sceptically but seemed to decide to drop it. "You better not be lying to me, Granger."_

_Hermione didn't reply, focussing all her attention on the breakfast that one of the house-elves was bringing in and placing in front of her. "Thank you very much" she said politely._

_The house-elf bowed to her and walked out the room, leaving her and Draco in a slightly awkward silence. Hermione chose to pretend she was comfortable with their lack of conversation and tucked into her full-cooked breakfast, ignoring the fact that Draco was watching her carefully._

_After about five minutes of it though, she couldn't stand it anymore. "What?" she asked._

_Draco seemed to study her a bit longer before he replied. "Your face looks different somehow. I can't figure out what it is though."_

_Hermione swallowed. It _had _been a pretty powerful glamour charm she put on, and she had done it hurriedly before she rushed everyone out of the house. Was it possible that he could tell?_

"_It's probably just the lighting" Hermione said dismissively, hoping he would believe her._

"_Mmm, maybe" he replied, but Hermione could tell he wasn't quite convinced yet. _

"_So..." Hermione said, trying to distract him while fighting the itch to bite her lip._

"_I got a letter from my father today" Draco suddenly declared._

_That took Hermione by surprise. Draco had told her that his parents had left the country a few years ago to live in one of their homes in the south of France, and he very rarely heard from them anymore, the main form of correspondence being letters at birthdays and Christmas. Draco's feelings towards his father had always been very conflicted, and it had been mutually agreed that the best thing for them would be to have some space. His mother and father also just wanted to have a break from wizarding London and thought it would be a good idea to spend their retirement years elsewhere._

"_What did he say?" Hermione asked._

_Draco didn't reply at first, and Hermione wondered if he was going to reply at all. Maybe he had just wanted to get the letter off his chest with no intentions of telling her what was in it._

"_He and my mother are planning on coming back to England soon" he finally said, paying more attention to his hands on top of the table than to her._

"_Did he say why?" Hermione asked timidly, not wanting to pry too deeply into his family affairs._

_Draco sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair. "He apparently has some 'important business' here that he has to attend to. I haven't got a clue what that means but no doubt I'll be dragged into it as well."_

"_Why do you think that?"_

"_It always happens. I'm the head of the Malfoy family now, so apparently his business is my business. I'm pretty sure he wants it to be the other way round as well, but I have no interest in dragging him into every little part of my life."_

_Hermione nodded. "I understand. Well, I think I do."_

"_I just have this feeling that whatever he's dragging me into won't be good."_

"_You think so? But I thought your father-"_

"_I don't mean something like that. My father's Death Eater days are definitely over. Just something else."_

"_I'm sorry" Hermione said quickly. "I shouldn't have jumped to that sort of conclusion."_

"_It's fine" Draco replied with a wave of his hand. "I can hardly blame you for thinking that. I'm still surprised you don't still hate me."_

"_Well I definitely never thought you were a Death Eater. And it's infinitely easier to forgive a bully than a Death Eater."_

"_I'm pretty sure there's a giant fucking black mark on my left arm that disagrees with you" Draco said bitterly._

"_Just because you're marked as something doesn't mean you are that something. You were never a Death Eater, Draco."_

_He didn't reply, but Hermione could see a faint smile on his face appear at her words. "You finished your breakfast, Granger?" she nodded. "Let's go somewhere else then."_

* * *

><p><strong>Hope you enjoyed it! I really liked writing the dream part so I hoped you liked reading it :) I know not very much happens in this chapter, but like I said another chapter will be up tonight. But if you've read carefully there's definitely some important points here, hope you got them! <strong>

**Keep hitting that review button, I love to hear from you :D xxx also a wee reminder to maybe recommend some songs for me? Would help a lot :)**

**Songs Used**

**Haunted by Taylor Swift**

**Gravity by Sara Bareilles**


	6. Fix You

**Promised you another chapter tonight, and here it is. Well, it's actually just about two in the morning here, but same thing.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

><p><strong>I can see it in your eyes, I can see it in your smile<strong>

**You're all I've ever wanted, and my arms are open wide**

**Cos you know just what to say, and you know just what to**

**And I want to tell you so much I love you**

Draco was in the middle of a restless sleep, just as he was nearly every night nowadays. His dreams almost always consisted of some muddle of Hermione, his father and these blasted meetings. He had resorted to taking some dreamless sleep potion at one point when his lack of sleep began to be noticed by more people, but in the end he had stopped. He actually began to miss seeing her face, and he decided he would take that over a peaceful night's rest. Maybe he just needed to see her because of the nagging guilt he felt. He hated how things had ended with them, but he would be lying if he said he didn't think it was best that they did finish. He didn't see how she would ever leave Weasley, and with this new...project...there was no way anything could happen between them anyway.

Draco rolled onto his stomach with a small groan as his dreams continued. He was sitting in another meeting, and he watched his father as he laughed at some awful and discriminatory joke with the other men around the table. Draco cracked a small smile to not stand out, while inside he felt like hexing every last one of them. Then the scene shifted, and he was suddenly in his main living room while his father's laughing face quickly morphed into Hermione's. They were both sitting on the couch in front of the large fireplace, and Draco suddenly realised that this wasn't any dream – he was reliving a memory. He desperately tried to pull himself out of it, not wanting to experience the aching pain in his gut that this memory would no doubt give him. He could handle re-living memories of them talking, but not this. He couldn't stand thinking about her as more than a friend anymore, but the dream refused to die.

_Hermione laughed, tilting her head back as she did, and the angle of the light hitting her seemed to highlight something on her cheek._

"_Granger, what's wrong with your cheek?"_

_Hermione abruptly stopped laughing, her eyes widening in alarm as she pressed her hand to her cheek and turned her face away slightly. "Oh...nothing..."_

_Draco snatched her hand away from her face, and used his other hand to grab her chin and turn it gently so he could study her cheek carefully. Suddenly, he dropped his hand from her chin, and Hermione reluctantly turned to face him, his face full of shock and anger. "I thought you said he didn't hurt you."_

"_Well, i-it doesn't hurt that much..."_

"_Don't lie to me, Granger, I can see you've tried to put a glamour charm on it, and even_ that _isn't strong enough to completely hide it. How hard did he hit you?"_

_Hermione wanted to pull away from his annoyed look, but he was still holding onto one of her hands. "Please, Draco, I don't want to talk about it-"_

"_How hard did he hit you, Granger?"_

_Ashamed, Hermione felt two hot tears roll down her face. _

"_Hermione..."_

_Hermione looked at him, shocked. He rarely called her by her first name._

"_I just want to know how badly you're hurt."_

_Hermione nodded understandingly. "He-he hit me pretty hard...the first time..."_

"_The first time?" he repeated, his grip on her hand tightening._

"_The second time was worse."_

"_I'm going to bloody murder him."_

"_NO, Draco! You can't! Don't you understand, almost no-one knows the truth about Ron. He doesn't even know I'm friends with you, so how am I meant to explain you coming round to defend me?"_

_Draco sighed. "He bloody deserves it though."_

"_I know" Hermione agreed._

_Draco let go of her hand to gently stroke his fingers across her cheek, noticing the dark colour even more now that he was aware it was there. "I hate that you have to go through this"_

_Hermione shook her head. "I can deal with it."_

"_But you shouldn't have to" he insisted. "You're a special person, and Weasley doesn't even notice the good thing he has. I would kill to have his life."_

_Hermione was shocked at his words, and searched his eyes for any hint of a lie, but she found nothing but truth in his grey orbs. "You can't mean that. You have a beautiful home, house-elves at your beck-and-call, enough money to ensure you and your next two generations never have to work. Why would you want a pauper's life over this?"_

_Draco shook his head. "I have an empty house. Money with no-one to spent it on. I would gladly work every day for the rest of my life if it meant I was providing a lifestyle that someone like you deserves. I want what Weasley has – a family to work for, that loves him and never leaves him, two beautiful children, and a wonderful wife."_

_Hermione blinked back some tears at his words. "I can't be that good a wife. Otherwise he wouldn't have turned out like this" she whispered._

"_It's not your fault" he said quietly, bringing his face a little closer to hers, still carefully brushing her cheek. "Weasley's just blind to what's in front of him."_

_Hermione swallowed. "Really?"_

_He smiled. "Definitely" he whispered, then brought their lips together._

_Hermione hadn't felt anything like this before. Not even her first kiss with Ron had felt like this, nor any passion-filled kisses they had shared before he changed. Draco's lips were gentle against hers, softly moving them and coaxing a response from her. She moved with timid movements, not remembering the last time she had been kissed so sweetly. She gasped slightly as he sucked on her bottom lip, enjoying the feel of his lips of hers._

_Before she had a chance to fully appreciate the kiss, he pulled away, and reality seemed to replace the lost warmth. She turned her head away, his hand dropping from her face, knowing that the kiss shouldn't have happened and hating herself for enjoying it._

_Draco didn't have a clue as to what to say to her. What the hell had he been thinking kissing her? She was married, obviously devoted to him despite everything, and he may have just ruined a friendship he had grown to love. He always did this; he would get something good in his life and he would ruin it._

"_I think I should go" Hermione whispered._

_She stood up and began to walk to the door, and Draco screamed at himself to do or say something. Otherwise he might never see her again._

"_Hermione, wait" he said as he leapt up from the couch. Hermione turned, and Draco realised he didn't have a clue what to say next. "I...I'm sorry" he blurted out, hoping he was making the situation better._

_Hermione didn't say anything, so he continued, running one hand through his hair nervously. "Well, I'm not sorry I kissed you, exactly. I'm sorry because it shouldn't have happened, you're married and I know that means something to you, and..." his hand dropped from his hair and he slumped his shoulders. "Hermione, I...I just don't want to lose you. I love being your friend, and if that's all you want then that's fine with me. We shouldn't throw this away just because I fucked it up like usual."_

_Hermione sighed. "You didn't screw it up... But you're right, I _am_ married. So if this is going to be too hard, I'll just leave. Before this gets too complicated."_

_Draco shook his head. "It won't get complicated, I promise. Let's just...go back to where we were before I...made a giant mess out of things."_

_Hermione gave him a small smile. "Okay. Because Draco...I don't want to lose you either."_

_Draco felt something tug at his heart at her words, and he breathed a sigh of relief knowing he hadn't lost her. He hadn't realised until that moment just before he kissed her how much he felt for her, but he know knew that he would do whatever it took to keep her close, even if they couldn't be any more than friends._

Draco woke with a start. He had been right, reliving that memory had hurt him in a way he couldn't describe. But the pain was more centred around his heart than his gut.

* * *

><p><strong>When the tears come streaming down your face<strong>

**When you lose something you can't replace**

**When you love someone but it goes to waste**

**Could it be worse?**

**Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones**

**And I will try to fix you**

The last month of Hermione's pregnancy seemed to move very slowly to her, but maybe that was just because she was stuck in the house the majority of the time. The lack of jobs to do was slowly driving her crazy, and she barely had any housework to do as Mrs Weasley insisted on coming over every few days to do it all for her, despite her constant protests. One positive that came out of it however was that she at least had some company. With Ron working nearly every day, Amelia at school and Tom at nursery she was craving a good conversation and contact with another person, so she was thankful that she had Mrs Weasley to talk to. Although Mrs Weasley didn't like her following her around the house, insisting she should be resting in bed, they came to a compromise - Hermione wouldn't insist she help Mrs Weasley with the chores as long as she wasn't confined to bed-rest. Mrs Weasley had agreed with a resigned sigh, but insisted that Hermione was at least sitting down the majority of the time. As much as she liked moving about, Hermione decided to go along with it. Mrs Weasley's intimidating glare hadn't diminished with age.

Harry and Ginny stopped by every now and then as well to keep her company, and she found herself increasingly looking forward to their visits. The first time they had visited after Hermione had her nightmare she felt rather nervous to see them, particularly Harry. But she had reminded herself that it had only been a dream and immediately hugged him when he arrived, sighing in relief when he returned the gesture, tightening his arms around her large waist. She then spent the next few hours hanging onto their every word and memorising how they looked, as if she was expecting them to turn around and disappear.

The closer she moved towards her due date, the more Hermione debated whether she was doing the right thing. So she couldn't return to Draco, but did that mean she had to stay with Ron? Some days she almost convinced herself she was going to leave, but all the extra factors she had to take into account would come rushing at her and force her to back down. The most obvious problem was that she was now very pregnant, and incapable of travelling much further than her front gate. There was then the fact that she had nowhere to go anyway. Tom and Amelia were another problem. There was no way in hell that she was leaving them with Ron, but she hated the idea of taking them from their home. And finally, there was her stubborn morals and pride getting in the way. Hermione didn't handle failure well, and her marriage was no exception.

Hermione soon found herself dreading the days she was left alone, because these were the days where she would sit and think over everything, and she was desperate for a distraction. Nearly every day she was alone had her sobbing in the empty house, her pregnancy hormones throwing everything into overdrive. She cried for the hatred and disgust she felt towards herself for allowing herself to get into this situation, wishing she could just black out and find it was all a dream. She just wanted the pain to stop. It wasn't even Ron that was the problem anymore; sure he still drank a lot and they often fought, but it had died down slightly since he had come to terms with the fact that she was having another baby. He was hardly the loving husband he once was, but she had come to terms with him being distant towards her. Often she couldn't deny that she deserved it, but this still caused a tear to escape. No, the pain was coming from the empty spot in her chest that had appeared after she walked out of Draco's manor in tears, and gradually got bigger the longer she spent away from him. She wanted nothing more than to be in his arms again, but she knew it couldn't happen and instead just tried to deal with the pain. Even when some days it just refused to be ignored.

When she got to about a week before her due date, Hermione found herself sitting alone in her living room, a blanket thrown over her legs and a book perched in her lap. She had hoped she would find some distraction from one of her favourite books, _Hogwarts, A History._ But reading the book only reminded her of how she would often read it while she, Harry and Ron were at school, and she cried in mourning at the loss of the happy friendship the three of them had back then. Back when she had a crush on Ron, and wished that he would return those feelings. She remembered how much it hurt when he never thought of asking her to the Yule Ball. Apparently it had taken him about four years to realise that she was a girl, and that was something she didn't like to think about. Then there was the night after the Quidditch match that he had kissed Lavender, and she could have sworn she felt her heart break a little. But looking back on it all now, it seemed small and trivial compared to their situation now. She just wanted her old Ron back, the one that was completely clueless to other people's feelings but could always make her laugh. Where was that Ron now to wipe away her tears, who kissed her in the Chamber of Secrets and almost made the fear and horror of the war disappear? Was he even still there behind Ron's new personality?

As she continued to cry at the happy memories she had lost, she saw the flames in the fireplace turn green and she quickly tried to wipe away her tears, but she wasn't quick enough for the person stepping out of the fireplace to miss it.

"Merlin, Hermione, what's wrong?"

Ginny's face was painted with worry, and Hermione could only cry more. Ginny rushed forward and sat next to her friend, wrapping her in a warm hug.

"Hermione, what is it?" she asked.

Hermione just shook her head. "I don't know, Ginny. I'm just a complete mess nowadays...I just don't know what to do."

"What do you mean, you don't know what to do? What happened, is it Ron? Is it the baby?"

"It's just...everything" she said, sobbing into Ginny's shoulder. "I just want my old life back, Gin, back when everything was easier."

"It's okay" Ginny soothed her, rubbing her back. "Everything will be okay, I promise."

"_Hermione. It's going to be okay. I promise."_

"_You can't promise that" Hermione replied hopelessly._

"_Yes I can" Draco said softly._

"You can't promise something like that, Ginny" Hermione said, pulling away slightly and wiping away a tear. "You shouldn't make promises you can't keep. No-one should."

"Why are you so sure it won't be okay?" Ginny asked, grabbing one of Hermione's hands and squeezing it gently.

"I'm not saying that...I'm just saying you can never be sure. You can't promise that everything will just be magically fixed."

"Okay, you have me there" Ginny agreed. "But Hermione, don't think for a second that you're alone here. You will always have me and Harry here for you."

_Would you still be here if you knew the truth _Hermione thought to herself. Although sometimes she got the feeling that Ginny knew more than she was letting in. She was positive that she suspected something anyway. She often felt that Ginny was watching her a little bit more closely every time she visited, looking for hidden messages behind her words and seemingly happy exterior. She was sure that seeing her so unhappy right now was sending the cogs in her brain into a crazy whirl.

"I love you, Ginny. I hope you know that. Harry, too."

"Of course we know, Hermione" Ginny said with a smile. "We love you too."

Hermione smiled slightly and wiped away the remaining tears from her face, then took a deep breath to clear her thoughts. "Okay. I'm sorry you had to see me in such a mess, Gin."

"Hey, it's no problem. You're my sister, and not just through marriage. I'll always be here to help you, okay?"

Hermione nodded. "Thank you, Ginny."

* * *

><p>"Mummy, when's the baby coming?" Amelia asked.<p>

"Very soon, honey. You'll have another little brother soon." Hermione said with a smile as she brushed her daughter's hair.

"But I already have a little brother. Why couldn't I have a little sister?" she huffed.

Hermione laughed. "Sorry, Amelia, but I don't get much of a choice."

"Fine, but make sure the next one is a girl please."

"The next one?" Hermione asked, shocked. "I wasn't planning on having any more, Amelia."

"Oh, okay" Amelia shrugged.

"Why would you think I'd have any more?"

Amelia shrugged again. "I don't know. Daddy had lots of brothers and sisters, so I thought I would too."

"Well in that case you would be the only girl" Hermione replied, placing a quick kiss on the top of Amelia's head. "Do you really want six brothers?"

Amelia scrunched up her face in mock disgust. "Ew, no! Boys are gross!"

Hermione laughed again. "You just keep remembering that. There, your hair's all pretty again. Now quickly go get ready while I see to your brother."

"Okay!" Amelia skipped out of the room and ran up the stairs, leaving Hermione to slowly trail after her. She was certainly ready to have her son now, and she was counting down the days until she would stop feeling like she was the size of a hippogriff. It was Saturday afternoon, and she was due to give birth on Wednesday. While she still felt a lot of guilt and sadness over everything, she would be lying if she said she wasn't excited to finally be able to hold her son. Just the thought of finally seeing him brought a smile to her face and caused her heart to flutter. No matter what happened in her past or what will happen in her future, the love she felt for her son would always be the same.

Wandering into Tom's room, she quickly packed up a few of his toys and a spare set of clothes. Quickly charming it to levitate, she turned her attention to Tom who was patting as much of her stomach as possible as she lifted him up. "Baby baby baby!" he chanted.

"That's right, Tom" she said, trying to hide the strain in her voice as she attempted to carry him. "That's your little brother in there."

She took him downstairs, the bag following them, while Tom continued to babble nonsense to her stomach and lightly patting it.

Once they were downstairs, Hermione sat Tom on the bottom step and magically put his shoes on his feet, finding it too exhausting to bend over for long periods of time.

"Amelia, are you ready?" she called up the stairs.

"Coming, mummy!"

Amelia bounded down the stairs, almost knocking Tom over in her haste before she slipped on her shoes and ran into the living room.

"Amelia, don't you dare try and use the Floo yourself again!" Hermione warned. She would never forget the day Amelia had done that. She had been so desperate to get over to The Burrow that she decided to go herself, positive that she had seen it be done often enough to know how to do it. Amelia had already picked up a handful of floo powder and was ready to yell her destination when she caught her and pulled her out the fireplace.

Grabbing Tom and the floating bag, Hermione joined Amelia who was waiting at the fireplace with an angelic look on her face.

"Don't give me that look" Hermione lightly scolded. "You could have gotten yourself seriously lost if anything had gone wrong."

"Can I at least throw the powder this time?" Amelia begged.

"Fine, but it's only because I have no free hands."

Holding onto Hermione's hand with a handful of powder in the other, Amelia gave the fireplace a look of pure concentration.

"The Burrow" Hermione called clearly.

Amelia threw the powder into the flames and they all stepped in, Tom burying his face into Hermione's neck to keep the soot away. Hermione noted that the dizziness experienced from using the Floo was only intensified when you were pregnant, and for once she was thankful that she hadn't travelled much the past month or two.

When they finally stumbled out of the fireplace, Hermione just caught a wave of red hair before she was caught in a huge group hug.

" 'Mione, you've gotten so big!" the person closest to her exclaimed jokingly as they squeezed her.

Hermione laughed. "Thanks, George."

George was lightly being slapped on the arm by Mrs Weasley. "Don't crush the poor girl! Can't you see how pregnant she is?"

"Hard to miss it" George replied with a wink in her direction.

Hermione then got a chance to look around her. The entire extended Weasley family was there, minus Ron who was still at work. Mr Weasley came over and gave her a quick hug before Harry claimed his turn and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

It had been Charlie's birthday last week, but due to everyone's busy schedule they weren't all able to get together until now, and Mrs Weasley had insisted that the whole family had to be there to celebrate. She had worried about Hermione being so close to her due date, but Hermione insisted that she would be fine, promising not to exhaust herself too much. She hadn't had much to celebrate the past nine months and there was no way she was passing up any happy occasion.

"Come on, Hermione, let's get you seated, I don't want you straining yourself." Mrs Weasley said, taking Tom out of her arms and leading her outside. "We've had to organise outside because there's no way we can all fit together in that house anymore."

Outside there was a long row of tables with chairs on each side, and next to it was another huge table groaning under mountains of Mrs Weasley's cooking.

"You've outdone yourself, Molly" Hermione said kindly, awestruck at the amount of delicious food this woman could make.

"Oh it was no trouble, dear. It's just what we mothers do for our families, isn't it?"

"Yeah" Hermione replied, the heavy feeling in her chest beginning to form again.

Hermione sat down in one of the chairs and Mrs Weasley placed Tom in the one next to her, transforming the seat so that it was high enough for him to sit comfortably at the table. She was soon joined by the rest of the Weasley clan, watching with amusement as they all swarmed around the food as if they'd never eaten in days. Ginny kindly brought over a plate of food for her and Tom before she settled down next to Harry, their son James and Harry's godson Teddy. They looked like the perfect family, and Hermione couldn't help the twinge of jealousy as she watched them.

The afternoon had passed perfectly, and Hermione found herself relaxing as she was surrounded by the people she loved. It was only after she had eaten all she could that she realised Ron still hadn't shown up. That was strange, she was sure he was meant to be here by now.

"Hey, Harry?"

"Yeah, 'Mione?"

"You haven't heard anything from Ron explaining why he would be late, have you?"

Harry suddenly looked concerned and confused. "No, I haven't. He didn't say anything to you?"

Hermione shook her head. "No, and he was supposed to be here by now."

"I could quickly call into work and ask if anyone's seen him-"

"No it's fine, I'll do it, you're still eating. I'll just quickly make a floo call and ask" she said rising from her seat.

Hermione headed back into The Burrow and entered the living room, slowly lowering herself down to the floor in front of the fireplace. She threw some powder into the flames and called for Ron's office. She fought back the urge to vomit as her head spun on the spot and violently stopped at a familiar office area. There was a man sitting at a desk nearby engrossed in his work, but there was no sign of Ron.

"Excuse me?" Hermione called.

The man at the desk jumped, turning to face her. "Oh, Mrs Weasley" he said with a smile. "What can I do for you?"

"I'm looking for Ron, have you seen him?"

The man looked confused. "He left about half an hour ago, Mrs Weasley. As usual."

"Oh" Hermione replied dumbly. "Well, thanks for your help."

Hermione pulled her head out of the fireplace but didn't bother to get up. She couldn't believe him. He was missing _his own brother's birthday party_. Not only that, but he was abandoning his extremely pregnant wife. Again. Hermione felt tears form in her eyes, but she didn't know why she felt so surprised. This was just typical of him, preferring to drown his problems in alcohol than to be with his family that could support him. She had wanted to reach out and help him so many times, but eventually she had come to accept that maybe he just didn't want to get better.

Hermione was still sitting on the floor when Harry came looking for her. "Hermione, are you okay?" he asked when he saw her sitting there.

"Ron left work half an hour ago" she said in a monotone voice.

Harry rubbed his hand over his face. "Shit" he muttered.

"Why does he keep doing this Harry?" she asked quietly.

"I don't know, Hermione, I really don't know." He then noticed Hermione groan in pain and rushed over to her. "What is it, 'Mione?"

"Harry?"

"Yes?"

"My water broke."

* * *

><p><strong>I know the past few chapters haven't been very interesting, but I didn't want to skip over the pregnancy completely. It's gonna get a lot more interesting now :) <strong>

**And I know you all want her to go back to Draco, but be patient. Hope all the memories are a good substitute at the moment.**

**So let me know what you think please. Any ideas about why Hermione and Draco broke up? And what do you think she will do now? Do you think her reasons to stay where she is at the moment are valid?**

**Songs Used**

**Hello by Lionel Richie (although I was listening to the Glee version)**

**Fix You by Coldplay**


	7. Thinking of You

**I debated for a long time whether to include a scene of when Draco and Hermione broke up in this chapter, but I decided it wasn't the right time to let you read it. I have mentioned quite a few hints though, so you'll probably start to get an idea of what happened. I think this flashback fits in better anyway.**

**In case some of you have forgot, Ginny knows everything about Ron and Hermione's relationship, Harry has some idea but doesn't think it goes any furthur than the odd case of verbal abuse, and everyone else just thinks they're a typical couple that argue a lot, no real distress.**

**Oh, and prepare yourself for baby names that could be considered bordering on cheesy fanfic names. Sorry, I'm a sucker for them :P**

**Enjoy :)**

* * *

><p><strong>Even God can't change the past<strong>

**No matter how many tears I've cried**

**Yes I thought this pain would pass**

**Who I am to question why?**

Hermione was reclining on a bed under crisp white sheets, quickly breathing in and out as another painful contraction rolled through her body. Ginny was clasping her left hand tightly with both of hers and ignoring the numb feeling as Hermione squeezed all the blood from her fingers, gently coaching her as she told her to breathe. The curly hair around Hermione's forehead was starting to stick to her skin with sweat as her chest rapidly rose and fell. When the latest contraction finally ended, Hermione slumped her head back onto the bed and gingerly released Ginny's fingers.

"You're doing great, Hermione" Ginny soothed her as she pressed a cool cloth to her forehead. "Not long now until you'll have your little boy."

Hermione only nodded, trying to save up all her energy for the exhausting labour that was soon to come.

"I'm going to quickly get you a drink of water" Ginny said once the cloth was placed down. "If you have another contraction just keep breathing evenly and I'll be back as soon as I can."

Hermione just nodded again and closed her eyes, resisting the urge to nicely remind Ginny once more that she had already delivered two children. When she heard the door gently snap shut she realised it was the first time she had been alone since the Weasley family had rushed her to St. Mungo's, and she took that moment to sit and feel sorry for herself. Here she was, about to deliver a baby that was half her, half Draco Malfoy, and she was the only one that knew. Everyone else thought it was another child between her and Ron to add to their family, and that thought always raised the feeling of guilt from her stomach. With her hormones acting up she had the greatest desire to just sit there and cry, blocking out the entire world and freezing it in time. Ever since she went into labour she had felt like she was on some sort of timer, but she wasn't sure what would happen when her time finally ran out. While she was desperate to hold her son, and as some distant extent, Draco, a part of her also wished he would never arrive so that she wouldn't have to deal with the distraught emotions that would no doubt engulf her. For all she knew she may well go insane from the overwhelming guilt and distress that she would feel, a huge magnification of the feelings she was already experiencing.

The door opened again, breaking Hermione from her gloomy thoughts, and Ginny entered with a cup of water in her hand and a smug expression on her face. Before Hermione could even question it, Ginny quickly explained. "Ron just arrived here, and he's receiving quite the earful from dear old mum. She's practically a Howler in human form. She probably prefers screaming in person instead of doing it with an enchanted letter. Harry didn't look too happy when he saw Ron arrive either. He's probably next in line to give Ron a good scolding."

This did cheer Hermione up somewhat as she tried to imagine the look on Ron's face as everyone verbally attacked him and told him off. If she was sitting here suffering then he should be too, as far as she was concerned.

Speaking of suffering, Hermione's face tightened slightly as another contraction gripped her body, and she automatically began breathing in and out in short bursts until it passed, Ginny grabbing her hand again and dabbing the cloth on her face.

"How did he know I was here?" Hermione asked softly once she could relax again, a small smile still playing on her lips at the thought of Ron's discomfort.

"Bill had flooed to the ministry once you were safely taken here, and from what I gathered while I was getting your drink was that he basically ran around every corridor near Ron's office, yelling that he needed to find him because you had gone into labour."

Hermione internally groaned but didn't let Ginny be aware of her discomfort at the idea. If Bill had been running around the Ministry of Magic, basically the main centre of Wizarding Britain, yelling that she was in labour then it was only a matter of time before the news got to Draco. Gossip in the Ministry spread faster than fiendfyre in the Room of Requirement, and Merlin knew Draco Malfoy had enough connections to find out that the woman he had once been involved with was about to give birth to a child he had thought might be his. The night she had lied to him about who the father was had been one she would come to relive often, each time wondering what would have happened if she had replied differently.

"_Is it mine?"_

The question that had followed her around every day since he asked it, the one that decided how their futures would turn out. Sometimes she was sure that the grief that came with answering his question negatively couldn't possibly mean she made the right decision. How could so much pain be right? But if she answered his question positively and told him the truth, then that could lead them into a huge mess that she wasn't ready to fall into. Not with such fresh wounds from their break-up dotted across her mind.

"Anyway," Ginny continued, completely oblivious to her friend's internal conflict, "Bill eventually found out from someone that they had seen Ron entering a pub that they had just left before they headed to the Ministry, and it was likely that he was still there. And sure enough, Bill arrived at the pub to find Ron drinking his _third_ firewhiskey. The man is unbelievable." she concluded, shaking her head slightly as she handed Hermione her drink.

"Yeah well, that's Ron" Hermione said quietly before she took a sip of the cool water.

Ginny looked at her with pity. "I know this must be hard for you right now. Giving birth is hardly easy, and I'm sure it doesn't help with all this extra strain."

'_You have no idea the extent of it' _Hermione thought to herself.

"I'm hanging in there though, Gin. I think I am, anyway." she said, staring into the cup of water as if it held all the answers to her problems. But as she thought it through, maybe Ginny _did_ know how much strain she was under. She still felt like Ginny was carefully watching her, her eyes narrowing ever so slightly that most people would have missed it whenever she would slip up slightly, her story not quite matching up correctly to things she had previously said. Hermione had always been able to pass it over by blaming it on the pregnancy, but she got the idea that Ginny never quite believed her. But it was unlike Ginny, whose fiery hair so brilliantly matched her personality, to not say something when she was suspicious. Surely she would have called her on it by now? So maybe she just didn't know anything. Or was taking a very un-Ginny-like approach.

The door opened again, and Harry walked up to give Hermione a quick kiss on the top of her head. "How you doing, 'Mione?"

"I have a tiny person trying to push out of me, how do you think I'm doing?" Hermione said jokingly.

Harry smiled. "Fair enough." He then looked hesitant. "Ron's here by the way."

Hermione nodded. "I know, Ginny told me. Apparently Molly was something similar to a Howler when she got her hands on him."

Harry laughed slightly. "I haven't seen her like that since she was yelling at him, Fred and George for stealing the flying car."

Hermione smiled. "Did you say anything to him?"

"Molly basically said it all, to be honest. I just had a few choice words to say to him before I told him to clean himself up before he came to see you."

"Thanks, Harry" she murmured, before another contraction had her groaning in pain.

* * *

><p><strong>Oh, won't you stay just a little bit longer<strong>

**Please let me hear you say that you will**

**Say you will**

**Won't you place your sweet lips to mine**

**Won't you say that you love me all of the time**

_Hermione's head fell back and hit the pillow. Merlin, she didn't think she could ever get tired of this. Draco was just...something else. The guilt she had originally felt at having an affair had disappeared almost completely, and she knew that was because of Draco. He cared about her, and never failed to make her smile. And it was this that convinced her to keep coming back. He wasn't just interested in her physically, only seeking her out for sex (although it was bloody good), but for her mind, her personality, as well. Some days they were both blissfully happy to just sit and talk to each other, Hermione happy to have someone who she could trust fully and tell anything too, and Draco happy to keep her mind off how miserable she was in her marriage. They enjoyed having heated debates about anything and everything, discussing books they had read, and remembering their Hogwarts days. They had both been reluctant to at first to do that, considering his hatred for her back then. But Hermione had accepted that that was him then; he was nothing like that now. And Draco had told her that he didn't really hate _her_, it was just the fact that she was a muggle-born, and he had been raised to hate them. The fact that she was also a muggle-born who beat him in nearly every class certainly didn't help either. Hermione had laughed at that._

_She smiled to herself, embracing the combined smell of Draco and herself that clung to the pillows and sheets. Sometimes she couldn't help wishing that this could be her permanent life, but she quickly shot down these ideas. It was foolish to consider leaving Ron for Draco, no matter how much she cared for him. It would be casting her and her children into the unknown, and it would no doubt be painful and traumatic. Then there was what her family and friends thought, and that was a whole other problem. She realised when she married Ron and committed herself to him, she was committing herself to Harry and the whole Weasley family. And she didn't want to put them in the awkward position of choosing a side, which she knew Ron would do. And she couldn't face all the problems there. Sometimes she told herself she wouldn't care if they chose Ron's side, as long as she got to be with Draco. But then she didn't think she could handle the hostility from the people she had considered her second family for ripping the family apart and taking her children away from them, into a life with someone who had caused them all so much pain in the past. In the end, staying with Ron was best for everyone. She was letting herself be selfish by having this affair. As to how Draco was being affected right now... they had never really talked about it. He didn't like talking about her marriage, and she was happy to avoid the subject. So as far as she knew, he was only interested in the affair they were having. He might not want to take it any further. And while that idea hurt her a little, she told herself it would be best for everyone if it was true._

"_What are you thinking about?" Draco asked her in a hushed voice from her side. He had watched her as she mused, focussing on the small smile on her lips, which gradually seemed to turn into a sad one._

_She snapped out of her inner thoughts. "Nothing, really" she replied. He didn't believe her, but was glad to see she seemed happier when his voice snapped her out of her thoughts._

_He propped himself up on his arm slightly so that he could lean over her and stroke her cheek. "You're a terrible liar you know" he said to her, smiling._

_She slapped his arm playfully. "I can't be that bad. Otherwise Ron would be barging in here ready to hex you and drag me home."_

_It was amazing how Draco had the effect to make her look at her marriage so casually, so care-free. He scowled though. "Can we not mention the Weasel while we're in bed? It's a bit of a turn-off."_

_She laughed lightly, and he found he still hadn't gotten over how beautiful it sounded. Turning her head, Hermione looked over at the clock on the bedside table. She sighed, hating what came next._

"_I have to go" she said, pushing Draco away gently so she could sit up. "It's one o'clock..."_

"_Don't go" Draco said almost desperately, trying to push her back down and planting a kiss on her neck. "Stay a little longer-"_

"_I can't, Draco. I have to pick up the kids at three, and there is a load of housework to do..." she struggled to form coherent thoughts, as Draco continued to kiss her neck and gently push her into the bed, making sure she couldn't get back up. "I...ohhh...I have to get back home..."She tried to push him off, but her already weak muscles and her crumbling resolve weren't helping her at all. "Draco, please..."_

"_Stay a little longer," he repeated, "and I'll send a house-elf over to your home to tidy up."_

"_I'm not having a house-elf treated like a slave just so you can have me for another hour."_

_Draco moved his head down to kiss across her shoulder and down her collarbone. "I'll pay him extra for the job then."_

_Hermione's already clouded thoughts had trouble processing this. "Wait...you pay your elves?"_

"_Just two of them. Apparently all your PUKE-"_

"_S.P.E.W." she corrected with narrowed eyes._

"_- has started sinking in. Some house-elves still want to serve, but they want paid for it. I've got two screwballs already, and knowing my luck the others will start copying them."_

"_They're not screwballs, Draco" she sighed, tugging his face up so she could look at him directly. "They work, therefore they deserve to get paid. I hope they _do_ change the others' minds."_

"_You're a pain in the ass, you know that, Granger?"_

_She smirked. "And yet you seem to like me."_

"_I more than 'like' you" he said, rolling his eyes slightly._

_Hermione bit her lip, too scared to ask how much more. It could upset the whole balance she had figured out that pleased everyone. If she knew he felt more...she didn't know what her feelings towards him were, they were all so obscured by the complicated situation she was in and she wouldn't know how to react. Sometimes she would fear that it would all end and she'd lose him forever, and she searched for any sign that told her she meant something to him, but then would push it away because she could never truly be with him. She hastily changed the subject. "So you would really send a house-elf that you have to pay over, instead of one that would do it for free?"_

"_Since it seems to matter so much to you, Granger, yes, I would."_

_Hermione processed this idea for a moment. Then she nodded her head once. "Alright then."_

"_What?"_

"_I'll stay over for a while longer, if you send over a house-elf and pay him extra."_

_Draco's face lit up, a grin creeping across his face. "Really?"_

"_Yes, really" Hermione laughed, hardly believing the words coming out of her mouth, but loving them anyway. She wrapped her arms around his neck as Draco quickly lowered his lips onto hers, crushing them. She moaned at the pressure, parting her lips slightly and allowing his tongue to enter her mouth. It was exquisite bliss, and she struggled to separate herself from him slightly, talking around his small kisses. "I suggest you send that house-elf over now – the house is an absolute mess at the moment."_

_Draco shook his head mockingly. "Letting your house get messy, Granger? I expected you to be more organised than that."_

"_In case you haven't noticed, I've been spending all my free time here with you."_

"_And I think you made an excellent choice with that" he smirked at her. Rolling off her, he called for his house-elf. "Blinky!"_

_There was a crack that made Hermione jump a little, and Draco placed a hand on her leg comfortingly as he spoke to the house-elf that had just arrived. "Blinky, I want you to-"Hermione slapped him on the arm "ow, I would _like_ you to go over to Hermione's house and tidy up. Make it neat and clean. And I'll pay you extra, and you're excused from all of your other jobs today around the Manor."_

_Blinky nodded happily. "Yes, Mr Malfoy, Blinky will head over there right now!"_

"_Thank you Blinky" Hermione said._

"_It is no problem, miss, Blinky is happy to help Miss Granger! We likes having you here!"_

_Hermione blushed and leaned her cheek on Draco's shoulder as Blinky disappeared with a crack. Immediately, Draco pinned her down on the bed causing her to yelp in surprise, his hands holding down her wrists on either side of her head. "Was the slap really necessary?"_

"_Well you have to learn to stop telling people what to do, and start _asking_ them."_

"_I'm 28, Granger, I would say I'm pretty stuck in my ways now."_

_Hermione suddenly frowned in thought. "She called me 'Miss Granger'."_

"_What?"_

"_Blinky. She called me 'Miss Granger'." She looked directly into his eyes. "Do all your house-elves call me that?"_

"_I'm not sure. They probably just say that because they hear me calling you 'Granger'...does it bother you?" He was suddenly alarmed, worried that she didn't like being called that because she felt it was wrong to not acknowledge her marriage. And if she didn't like that, how long would she be willing to see him?_

_Hermione thought for a moment before answering. "No. It's just strange still being called that. It's like a whole other person to me. 'Miss Granger' is who I used to be; not who I am now." She nibbled her lip. "Why do you still call me Granger?"_

_Draco lowered himself so that he was leaning on his elbows, and he gently stroked her hair. "I guess that's just what I always called you. Unless I was calling you a you-know-what, which I still hate myself for. And I suppose that when you're with me, I think I still see the person you were before you married him. You don't seem so..."_

"_Broken?" Hermione finished for him in a whisper._

_Draco nodded. "When I see you, I see the bossy know-it-all who thinks her way is best. Who is always hungry for more information, more knowledge. The girl who punched me in the face in third year."_

_Hermione laughed at that. "Did I ever apologise for that?"_

"_No. And I don't want you to."_

"_Well, I can at least make up for it then" she said, stretching her neck up to plant a kiss on his lips._

"_You certainly can" he smiled, wrapping his arms around her._

* * *

><p><strong>Comparisons are easily done<strong>

**Once you've had a taste of perfection**

**Like an apple hanging from a tree**

**I picked the ripest one, I still got the seed**

That was the day she and Draco made possibly their worst and best mistake, and it was by far one of her favourite memories of the short time they spent together. It was when she could accept the position she was in and not have her mind plagued by worry and guilt, just take life as it was and hope it would all turn out alright. And it was for that reason that no matter how their relationship turned out, no matter how much pain she experienced afterwards, she could never look back on that moment with anything less than pleasant thoughts. Even if it was the reason she was now currently sitting in a hospital bed, screaming out in physical and emotional pain. How exactly he had managed to get her pregnant that day was, and probably always would be, a mystery to her. She had always been very careful to leave absolutely no evidence of their affair, constantly covering their tracks. Yet all her care had been for naught as she now had quite possibly the biggest piece of evidence possible, besides screaming out '_I had sex with Draco Malfoy while I was married'_ from a rooftop.

"Okay, Hermione, start pushing again" Healer Grant said from somewhere at the end of the bed.

Hermione grabbed onto Ron's hand. While she was sure to any outsider that it looked like she was grasping his hand for some sort of comfort and support, she herself was hoping to squeeze as much pain as possible into his hand as punishment for...well, everything. For not being at his brother's birthday party, for taking so damn long to get to the hospital and then taking so long to tidy himself up before coming to see her, for all the emotional and physical pain he had put her through, and, all in all, for being the complete opposite of Draco.

Hermione surprised herself when she came to that realisation: that she hated Ron for not being Draco. After the truth about Draco had come out, the truth that forced her to leave, the last thing she should have wanted was a man like Draco Malfoy. So maybe she only resented Ron for not being like the Draco Malfoy she had known during the good times. For being so cold and distant that he practically forced her into Draco's arms. Well, maybe that wasn't fair, she didn't _have _to have an affair, but she was too far gone in self-misery and pity to really care anymore. If Ron had been the perfect husband she thought he was at the start, then she wouldn't have sought out comfort from Draco, she wouldn't have begun an affair, and she wouldn't have her heart broken by the man she thought would fix the already fractured part of her.

"I can see his head!" Healer Grant exclaimed. "Keep pushing, you're almost there!"

Hermione threw her head forward as she summoned all her strength into pushing as hard as she could, desperate for this pain to be over. Ron made a small grimace of pain, but a set of dirty looks from Hermione and Ginny quickly had him straightening his face and keeping his mouth shut. Hermione hated that it was Ron holding her hand and not Draco. She hated that things had ended up they way they did, where she was forced into a life of lies in which she was too scared to reveal the true paternity of her son, and therefore terrified that the truth would come out. She wasn't sure who she was more scared of finding out – Ron or Draco.

With one final shove, Hermione felt her son leave her completely, and she felt her breath constrict only to be released at the sound of a healthy baby's cry. With a gentle sob she let her head fall back onto the pillow, both relieved and tense at knowing her and Draco's son had finally arrived into the world.

"You did so well, Hermione" Ginny said in a soothing voice as she brushed some of Hermione's damp hair from her sweat covered forehead. "You can rest now."

But Hermione stubbornly shook her head. "I have to see him first." she said, looking over to where the various healers were.

"Of course" Healer Grant said from the other side of the room. We'll just get him cleaned and wrapped up."

Hermione nodded as she resisted the urge to close her heavy eyelids. She realised Ron had been silent the whole time, and she looked over at him. His face was hard to read, not quite expressionless but still giving very little away. She supposed it was better than a scowl, though.

Hermione watched Healer Grant walk towards her, holding a tiny bundle in her arms. "Here you are, Hermione. Your beautiful baby boy."

Hermione choked back a tear as she took him into her arms, and looked at his small face with his delicate features that were so like hers, but with a slightly pointed chin that so closely resembled his father's. Moving his blue cotton hat up slightly, she had a peak at his hair. He had a small wisp of very thin hair that seemed somewhere between dark blonde and light brown, but Hermione just knew that it would turn pale blonde, almost white eventually. That's how Draco told her his hair had turned out, anyway.

Placing his soft hat back in place, she moved her hand down to gently stroke his cheek, and, responding to her touch, he opened his eyes. Hermione gasped as she looked into steel grey eyes as they looked to her. They were so similar to another pair she knew well that it felt like she was staring into his eyes again.

_'Oh, he looks so much like his father'_ she thought.

Ron stepped closer so he was looking over the small baby in Hermione's arms. "So, this is him then?" he said awkwardly.

Hermione nodded, barely able to breathe as she waited for Ron to realise that this small boy who was meant to be his son looked nothing like him. His eyes didn't match either of theirs, and the hair was far too light. But Ron just gave a small smile. "He's pretty cute isn't he?"

"He's gorgeous" Hermione whispered, releasing the breath she had been holding in.

"Do you have a name for him?" Healer Grant asked.

Ron looked at her; it was clear he had given no thought to naming this baby. Hermione turned away from him and looked determinately at Healer Grant. "Drake Mackay Weasley". She looked back at Ron, who merely shrugged. That was as good as a 'yes, that name's fine' coming from him.

"Lovely" Healer Grant smiled, taking a note of it. "Any reason for those particular names?"

Hermione smiled to herself, then looked down at her tiny piece of perfection. _Because Drake means dragon. Because Mackay means son of fire._

Hermione shook her head. "No reason" she said.

* * *

><p><strong>I won't let nobody hurt you<strong>

**Won't let no-one break your heart**

**No, no-one will desert you**

**Just try to never grow up**

Not long afterwards, Hermione's small hospital room was filled with Weasleys and Potters, all congratulating her and cooing at the tiny bundle in her arms. Ginny was the first person to hold Drake after her, and Hermione wondered if she was planning on letting him go anytime soon. Ginny seemed determined to keep a hold of him, and Hermione felt she knew why. Drake had too many of his father's qualities too be anything other than entrancing. When she eventually let go of Drake to pass him to Harry, Hermione began to panic that someone would comment on his appearance that only slightly resembled Hermione and seemed of no relation to Ron. But if anyone thought it they obviously didn't suspect anything out of the ordinary, as no mention of it was made.

That was, until he was passed to George.

"He's got very grey eyes" he commented, looking up to Hermione and Ron. "Neither of you have grey eyes, though."

Hermione swallowed then quickly regurgitated the lie she had prepared so long ago in case this situation ever arose. "It's quite common for people in my family to have grey eyes. It comes from my dad's side, whereas I took after my mum. Drake is almost a double of my granddad."

This seemed to satisfy everyone in the room, but Hermione missed the look Ginny gave her.

Percy was the next to hold Drake, and Hermione always found it mildly amusing to see him trying to show affection to a young child. Even with his own nieces and nephews he had always been slightly awkward around them, put off by their sticky fingers near his smart suits and constant chatter that didn't always make sense.

"Hello, Drake" he said rather stiffly. "It's nice to meet you."

George rolled his eyes. "He's not a business client, Perce."

Percy scowled at him and promptly passed Drake along to Mrs Weasley, who more than made up for Percy's lack of child-handling abilities. Hermione couldn't help but wonder how Percy would cope when his own child came along in six months.

Mr Weasley was the last one to hold Drake before he handed him to Ron, who gently began to rock him. Hermione was sure he was only showing such caring fatherly actions because of his family around him, and she couldn't help the feeling bubbling up in her chest that Ron shouldn't be holding him. It felt so wrong to see it and she resisted the urge to grab him back into her arms.

Luckily, Ron soon passed him back to her and she held him tightly against her chest, as if she was afraid he would disappear. And she knew deep down that it was a real fear of hers, and all she wanted was to hold him like she was now and keep him safe from everything.

"My little Drake" she whispered, so quietly no-one could hear her, yet Drake opened his eyes again at the sound of her voice. Or maybe it was just from the slight vibrations of her chest as she spoke. She gently brought him up to kiss his forehead, then watched as his eyelids fluttered closed over his swirling grey eyes she loved so much. And she knew in that moment that no matter how much pain was in her past, and how much might be in her future, it was all worth it to hold this little boy in her arms.

* * *

><p><strong>Hope you enjoyed! Yeah, cheesy baby names. But I felt like Hermione had to make some reference to Draco in his name. I randomly found on one website that Mackay meant 'son of fire' so I'm not sure if it's actually correct but it seemed appropriate given Draco's name etc. Please don't hate it too much :)<strong>

**Not sure when the next chapter will be up because I have exams next week, but I already have a large chunk of it written so it shouldn't be too long.**

**Leave a review please! I decided to reply to all your reviews, it only seems fair since you took the time to write to me :)**

**Songs in this chapter**

**Even God - Charlotte Church**

**Stay - Maurice Williams & The Zodiacs**

**Thinking of You - Katy Perry**

**Never Grow Up - Taylor Swift**

**Now I'm going to be really nice and give you a peek at the next chapter. Or maybe I just want to tease you. Until next time.**

**"Listen to me, Hermione. I don't give a fuck about how guilty you feel cheating on your husband. _You're _the one that kept coming back, and who let me in your house today. Just because you suddenly panic about whether or not you're still a good person does NOT mean you don't want this! And quite frankly I'm getting FED UP of your indecisions! Just choose already! Me or him?"**


	8. Because of You

**Apologies to anyone who has already managed to read this chapter, but for some reason it's stopped working now. I'm hoping replacing it will sort out the problem.**

**Okay so I'm a bit nervous about this chapter for two reasons. The first half because I'm not sure how well Hermione's thoughts and feelings are coming across, so her actions might not be understandable. The second half I was planning on doing later, but I decided just to go ahead and do it in this chapter. So I hope you like it.**

* * *

><p><strong>Because of you, I never stray too far from the sidewalk<strong>

**Because of you, I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt**

**Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me**

**Because of you I am afraid**

After a few days in St. Mungo's to allow Hermione some well-needed rest and to ensure she and Drake were both healthy, she was told she was able to go home. While she was happy to leave the hospital and the same four walls she had been forced to stare at every day until her mind went numb from boredom, she couldn't deny there was a slight knot of nerves in her stomach at the idea of re-entering the real world. The time she spent in the hospital had been like a small escape from all the problems that had been constantly pounding at her door and her psyche, and she doubted that anyone would be willing to step back into that part of their life.

But she was Hermione Granger, and she had learnt from a young age how to keep her cool under pressure. She had been living with guilt building up in her for nine months, what was a few more?

And then a few more.

And a few more after that.

Hermione sighed as she packed a small bag of her belongings she had taken to St. Mungo's. Her wand, a jumper, some books. They all seemed pretty meaningless compared to the most important thing she would be taking home today.

Every time she looked at Drake, it was like all the pain and guilt had been washed over by waves of peace and contentment. Not dragged away and forgotten, just covered with something more powerful until he was taken from her arms again to rest. And that was when the waves retreated, and she was left with all her old feelings freshly exposed and running around her head as she sat alone in her hospital room. And it was there that the real truth of why she was living her life this way became clear. Yes, she felt that it was right to stay in her marriage, and really she had no other options, but she realised it was so much more than that. It was because she was afraid. Not of Ron's temper, or of what she discovered about Draco, or of trying to restart her life. It was of letting herself fall in love and exposing herself, only to be hurt again. She had trusted Ron and thought he was the one, despite all the emotional turmoil he put her through in school. She was so sure she was marrying the man of her dreams, even if it was earlier than planned because she was pregnant. But in the end, it turned out Ron wasn't the person she thought he was. Not anymore.

Then she allowed herself to start a relationship with Draco that had been formed out of a close but confusing friendship. She had known that it couldn't end well, but found herself unable to leave. And she got hurt. Again.

And quite frankly, she was just too tired now. She wasn't sure if her heart could take any more pain, which was exactly the reason why she wasn't trying to regain her relationship with Draco. During the argument they had before she walked out of his life, she realised she thought she knew him about as much as she thought she knew Ron, and therefore it would be impossible to return to how they were. And she wasn't about to fight for a person she barely knew only to be hurt again. She just didn't have it in her anymore. Maybe that made her weak and pathetic, and she knew if the old Hermione could see her now she would be screaming at her to sort her life out and not be so afraid. She had faced Death Eaters, been tortured mercilessly by Bellatrix and still managed to come out of it all intact. So why was she finding it so hard now? Why was emotional pain so much worse than physical pain?

Harry stepped into the room then, breaking Hermione out of her thoughts. He had offered to make sure she and Drake got home okay, as Ron was staying at home before he headed for work that day. Hermione ignored the fact that he was given the first half of the day off to spent time with her and Drake, and therefore could have come to the hospital if he wanted to.

"Hey, 'Mione" Harry said with a smile. "Ready to head home?"

Hermione nodded. "I'm just waiting for them to bring Drake through so we can leave."

Harry watched as she finished collecting her things into her bag, then took it from her to carry. "So how has Ron been these past few days? I haven't seen him that much."

"You've probably seen him as much as I have then. He's been in a few times but says he's needed at work, so..." Hermione shrugged.

Harry looked confused. "But Ron's been given time off-" He quickly stopped his sentence when he saw Hermione's shoulders tense. He instantly understood – Ron had been given time off work, but he had chosen not to take it. And apparently he hadn't told Hermione. "So when are they bringing Drake through?" he asked, hastily changing the subject.

"Should be any minute now" Hermione sighed, finding it easier to look at the ground than at Harry's face.

"Hey" Harry said gently, lifting her chin with a finger when she didn't look at him. "Hey. Everything's gonna be okay. You know that, right?"

Honestly, Hermione didn't know how anything was going to end up, and it seemed like a far-fetched dream to consider that things would even be 'okay'. She hated lying to Harry, and was struggling to find something to say when the door opened again and Healer Grant walked through carrying Drake.

"Someone's ready to go home!" she said, grinning widely as she handed him to Hermione. "I'm certainly going to miss seeing this little darling every day. He just lights up a room, doesn't he?"

"He does" Hermione agreed. "Thank you so much for everything."

"Just doing my job" Healer Grant said with a slight shrug and a smile before she left.

"Ready to go?" Harry asked.

"Ready."

* * *

><p><strong>I'm so tired of being here<strong>

**Suppressed by all my childish fears**

**And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave**

**Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone**

**These wounds won't seem to heal**

**This pain is just too real**

**There's just too much that time cannot erase**

The sight of Ron's slightly ruffled hair when she arrived told Hermione that he had only just woken up, despite it being half-past eleven in the morning. Harry had left not long after they arrived, apologising that he couldn't stay longer but he had to go see Ginny because they were taking James out for the day. Glancing around the kitchen, Hermione was surprised to see that it seemed perfectly tidy, until Ron mentioned that his mother had been over a few times. _Of course_ she thought. He still needed his mother to clean up after him.

When twelve o'clock came around Ron stood up from the kitchen table where they had been eating lunch, and said he had to go to work. He hesitated for a moment, then walked over to the sink where Hermione was standing with Drake and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before he headed to the door.

Hermione said goodbye but didn't turn round to watch him leave. She had never known a kiss to be so meaningless, and it created a hollow feeling inside of her. Flinching slightly as the door slammed, she turned away from the window so she didn't have to watch him walk down the garden path. She instead tried to sooth Drake, who had started whimpering at the sound of the door slamming. "It's okay Drake, shhh." She said in hushed tones, gently rocking him. "Should we go on a tour of your new home?"

Hermione wandered around her home, realising sadly that it had never felt less like a home than it did now.

"This is Amelia's room, she's your big sister...and this is the room you'll be sharing with your big brother Tom...and this is mummy and daddy's room." She faltered slightly, as what she said processed in her mind. "Except it's not daddy's room is it?" She said quietly, more to herself. "It's mummy and the man you'll grow up thinking is your daddy's room. But he's not. But unfortunately no-one can know, not you, not Ron...and especially not him. Because I don't know what would happen if he found out. At least, if I'm with Ron, I know I have some stability. I'll still have a house to go to; I'll still have someone to look after me...sort of. Your daddy might say that he would be able to give me everything I'm missing, but we don't know that. We are from two very different groups of people, and I don't know how he feels about me. He could leave me so suddenly and then where do I go? I wouldn't have him, I wouldn't have Ron...I wouldn't be able to look after you." She looked down at Drake, and he gazed at her with a curious expression. He watched strange balls of water rolling down her face from her eyes as she talked, but then she would look at him and smile at the same time. That didn't make sense.

Hermione looked at his expression and smiled. "I'm so glad I have you" she whispered, and bent her head down to bury her face into him.

There was a knock on the door downstairs, so she quickly placed Drake into the crib placed at the end of her and Ron's bed, gently pulling his blanket over him.

"I won't be long, baby" she said, kissing his forehead. She quickly left the room and bounded down the stairs as the person at the door began knocking again. "I'm coming!" she yelled.

She ran into the kitchen and towards the door. "Sorry" she yelled through the wood of the door as she unlocked it. "I was upst-"

She opened the door to find Draco on her doorstep. At first she didn't know what to say, and just stared at him with her mouth open.

"You're going to catch flies like that, Granger."

Hermione quickly shut her mouth, but her eyes remained focussed on him, watching him warily. She couldn't believe that he was standing there, in a manner that seemed too civil considering everything they had been through.

"You know, it's polite to invite people in."

Hermione quickly snapped out of her trance. "It's also polite to not just drop by unannounced." she replied quietly.

Draco nodded his head, the sunlight making his hair shine with his movements. "I guess so. If I apologise for such an impolite action, would you let me in?"

She decided not to answer him. "Why are you here, Malfoy? The last time you visited me... you didn't make it seem that you wanted anymore to do with me."

Draco sighed. "I see we're going back to last names, then? And if you want an apology out of me for last time, well I'm afraid you're just not going to get it. I may have gotten a little angry, but I meant what I said. You shouldn't be with Weasley. He's not right for you."

"And what, you are?" Hermione asked, crossing her arms defensively.

Draco looked slightly hurt, but he decided to change the subject. "How's the baby?"

"Why do you care?" Hermione asked, not harshly, as she rubbed away a tear that was threatening to show itself.

"Because I still care about _you_. Dammit, Granger, why don't you understand this? I'm sorry for what happened between us, but I still care about whether you're happy or not. I don't know why I care, when every part of my being is telling me to turn around and not care about you or your life, but I do. I want to know that you are okay" he said, emphasising the last three words, drawing out every syllable.

Damn it, why did he always have to make her feel like this? She was always so emotional around him, regardless of whether or not she believed his words. She had been fooled before.

"The baby's fine. He's very happy and healthy."

"It's a boy?" Hermione nodded, and Draco felt his throat close up. He had been so sure once that it would have been his son.

"What's his name?" he asked, clearing his throat.

"It's –" Hermione faltered. She couldn't tell him his real name. What if he figured it out that it was his son? She had named him after Draco after all. "Mackay" she answered. _Well, it's not really a lie, is it?_ she thought.

"It's nice. Mackay...Mackay Weasley. Has a nice ring to it." Of course, he was just being polite. As far as he was concerned, no name was nice if it had Weasley attached to the end of it. Well, maybe one was bearable...

"Hermione?"

"Yes?"

Draco swallowed. "Hermione, I-"

There was a small cry from upstairs, and Hermione's head whipped around to the door in the corner of the kitchen. "I'm sorry, that's D- Mackay, he just gets upset if someone hasn't been paying him attention for a while."

Draco gave a small chuckle. He certainly liked the sound of his personality.

"I'll just need to quickly check on him...um, do you...do you want to wait in the kitchen while I go upstairs? I'll just be a minute."

This was better than Draco had hoped for. He was fifty percent sure Hermione would have cursed him by now, never mind let him into her house.

"Sure, I'll just wait here. Take your time."

He followed her into the small kitchen, closing the door as she disappeared through the door on the opposite side of the room. He sat on one of the mismatched chairs around the small table, taking in his surroundings. _How the bloody hell did Granger put up with this?_ The room certainly wasn't to his liking, and he felt he knew Hermione well enough to know it wasn't to hers, either. But he could tell she tried hard to keep it clean and feeling homely. The walls were painted a pale light blue, and had numerous children's drawings stuck to them. There were flowers in the window and in the middle of the table, which was scrubbed spotless.

But he couldn't help feeling that she would prefer a sophisticated, elegant place, where everything matched perfectly, and there was no issue of not being able to afford it. A place like where he lived, for example...

_Don't think like that,_ he said to himself, shaking his head desperately, as if hoping the thoughts would_ fall_ out. _If you think like that, you'll just try and put things back to the way they were, and she clearly doesn't want that just now. Don't rush anything, and for the love of Salazar, _don't mess this up!

Hermione came back into the room and sat on a chair on the opposite side of the table. "Sorry about that, he's fine now. I just gave him a toy to play with; that should keep him entertained for a while."

Draco just nodded. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to say anymore.

"So..." Hermione began, playing with her fingers on top of the table. "Did you really just come here to see how I was?"

He paused. Yes, he wanted to know she was okay. He cared about her. But at the same time, was he hoping something else would come out of this? Hell yes.

"I want to know that you're okay" he replied instead.

"You know, that's not really what I asked" she said with a shy smile, allowing herself a small glance at him.

"I guess not."

Draco suddenly reached for his trouser pocket, and Hermione watched as he pulled out a galleon coin, sighed, and returned it to his pocket.

"What was that?" Hermione asked, confused.

"I'm surprised you don't know. I thought you of all people would recognise a Protean charm."

"A Protean charm?" Hermione asked, surprised. "Why do you need one of those?"

Draco suddenly found he couldn't keep eye contact with her, and he shifted his attention to the table top. "They're for our... meetings" he said hesitantly.

Hermione didn't know what to say to that. "Oh."

"I'll be leaving at the end of the month for a while." he continued, finding it difficult to stop even though he knew every word that was leaving his mouth would no doubt push Hermione further away. "That's what the coin was telling me. We have some business to see to elsewhere."

Hermione just nodded, too scared to ask what this 'business' was. She was uncomfortable enough having Draco in the same room as her again, and she couldn't bear to make it worse by having _that _argument again.

There was another long, uncomfortable silence, and Hermione continued to wring her hands desperately, then tap her fingers on the table. And quite frankly, it was getting on Draco's nerves.

"Would you just...stop?" he cried out, irritated, and slammed one of his hands down on her hers, stopping her movements. A small shock ran through Hermione as their hands came into contact, and she lost herself in the familiar warmth and feel. Draco seemed to feel the same, as his eyes widened and he snatched his hands back as her eyes came into contact with his. They simply sat there, too shocked to say anything or move even slightly.

"Um..."

"Would you like something to drink?" Hermione quickly asked, and she darted off her seat to grab some glasses out of a top cupboard. He watched as she stretched up to the top shelf, noticing the curves of her body, and how her top rid up slightly, showing a small amount of creamy-coloured skin. He couldn't help remembering how soft and smooth her skin felt under his fingers, as he dragged them across her, kissing her creamy skin, marking her...

Draco found his small amount of patience had run dry. _To hell with a drink _he thought. He could die of thirst for all he cared if it meant he got to touch her one more time.

Jumping up from his chair, he crossed the room in two long strides, grabbing Hermione and spinning her round to him, and crushed his lips to hers. He barely noticed the sound of glass shattering as the glasses she had been holding fell to the floor, surrounding their feet in broken pieces. All he was aware of was the warm body he was holding in his arms, softer than he had remembered, and how her arms had moved around his neck, her fingers in his hair.

Hermione's brain had clearly shut off. One minute she had been rushing away from Draco to get some drinks, stretching to get the glasses. Then just as she was coming back down, she felt herself being spun around, and then it was a blur. She wasn't even aware of the glasses leaving her hands – it was as if they had simply ceased to exist, along with her sanity. She instinctively wound her fingers into his hair, pulling him as close as possible as their lips moved frantically together, their breaths clashing. She couldn't help but sigh as he nibbled at her lip, grabbing her hips and pushing her back into the counter. She didn't even care that his actions were probably causing bruises on her body. She needed this more than anything, just feeling his warm touches and soft lips...

Their kisses were getting increasingly hungry, as they moved together desperately. They were never close enough to each other. Draco moved his hands to the base of her top, and slowly ran them underneath. Hermione continued to grab onto his hair, scraping her nails across his scalp as he groaned with pleasure. She sighed into his mouth, determined not to think, to just feel – to live in this bliss forever.

It wasn't until she felt Draco's hands caressing her though the material of her bra that reality hit home, and her eyes snapped open. Shit, what was she doing? She couldn't trust him anymore, and she found it impossible to ignore the little childish voice in her mind, so full of fear and hurt as it chanted at her: _he will leave you. He will _hurt _you._

"Draco" she gasped, breaking away from his kisses, causing him to move to her jaw, her neck. "Draco, I can't...Draco, I can't do this."

"Yes, you can" he murmured, catching her lips again.

Her mind instantly began to cloud over again as he kissed her, and his touches were making her heart beat erratically. But she desperately held onto the small piece of common sense before it disappeared. "No, this is wr-" She gasped as he playfully nibbled on her ear.

"This isn't wrong" he whispered in her ear, and she couldn't stop her knees from shaking. Draco was the only thing keeping her upright at the moment, and she found a sense of irony there. He began trailing kisses along her jaw and neck. "Wrong is your marriage to Weasley. Wrong is keeping up this charade that you love him. Wrong is having your children grow up in a phony family. Why don't you just give it up?"

Hermione tried to shove him away, but had very little strength left in her. He always made her body react in strange ways.

"Don't pretend you know anything about my marriage and family!" she raged from the confines of his arms. "You have no idea about the situation I'm in!"

"_I_ have no idea? Who do you think you've been telling all your problems to for the last year? Who has been there for you, every time you needed him? Who came to your house, even after everything ended, to see if you were still okay?" He was beginning to get furious now, and tears were rolling down Hermione's face.

"Yes, and it's pretty clear now why you _actually_ came over, isn't it?"

"I did not plan this! Did I hope you would start to see sense, yes, but I mostly wanted to know that you were alright!"

Hermione shook her head and finally managed to shove away from him, wiping her tears. She was sure she was right trying to avoid him. Gasping, she realised she had stood of a shard of broken glass that had surrounded them. Luckily it wasn't a big piece and it barely penetrated her skin, but it still left a red splodge of blood on the bottom of her sock. Grabbing onto the counter for balance, she lifted her foot and pulled the glass out, hobbling over to a clear area.

"Hermione, are you all right?"

"Oh, piss off, Malfoy!" she yelled, blinking through tears. She wasn't sure what was causing her to cry more – the pain caused by the glass or the pain caused by him. But she was willing to bet on him. "I'm sick of all your 'caring'! Just please, leave me alone! Please..."

She couldn't take it anymore. It was all too much. The million thoughts running through her head, of whether she should stick with her marriage, of how right, and safe, she felt in Draco arms yet feared the pain that would inevitably follow, of how every choice she made would affect her children, of how Draco was the father of one of those children! That was just the proverbial icing on the cake, wasn't it? That just seemed to magnify every one of her problems by ten.

She sniffed, rubbing her eyes and, looking at the ground, said timidly "I just...I can't do this anymore. I can't."

Draco walked over to her and grabbed her by the shoulders. "Listen to me, Hermione. I don't give a fuck about how guilty you feel cheating on your husband. _You're_ the one that kept coming back, and who let me in your house today. Just because you suddenly panic about whether or not you're still a good person does NOT mean you don't want this! And quite frankly I'm getting FED UP of your indecisions! Just choose already! Me or him?"

Hermione gaped at him, struggling to find words. "You-you can't really be asking me-"

"I _am_ asking you, Granger."

"No! You can't just come in here, and demand that I choose between my husband and...and someone who-"

"What, Granger? 'Someone who' what?"

Hermione bit her lip. "What even were we Draco?" she whispered. "Just two people having an affair? Because that's rarely a good foundation for a relationship."

"Neither is getting married just because you got pregnant."

"Please, stop bringing up my marriage to Ron. We both know it's a terrible marriage, but that's no excuse to have an affair, or leave him for the person I'm having the affair with! We have no idea what we'd be like as a couple! You expect me to throw away the security of a marriage just to jump into the unknown?"

"How can you possibly say we don't know what we'd be like as a couple? Granger, I wasn't just imagining how happy you were with me-"

"Please don't-"

"And I certainly wasn't imagining how happy I was! Granger, I have never felt like this before about a person, and that isn't the sort of soppy crap you usually hear from me! Look me in the eye and tell me you don't feel the same!"

But Hermione refused to look at him or even listen to what he was saying His voice usually chased away all her sanity and she needed to keep a clear head. "I think you should leave-"

"Don't do this, Granger-"

"I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore. You need to leave."

Draco dropped his hands from her shoulders and took a few small steps back. "You know this isn't over. One day, you're going to wake up and realise how truly shit your life is, and you'll want things to be different. You just damn well better hope I'll still be waiting, Granger, because I'm getting fed up." With that he turned to leave.

Hermione closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She knew what she was about to say would hurt them both, but she needed to do it. To end it once and for all, no matter the pain she'd live in. And all it took were two little words.

"It's Weasley."

Draco stopped dead in his tracks from the other side of the table, nearly at the door. His whole body seemed to tense up, and Hermione instantly backed into the counter, almost hoping she could merge into it.

"What did you say?" Draco asked in a barely controlled voice, and Hermione shuddered with nerves.

She cleared her throat. "My name is Weasley." She couldn't let herself stutter or appear weak. He needed to think this was truly over.

Hermione was pretty sure she could see something in Draco snap. He instantly spun round and was in front of her before she had the chance to blink, breathing heavily, and there was a dangerous glint in his eyes that she was pretty sure she hadn't seen since they were at school.

"Listen here Granger, Weasley, whatever the fuck you want to be called. I am NOT. Playing. Games! You aren't a Weasley, and you never fucking WILL be a Weasley-"

"I-"

He grabbed her arm. "Don't interrupt me! I'm sick of this, Granger! This whole time, I've been here for you, letting you know that you can be happy! But did you ever take one minute of your precious time to think about how this might be affecting _me?_ Of course not, because all you can think about is how fucking awful your life is."

"Draco-"

"Did you even stop to consider that I might lo-"

"Draco, you're hurting me!"

Draco stopped suddenly, and looked down at where his hand was holding her thin arm in a vice-like grip. The skin around it was red, and he removed his hand to find finger-shaped marks where it had been. He looked up, and met Hermione's eyes which had a look of betrayal in them.

He took a few steps back, and tried not to wince as he saw Hermione rub at her arm. But he still felt fury burning through his veins. "I'm done with this. Have a nice life, Weasley."

And with that, he turned and marched straight out the door, leaving Hermione to slide to the floor and sit beside the shattered glass.

* * *

><p><strong>So pretty, so smart<strong>

**Such a waste of a young heart**

**What a pity, what a sham**

**What's the matter with you, man?**

_Draco pressed a quick kiss on her forehead, then removed his arm from around her shoulders. "I'll be back in five minutes," he murmured, "there's just something I've got to do. I won't be long."_

"_Okay" Hermione smiled, leaning forward to steal one more kiss from him. Once Draco had left the room, Hermione let her eyes roam around as she relaxed back into the sofa. Her feelings towards Draco had reached a point where they were so muddled and confused that even she didn't understand them. They had all the qualities of a perfect couple – they enjoyed spending time together, had interesting and thought-provoking conversations, but weren't afraid to argue if they thought the other person was wrong. And there were definitely deep feelings there, no matter how much she tried to ignore them for fear that everything would become massively complicated. Did she love him? She honestly had no idea. She had a feeling that if their situation wasn't so messed up and cloudy that the answer would be much clearer. Did he love her?... She was too afraid to consider the idea. She was scared that he might. She was terrified that he might not._

_As she tried to sort through her thoughts she noticed an envelope lying on the coffee table, the letter slightly sticking out. She was going to ignore it until she realised the broken seal was the same one that had been pressed to the envelope he received that day they were lazing on the sofa. Her curiosity peaked, she ignored the voice of reason and honesty telling her to stay away from his personal letters and reached for it. Hermione was not the sort of person to go through other people's mail, but she had often wondered what it was about that letter that bothered him so much._

_Her heart was racing as she shot a final look towards the doorway, her ears strained for the sound of Draco's footsteps. With no sign of his imminent arrival, Hermione made her final decision and stretched forward for the envelope. She hastily pulled the letter out, nearly tearing it with her frenzied efforts. Luckily for her, she had always been a very fast reader. But as she read the words at top speed she wished they would change. He couldn't... This couldn't be... Hermione gasped as she kept reading, unable to tear her eyes away. She felt like her world was crumbling apart, everything she thought she knew changing into something much worse. _

_Reaching the end of the letter she found it difficult to read the final signature, and she realised it was because her hands were shaking so badly that the words were becoming a black blur. She stared dumfounded at the letter, unable to process any thoughts, unable to feel, when Draco suddenly walked into the room._

"_Sorry about that, I just...had to... Granger, what are you doing?" Draco said, his steps slowing into a stop while his voice took on a cautious tone._

_The sound of his voice speaking her name jolted Hermione back into life, and she stood up suddenly, waving the letter slightly in front of her as she spoke slowly, trying to keep her voice steady while she wanted to break down and scream at him with murderous anger. "Draco, what the hell is this?"_

_Draco opened his mouth, closed it, then tried again. "Hermione, I-"_

"_I don't want any of your bullshit, Draco. I want the truth!" she quickly cut across, feeling she had been exposed to his lies for too long._

_Draco swallowed. "That is a letter from my father, discussing our latest meeting and ensuring I will be at the next one." he said simply, knowing that it was a very obscure version of the truth._

_Hermione wasn't taking his altered version of the letter, though. "No, Draco. This letter is from your father, discussing the latest _Death Eater_ meeting, and ensuring you will be at the next _Death Eater _meeting!"_

"_No, it's not like that!" he pleaded, begging her to hear him out and understand. "You make it sound so terrible-"_

"_Because it _is _terrible, Draco! How could you be involved in something like this?" she cried, feeling betrayed not just by his involvement in it but by his constant lying to her which he seemed unable to stop even now, despite her having read the letter and knowing the clear facts._

"_I'm not a Death Eater, Hermione!" Draco exclaimed, a little hurt that she even assumed that so quickly. Hadn't she been the one that said despite the Dark Mark on his arm he was never a Death Eater? Could one little letter really change her mind so quickly?_

_No, he thought. She's just scared and jumping to the worst possible conclusion. He knew if he could make her see it from his point of view he could reassure her._

"_Hermione" he said gently. "Please, just listen to me."_

_Hermione continued to stand in her rigid pose, but he decided that her not yelling at him anymore was her way of telling him to continue. But the look in her eyes practically screamed at him to make whatever excuse he had a good one._

_Draco took a deep breath. "I told you a while ago that my father was back in England. It was because he had been invited to attend one of these...meetings. And he was offered a pretty high position in the group, too."_

_Hermione continued to say nothing, just glare daggers at him, so he continued._

"_And like I said, he likes to keep me involved in the things he does, which meant I was forced to come along."_

"_So that was the first meeting, the one your father was discussing in the letter, and he wants you to attend the second one, right?" Hermione asked, hoping that he would say he had no intention of attending the second meeting, there were difficulties because his father was involved but he knew it was wrong. But the silence that followed was damning. _

"_No" Draco said quietly. "He wasn't discussing the first meeting."_

"_The second one, then?" Hermione asked, her voice beginning to shake._

_Draco shook his head, no longer able to look at her and staring at the ground between them. "The fifth one" he spoke in a voice so quiet she almost didn't hear him. Almost._

"_The fifth one?" she whispered. "You- You've been to _five _meetings?"_

_Draco nodded, still unable to look at her, and Hermione felt tears sting her eyes. "How could you do this?"_

_Draco glanced up at her then and spoke firmly. "I told you, Hermione. We're not Death Eaters. I would never join a group of Death Eaters again, whether my father was forcing me into it or not. I'm not that person!"_

"_Then what's all this rubbish your father is talking about in the letter" Hermione asked, bringing the letter up to look at for emphasis, "about 'being superior', and 'ruling over them all' then?"_

_Draco sighed. "I'm not supposed to discuss anything."_

"_Well I suggest you discuss it anyway, because so far you look like a group of Death Eaters, no matter how many times you tell me you're not!"_

"_Fine!" he yelled. "The group isn't interested in pure-blood supremacy anymore, those ideas died with Voldemort! But they still think that wizards are better and smarter than muggles. They...they're trying to get involved in the muggle politics so they have some control over muggles."_

"_And you're going along with this? You want muggles to feel inferior to you? Correct me if I'm wrong, but that sounds a lot like what Voldemort wanted!"_

"_No!" Draco snapped. "We want to end the Statute of Secrecy. We want to stop hiding the wizarding world."_

_Hermione gaped at him, unable to believe anything he was saying. "You can't be serious. What the hell are you all thinking? There's a reason the Statute of Secrecy is in place!"_

"_Well we think it's outdated. We want to reveal our world, and we are willing to use some of our magic to help theirs."_

"_In exchange for a position of power so they have that part in ruling muggles you mentioned, no doubt!" Hermione cried. "I just can't believe you're buying into all this!"_

_Draco felt himself getting irritated at the fact that she so easily thought the worst of him, and his self-pride had a habit of getting in the way. "Why not, Hermione? I think it might work. I'm not completely convinced yet, but these aren't power-hungry Death Eater ideas! Where's the harm in it?"_

"_I could give you a long list of where there's harm! I can't believe you could be so naive, so _stupid_ as to think this could work!"_

_Draco's eyes had a spark of anger behind them. "I'm not being stupid, Granger, and don't you dare you insinuate that I am! Who the hell do you think you are! You think just because you regularly come crawling here to me you have a say in what I do?"_

_That stung more than Hermione expected it to. He maybe had a point, she wasn't anything important in his life, but hearing him actually say it, and in that tone too, was a bit more than she could take._

"_I guess I'm no-one. I'm just someone who is muggle-born and not naive enough to think that this won't end in a huge war between muggles and wizard, that the muggles have no chance of winning and will lead to wizard superiority! And guess what, once it's been established that wizards are on top it's only a matter of time before muggle-borns are pushed nearer to the bottom!"_

_Draco shook his head. "Your opinion is clouded by the previous war! It's not going to end up like that again!"_

_Hermione was the one to shake her head this time, and she turned away slightly while blinking away the tears that threatened to fall. How could she have let herself get here? How did she end up in such a mess? Not only was she having an affair, she had begun to develop deep feelings for Draco, who turned out to be like this. He could tell her that this group wasn't more Death Eaters as much as he wanted, but that's certainly how it looked to her. She was having an affair with a Death Eater. She felt disgusted with herself._

"_What sort of person am I?" Hermione whispered, unaware that she said it aloud until Draco replied._

"_What? What's that supposed to mean?" Draco hissed._

_Hermione jumped slightly, turning to face him with fearful eyes. Merlin, did she even know anything about him? Before this fight happened, before she read the letter, she would have said yes, she did. Now she wasn't sure at all. This was _Draco Malfoy_, a man who was known for keeping his emotions and feelings to himself. Had she been foolish to think she had somehow broken through those walls and got to know the real him? The truth was there in front of her, just waiting for her to grasp it. Yes. Yes, she had. And she felt like an even bigger idiot for it. And as she came to realise the fact that she never really knew him, she wondered what man was standing before her and what he was capable of. This lead her to recognise the newest emotion plaguing her. Fear. She was scared of him. _

_Hermione let a tear slip down her left cheek as she wrapped her arms around her waist._

"_Why the hell are you crying?" Draco demanded, marching closer to her which only made her take a slight step back. When she didn't reply, he yelled at her as he grew impatient. "Granger!"_

"_I don't want to talk about it, Draco!"_

_Draco growled. "Well too bad, because we _are _going to talk about it!"_

_Hermione tried to turn away from him, but he grabbed onto her arms. "Explain it to me, Hermione. Tell me what the hell is going on in that head of yours."_

"_It's none of your business-"_

"_It is my fucking business, because _you_ are my business!"_

"_How convenient for you" Hermione snapped. "Two bad it apparently isn't a two way street!"_

"_I didn't tell you about the meetings because I knew you would react like this!"_

"_Doesn't that tell you something then?" Hermione yelled, wishing he would see sense. There was a moment of silence between them while they both thought the same thing. Did him keeping this secret from her because of the way she would react tell him that there was something wrong with this group, or that they were two very different people that had no chance of working?_

"_This is all so wrong" Hermione whispered._

"_What is, Granger?" he asked, still keeping a tight grip on her upper arms. "What's so wrong to you?"_

"_Everything!" she said. "How could I have let all of this happen? I'm married, and I'm having an affair! I'm having an affair with...with..."_

"_Go on, Granger! Go on, say what you're thinking!" he demanded, shaking her slightly._

"_I'm having an affair with a Death Eater!" she wailed._

_Draco didn't say anything, just stood there with his hands on her arms while a fire burned in his eyes. Hermione shook slightly under his intimidating stare._

"_That's all you think of me now?" he asked in a voice that seemed too quiet and in control after all the yelling they had partaken in. _

"_I don't know what to think anymore" was all she could offer in response, another tear marking a shining track down her face. "But the facts are pretty clear. We're very different people, maybe too different. And one of us is already married, making all this very wrong."_

"_Then what the hell are you doing with me? Well?" he demanded when she could only look away from him. _

"_I...I don't know."_

_Draco dropped his hands from her arms and she instantly took a step back. "You don't know. That's the best fucking answer you can give me? You know, believe it or not, Granger, but I have a life. I have things I would like to accomplish in it! And you're not bloody helping!"_

_Hermione felt tears sting her eyes. "So what, I mean nothing to you?"_

"_Don't turn this around so you're the victim, Granger! It's pretty clear that _I'm_ the one that means nothing to _you_."_

"_That's not true-"_

"_Do you think it's easy? Do you think it's easy when people want to see me, or talk to me, and I have to blow them off because I know I'll be seeing you, but I can't tell them why? I have to keep lying to them, and it might come as a shock to you but I don't like lying to people close to me!"_

"_I didn't realise I was such a hindrance on your life!"Hermione cried out bitterly._

"_Well obviously you didn't realise a lot of things."_

_Hermione couldn't help the small sob that crept up her throat, a few tears rolling down her face that she quickly rubbed away with her palm._

"_I don't even know why we bothered" Draco spat bitterly. "You obviously love your husband, since you continue to put up with his shit. But I suppose it's easier when you've got someone on the side to fuck."_

_Hermione flinched at the harshness in his words. "Don't...I mean, I...Don't say that-"_

"_Why? It's the truth isn't it?"_

"_No! No, Draco, you're more than that-"_

"_But you have yet to tell me what that is. Just tell me the bloody truth, Granger!"_

"_I don't know what the truth is!" She yelled through more frustrated tears. "I don't know what you are, but you're more than just someone on the side!"_

"_Oh please, Granger, you can't even bear to be seen outside with me!"_

"_That's because of Ron!"_

"_Yes, your precious husband! You spin a perfectly good story of how much trouble you'll be in if he finds out, but maybe the truth is that you just don't want him to leave you! Do you actually enjoy being married to the Weasel?"_

"_Of course not!"_

"_THEN WHY WON'T YOU FUCKING LEAVE HIM?"_

_Hermione stumbled back as if the words physically pushed her over. She couldn't believe how quickly this conversation had escalated out of control. She didn't even bother trying to wipe away the tears now. "I've told you why-"_

"_Yes, and I'm getting sick of you lying to me!"_

"_I'm not lying, I've never lied-"_

"_Bullshit, Granger. You lie to your husband every day, why should I be any different? It's plainly obvious that I mean nothing to you! I'm just some pathetic way to perk you up before you go home and serve the Weasel! Well I'm fucking done with it. Go find yourself someone else to use." He spat, and gestured towards the door._

_Hermione sobbed. "You can't mean that. You can't believe that's all you are!"_

"_Well have you given me any evidence to suggest otherwise?"_

"_I've given you plenty of evidence! But if all you care about is how badly you're being used, then fine! Don't even think about how much it hurt to hear the truth you've kept from me! Fuck you, Malfoy, I hope I never see you again!"_

_Hermione stormed over to the door, but before she could leave Draco grabbed her arm. For one blissful, hopeful second she thought he would tell her to stay, that he didn't mean what he said. But that quickly shattered._

"_Don't ever try to mess with me again" he said in a hushed voice that seemed to drip with venom. "Stay the hell out of my life, and don't even try crawling back. You mean fuck all to me."_

_With that he let go of her arm, and she flung the door open and stormed out, blinded by tears. She felt like her world was crashing around her, her main source of hope and happiness gone forever. She half-walked, half-ran down the winding driveway towards the gate, ignoring the urge to look back. She knew it wouldn't help her pain in any way._

_Raising her wand, she watched as the gates swung open and she ran through them, turning on the spot and disapparating the second she knew she was passed the wards. For just one second before she disappeared she could've sworn she heard her name being called, but then again it was probably just the wind. She had learned not to trust anything that happened around Malfoy Manor._

* * *

><p><strong>Hope you enjoyed it! Yeah, I'm nervous about the scene in Hermione's kitchen. And now you know the truth of why they broke up, I'm hoping you understand Hermione's emotions a bit more. Reviews please! Let me know what you think x<strong>


	9. A White Demon Love Song

**Wow, pretty fast update for me, less than a week! But I had just sat down today and barely stopped writing. Oh, and I realised that I forgot to include the songs used in the last chapter, and I can't be bothered editing the chapter again so I'll just put them at the end of this chapter.**

**I'm not overjoyed with this chapter, but it's really just a way to get the events to come soon rolling. This is really the start in a way. Anyway, hope you like it :)**

* * *

><p><strong>White demon where's your selfish kiss?<strong>

**White demon sorrow will arrange**

**Let's not forget about the fear**

**Black invitation to this place that cannot change**

Hermione held Tom up so that he could peer into the crib again, something that was becoming almost a hobby for him. She didn't understand what his fascination was with his baby brother, but she was happy to see him so happy. The last thing she needed in her life was her children taking part in sibling rivalry.

"Baby!" Tom exclaimed.

"Shhh, Tommy" Hermione whispered. "Baby's sleeping."

Tom put one finger to his lips. "Shhh!"

Hermione smiled, then looked over to the end of the crib where Amelia was standing. "You okay, Amelia?"

Amelia looked up at her. What if Drake doesn't like me?" she asked with a concerned look on her face.

"Of course he'll like you, why wouldn't he?" Hermione asked as she shifted Tom slightly in her grasp.

Amelia looked down at Drake again as she spoke. "Well... Tom didn't like me. He kept crying when I said 'hi'."

"No," Hermione corrected, "he cried because you were always so excited you would run up to him and yell and scared him."

"Bad 'Melia" Tom pouted over at her as he snuggled closer to Hermione.

Hermione smiled and ran her hand over Amelia's hair. "It's okay, sweetie. You were just excited to see your little brother. Not to mention you were seven years old and couldn't sit down for two minutes."

Amelia just shrugged, then reached an arm over to stroke Tom's back. "Sorry, Tom."

Tom just smiled a big grin, then leaned over to look at Drake again.

It had been nearly two weeks since Draco had left her sitting on the kitchen floor, with the broken pieces of glass the only evidence that he had ever stepped foot in her kitchen. That was, until she looked in a mirror to tidy herself up and found her lips slightly swollen from their forbidden kisses. The dried tears on her cheeks also hinted at Draco's presence. Draco was really the only thing she ever cried about nowadays.

Once she had cleaned away the tears and the glass pieces, she was sure that was it. Surely now, there was nothing to suggest that her day had been anything out of the ordinary, and that was exactly what she wanted; no memories, no evidence, nothing to bring back the heart-wrenching feeling she had every time she so much as thought about Draco. However, the memories came flying back full force when she stepped into the shower that evening, and found the tell-tale signs of small, finger-shaped bruises on her hips. She knew when he had been pressing her into the counter that there would be bruises when he left, but at the time she hadn't cared. She wished she had now. It was like she couldn't avoid Draco no matter how hard she tried. Even with him who-knows-how-many miles away, he was still managing to mark her. Still managing to claim her.

Hermione internally shook her head. She couldn't think like that. Draco Malfoy could never claim her as his own, even though there was a very small, tiny really, part of her that wanted him too. But it couldn't happen, right? He was a Death Eater! He was actually part of a group that wanted to reclaim some sort of power over the muggle world, and she couldn't look at him the same way after that. Not to mention the way he spoke to her, and what he said to her, that day the truth came out. He had made her feel cheap, worthless, and of no importance to him whatsoever. Yes, he had shown up a week ago to see how she was, but did one act of kindness really erase everything he said? Not in her heart. And after all, his 'how are you doing?' act only lasted so long, then he was grabbing her and taking what he wanted.

And this is what confused her even more. When she left the manor, the last thing he said to her was that she didn't mean anything to him. But now he was seeking her out, kissing her and begging her to choose between him and Ron. She supposed that was a sign that he regretted what he said, and maybe... just maybe... he wanted her back. No, surely she was being foolish. He probably only _thought _he wanted her back. Why would he really? He never once said he had deep feelings for her, and apparently she was just a hindrance on his life. She had to admit, she didn't understand him, and recently she felt she was even further from getting to know the real him. And no sensible person would go running after a person they didn't know.

But she couldn't stop thinking about what he said in her kitchen. She had tried desperately to block out any word he said in order to maintain her sanity, but she felt like he had been baring his soul to her fully for the first time. And he had been so close to saying something to her, something she was sure would have changed everything...

There was a sudden bang downstairs that made them all jump in Hermione's room, followed by a loud growl of frustration that echoed off the walls. Worried, Hermione grabbed Amelia's hand and led her into her own room.

"Stay in your room for a while, Amelia. I'm going to see what's wrong with daddy."

Amelia bit her lip, a habit she had picked up from her mother, and nodded. Hermione then placed Tom down on the floor and summoned some of his toys from his room, quickly bending down to place a kiss on top of his head then doing the same to Amelia.

"Stay here" Hermione repeated when she reached the door, then walked through and shut it. Taking a deep, steadying breath, Hermione followed the banging noises and muttered curses until she found Ron in the living-room.

"Ron?" she asked carefully, more to gently make him aware of her presence than anything else. "What's wrong?"

Ron turned to look at her. "My fucking job is the problem!" he yelled.

Hermione gasped. "You haven't been fired, have you?"

"No, I haven't been fucking fired, but nice to see you have confidence in my abilities" he snapped back at her, and Hermione instantly regretted jumping to that conclusion.

"I'm sorry. What happened then?"

Ron shook his head and ignored her as he ripped off his cloak with harsh and frustrated movements, chucking it to the floor afterwards near her feet. He then stomped over the fireplace and turned to face her, gesturing to the cloak on the floor when he saw she hadn't moved from her original spot. "Well? Aren't you going to pick it up?" he asked, irritated.

Hermione couldn't help her eyebrows rising in disbelief. He didn't really just ask her to pick up his cloak like she was his servant, did he?

"I beg your pardon?"

"The cloak!" he shouted, gesturing to it again. "Don't you think you should pick it up and put it away? It's all your fault that this happened!"

"What's my fault? And how is it my fault anyway?"

"My boss" he spat. "He's put me forward to attend a whole load of boring meetings all week that I don't care about, meaning I waste more of my valuable time doing a job I don't even like for only a tiny bit of extra money that will barely make any difference!"

Hermione crossed her arms. "Well I'm sorry you have to do that Ron, but I fail to see how this is my fault."

"He suggested me for the extra work because apparently 'it could open a lot of doors'" he quoted bitterly. "Which he thought was absolutely perfect seeing as I have a 'growing family to support'."

"So you're blaming me for getting pregnant?" Hermione asked incredulously.

"Yes! I told you I didn't want any more children, didn't I? But no, you're Hermione Granger and you can do whatever the fuck you want."

"My name's Hermione _Weasley_, Ron" Hermione replied, ignoring the nauseous feeling in her stomach that the sentence created. "I married you, which means we're a team. At least that's what it's meant to mean. Besides, I'm not going to stand here and pretend I'm annoyed that you've been given this opportunity. We need the money, Ron, no matter how little! And if going to all these meetings will help you get better jobs, then you'll be going to them if I have to push you into the room myself!"

Hermione took a breath as she saw Ron's face growing redder and redder. She had never been a complete pushover when it came to their fights, she usually tried to stand up for herself, but she couldn't remember the last time she had made such a strong stand against him. It both scared and exhilarated her at the same time.

Ron looked far from happy though. "What the hell did you just say to me?"

Hermione swallowed. "We need the money, Ron, and you have to stop being so... s-selfish and realise that."

Ron took a step towards her, and she involuntarily took half a step back. She didn't have a clue where her apparent disregard of her safety was coming from, but she was determined to stand her ground this time.

"Who the fucking hell do you think you are?" Ron yelled at her. "You have no right to tell me how to handle my job, or any future jobs! I am perfectly fine with the job I have, and if that isn't bringing in enough money for you then you can just-"

"Hey!"

Ron and Hermione's heads snapped over in the direction of the fireplace, too engrossed in their argument to realise anyone had used the floo. Hermione felt a mixture of relief and embarrassment to see Harry purposely marching over to them and putting a hand on Ron's shoulder to pull him back slightly, despite Ron's protests.

"Get the fuck off me, Harry-"

"No" Harry stated firmly. "You can't just talk to people like that! Especially not your wife. That's crossing the line."

Ron didn't say anything, just stared at Hermione as if she was the reason Harry was there. Harry gave him a gentle but firm push towards the kitchen, telling him to calm down before he turned back to Hermione, who gave him an immediate hug.

"You really shouldn't have done anything." Hermione muttered into his top. "But thank you."

"It was no problem" Harry said gently, pushing her back slightly so he could look directly at her face. "Are you okay?"

Hermione nodded. "I'm fine. It was just a bit of a shock. Ron hasn't really been that angry towards me since about half-way through my pregnancy. Guess it was a bit of a surprise to see him returning to that side of him."

Harry gently rubbed his hands up and down her arms, studying her carefully. "Why don't you and the kids stay with me and Ginny tonight?" he suggested.

Predictably, Hermione instantly began to refuse but he wouldn't take no for an answer. "You're staying with us" he said firmly. "Go pack a bag, I'll grab the kids and take them over."

Hermione knew it was pointless arguing with him, so she simply nodded and headed for the stairs. Despite having not been at Hogwarts for about eleven years, there was still an unconscious view of Harry as the leader of the trio, and Hermione and Ron tended to take his opinion into high consideration. Well, Ron more so than Hermione. She still had the brains of the group.

But she knew that he was right in suggesting she stay the night with him and Ginny, which is why she didn't put up much of a fight.

When they reached the upper floor, they split up as she went into her room to grab her beaded bag equipped with an undetectable extension charm and Harry went into Amelia's room. Looking briefly into Drake's crib, she noticed that he was awake and appeared distressed, no doubt because of all the noise, but he wasn't crying at all. _Typical Malfoy genes_ she thought to herself as she stroked his hair to sooth him.

When she had her bag she went through to Amelia's room to pack her things first, quickly going through her drawers and wardrobe and picking up the odd toy she might like to have as well as the book she was currently reading. While she worked she listened to Harry talking to Amelia and Tom, smiling at them briefly as they walked over to the door.

"Do you have anything to carry Drake in?" Harry suddenly asked her. "It's going to be impossible for me to get them all through the floo if I'm carrying someone on each arm."

Hermione just waved her hand. "I do, but it's buried in a box of baby stuff I haven't gone through yet. It's fine, I'll take Drake with me."

"You're sure?" Harry asked, and she nodded. "Okay, well I'm going to come back over as soon as I've left Amelia and Tom with Ginny. I don't feel comfortable leaving you here while there's some... negative feelings about" he said in a hushed voice so Amelia couldn't hear him.

"I'll be fine, Harry-"

"I'll be right back over" he said firmly, and Hermione just sighed and nodded, waving goodbye to Tom and promising him and Amelia she would be over right after them.

Once they had left she headed into Tom's room to gather his things as well as Drake's. Considering the size of their house they had already moved most of Drake's things into Tom's room as that was where he would be sleeping once he was a little older. Tom and Drake unsurprisingly had the most things to pack, and she was in their room for a good five minutes collecting what she needed, prepared for any kind of mess they could get into. Stopping quickly in the bathroom to pick up some toiletries, she headed into her room to pick up some spare clothes, not feeling the need for anything else. Just a break away from Ron while he was in this mood was enough.

She could hear footsteps coming up the stairs and assumed it was Harry coming to check on her. Opening her wardrobe door to grab a pair of trousers, she nearly dropped them in surprise when she closed the door again and found Ron standing on the other side.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Hermione brushed past him towards her bag before she spoke. "I'm staying over at Harry and Ginny's tonight" she said evenly.

"With the kids, I assume?" Ron asked in a tone that faked indifference, but she could tell by his rigid stance that he was highly irritated.

"That's right" she replied quietly, avoiding eye-contact with him while she searched for some underwear and packed it.

"Any particular reason why I'm not invited to the Potter party?" he asked, and she could hear his frustration sneaking through.

"You're in a bad mood right now, Ronald, and you need to calm down and think things through-"

"I need to do fuck all" Ron spat, his voice rising a little which caused Drake to whimper slightly.

"Ron!" Hermione scolded in a hushed voice. "What have I said about swearing in front of the kids?"

"Yeah, yeah, yet another thing that bossy Hermione has to tell everyone to do. I'm really getting fed up of you trying to control my life, you know" he said, making no effort to lower his voice.

"_I'm_ trying to control _your _life? Are you actually hearing yourself speak, Ronald? Everything I do is to try and please you!" Hermione couldn't help the slight rise in her voice now, no matter how hard she tried to control it as Drake continued to whimper. "The very idea that I might be controlling your life is laughable!"

"Well you're definitely trying to do it! Telling me to go to these meetings, what I can and can't do in front of my kids, not letting me go places because I apparently have a temper!"

"You do have a temper-"

"Only because you give me a fucking temper!" he yelled, and Drake finally succumbed to tears.

Hermione shot a Ron a displeased look as she reached into the crib and pulled Drake close to her, rocking him softly. "Will you _please_ stop yelling, you're distressing him!"

They heard another set of footsteps coming up the stairs and watched as Harry entered the room, his eyes briefly sweeping over the two of them standing on opposite sides of the room and the crying baby in Hermione's arms. "Everything okay?" he asked.

"Oh yes, fucking fantastic" Ron said sarcastically. "We were just discussing how happy I was that you're taking my wife and kids away from me for the night."

Harry frowned. "I think it's for the best, Ron-"

"You always think everything you decide is for the best! This is just like when we were searching for Horcruxes, you always take each other's sides over mine!"

"That's not true, Ron-"

"Yes it is, Hermione, and don't deny it. Have a good time at the Potters'" he said, then marched out of the room.

Harry and Hermione were silent for a while, letting Ron's words wash over them as Hermione tried to calm Drake.

"We don't really always take each other's sides and ignore him, do we?" Hermione asked quietly, bouncing slightly in a soothing manner.

Harry was still for a moment, then shook his head. "No, we don't. We do what seems right and best, and sometimes that means Ron doesn't get his way. It doesn't always happen that way though. Ron is just too frustrated to see that at the moment."

Hermione nodded, looking down to see Drake had calmed down.

"C'mon," Harry muttered. "Let's head over to my house."

Hermione grabbed her bag and followed him out of the room and down the stairs, only stopping when they reached the fireplace to grab Harry's arm. "Harry, wait" she said quietly. "I... I was wondering if I could ask you a favour."

Harry nodded, and she took a deep breath. She hated that she would be putting him in this situation, but she really needed someone to do it and he was the person she trusted the most. One of the few people left that she trusted, actually.

"Could you maybe stay here and watch over Ron? I know it won't be pleasant, but if he's in this sort of mood he'll either start destroying things in the house or head to some bar and drink endlessly. I can cast a _reparo_ on broken things, but I can't get back the money he'll be spending on alcohol. And... we _really _need that money right now."

Harry sighed, not looking forward to the idea of spending an entire evening with someone who was pretty pissed at him, but he nodded anyway. "Okay. I'll be expecting something in return though" he said with a cheeky grin.

Hermione laughed quietly. "No problem, Mr Chosen One."

"Oh, and make sure you explain to Ginny where I am" he added.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Obviously. I'm not going to spend the night at your house and not tell your wife where you are."

Harry just smiled. "I'll see you tomorrow, then."

"You could probably head back over early in the morning. I don't see him getting into much trouble between waking up and going to work."

Harry nodded.

"Oh, and don't hold back if you feel the need to aim a good hex in his direction. Merlin knows I've been tempted often enough."

Harry laughed, giving her a quick hug before she picked up some floo powder and disappeared. He rubbed his forehead. This was going to be a _long _night.

* * *

><p>Ginny had spent a long time grumbling and cursing her brother under her breath after Hermione had arrived at Grimmauld Place. She had immediately put Tom and Drake to bed, then went into the kitchen to find Ginny furiously banging pots down on the cooker and throwing in milk and chocolate powder with a complete disregard towards the correct quantity necessary, and the amount that actually landed in the pot and not around it.<p>

Amelia, who was already sitting at the table with her book open in front of her, had asked what was wrong with Aunt Ginny, but Ginny quickly spun around and told her nothing was wrong, distracting her with a warm mug of hot chocolate topped with whipped cream and marshmallows. Normally, Hermione would have protested at giving Amelia so much sugar, but she was too wrapped up in her own thoughts to really pay attention. She was thinking back over everything that had gone through her head about Draco before Ron had arrived home earlier, and she was thankful that Ginny had never bothered to learn legilimency. She had suggested it once, saying since Harry was so bad at occlumency she could use it to find out if he was ever lying to her, but decided that would be too untrustworthy. If she couldn't trust Harry with the use of legilimency, there was no hope for them.

Sometimes Hermione wished she could have used legilimency on Draco. It would have saved a lot of problems. Maybe that was another sign that they shouldn't be together. There was no trust.

Hermione jumped out of her thoughts when Ginny placed a mug of hot chocolate in front of her then sat opposite her with her own drink. They sat in a comfortable silence for a while, both too engrossed in their own thoughts.

When they were about half-way done, Ginny finally spoke. "I wish it was me in Harry's place right now."

"Why?"

"I wouldn't refrain from cursing my brother" she said simply, lifting her mug to take another sip.

* * *

><p>Amelia had gone to bed not long after they finished their drinks, which Hermione was surprised at. While there wasn't much sugar in hot chocolate, you could count on Amelia to find every drop of energy out of it and use it to the maximum. When she returned to the kitchen after saying goodnight to Amelia, Hermione spotted Ginny quickly putting away a suspicious looking potion bottle.<p>

"Did you give my daughter a sleeping draught?" Hermione asked.

Ginny spun round, looking rather guilty at having been caught. "Only a tiny bit. It wasn't even enough to knock her out straight away, plus the sugar counter-acted it a bit. I thought with all the excitement of coming over here it might have made it difficult for her to sleep. You're always saying how active she gets."

"I know, you just should have told me, that's all. I don't really mind. I wasn't particularly looking forward to reading to her for three hours until she fell asleep."

Ginny gave a smug smile. "Well then, I did you a favour, didn't I?"

Hermione just shook her head and rolled her eyes. "It was too hard to be annoyed at Ginny sometimes.

"Oh come on, I was going to tell you anyway."

"You didn't put any into my drink, did you?" Hermione asked, her eyes narrowing lightly in suspicion.

"No" Ginny replied, repeating it louder when she could tell Hermione didn't believe her. "I didn't give you any, swear on James's life."

"That's pretty extreme, swearing on your child's life" Hermione commented.

"Well that's how serious I am, then" Ginny said, turning to the pile of dishes. "Besides, you know I never keep a secret from you for long. We tell each other everything eventually."

"Right" Hermione muttered at her back. She was finding this area of conversation they had wandered into very uncomfortable, and wondered if she did ever plan on telling Ginny the full truth. It used to be so easy to confide everything in Ginny. She had been the only one she told that Krum was taking her to the Yule Ball, then telling her about the kiss she shared with him. In return, Hermione had given Ginny advice about how to get Harry's attention, letting her know that being herself was her best move. Ginny had also told her all about her relationships with Michael and Dean, as well as telling her secretly about how she came to be such a great flyer. Yes, confiding in each other had once been easy. It seemed so much harder now.

"So," Ginny began, apparently changing the subject and turning to face her again, leaning against the counter, "how have you been since Drake's been born?"

Hermione shrugged. "Exhausted, but I'm doing okay."

"I noticed when I had James that all my emotions just got more intense. If there was anything bothering me, I was just an emotional wreck."

"Yeah, I've been feeling like that sometimes. Some days are really hard, actually" Hermione said, knowing exactly what was causing her to be so upset.

"Hmm, bit weird isn't it?" Ginny said, and Hermione could have sworn the look Ginny had suggested that she knew something Hermione didn't.

"What is?"

"Well you told me you didn't really get that upset with your first two pregnancies. Wonder why this one was so different?"

_Shit _Hermione thought. _She suspects you! Just stay calm, and you can get out of this mess. Just think!_

She shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe it was just all the stress with Ron, you know? He was so against having another child that I spent most of the time wondering how he would act, plus I was worrying about all the money... it just got to me, I guess."

"Right. Because you went through the same sort of thing with Tom, but I don't think you were ever as upset as you were with Drake."

_Relax, Hermione! _"Well, a third child is different from a second, isn't it? Of course I was more stressed."

Ginny nodded. "Yeah, suppose."

Hermione's shoulders sagged with relief.

"Well, I need to get these dishes done. I'll see you in a bit."

Hermione nodded and sped up the stairs to the living-room, not giving any thought to the fact that Ginny could use magic to do the dishes, and was maybe doing the same thing she always did – doing it the muggle way to give her time to think.

* * *

><p><strong>You've heard the truth, you've heard it all<strong>

**You're trying to run but you can't crawl**

**See nothing's changed, the situation's just the same**

**He's given you nothing but taken it all**

**You're taking the easy way out**

**I'll say it again like I've said it before**

**Stop taking the easy way out**

Hermione had picked up a random book from the shelf in the living-room and sat down on the couch with it open on her lap, staring at the page but not really seeing it. Her mind was far too muddled to really process the words, anyway. Gazing at the page and randomly turning it just for something to do, she jumped when the living-room door opened and broke the peaceful silence.

Hermione placed her hand over her rapidly fluttering heart. "Merlin, Ginny, you scared me."

Ginny laughed. "Sorry about that, Hermione. You a little on edge?"

"Just a bit" Hermione smiled.

Ginny returned her smile, then it quickly faded away. "Hermione, I want to talk to you. It's serious."

"What's wrong, Ginny?" she asked, concern in her eyes.

Ginny sighed and sat next to her. "You know that I know your marriage with Ron hasn't been a good one – in fact it's been downright awful." She didn't bother with softness or kind words right now – she and Hermione both needed the harsh truth, no matter how awful it might be.

"Ginny –"

"Don't deny it, Hermione, everyone, including you, knows it's the truth. But I don't think many people would blame you. I for one don't think you're at fault at all – in fact I've wondered for a while why you haven't left the idiot. I have to admire you for it though."

"Well he's my husband, Ginny, and your brother –"

"I don't care if he's my brother, he's been nothing but cruel and unfaithful to you from day one. He stopped being my brother the first day he hit Amelia."

Hermione looked at her sadly. "My relationship with Ron shouldn't affect your relationship with him."

"Yes it should, you're my best friend and I can't put up with seeing you so hurt. Besides, it's not like I don't have loads of other brothers to pick from." Ginny smiled kindly at her, and Hermione tried to return it.

"I'm saying all this because I want you to know that I support you, even encourage you to leave Ron. And I understand if all this pain has caused you to make some mistakes."

Hermione began to cry softly. Ginny pulled out a tissue from her pocket and leaned over to wipe the tears away. She then softly said "Drake's not his, is he?"

Hermione didn't even bother trying to deny it; it was clear Ginny knew, and whether she supported her or not, the secret was killing her. At least another person would know. She shook her head.

Ginny sighed. "Who's the father?"

"I can't tell you, Ginny. I'm sorry. I just feel so guilty, I just want to pretend that he is Ron's child and the whole..._thing_ never happened." She couldn't bring herself to say _affair._

"Does the real father know?"

"No, we ended it before I even knew I was pregnant. He thinks he's Ron's too."

"How can you be sure?"

"He came to see me while I was pregnant and I told him what I told everyone else."

"And he believed it?" she asked sceptically.

"I think so" she whispered. She forced herself not to think of that night and everything that had happened.

"Did you ever consider leaving Ron for him?"

Hermione nodded. "Sometimes. But I always told myself I was being stupid, and me staying married to Ron was best for everyone. I didn't want to force you and Harry and the rest of your family to choose a side. And if they hated me for it, I could never live with myself."

"So you stayed in a marriage because you thought it benefited everyone. Except you and this mystery man" she pointed out.

"I honestly didn't know how he felt about it all. I knew he cared about me, but we didn't really talk about it. For all I knew, he didn't want any more than the affair."

"Did you just sleep together?" Seeing Hermione's confused look, she elaborated. "Or was it more than that?"

"It was so much more than that" Hermione whispered, wiping her eyes. "Some days we just talked the whole time. Just enjoying each other's company. It wasn't just physical, not by a long shot."

Ginny rubbed her friends back as she blew her nose and continue to let tears run down her face. Hermione hiccupped as she tried to speak. "I think – I think now that maybe it had meant more to him. Maybe I was just hiding it from myself because I didn't want to face a difficult decision."

"What makes you think that?"

"Just various things he said. He once told me he 'more than just liked' me. But I told myself that didn't mean he loved me. And when we...ended it..." she blinked back more tears, "he was complaining about how he had to keep me a secret. I thought maybe he was just being selfish, but maybe it was because he hated not being able to be free to tell everyone. Otherwise, he could have just ended it with me when he was fed up. And- and then a couple of weeks ago..." She burst into tears suddenly at the memory, and Ginny immediately embraced her into a tight hug until she was able to speak again, although it was rushed and high-pitched, broken by her desperate sobs. "He came to see me again because he wanted to see that I was okay. Bu-but then we were kissing again, and I couldn't th-think, I-I just kept thinking how nice it was to have him again, but when I pu-pushed him away he got angry, and told me to choose, but I couldn't! I couldn't do it, I was so confused! And then he was yelling that we were both happy, and I shouldn't be with Ron, a-and I begged him to leave, and- and then he said...he said..."

"What, Hermione?"

"H-he said I never considered how the affair, and me staying married to Ron, was affecting him. And then he started to say something, but I interrupted him because I didn't want to hear it. I j-just couldn't."

"What was he going to say, Hermione?"

Her body shook as more tears came to her. "I think he was going to say he loved me!" she cried, and she clumsily wrapped her arms around Ginny, crying onto her shoulder.

"Oh, Hermione" was all she said in response, gently stroking her back.

"And now I've ruined it" Hermione continued to wail "because I told him to leave and made sure he would never want to come back."

"But if he loved you, anything you said wouldn't matter" Ginny reasoned.

Hermione shook her head as she pulled away, fruitlessly wiping away the tears on her cheeks. "He's so stubborn, Ginny, he won't keep coming back. I think I really pushed him over the edge that last time. Besides... he's not exactly got a moral character. I thought I was seeing another side of him when he was with me, but in the end that wasn't the true side of him."

"Is that why you stopped seeing him?"

Hermione nodded. "We had a huge fight that day. I found out...something about him, and it wasn't good. A-and he told me I had no right to tell him what to do. And everything just fell apart." Hermione finished in a soft voice, gazing off into space.

"Do you love him?" Ginny asked simply.

"I-I don't know" Hermione confessed. "I didn't know while we were together because everything was so confusing and messed up. We never really spoke about our feelings towards each other, and I refused to let myself fall for someone who might not love me back while I was married. And now I'm just even more confused, because I shouldn't love him, and... and I don't want to love him. But I can't stop thinking about him. Every day, he's in my thoughts and I wish he would just go away. Sometimes I wish that I could just forget, and then maybe it will hurt less. But then I think about all the good memories before I found out the truth about him, and I don't want to forget them. I don't want to forget the person I was when I was with him."

"What truth did you find out about him? What happened?" Ginny pressed.

But Hermione shook her head. "I can't say that, it's not my business."

"It's not something illegal is it?"

"...No, it's not illegal. Yet."

"Yet? What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means so far everything his group is doing is perfectly legal. It won't stay that way though." Hermione muttered bitterly.

Ginny hesitated for a moment. "But, you don't want to report him?"

Hermione scoffed. "And how I am meant to explain how I know about his private – his _secret_ – business?" She nervously scratched her arm. "Besides," she continued quietly, "I couldn't- I mean, I don't-"

"You don't want to report him" Ginny guessed.

Hermione nodded, more tears starting to fall. "I couldn't do it, Ginny. I just wouldn't be able to. No matter how much he hurt me, I couldn't be responsible for him getting into trouble. I think it would kill me."

Ginny just nodded sympathetically. "What about Drake? Are you just going to let him grow up thinking Ron is his father? Are you never going to let the real father know?"

Hermione groaned and buried her face in her hands. "I don't know, Ginny, I just don't know. I'm just hoping that if the time ever comes round to let everyone know the truth, I'll recognise it."

"Hermione, this isn't like you. You've never been the type of person to just sit around and wait for things to happen."

Hermione sighed. "Maybe that's because I don't know who I am anymore. Everything's changed now and I just don't know."

"Well you need to think about these things, Hermione. No matter what's he's done or what he will do, this man deserves to know he has a son."

"I'm just so scared. Every time I see him it's like I'm looking at him the day he pushed me out of his life. It just hurts too much. And there's no way he can spend time with his son without coming into contact with me."

They sat there in silence for a few minutes before Hermione decided she needed to go to bed. Ginny agreed, giving her one final hug and telling her to really think things through. Hermione promised she would, and headed up for bed with heavy feet and a small headache. She changed into her pyjamas and headed for the bathroom to brush her teeth, stopping short when she noticed the tear tracks on her face. _More Malfoy induced tears_ she thought. _Brilliant._

When she was finally in bed, she thought over the pros and cons of welcoming Draco Malfoy back into her life.

Pro – she was pretty sure now that he loved her.

Con – but he might not want her back after their last meeting

Pro – she had given birth to his son

Con – she hadn't told him, and he would more than likely be furious

Pro – he wasn't Ron, which meant she had a chance at some happiness

Con – she was afraid of being hurt again

Pro – Ginny fully supports her if she chooses to leave Ron

Con – he's currently involved in an illegal group that plans to reveal the wizarding world and control muggles

Con – she was still extremely hurt over everything that happened

Con – Ron would not take her betrayal well. In fact she was a little scared of what he would do.

Con – He was Draco bloody Malfoy, pure-blood Slytherin, and she was Hermione Granger, muggle-born Gryffindor. They couldn't be more opposite if they tried.

Hermione opened her eyes and stared at the dark ceiling. She had definitely come up with more cons than pros. But then she thought over Ginny's words to _really _think things through, and she knew she could come up with more pros if she tried. She was just so afraid of getting her hopes up only to be hurt again.

Pro – she had been happy when she was with him. Happier than she had been in a long time.

Pro –

She was pretty sure there was a very small part of her which she chose to ignore that loved him too.

* * *

><p><strong>So, Ginny knows! And she's really making Hermione think now which is definitely going to affect some things. Hermione is also choosing to stand up to Ron more. Take from that what you wish.<strong>

**So now that Ginny knows, things are really going to take a turn. Let's just say that some of the things you've no doubt been waiting for will happen soon, but probably not in the way you'll expect. If you haven't guessed yet, I don't have my characters doing things the easy way.**

**Not sure when the next update will be, hopefully soon. Here's a wee teaser though ;)**

**'Ginny looked confused as Hermione pulled her away and stopped when they were out of earshot. "What's wrong?" she asked. "He's here" Hermione replied. "The father, he's here."**

**Songs in chapter eight**

**Because Of You by Kelly Clarkson **

**My Immortal by Evanescence**

**Satellite Heart by Anya Marina**

**Songs in this chapter**

**A White Demon Love Song by The Killers**

**Easy Way Out by Charlotte Church**

**Please review! I really love to hear from you :)**


	10. How To Save A Life

**I had hoped to get this up sooner, but I had a bunch of college deadlines to meet, and I have a habit of leaving things to the last minute. **

**Just like to address some people's worries, I guarantee that Hermione and Draco will end up together. But I have no interest in making it an easy journey for them. Draco is insanely stubborn and Hermione is so sure that staying away from him is best for her, and she has all the issues with Ron to deal with. So I think what will happen will be pretty unexpected, but that's what makes it fun! What's the point in reading a story if you're able to predict the character's every move?**

**Speaking of unexpected twists, I hope you'll enjoy this chapter. Hermione's about to do something surprising...**

* * *

><p><strong>Let him know that you know best, cause after all you do know best<strong>

**Try to slip past his defence, without granting innocence**

**Lay down a list of what is wrong, the things you've told him all along**

**And pray to God he hears you, and I pray to God he hears you**

Hermione walked down to the kitchen the next morning with Tom in her arms and a tired Amelia trailing after them, all fully dressed. Ginny was already there feeding James, and next to them was Harry, engrossed in the Daily Prophet and looking fairly exhausted. Hermione instantly felt a twinge of guilt as she remembered the huge favour she had asked of him last night, and she hoped for an opportunity to apologise and find a way to make it up to him. Hermione sat Tom down in a chair next to Amelia then proceeded to make their breakfasts.

"Morning, 'Mione, how did you sleep?" Ginny asked casually, but Hermione was sure there was a hidden meaning there.

"Fine, thanks" Hermione replied in a similar tone, turning to Harry as she passed food over to Amelia and Tom which would keep them distracted. "Harry, how was...um...last night?"

Harry sighed as he turned a page of the Daily Prophet. "Exhausting. He was not in a good mood."

"I'm sorry Harry-"

"Don't be sorry, Hermione." Harry cut her off. "You've nothing to be sorry for. Trust me."

Hermione nodded. "I just feel bad asking you to stay over there." She said quietly.

"I know, but someone had to keep an eye on him. And who better than your friend?"

"What are you talking about?" Amelia cut in curiously.

"Nothing, honey" Hermione said quickly, her eyes flicking over to her daughter. "It's just grown-up stuff. Eat your breakfast or you'll be late for school."

Amelia reluctantly turned her attention back to her cereal. "I can't wait to be a grown-up and hear all this grown-up stuff" she muttered, stabbing her spoon into the bowl.

There was a moment of silence while Hermione uncomfortably played with the hem of her top and cast guilty looks towards Harry, who only smiled at her and went back to his newspaper. She then looked to Ginny, who had a look on her face that clearly said they were going to have a talk later. Hermione wasn't particularly looking forward to that.

"I'm going to go get Drake up, he will probably want fed now" Hermione said as she walked to the door.

"I didn't hear him crying." Harry noted.

"No, he doesn't cry very often." Hermione replied.

Harry laughed. "Makes a change from you two" he said to Amelia and Tom. "You're just like your dad, not at all happy if you weren't being fed."

Hermione forced herself to laugh as she ignored the raised eyebrow Ginny was giving her. "Guess he just takes after me then. I'll be back down in a minute."

Harry put down his newspaper and stood up. "Actually, I'll walk you up. I want to talk to you."

Hermione swallowed nervously, but a quick glance at Ginny told her that Ginny hadn't told Harry a thing, and she berated herself for thinking she would. Of course Ginny wouldn't tell him anything, she had kept everything from him that Hermione hadn't wanted him to know. She would never tell him this secret if she didn't want her to.

"Okay" Hermione replied, turning to climb the stairs once he was behind her. "What's up?"

"I just wanted to see how you were feeling today" he said.

"I'm okay. Really, I am" she insisted when Harry gave her a sceptical look. "Today's a new day, and I want to treat it like one, not think back to last night. But saying that, I really appreciate you helping me last night, Harry. No matter how many times Ron and I fight, it still affects me the same. I don't like seeing such an angry side to him."

Harry sighed as they climbed the stairs to the first floor. "Look, I know we've discussed this before and you always say the same thing, but are you sure this is the life you want? As much as I hate to say it, Ron isn't the same person he was in school, and neither are you. The Hermione I knew in school wouldn't put up with all this-"

"The Hermione you knew in school wasn't married with three kids" Hermione interrupted. "Leaving isn't that simple anymore, Harry. I want a family, and I have nowhere else to go anyway."

"But, Hermione, you have _us._ Me and Ginny, we would be there for you."

"Yes, and I'm sure Ron wouldn't see that as a betrayal on your part" Hermione said sarcastically. "You're Ron's best friend, and I am not going to be the cause of that breaking down. If I ever decide that I should leave Ron, which is unlikely, I need to be able to survive on my own. And with three kids that would be pretty hard right now."

"But-"

"Please, Harry" Hermione begged tiredly. "You're my best friend, but this is my life, and I will decide what I do in it."

They had reached the door of the room Hermione and Drake had stayed in, and Harry relented with a quick nod of his head. "Okay, Hermione, I'll drop it. I'm just worried about you."

Hermione smiled. "I know you are, Harry. And I love you for it."

She gave him a kiss on the cheek then turned into her room, and leaned on the door once she had closed it. She hated having these conversations with Harry because she felt like she was lying to him every time by not telling him the complete truth about Ron. But how could she? Like she told him, she didn't want to be the cause of Ron and Harry's friendship falling apart. They were best friends long before she joined their group, so it just seemed wrong that they could fall out because of her.

She also hated explaining why she was still in this relationship. But she supposed any outsider would feel the same as Harry and Ginny, unable to understand why she put up with everything. Her reasons were her reasons alone, and no amount of explaining could ever make someone truly comprehend her reasoning.

Hearing movement coming from the Moses basket in the corner, Hermione walked over to pick up Drake. Only being two weeks old meant he was still unbelievably tiny, and Hermione loved to look over all his small features with a smile. Right now he was squirming as he realised Hermione was standing over him, and he was impatiently waiting to be picked up and fawned over.

A few moments later and Hermione was perched on the edge of the bed with Drake held to her chest, sucking greedily as if he hadn't been fed in days. All the baby care stuff had become second nature to Hermione by now, and she wondered idly how Mrs Weasley felt about it all by the time she had Ginny. She wouldn't be surprised if she had figured out a way to do all the household chores at once while feeding her at the same time. The fact that she managed to raise all the other children (including Fred and George who were a handful on their own) at the same time was an achievement that deserved an award.

"I'm certainly glad you weren't a twin" Hermione spoke softly to Drake. "I've got my hands full enough as it is. What with you, Tom, and Amelia to look after, then the house to look after, and all these emotions that I can't figure out, I barely have time to think."

It was an odd habit Hermione had fallen into, to voice all her thoughts while she fed Drake. But at least it worked for the both of them – Drake got to become accustomed with her voice, and she could try to make sense of everything.

"I know it makes sense to leave Ron. Maybe I would even be happier if I did. But there's that word – 'maybe'. _Maybe _I'll be happy. _Maybe_ he won't try and bring me back. _Maybe _I'll be able to support all of us wherever we end up. That just seems like a lot of uncertainty, don't you think? And I've always been a planner. Even when the plans just fell apart, at least I had one to start with. I just wish things were simpler."

Drake pulled his head away from her, and she shifted her hold on him so he was pressed upright against her while she gently patted and rubbed his back. As soon as he was settled, she shifted his position again so that she could comfortably carry him downstairs. She liked to use the few moments he was awake to let him see as much of his new world as he could, and she thought a quick trip around Grimmauld Place might be good. She slowly walked out the room and down the hall, making sure not to bounce him too much as they walked down the many stairs into the entrance hall, and then down into the kitchen.

Once they arrived there, she was glad to see Amelia and Tom had finished their breakfast and were ready to leave straight for school and nursery.

"Oh, Hermione" Ginny said when she saw she had entered the room, "Harry has offered to take Amelia and Tom to school for you on the way to work."

"Thanks, Harry" she said, turning to face Harry who was shrugging on a cloak.

"It's no problem" he smiled, then walked over to Ginny to give her a kiss goodbye. "I'll be home about five, that'll give me enough time to get ready for tonight. Do you think all day will be long enough for you to get ready?" he joked.

Ginny gave him a light slap on the arm. "I don't spend that long getting ready."

"Sure you don't" Harry replied with a grin. "I'll see you later." He then bent down to place a kiss on the top of James's head then ruffled his hair messily. "You be good for your mummy today. Love you."

Hermione watched the family with a smile that was ever so slightly tainted with sad jealousy. There were many times she had wished her and Ron's marriage resembled Harry and Ginny's, but she had told herself it was foolish to wish for something that was unlikely to happen. She had unconsciously let herself dream about unlikely outcomes when she spent time with Draco, and look where that had got her. Heartbroken and back in the dark place she had been before.

She quickly removed those thoughts from her head by turning to Amelia and Tom, giving them each a hug and kiss goodbye before Harry whisked them into the fireplace.

"So what's happening tonight?" Hermione asked Ginny once they had left.

Ginny stared at her like she had just declared she was going to start wearing Luna's butterbeer cork necklace. "The ministry ball?" Ginny replied like she was a bit slow. "The one you just about hexed Kingsley over to make sure he had it organised?"

Hermione sank into a nearby chair with a groan. How could she have forgotten? After the war finished and most of the aftermath had been cleared up, there was a lot of talk about various events to unite everyone while raising money for different causes. When Hermione had caught wind of the idea, she had demanded that an event be held to raise money and awareness for magical creature rights, as that had been an area she had hoped to work in once she had the opportunity. Unfortunately, her unplanned pregnancy had quickly stopped all those plans, but she was still determined to raise awareness. If she couldn't do the work, then maybe someone else would. Kingsley had initially been reluctant, not seeing it as important as other causes, but a visit from Hermione while she was heavily pregnant with Tom and filled with angry hormones had made him see differently. And the fact that she had pulled out her wand and threatened to hex him seemed to have helped too.

"I can't believe you forgot all about the ball" Ginny said as she sat in the seat opposite Hermione and next to James who was engrossed in a colouring book.

"Well I've been a little preoccupied" Hermione replied, gesturing to Drake in her arms, whose eyelids were starting to droop already.

"Right. Have you given any thought to that...situation since last night?"

Hermione nodded. "I have. And I'm still not sure. All my common sense is being pushed out by my feelings. I know I should tell him about Drake, but I'm just so afraid. How can I tell a man that hurt me so badly that I've had his son?"

"Look, I can't tell you what's right, or what you should do. The only one that can make those decisions is you. But you should definitely take his point of view into consideration. Yes, he hurt you. But you said yourself that maybe he loved you, and he's stubborn. It might just be that you annoyed and upset him, but he's too proud to let you know. So he pushed you away, which I'm willing to bet he regrets immensely. So maybe you should give him a chance."

"I don't know if I could go back to him-"

"I'm not necessarily saying you should go back to him. I'm just saying, talk to him. Tell him about Drake, and for once in both your lives, _discuss your feelings._ That's the whole reason you're in this mess, isn't it?"

Hermione took a deep breath. Could she tell Draco everything? While everything Ginny said made sense (and Hermione was always one to listen to sense) she wasn't sure she was emotionally ready to do it. Not yet.

"I don't think I'm ready yet. But... hopefully at one point I will be. And I'll tell him."

"Hopefully?" Ginny repeated with a raised eyebrow.

"I'll do it" Hermione altered her statement. "I don't know when, but I won't leave it too late. One day, I will tell him the truth. I promise."

* * *

><p><strong>I set fire to the rain, and I threw us into the flames<strong>

**Where I felt something die, cause I knew that that was the last time**

**Sometimes I wake up by the door, that heart you caught must be waiting for you**

**Even now when we're already over, I can't help myself from looking for you**

Hermione looked through the sea of people, a hundred different faces that she barely knew or cared to be with. She had borrowed one of Ginny's dresses to wear to the ministry ball as she had no nice ones of her own, then waited for Ron to get home, prepared to do whatever it took to convince him to go to the ball with her. Luckily, he didn't put up much of a fight, and Hermione had a sneaking suspicion that he was just going because he would receive a rather negative stigma if he didn't accompany his wife. However, she far from in a party mood, and she was only really going because she had put up such a fight for this event to happen. Plus, she was desperate for some normalcy to return to her life, and she thought maybe this would be a good start, just attending a public party with her friends and husband.

However, it seemed that whatever power controlled everyone's lives had other ideas, as she recognised a pale, pointed face in the crowd, and she gasped.

This couldn't be happening, not here, not surrounded by people she knew. He had said he would stay away from her, yet here he was, presented with far too many opportunities to confront her, or worse, tell someone everything. Hermione span around, looking desperately for Ginny. Finally, she spotted her talking to Harry by the drinks table and hurried over.

"Sorry, Harry, excuse us for one minute" she said, dragging Ginny over to the side.

Ginny looked confused as Hermione pulled her away and stopped when they were out of earshot. "What's wrong?" she asked.

"He's here." Hermione stated. "The father, he's here."

Ginny gasped. "Drake's father? Where is he, has he spoken to you?"

Hermione shook her head. "No, but I'm worried he might, or he might say something to Harry or Ron, or anyone for that matter."

"Would he really do that? I thought you said he...cared about you." She had been about to say 'loved you', but wasn't sure if that would upset Hermione more right now.

"He did, might still, I don't know anymore, but he was pretty angry and upset last time I spoke to him, and people can do crazy things when they're like that. Especially him."

"But you said you would talk to him, Hermione."

"Not now!" Hermione exclaimed. "I am nowhere _near _ready to talk to him about that, and all I can think about is that he might still be so angry at me he'll do something to show me up."

Maybe Hermione was thinking up the worst-case scenario, but she had enough experiences with Draco Malfoy to know he was unpredictable. Hell, he was all for controlling the muggle world, humiliating her would probably be nothing to him. Easy, painless with little or no guilt.

"Fine, what should we do?" Ginny relented.

"I don't know, I need to speak to him..." She suddenly came up with an idea. It was risky, but it was the best she had. "Do you think you would be able to create a diversion? And I mean a big one."

Ginny nodded, grinning. "You don't grow up with Fred and George without knowing how to get people's attention."

"Good, because I need to be able to take him away from everyone, talk to him and make sure he isn't planning anything, then get back without anyone seeing us."

"Leave it to me. I'll give you five minutes, head over to him so you can quickly grab him when I start. I reckon I can get you ten minutes to talk."

"Thank you, Ginny" she said, hugging her. "You have no idea how much all this means to me." Ginny knew she wasn't just talking about this plan, but for being there throughout all this and not judging her too harshly.

"It's okay, now go. Oh, and Hermione?" Hermione turned back to look at her friend. "I promise I won't try and watch you. I know you don't want me to know who the father is yet."

Hermione felt tears forming in her eyes, and she whispered _thank you_ before disappearing into the crowd. Ginny watched her for a moment, then turned and headed towards the elevators. _This is going to be fun _she thought with a smile.

* * *

><p>Hermione gently pushed through the crowd of people enjoying themselves, searching for that familiar face she had come to know so well. With a slight pang, she remembered how much seeing that face would fill her with joy and she would look forward to seeing it again, almost counting the days. It was such a different feeling to now, when all that face reminded her of was pain. She dreaded seeing that face now.<p>

Her heart suddenly fluttered when she saw him sitting by the dance floor, a drink in his hand while watching the couples dance. She slowly edged closer, but stopped just before he would notice her, and pretended to be waiting for someone while she looked onto the dance floor. As one couple moved away, she caught a glimpse of Ron dancing with a woman she recognised from work. They were dancing a little too close to each other, and Hermione watched in disgust as he slowly moved his hands down from her waist. But she supposed she couldn't really couldn't criticize him; was she really any better?

Suddenly there was a loud yell, and Hermione looked away from Ron to see people in the centre of the dance floor panicking and running around. With a small laugh, she realized Ginny had cast an extremely power Bat-Bogey hex on people crowded in the middle, creating a perfect chain reaction as they started to freak out, causing the people further away to panic at this unseen alarm. _She never lost her touch, that's for sure_ she thought. She looked up to see Ginny hiding on one of the balconies on the next level, looking over the atrium. She couldn't help but smile when she saw that Ginny was in hysterics at the mayhem she was causing, but then she remembered the purpose of this big mess they were causing and turned to the table Draco had been sitting at, just in time to see him rise and start to walk away. Quickly, she rushed over and grabbed his arm, dragging him through a door to a deserted corridor.

"What the hell are you doing?" He yelled once he realised who was tugging him away.

"I could ask you the same question" she hissed, releasing his arm. "And keep your voice down."

"No-one will be able to hear us with that fiasco going on. What did you drag me here for?"

"To ask why you're here. You have no interest in magical creature rights, so why are you at a party for it?"

"For your information, being a Malfoy will get you invited to just about every gathering there is, whether you are interested in it or not. I'm simply living up to my name."

"That's all?"

"Why else would I be here Granger? I seriously considered not even coming because I knew you would be here. You never could stay away from an opportunity to make people support your little PUKE organisation-"

"For the last time, it's S.P.E.W!" she growled, hating him for using the nickname he had once called it when they were together. It just brought back a flood of emotions, and Hermione hoped his slip-of-the-tongue was eating away at his insides as painfully as it was eating away at hers.

"I don't care, Weasley, I don't care about any of this!"

"Then why did you come?" She asked quietly, trying to ignore the fact that he had called her Weasley. But wasn't that what she had wanted? So why did it hurt so much?

"I'm trying to have things back to normal, just like you wanted. Why else would I be here?"

"I...I thought that...maybe..."

"Just spit it out, Weasley!"

"That you were going to tell Ron. Or...or Harry, or anyone actually."

She watched Draco as she spoke, then took a small step back as he began to shake with rage, and a murderous look came over him, similar to the one he had when she had told him her name was Weasley, not Granger.

"You actually thought that I would sink so low as to tell everyone about us?"

Hermione didn't say anything, just watched him nervously.

"For fuck sake Hermione, I wouldn't do that! Believe it or not, after everything that happened, I still want you to have a good life! You're still going about it the wrong way, but if you think this path you've chosen is what makes you happy, fine then! I'm not going to make it worse than it already is, even if you are completely wrong!"

Hermione was taken aback. "I'm sorry."

"Why on earth would you think I would do that?" he demanded.

"I don't know. I hurt you, so I thought you would want to hurt me. People do crazy things when they're angry."

"Really? Well now I'm furious, so let's see how that works out!"

With that, Draco turned on his heel and stormed out, leaving Hermione alone and very confused.

* * *

><p>For the next hour, Hermione nervously watched for Draco, hoping he still didn't want to tell anyone. When Ginny had come rushing over to her after everyone had calmed down (and she swore to a suspicious Harry she had been in the bathroom the whole time) she immediately asked how it went.<p>

"Horrible" she had answered. "He said he didn't plan on telling anyone, but now I've just made him furious and he doesn't know what to do."

The next few hours were agonising, but she slowly began to calm down more as she saw little of Draco, and no-one had come charging over to her claiming to know her secret. She began talking to other people there, discussing rights and equality, even permitting herself to laugh now and then. At about nine o'clock, she was deep in conversation with Ginny, who was successfully keeping her distracted, until she noticed a blonde head purposely coming over to her. _Oh no_ she thought. Surely he wouldn't do this...

"Evening, Weasleys" he said, smirking. Hermione recognised the determined look in his eyes, and knew this wouldn't end well for her.

Ginny, completely oblivious to the tension between the two people next to her, said "Hey, I'm a Potter now."

"Oh, of course, only one of you two is a Weasley now" he said turning to Hermione, who avoided looking him in the eye. "And how is that working out for you?"

"Very well, thank you" she answered quietly, still avoiding eye contact. She hoped she just came across to Ginny as uninterested in the conversation.

"Is it everything you hoped for?"

"Yes" she said, trying to make her voice sound firm, but heard it shaking slightly, praying no-one else could. "Ron's a great husband" she added, which was probably a bad move on her part.

Draco stared at her with a dark look before he turned to Ginny. "What about you, Potter, having fun playing wife and mother?"

"It's great" she said happily, but confused at Draco's friendliness. "Hermione and I were just talking about that."

"Oh that's right, you had another child" he said, turning back to Hermione. She gulped and closed her eyes for a moment. _I can get through this, I can get through this, I can get through this..._

"How is little Mackay doing?" he asked in a falsely conversational tone, and Hermione was surprised Ginny couldn't hear the malice behind his casual manner. She certainly could.

_Shit_ she thought, opening her eyes and noticing Ginny's confusion towards the name. _She's going to figure out something is wrong..._ "He's doing great thanks."

"You must be over the moon to have another little Weasley to add to your little happy family."

Hermione just nodded her head, praying he would leave soon. There was an awkward silence during which Draco continued to glare at her, while she avoided looking at him directly, and Ginny tried to fill it. "He's really a gorgeous boy. But I think you were misinformed, Mackay is his middle name."

"Oh really?" Draco asked, not looking away from Hermione, but seeming genuinely confused. Why would Hermione lie to him about her baby's name?

"Yeah" she continued, then was about to tell him '_his name is Drake'_ when it suddenly dawned on her. Being awkward around him. Refusing to tell her who the father is. The name and why Draco didn't know it properly...

Ginny gave a small gasp which was missed by Draco as he focussed on Hermione, but Hermione heard it and slightly turned her head to look at her. Ginny's eyes widened, and she desperately tried to find a way to get out of this mess.

Draco just began to ask '_what's his name then?' _when Ginny interrupted him and muttered "I don't feel well." It was a complete lie, but Merlin knew she had drank enough that night for it to be believable. "Hermione, would you come to the bathroom with me?" She grabbed her hand, and Hermione wasted no time and let her drag her towards the bathroom. Hermione didn't know what to say, or whether Ginny was mad at her or not. She was just thankful she got away. Before they reached the bathroom, Ginny pulled them in a different direction, towards Harry and Ron who were laughing loudly.

"Harry, I'm not feeling very well, so I'm going to head home." Ginny informed him once she had his attention. "Hermione said she'll come with me to make sure I'm okay."

"Are you sure?" Harry asked. "I don't mind taking you home."

"No, you enjoy yourself, have fun, Hermione said she was tired anyway, right Hermione?"

She tugged lightly at her hand. Hermione could only nod, but Harry seemed satisfied and Ron...well, Ron didn't show the slightest bit of interest.

Harry leaned forward and kissed Ginny on the forehead. "Okay, feel better, I won't be home too late."

Ginny nodded and smiled, then lead Hermione over to one of the many fireplaces along the hall. "Don't say anything yet, Hermione, wait until we get home."

She didn't sound angry, but Hermione was still nervous. What on earth would she say anyway?

"Number 12, Grimmauld Place" Ginny said clearly, and stepped into the fire. Hermione hesitated, considering going somewhere else to be alone, but Ginny deserved to know the facts. Sighing, she picked up some Floo power and followed her.

* * *

><p><strong>You turn to me, cause you can't see<strong>

**That there's a better way to be**

**So close your eyes and say goodbye**

**You've got to give it up, turn around**

**Walk away, don't look down**

Hermione stumbled out of the fireplace, and fell into Ginny's waiting arms. Before she knew it, Hermione had burst into tears.

"Draco Malfoy?" Ginny sighed patiently. "All this trouble for _Draco Malfoy?"_

Hermione couldn't say anything, just continued to cry into Ginny's chest.

"And he has no clue he's the father?"

Hermione shook her head, but looked up to see Ginny watching her sympathetically. "He probably suspects something now. Why else wouldn't I tell him Drake's proper name?"

"Wait, you were the one who told him?"

"Yes, that was the last time I spoke to him. When he came to see me just after Drake was born, and I told him it was definitely over. I couldn't tell him Drake's name, he might have figured it out" she wailed, reducing to tears again.

"Well, I'm sorry to say, he probably will be suspicious now. And if he finds out his real name..."

Hermione didn't need her to finish. She may as well have just told him he was the father. He probably figured it out at the party... "Oh no" Hermione exclaimed, her tears stopping. "We left Draco at the party, as well as Harry and Ron!"

"I don't think he'll say anything. I'm not just saying that to make you feel better, either. I think his little confrontation with you was his limit. He just wanted to make you squirm, not ruin your life."

"It feels like he already has, he just doesn't know it."

They didn't speak for a few moments, Ginny letting Hermione wet her shoulder with constant tears, until she finally said "Are you sure you're making the right decision?"

"I think so" Hermione replied, her voice choked with unshed tears. "I've gone over the reasons I shouldn't leave Ron a million times, thinking about money, where I could go, how I could drag the kids along with me wherever I go... besides, I don't believe in just giving up and admitting defeat in my marriage. Maybe I could still make it work."

Hermione had to admit, that last excuse seemed pathetic even to her. Still make her marriage work? She had a feeling she hadn't had a marriage for a long time, longer than she had even realised.

"Hermione, you're miserable! And I'm sorry, but I'm pretty sure Ron is cheating on you. Why put up with that?

"I know he's cheating on me, he's not exactly discreet. But I can hardly talk about how bad it is to cheat, can I? Besides, I was hoping the birth of Drake would bring us close together again."

"It hasn't exactly worked though, has it?" Ginny asked her. "And do you think you will get any closer when Drake gets older and becomes a mini Draco? Ron _will_ figure it out."

"He might not look like Draco..."

"Oh please Hermione, now I know who the father is, it's hard to not see it even now. He _will_ look like Draco, and Ron will be furious. And the wizarding world isn't that big. Chances are, Draco will see him some time, and he'll think he's looking into a mirror. Granted, a mirror that makes you look younger and smaller, but still." She added, trying to make Hermione smile, which she did.

Hermione wiped away some slightly-dry tears from her face as she thought through everything. She felt like everything had built up to this moment, every moment of her life since Ron had begun to change for the worse. The decision she would make today would affect the rest of her life, and maybe that was why she was so desperate to avoid it for so long. She could make as many excuses as she wanted, but the truth of the matter was that she was afraid. But she couldn't be afraid anymore. She didn't have that luxury.

"Ugh, you're right. I can't stay with Ron. But I can't go to Draco. I just can't. I can't even imagine facing him anymore."

"So, what are you going to do? What else _can_ you do?" Ginny asked, worried about where Hermione's thought process was taking her.

"I have to leave." Hermione said simply. "Just leave with the children and start a new life."

Ginny stared at her with wide eyes, then shook her slightly. "Are you listening to yourself, Hermione? You can't just leave! That's ridiculous!"

"No, it's not. It's the best plan I've had in a long time. I'll keep in touch with you, I promise. But I've realised there isn't a place for me here."

Ginny stood back to look at her properly. "But, Hermione-"

"I don't have anywhere. I can't stay with Ron. I can't be with Draco. I won't rely on you and Harry because you are so close to Ron. My parents are in their old age and travelling the world. I actually have a bit of money saved up that Ron doesn't know about. It won't last very long, but hopefully it will be enough to last us until I find somewhere permanent for us. I don't want anything from him, so that should make it easier...You're right – all these reasons about not wanting a failed marriage, having nowhere to go, and doing it for the kids are useless. I'm just too afraid to do what I should."

Ginny felt tears forming, but knew her friend had made up her mind. "When will you leave, where will you go?"

"I'll go to the Leaky Cauldron, spend a few nights there and plan my next move. I feel so guilty dragging the children into all this uncertainty and unknown, but I've spent too long here. I should have left before Drake was born." Hermione took a deep breath. "I'll leave tonight."

"Tonight?" Ginny yelled. "I thought you would at least give it a week! Hermione, that's too soon!"

"I'm sorry, Ginny, but it has to be this way. I can't spend any longer here. I would appreciate your help to get ready, but if you can't do it I understand. You can leave."

Ginny stared at Hermione, both of them now crying. She was silent for so long, Hermione was sure that she was about to leave, and looked sadly at the floor. Then she heard Ginny take a deep breath.

"Of course I'll help you. Where should we start?"

Hermione looked up, a small smile growing on her face.

* * *

><p>A couple of hours later, and Hermione had packed a bag with some clothes and a few basic items she would need. She had also helped Ginny with packing the children's things – Ginny packed Amelia's and Tom's things while Hermione packed Drake's. Ginny also decided to transport a few more things to her and Harry's house – that way, if Hermione or the kids wanted something, they could get it without risking a confrontation with Ron. She also said, against Hermione's better judgement, that she would gradually move more things, hoping if she did it slowly over time Ron wouldn't notice. Hermione knew she was letting her friend take a huge risk to help her, and she promised herself that she would make sure Ginny knew how much it all meant to her. She decided, despite Ginny's protests, to leave Ron a note, just so he knew she and the kids weren't kidnapped or in trouble, and no-one would know where they were. But even as she was writing, she wondered how much Ron would even care. Just as she was finishing the letter, Ginny entered the room carrying Hermione's beaded purse.<p>

"Now for the hard part" Hermione said. They had to apparate to the burrow where Mr and Mrs Weasley were watching the kids, convince them that it was a good idea to wake the kids and take them home so late at night, and then convince the kids that they were going on a fun trip. It would be fairly easy to convince Tom, but Amelia would be a different story. Add in the fact that Hermione hated lying to her family and the whole plan was just asking to go wrong.

"Let me talk to mum, I'll convince her to let the kids go. I won't lie, she'll put up a fight. I think she misses having children of her own to depend on her completely" Ginny laughed.

She was right though; Mrs Weasley didn't understand the need to wake the kids or why it was so important that they go home.

"They're not a problem, really dear, I don't mind having them overnight. They can stay all of tomorrow too if you and Ron want a day to yourselves."

Hermione bit her lip and tried to maintain her composure. She realised now she wasn't just taking her children from Ron – she was taking them from the rest of their family.

"Mrs Weasley, I just think it would be a good idea to take them now. I promise you'll see them again soon." And despite how dangerous that might be, she was determined to keep that promise.

"Very well" she sighed. "They're in Fred and George's old room."

Hermione climbed the stairs with Ginny, noting sadly how Mrs Weasley still referred to the room as _Fred_ and George's room. She gently pushed the door open and saw her children sleeping soundly, Amelia and Tom in the twin beds and Drake in a cot between them on the opposite side of the room. She took a deep breath before she entered. It was important she didn't break down in front of them.

She moved so she was between Amelia and Tom's beds, and she softly shook her daughter's shoulder until she woke up.

"Mummy? What's going on?"

"It's time to go sweetie" she replied calmly.

"But I'm tired, it's late" she said sleepily.

"I know honey, but you're going on a trip with me and your brothers, and we have to leave now."

"A trip?" She asked confused. "Is daddy coming too?"

Hermione hesitated for only a millisecond. "No honey, he isn't coming. He's busy. Come on, get dressed, quickly."

Hermione then moved over to her oldest son, deciding not to wake him. Instead she grabbed his coat from the nearby chair and put it over his pyjamas, then placed shoes on his feet. She picked up her son, still sleeping soundly, and turned to see Amelia fully dressed and Ginny holding Drake.

"Come one then." She held out her hand to Amelia who took it, and the group disapparated back to her house. As Hermione predicted, the apparation had woken both her sons and Tom whimpered in Hermione's arms while Drake began to cry.

"Shhh, it's okay, Tom, go back to sleep" she murmured, stroking his brown hair. Ginny was rocking Drake, cooing to him softly. Hermione walked over to the kitchen and grabbed the buggy, pushing it back into the living room. She gently placed Tom in it, then pulled her bag's strap over her shoulder. She then grabbed their baby sling and placed it around her, taking Drake from Ginny and placing him in it.

"Okay I think that's everything then. Amelia, say goodbye to your Auntie Ginny."

Amelia rushed forward to hug her, and Ginny gave her a kiss on the top of her head. "Bye Auntie Ginny, love you."

"I love you too, Amelia, be a good girl, help your mum as much as you can."

Amelia stepped back and looked around. "Is dad still at the party? Didn't he want to say goodbye to us?"

Hermione looked at her, wondering what on earth she was meant to say. "He-he couldn't come, honey. But I've left him a letter saying goodbye."

Amelia's face fell. "Oh...okay." Truthfully, Amelia had an idea about what was going on. She knew her mum and dad didn't get on well and probably didn't love each other, and sometimes she saw her dad hit her mum. One time he hit her too. Amelia was scared of him ever since, but her mum always protected her after that, and warned her to stay away if he seemed in a particularly bad mood. She thought one day they would leave, and it looked like it was today. But she wasn't sure, so she wouldn't say anything. She didn't want to upset her mum.

"Hermione" Ginny said, holding her arms out towards her.

"Oh Ginny" Hermione cried, rushing into her arms. Hermione hugged her as tightly as possible, without crushing Drake between them.

"You be safe, Hermione. Call me as often as you can - thank Merlin you and Harry convinced me to get one of those mobile fellytones. And I'll let you know as often as I can what's going on around here in regards to Ron and Malfoy."

"Thank you, Ginny" Hermione said, her voice muffled against Ginny's shoulder. "You have no idea how much everything you've done means to me."

Ginny pulled away and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. "I'll miss you."

"This won't be forever, I promise. Eventually I'll settle down somewhere, I'm just worried about the kids." She looked over sadly to Amelia, who was keeping Tom entertained while he sat in his buggy. "This won't be easy on them – no permanent home, they won't be able to make friends for a while, they won't have a father..."

"They'll understand someday. And Amelia is a smart girl, I wouldn't be surprised if she already has an idea about what's going on and why you won't see Ron anymore."

"If that's true, she'll be more understanding, definitely. I'm worried about the questions she'll ask."

"And what about Malfoy?" Ginny asked. "Before tonight happened you said you'd eventually tell him the truth."

"I know, and I still plan on doing that once we're settled somewhere and I'm in a good place where I feel ready to tell him. I just want to start my life afresh, no previous commitments holding me back. And... if I discover that I still have feelings for Draco after all this... then I guess I'll do something about that."

Ginny nodded. "You still have feelings for him."

"Oh, Ginny, I don't want to, I really don't. But they're there, and it's making everything so much harder. It's why I need to do this, to just get away."

The clock on the living-room wall chimed. Looking over, Hermione and Ginny saw that it was now midnight.

"You have to go Hermione" Ginny said softly.

"I know."

Hermione took one more look around the room. There were so many memories of this room, some good, some bad. Opening presents on Christmas morning. Celebrating birthdays. Dancing around happily when she and Ron had just bought it, then him picking her up and spinning her around.

Then there were the bad memories. The numerous times Ron hit her. Him telling her she had to get rid of Drake before he was even born. The confrontations with Draco.

Hermione thought it would be hard to leave the place she had called home for so many years. But now when she reflected on it, it held nothing but bad memories that she had to escape. She needed a new life, and that meant leaving the place she had been trapped in for ten years. In the end, leaving would be one of the simplest things she had to do.

"Okay, Amelia, time to go." They all walked over to the fireplace, and Hermione grasped the buggy tightly with one hand, the other hand holding Amelia's. With tears in her eyes, she looked back at Ginny, who was already crying a few silent tears. Hermione couldn't help but join in.

"Bye, Hermione. I love you."

"I love you too Gin."

"Diagon Alley" Hermione spoke clearly, and the group disappeared into the flames, leaving Ginny standing alone in their old living-room.

* * *

><p><strong>So what do you think of Hermione's decision? I had spent a lot of time debating over whether or not she should do it, but it was the best option I could come up with for her. And for all you screaming 'no, you crazy witch, go back to Draco!' I apologise. I'm going to put in a flashback in the next chapter because we haven't had any lemony goodness in a while, and I miss it. And I'm really <em>really <em>going to try and update more frequently now. I hate leaving you waiting :)**

**Songs used**

**How To Save A Life by The Fray (I really loved the whole image of sitting someone down to discuss something, and thought this worked perfectly for Harry and Ginny trying to talk to Hermione)**

**Set Fire To the Rain by Adele**

**Easy Way Out by Charlotte Church (I used this in the last chapter as well, and I thought it was good because it completed the whole scene of Ginny talking to Hermione and she finally realises she should leave)**

**Feel like leaving a review? Go on, you know you want to :P xxx**


	11. Let's Get Lost

**Told you I'd update sooner! **

**First, I just want to say I love you guys, because I now have over 50 people who have added this story to their favourites, and 98 people have added it to their alerts. If I reach 100 after uploading this chapter I might scream.**

**Ok, so I don't know if any of you like to have warnings at the beginning of chapters, but let's just say that M rating is really taking effect in this chapter. Remember I said there would be a lovely Dramione flashback in this chapter? I'm sure you see where this is going ;P**

**Hope you like the chapter!**

**P.S. For the purposes of this fic because I really couldn't be bothered explaining it in the story, 12 Grimmauld Place is still invisible to muggles but visible to magical people. It doesn't seem very social to still have their house completely hidden away now they live there. Enjoy!**

* * *

><p><strong>And I don't want the world to see me<strong>

'**Cause I don't think that they'd understand**

**When everything's made to be broken**

**I just want you to know who I am**

Draco Malfoy was confused, something he strongly resented. But it seemed to be something that happened more often, and he could pinpoint the exact time it started. With _her_. When the whole thing started, he spent an uncharacteristic amount of time being confused. He just couldn't figure her out, or what they had together. One minute it would seem like he meant the world to her, and the next she would remind him of her marriage and how she didn't seem to want out of it. He knew she felt guilty because she was such a good-doer who didn't like betraying people's trust, but how could she feel guilty over that bastard she was married to? He knew she wasn't happy and the best thing would be for her to leave her husband, but she was so bloody stubborn and dedicated that it wasn't an option for her.

Then again, he knew she liked being with him. The way her face would instantly light up when she was with him again, how she seemed to come out of her shell around him, like she was finally getting to be the person she was meant to be. And how when she smiled, it seemed like a huge achievement, something she wasn't used to, and it was a surprise to her to feel happy. And the fact that he provided support when she had had a bad day with _him_, when he hurt her, and she would come running to him, because it made her feel better...

At least, he _did_ make her feel better, happier. Then everything went wrong, so very wrong, worse than it ever had before. He knew that argument had gotten way out of control, but she had pushed him over the edge and he didn't know how to handle it. She was trying to tell him what to do, but didn't seem to want to be in an actual relationship with him? That had only infuriated him more, and when she had had the audacity to call him stupid... well let's just say a red haze appeared around his mind that prevented him from thinking before he spoke. Yes he had a stubborn temper, he was pretty well known for it, but this was the first time he really wanted to cast a good curse at his head for allowing it to take over him again. He would never forget the look of hurt in Hermione's face, and he wished he had been able to calmly explain himself to her. His pride didn't even let him tell her that he was having second thoughts about this group he was involved in even then.

Because of course he was having second thoughts. When you only hear one side of an argument it's hard not to only see the positives in the plan, but Draco was a smart man and didn't buy into it as easily as his father had. His father was smart too, but he let his need for power take over everything else. Luckily, that need to be associated with power was something Draco had grown out of a long time ago. By the time Hermione had read that letter that ended everything between them, he had already began to doubt what he'd heard, and had decided to wait a little while to see how things went. If The Union of the Runespoor (that was the stupid name they had given themselves) plans went out as well as they claimed it would for the wizarding world and muggle world alike, then he would happily go along with it. But if it seemed like the muggle world was truly being exploited like Granger had predicted, then he could quickly go to any authority necessarily, equipped with full details of the group's organisations and plans.

But then Granger had to go and accuse him of being stupid and blind didn't she, and he had felt the need to defend something that he wasn't even that sure about. If there was one thing a Malfoy didn't like being called or made to feel, it was stupid, and he wasn't about to let even Hermione Granger call him that. Not that it meant he didn't regret it now; in fact, it was one of his biggest regrets along with his sixth year at Hogwarts.

Ever since the fight, he had been determined to make things right between them again, but Hermione's determination to stay away from him only irritated him further, not to mention his apparent inability to keep his hands off her even when she was still obviously feeling fragile. But still, he didn't understand why she was fighting him so badly – had he really hurt her that badly?

Draco scolded himself. Of course he bloody had, not to mention scared her when she found what sort of group of people he was now involved with.

But he had reached his limit tonight, and he was set on talking to her and trying to sort things out. When she had dragged him away during the ministry ball to talk to him, one sight of her in a beautiful dress with her hair and make-up done in a way he had never seen before, he hated himself more than ever for letting her go. He had had to constantly remind himself that she was now off limits by calling her Weasley every time he could. A reminder that she was someone else's wife, and couldn't be with him.

And then he just screwed up even further, didn't he? Granger had been so sure he was going to do something horrible, that he felt he should just to spite her. And that probably did nothing to help him in trying to get her back.

Yes, he was determined to get her back, or at least just talk to her about it. He didn't care anymore that she seemed to have chosen what path to follow, he was going to try and lead her off it if it was the last thing he did.

Which was why he was currently searching the ministry atrium for Potter and Weasley. It had been about an hour and a half since Potter's girl had dragged Granger away, and he felt he had calmed down enough to have a proper discussion with her. However, he was having no luck finding her, and decided he would just have to swallow his pride and ask her husband and her best friend. The idea of possibly having to speak to the weasel made him feel sick to his stomach, as well as making his fingers itch towards his wand just to aim a good hex at him, but if anyone knew where Granger was he probably would. But he was hoping he would only have to speak to Potter to find out her location.

After a few minutes of pushing through the various crowds of people, some of whom were still nervously putting their hand to their nose every now and then as if expecting their bogies to start flying out again, he spotted Potter and Weasley talking on the edge of the dance floor.

"Oi, Potter" he called over once he neared them. "I was wondering if you've seen Granger anywhere."

"It's Weasley, Malfoy" Ron glared at him.

Draco fought the urge to punch him right in his drunken face. "I really don't care, I just want to speak to her."

"Why do you need to speak to Hermione?" Harry asked, thoroughly confused. He couldn't imagine any situation where Draco Malfoy would willingly want to speak to Hermione. _If only he knew, _Draco thought to himself.

Truthfully, Draco hadn't come up with a valid reason to explain why he wanted to talk to Hermione, but he was always one to think quickly on the spot.

"I'm interested in donating some money to all this magical creatures rights that she's so interested in, and I wanted to ask her the best way to go about it. In fact, I was thinking about just giving all the money to her. I don't really want to be associated with trying to help pathetic creatures. It hardly gives a good image to the Malfoy name" he quickly lied arrogantly, stuffing his hands into his pockets in a casual manner that still gave off an air of self-importance.

Harry scoffed. "If it gives the 'Malfoy name' such a bad reputation, why bother doing it at all?"

Draco shrugged, allowing himself a small smirk as he realised an opportunity to goad Potter and Weasley. "I dunno, Potter. Maybe I had too much to drink. Maybe I just felt like doing a good deed. Or maybe I've just got fed up of having so much money to account for, I've decided to just give it away anywhere I please."

He was right. Mentioning how wealthy he was had indeed made Weasley's blood boil.

"You always were an ass, weren't you?" Ron cut in, extremely irritated. "Just can't pass up an opportunity to boast how much money you have."

"No, I just can't pass up an opportunity to try and piss you off" Draco corrected sharply.

Ron's face quickly grew red, and he opened his mouth to speak again when Harry spoke first.

"Sorry, Malfoy, but Hermione isn't here. Ginny said she wasn't feeling well and Hermione offered to take her home. They left maybe two hours ago. So if you would do us all a favour, you can leave" Harry said clearly, gesturing with his hand for Draco to move away.

"Fine" Draco shrugged. "Thanks for the help, Potter. Weasley, you were as irritating as ever."

With that, he turned on his heel, feeling better than he had all evening. He knew he shouldn't have tried to start an argument with either of them, but the chance to piss off Weasley was too good to miss. If he couldn't curse the man without calling into question why he did it, he could at least push him a little.

But now he had to come up with a new plan to talk to Hermione. He was willing to bet that they would have headed to the Potters' house if it was Potter's wife that was feeling ill, and he hoped that Hermione would be her usual good-self and stay with her so she wasn't alone.

He quickened his steps towards the fireplace, trying to remember where the hell the Potters lived so he could apparate nearby. He was sure he would be unable to floo into their home, so his best bet was just to knock on the door and hoped they answered. He didn't think the wards on their home would be set up to let him travel through their floo, and he didn't fancy being stuck in someone's fireplace for an indefinite amount of time.

* * *

><p><strong>You can find him sitting on your doorstep<strong>

**Waiting for a surprise**

**And he will feel like he's been there for hours**

**And you can tell that he'll be there for life**

Ginny had only lingered in Hermione's living room for a minute after they left, swiping away the tears from her cheeks with her palm. She couldn't believe she had just watched her best friend leave her old life behind, with no real plan put into it. It wasn't at all like the Hermione she had once known, but she supposed Hermione had changed quite a lot since she married Ron.

Ginny's face felt flushed, so she decided to disapparate to a often deserted corner one street away from her home, hoping the cold midnight air would help her cool down and calm herself.

Pulling herself together so there was no risk of being splinched, she pictured the dark corner and disappeared from the living room, arriving at her destination a second later with a quiet pop. There was an ominous look of rain clouds in the sky, and Ginny began to walk a little faster so that she didn't get caught out in it. She wished she had brought a shawl or something with her to fight the cold, but it had been abandoned on her couch when she decided to travel to Hermione's home to help her pack up her and the kids' lives. But the cold at least relived her of the heat spreading over her face.

Turning the corner onto her street, she was looking across the road to the small area of grass as the wind whistled through the leaves of the trees, and therefore didn't notice the person sitting on her doorstep until she had neared them.

"Malfoy" Ginny gasped.

Draco stood up straight away, his butt numb from sitting on the cold step for so long.

"What are you doing here?" Ginny asked, but she was pretty sure she knew the answer to that.

Draco glared at her. He had sat on a doorstep for Merlin knew how long, and he was in no mood to play stupid games. "What am _I _doing here? Shouldn't the question be 'what are _you_ doing outside your house, clearly just arriving?' Your husband said you left the party hours ago with Granger because you didn't feel well, yet here you are outside, in perfect health, and no sign of Granger."

"Maybe we should go inside, you must be cold" she said, ignoring his question and moving past him to open the door.

"Where's Granger?" Draco asked, but Ginny ignored him. He followed her into the narrow hallway and into the living room.

"I'm not going to ask again Weas- Potter, where is Granger?"

"Why do you need to see her so badly?" Ginny asked, crossing her arms across her chest. "What could be so important that can't wait until tomorrow?"

"That's none of your business. I just need to talk to her. Please."

If Ginny hadn't been looking at Draco at that moment, she never would have believed the word 'please' came out of his mouth. She wasn't aware it was even part of his vocabulary, and she was more than a little surprised to see the word didn't seem to be causing him any pain to speak. It was this that made Ginny relax her shoulders slightly in defeat. "She's gone."

"I can see that she's gone, thank you. Where is she?"

"No, I mean she's _gone _gone."

Draco stared at her for a few seconds, not wanting to believe what he was pretty sure she was telling him. "You mean –"

"She left about fifteen minutes ago with the kids to who-knows-where. She's not coming back, Draco" she said softly.

Draco collapsed onto the couch and leaned over, his head in his hands. He was silent for a long time, while Ginny just watched him from where she was standing.

"I did this, didn't I?" Draco said in a hoarse voice, looking up slightly. "I forced her to leave."

"That's not really true, Draco. It was everything. Her marriage to Ron, her conflicted feelings about you, wanting to protect the kids...it was too much. She needed to start a new life."

Draco looked down again before he continued talking. "Granger has told you everything, hasn't she?"

"Yes."

Draco nodded. "Why did she lie when I asked her what her new son's name was?"

That question had been throbbing in his head ever since Ginny had corrected him, and he was sure there was a secret behind it. He just needed to know.

Ginny was confounded as to what she should say. "Um...I'm not...I mean, I don't..."

"Weasley."

Ginny watched him raise his head to look at her with sad eyes. "What's his name?"

She sighed. She may as well tell him now, he would no doubt find out later anyway. "Drake Mackay Weasley."

Draco fought against the tears that threatened to fall. "He's my son isn't he?"

"He looks so much like you" Ginny said as a conformation.

Draco's whole body shook as he stared at the ground once more, and Ginny knew he had finally surrendered to silent tears.

"I'm so sorry, Malfoy."

Draco acted like he hadn't heard her, just kept shaking, letting out a small sob. "I've lost her forever."

"You don't know that-"she began.

"Yes, I have!" he spat out. "I ruined everything, made her more miserable than ever, and she felt the need to leave! I can never forgive myself." He suddenly thought for a moment. "Do you know where she is?"

"No" she answered too quickly.

"Yes you do" he said, standing up. "Where is she?"

"I don't-"

"Don't lie to me!"

"Don't talk to me like that!" Ginny snapped. "I don't need to be talking to you at all, I could have just left you outside on the step with no answers whatsoever and a cold ass!"

Draco took a deep breath, and Ginny watched him warily before she spoke again.

"She told me where she was going for a few days, but she could have changed her mind. After that, I have no idea."

"Where is she going tonight, Weasley?" He grabbed the sides of her arms and shook her slightly. "Where did she tell you she would go?"

"Let go of me!" She broke out of his grasp and took a step back, and he did the same.

"Sorry" he muttered. "I didn't mean to lose control like that."

"If that's you losing control you look like a bloody saint compared to Ron...sorry" she added seeing Draco's angry glare. "I know where Hermione probably is, but it isn't my place to tell you. She left so you wouldn't find her, so I wouldn't be a very good friend if I told you where she was."

"But I need to find her. I need to talk to her. I need..." _I need her._

"Look, she promised to keep in touch with me whenever she could. I'll...I'll tell her you want to see her. And maybe she'll come round and arrange to meet you. One day."

Draco rushed over and hugged her tightly. Ginny stood there, momentarily too shocked to move, then slowly placed her arms around him. "Thank you" he muttered.

"It's okay" she said quietly.

Draco pulled away and headed towards the door back into the hall. Just before he left, he turned round again to look at her, still in the same spot as before, her arms wrapped around herself. "Please, tell her I need to speak to her. That's all. I just need to talk."

Ginny nodded and watched him leave the room, then heard the front door open and slam shut. Sighing, she turned to face the window as a few droplets of rain quickly turned heavy and began bouncing off the street. She hoped Hermione was somewhere indoors by now.

It had been a night similar to this when she had been sure Hermione would leave Ron, turning up at her doorstep with Tom and Amelia with a broken and desolate look on her face. Hermione had calmed the kids down and waited until they had fallen asleep before she broke down and explained to her that Ron had hit Amelia. Ginny was sure that was it that night, that Hermione would say she had finally had enough and she was leaving. But she didn't, and Ginny couldn't understand her reasoning at the time. What had surprised her more was that Hermione had rejected her offer of tea and a sympathetic ear, claiming she needed to be somewhere to be alone then disappearing into the heavy rain and thunderous sounds of the storm. Ginny had always believed she had truly done what she said, but now she couldn't help but wonder if Hermione hadn't headed over to a certain blonde-haired person's manor to find comfort. It would certainly explain why she didn't return until the next morning.

* * *

><p><strong>This world keeps spinning faster into a new disaster<strong>

**So I run to you, I run to you baby**

**When it all starts coming undone, baby you're the only one I run to**

**I run to you**

_Draco was leaving the main sitting area, about to climb the main staircase and head for his bedroom. It had been a long day, and he was looking forward to crashing his head onto his soft pillows. He could hear the rain lashing against his windows and the wind howl. Surprisingly, this didn't bother him. He actually rather liked listening to the sound. He just didn't like being _in _the wind and rain._

_Just as he was beginning his ascent, there was a knock in the door. _

_Who in the name of Salazar was at his manor at this hour, and in this weather no less?_

_He started back down the stairs with a groan, waving away a house-elf that had arrived to open the door. He walked over with a yawn, cursing whoever was depriving him of his soft and comfortable bed._

_But when he opened the door, all thoughts of curses and his bed were immediately forgotten._

"_Granger?"_

_Hermione, soaked to the skin, flew to him and latched on in a tight embrace, causing him to stumble back slightly. As he held her, shocked, her soaking wet clothes transferring the water to his, he realised she was crying. A lot._

_He wasn't sure what to do. She didn't seem in any fit state to talk, or even hold herself up._

_So he simply held her, stroking her hair and making gentle, soothing shhh noises._

_After a few minutes, when she stopped shaking so much and her tears had calmed to gentle sobs, he slightly pushed her away so he could hold her face and look into her eyes. But she kept her eyes shut, her face down._

"_Hermione, look at me." She kept her eyes closed, tears leaking out and rolling down her beautiful face._

"_Look at me" he said again, more forcibly this time. Slowly, she opened her eyes to look at him, and a fresh wave of tears came over her._

"_What happened, Hermione?"_

_It took her a moment to get the words out through the tears._

"_R-R-R-Ron" she sobbed._

"_What did he do?" he asked, still holding her face tightly and looking at her intently._

"_H-He...he h-hit A-Amelia!"_

_She began to strongly cry again, and she leaned on him, her head collapsing onto his shoulder. Draco simply held her, too shocked to say anything. He always thought Weasley was a sick bastard. Hitting his wife was inexcusable. But hitting his own defenceless daughter...he was a dead man as far as Draco was concerned._

_Suddenly something hit him. "Hermione, where is Amelia? And Tom?"_

"_G-Ginny's. Harry's away this weekend so I knew I could keep them there without him finding out."_

_Draco still couldn't figure out why Hermione was so against Potter finding out the truth, but he kept his mouth shut. "Where does Weasley think you are?"_

"_He thinks I'm at Ginny's with the k-kids. I-I told Ginny I needed to get away for a while and asked her t-to look after them."_

_Draco nodded. "It's okay, Granger. I've got you. You and your kids are safe just now."_

_Hermione hugged him tighter and he let her, despite the fact that he couldn't get as much air into his body. She needed him more. Funny how he suddenly put her need for him over his need for air._

_After a few minutes had passed and Hermione's tears had relaxed, he grabbed her hand and led her upstairs. "C'mon, you need a hot bath and a good sleep."_

_Hermione wasn't so sure that was what she needed, but she was too tired, physically and emotionally, to care._

_Draco led her into one of the guest rooms and into the en-suite. He got the water running and went back into the bedroom to pick out some nightwear for her. He knew she needed to stay there for the night so she could recover from her shock._

_When he entered the en-suite again with the clothes, he found Hermione sitting on the edge of the bath hunched over, staring at the floor and biting at her lip. She looked so lost – like she was only five years old in a strange place._

_He dropped the clothes on top of the toilet and knelt in front of her. "Hermione."_

_She didn't look at him._

_He grasped her hands tightly. "Hermione" he repeated._

_She looked at him, but it wasn't the Hermione he knew. The Hermione he knew always seemed so alive, a sparkle in her eyes that never seemed to go out. The Hermione in front of him, her eyes were dead._

"_Hermione" he said softly. "It's going to be okay. I promise."_

"_You can't promise that" she said in a hopeless voice._

"_Yes I can" he said, and he sat up slightly so he could bring his face close to hers. "I'll make you smile again. I promise."_

_He stood up and placed a gentle kiss on top of her head. "Enjoy your bath" he said as he turned the water off. "Relax. There's some nightwear there for you to put on afterwards. You need some rest."_

"_I have to go back to Ginny's."_

"_No" he said firmly. "You need to rest, and you won't get it over there. Just stay the night and you can go back early tomorrow morning."_

_Hermione was in no state to argue, so she merely nodded and stood up._

"_My room's just at the end of the corridor if you need anything. I'll leave the door open." With that, he left the room, cursing every entity in the world for the lost Hermione he had just left, and praying the old one would find its way back._

* * *

><p><em>Hermione hadn't really enjoyed her bath at first. She just simply floated there, too drained to think or feel. But slowly, as the heat penetrated her body, she started to feel again. To begin with, this had meant more tears falling down her cheeks, making gentle 'plopping' noises as they joined the bath water. But the tears quickly stopped, and a new thought entered her head.<em>

_Draco._

_She didn't know what compelled her to come to him tonight – all she could remember was putting Amelia and Tom to bed in Ginny's house, then telling her she needed to be alone. Ginny hadn't questioned it. She seemed too furious at her brother to even think about where she might be going at a time like this. But Hermione had just known where she had to go. There was really only one person who could help her._

_And so she had stumbled into Ginny's garden, oblivious to the pouring rain, and apparated to the gates that opened to Malfoy Manor._

_Looking back, she was surprised she made it up the long driveway. But there had been a golden glow in just a few of the windows, and that light had motivated her to continue._

_Everything that happened after he opened the door was a bit of a blur. All she could remember was being completely distraught, and Draco had comforted her. He looked after her._

'I'll make you smile again._'_

_She suddenly felt very safe. Amelia and Tom were safe with Ginny, and she was safe here. With Draco._

_Now that her mind was clearer, she wanted to talk to him. Just see him again. Just feel his touch and know that it all was real, he was really here, taking care of her. She was so afraid she would suddenly wake up and find she hadn't left the house._

_Hermione got up and drained the water, then stepped out of the bath and dried herself off. She tenderly picked up the clothes he had left for her. It was a large t-shirt, obviously one of his old ones, and three-quarter length grey trackies that reached her ankles. They were made of an extremely soft cotton, and she couldn't help running her fingers over them._

_Once she had them on, she picked up her wand to dry her hair, but found her concentration could only do a half job. She shrugged, not really caring._

_Now she had to find Draco. She just hoped he was still awake._

* * *

><p><strong>Touch me I'm cold, unable to control<strong>

**Touch me I'm golden and wild as the wind blows**

**And tumbling, tumbling, don't go fascination**

**Just for tonight, darling, let's get lost**

_Considering how tired he had been before Hermione had arrived, Draco suddenly found himself very reluctant to sleep. He had simply stood by one of his huge bedroom windows, staring out into the stormy weather. He found it very easy to lose himself in his thoughts._

_He couldn't get the idea of what Hermione must have gone through out of his head. It was disconcerting for him to see her like this, so he couldn't imagine how she was coping._

_But was she coping? Certainly didn't seem like it. He just hoped she would be better by morning._

_He turned his head slightly to the faint sound of the bath being drained, and he knew she would be going to bed soon. He turned back to the window with a sigh. He should probably go to bed too. But he didn't want to. He just wanted to see her. To comfort her, just hold her..._

_A knock on his door broke him out of his reverie. He turned round and caught his breath as he saw her timidly standing by the door frame, swamped in his too-big clothing. A few minutes passed, or maybe it was hours; he wasn't sure. They just simply stared at each other._

"_Hi" she finally said._

"_Hi" he replied. Couldn't he think of anything better to say?_

_There was more silence as neither of them knew what to say. Draco suddenly hated the size of his room and the distance it created between the two of them._

_Hermione continued to look at him, and she had an almost embarrassed look. He couldn't stand it. He took a few steps forward and held out his hand. "Hermione, come here."_

_Immediately, Hermione slowly walked towards him and took his hand._

"_How are you feeling?" he asked._

"_Better" she said, barely above a whisper._

_Draco just nodded. "Good."_

_She looked deep into his grey eyes. "I wanted to say thank you."_

"_What for?"_

"_For being there for me. For comforting me. It...It means a lot."_

_Draco smiled, and couldn't resist gently stroking the side of her damp hair with the back of his hand. "Anytime" he whispered._

_Hermione wasn't sure who moved first, but suddenly she felt Draco's lips against hers, softly caressing them. She kept her lips on his for five seconds before she pulled away and looked down. "I'm sorry" she said quietly. "That shouldn't have happened."_

"_Why?"_

_Hermione looked at him. "Because I'm married!"_

"_But, Hermione, you don't love him! And you know he doesn't love you."_

"_How do you know how I feel?"_

"_All I know is that he doesn't make you feel the way I make you feel." Draco said softly._

_Hermione didn't say anything, and he stepped forward to slowly draw his hand up her bare arm as he murmured "Does Ron make you feel like this when he does this?" He moved his hand up to her hair to brush it back. "Does it feel the same when he does this?"He pressed his lips against her temple. "Or this?" he mumbled against her skin. Hermione shivered and closed her eyes._

_Draco moved his lips down her cheek. "How about this?" And he placed a small kiss on the edge of her mouth._

_Hermione opened her eyes to look at Draco again, and what she saw took her breath away. The expression on his face was so full of love and care that she couldn't help but be moved. And suddenly, as if they had shared an unspoken agreement, they both quickly moved together and their lips met, she wrapping her arms around his neck, and he wrapping his around her waist. They moved their lips against each other gently yet franticly, and Hermione gasped when he bit her bottom lip, allowing his tongue to enter her mouth. He expertly moved his tongue around, twisting it with hers, causing her to sigh in bliss. Ron was suddenly a distant thought in the back of her mind, along with all her troubles and pains. All there was, was Draco. Draco and her, and nothing else. The rest of the world seemed to simply slip away._

_Hermione was suddenly aware of being lifted off the ground, and although she had a pretty good idea of where he was taking her, she found she wouldn't care wherever he took her. He could take her to hell if he wanted, as long as she was in his arms, his lips on hers. And ironically, considering she was still married, that was probably exactly where she was headed._

_She felt herself being gently pushed into the mattress, the softness of it on her back contrasting dramatically with the hard planes of his body held just above hers, so that she wasn't subjected to his full weight._

_Draco moved his mouth from hers when they both began gasping for air, beginning a warm trail down her neck as he kissed and sucked the soft skin. Hermione moaned at his feather-like touches from both his lips and his hands that were gently caressing her body. Merlin help her, there was a small voice at the back of her mind that told her this was wrong, but she couldn't bring herself to figure out why. How could feeling this good, a feeling she had never quite experienced before, be wrong?_

_Her heart beats rapidly increased as he moved his hands to the bottom of her t-shirt, slowly dragging the material up until it reached the bottom of her breasts, when he quickly stole another kiss on her lips, deepening it desperately as he slowly pushed the top up further, finally breaking the kiss to pull it over her head. Her breath hitched slightly as her chest was fully exposed._

_Draco simply stared at her, and she could feel a blush heating her cheeks. Ron had never stopped to stare at her like this anymore. Ron usually just went for what he wanted. So Hermione wasn't even sure if Draco would like what he saw._

_Her fears, however, were quelled as he leaned into her, his lips brushing her ear. "You're so beautiful" he gently murmured. "So beautiful."_

_He softly began to palm her breasts, catching her lips again in a searing kiss. Hermione ran her hands down his top until she reached the hem, then in a bold move yanked it up his body and over his head. As his hands gently teased her body, she couldn't resist moving her hands along his. He was well built up with muscles, and his skin was firm, tightly covering his taught muscles. She wanted to continue learning the shapes and contours of his body, but he began to slowly move down, kissing her from her lips, along her jaw, down her neck, and all across her chest, before he moved down her stomach, still kissing and licking every part of her skin on the way. With one final, lingering kiss just below her bellybutton, he hooked his fingers into the waist band of her trackies and underwear, dragging them down her legs. Her heart rate increased again, getting faster and faster the further down he pulled her trousers. When they were completely off, she wasted no time in trying to rid him of his. Quickly pulling his face to hers again, they kissed deeply as she pushed his trousers down, using her feet to push them off completely. _

_When they were finally both rid of their clothes, feeling nothing but skin on skin, the reality of what was happening hit Hermione. Was she really going to do this? Was she really going to cheat on her husband?_

_Whenever she thought of him, she was only met with grief. The sadness was so intense, it had even blocked off the Ron Weasley she had known in school. She couldn't remember him. All she knew of Ron Weasley was pain and grief. And it was no secret that he had had multiple affairs behind her back. But did that excuse what she was about to do?_

_She looked up at him. Draco. How did her life come to this point? How did it come to looking for Draco Malfoy as a source of comfort?_

"_Hermione" Draco whispered, pushing a strand of hair from her face. He could see how conflicted she was. And for some reason that pained her even more._

_He quickly brushed away a stray tear that had escaped her left eye without her noticing. Why was it always him brushing away her tears? Why was it always him that made her feel better? Why wasn't it her husband? And more importantly, why was it her husband that was causing the tears?_

_Looking up at him again, she knew exactly what she wanted to do. Placing her hands gently on each side of his face, she whispered his name so quietly, her lips hardly moving, he could barely hear her. Then she pulled him towards her, moving her fingers into his hair, tangling them as she kissed him hard. She could tell he was somewhat reluctant to continue after seeing how conflicted she was, but he would be lying if he said he didn't want this too. Merlin, he had been wanting this so much. To hold her in his arms. To finally have it was a feeling he couldn't describe, but at the base of it, he knew it felt right. And so he didn't stop._

_They move their tongues against each other desperately, trying to tell the other whatever they couldn't tell them with words. Very slowly, he moved one hand down her stomach and between her legs, rubbing her flesh with the pad of his thumb, delighted to find her wet and ready, despite her previous doubts over whether she should continue. Hermione continued to moan into his mouth as he inserted one finger, rotating it gently before adding a second and beginning to move them up and down with a faster pace._

"_Please" Hermione said breathlessly when their lips broke apart. Sucking at her neck, he pulled his fingers out and moved himself so he was by her entrance. "Please" she said again. "I need..."_

_With one quick thrust, he moved himself inside of her, causing her to cry out in pleasure. Draco hissed as she dragged him in, and he placed tiny kisses scattered across her chest as she adjusted to him. He slowly pulled out and filled her again, noting how tight with nerves she was._

_Hermione threaded her fingers through his hair again, scraping her nails against his scalp. Draco moaned as he continued to move in and out of her, her hips clashing with his as she moved with increasing fervour, her nerves and timid movements slowly ebbing away as all logic escaped her thoughts with each stroke inside of her. Capturing her lips again, Draco swallowed a pleasure-filled moan as it escaped them and relished the way it bounced around his mouth and down his throat, adding to the tight bundle of nerves already in place in his stomach. _

_Hermione wrapped her legs tightly around his waist as she felt herself getting closer to the edge, pushing him further in with each strong stroke. Each one brought her nearer the desired peak, and she desperately tried to hold onto the feeling of pure bliss Draco was instilling in her, passion-filled and absent of any worry or doubt. And, possibly most surprisingly, a feeling that she was completely safe and protected from everything else._

_Draco pulled his lips back a few millimetres, just enough space to allow him some air while they still brushed against Hermione's with each heavy breath. Every now and then Hermione would tentatively give them a quick peck, just needing to feel his lips against hers._

_He could feel her muscles tightening now, and her body began to shake as she closed her eyes. "Draco..." she half-whispered, half-moaned. "Draco, I..."_

_The rest of her words were drowned by a deep and feminine moan, and Draco made sure to hold back his own release just long enough to watch her unravel for the first time. He was sure it was something he could never tire of seeing._

_As she came down from her heightened state he gave three more pumps into her and came undone, burying his face into the side of her neck as he groaned loudly. Hermione began to tiredly play with his hair again as his body shook over her, kissing the side of his face once she had regained her breath. Draco gathered the remainder of his strength to push himself off of her, collapsing at her side and gathering the sheets over them, then staring at the ceiling while small dots played with his vision._

_As theirs breathing calmed down, so did their preferred ignorance of the outside world, and the reality of what just happened crashed over them. Draco cursed it for taking over what should have been pure post-coital bliss. _

"_Do you regret it?" Draco finally asked as the silence dragged on, still looking straight ahead at the dark ceiling._

_He counted twenty of his rapid heartbeats before she answered. "Ask me again in two minutes."_

_Draco swallowed. That certainly didn't sound good. He almost wanted to talk to her anyway, just to interrupt the thoughts that could so easily make her regret everything they just did. His hand itched to reach out and grab hers – it was lying so close to his, but it may as well have been on the other side of the room. _

_Making a quick glance towards Hermione, he could almost hear the cogs in her brain whirring as she nibbled on her bruised bottom lip, her eyes conveying all the conflict she was feeling. _

_He turned away from her again. He didn't like to see her lying there as she debated whether or not she should even be there. It was doing damaging things to his mind and his ego._

_Maybe he should be feeling as conflicted as she so clearly was. He had just slept with Hermione fucking Granger, married woman and all-round do-gooder. He had pushed their relationship to a strained level when he had impulsively decided to kiss her just a few weeks ago, and now, when they were just getting over the awkward moment, he went and bloody pulled her into his bed. _

Nice one, Draco,_ he berated himself. _You can just kiss goodbye any chance of ever seeing her again.

_He had pushed her into something she would never usually do, and no doubt that was just something else added to her list of things to worry about. Along with her conflict about being married and now having an affair, he had made her add identity crisis._

_When it felt like two minutes were finally up, he quietly cleared his throat and turned to fully look at her. "Granger" he said softly, but with a slight hard edge as his worry began to seep through. "Do you-"_

"_I should, shouldn't I?" Hermione said, still staring straight ahead. "I should regret what we just did. But..."_

_Draco's heart leapt ever so slightly. There was a 'but'. And for once, it might bring good news instead of bad._

"_But?" he pressed._

"_But I don't" Hermione said simply. "I know I should, and I keep looking for any trace of regret but I can't really find any."_

_To Draco's dismay, while her words were making him feel better, they just seemed to be making her more distressed._

"_Why I don't I regret it though? What we did was wrong but I don't care. What sort of person does that make me? I never thought I'd be a person to do something wrong just because it felt good at the time, just throwing away all logic and sense haphazardly. I just- I don't know what to do and I'm so confused-"_

"_Granger" Draco cut in. "Granger, look at me."_

_Hermione reluctantly turned to look at him, nibbling away at her lip again so much that Draco wondered if there would be anything left by the time she got over this._

_If she ever got over it._

_Cautiously, Draco rested one hand on Hermione's shoulder, and internally breathed a sigh of relief when she didn't flinch or make to move away. _

"_You're Hermione Granger, war hero, an amazing friend, a wonderful mother, and a far too understanding wife. You're a stubborn know-it-all and a pain in the ass. You've been putting other people first most of your life, and for the first in ages you've done something that makes _you _feel good. That doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you human, and it's about bloody time that you started living again."_

_Hermione sighed deeply, the air brushing a few hairs on Draco's forehead. "What if you're wrong? What if I am just a bad person?"_

_Draco rolled his eyes slightly and moved so that his upper body was hovering slightly above hers. "Granger, I want you to listen to me very carefully. I. Am. _Never. _Wrong."_

_Hermione couldn't help but smile at his arrogant attitude. Hearing him act so casually helped calm her slightly, and it almost made what they did seem natural. No over-thinking, no worries, just meant to happen._

"_I think I need to sleep now" Hermione whispered. "I'm just so tired..."_

_Draco nodded, acknowledging everything she had been through that night. She had been a broken mess when she arrived, and he wasn't sure he had really eased her worries, just added a bunch of new things to think over. But he still didn't regret what happened._

_Leaning down slightly, he kissed her lips softly, smiling into it when he felt her kiss him back._

"_Go to sleep, Granger" Draco said softly as he moved off her and back to the side. "We can deal with everything in the morning."_

_Hermione just nodded, and allowed him to pull her body closer to his. Burying her face into his chest, she let a feeling of contentment wash over her and drag away all her turbulent thoughts, just leaving her in Draco's arms._

_And it was in that peaceful moment as he held her close to him, that she realised he had been right. He had made her smile again._

* * *

><p><strong>Oh god... I think I was blushing the majority of the time I was writing that flashback. I've never written a smut scene before, so I hope it didn't suck too terribly. As long as you weren't sitting there laughing I'll consider it a success.<strong>

**Union of the Runespoor = I got the name Runespoor from Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them. It's a three headed snake and was once liked by dark wizards. The left head is the planner, the middle is the dreamer, and the right is the critic. It's common to see a Runespoor with the right head missing, attacked by the other heads. I chose that animal because it's dangerous, and I think it would be interesting to see how the animal's characteristics might mirror what happens in the actual Union. That's my idea anyway. And obviously I was inspired by the Order of the Pheonix.**

**I'm absolutely loving your reviews at the moment, keep them coming! And let me know what you think of the first part with Draco's POV, I had a lot of fun writing that section.**

**Songs Used**

**Iris by Goo Goo Dolls**

**Daydreamer by Adele**

**I Run To You by Lady Antebellum (Another recommendation by Star-Of-Hearts :D)**

**Let's Get Lost by Bat for Lashes & Beck**


	12. Rootless

**So as I told some of you, I hit a bit of writers block on this chapter, which I think is fairly obvious reading it. I don't think it's quite up to my usual standard. But turns out the answer to writers block is a good old flashback.**

**So I hope you like the chapter, it's a bit of a filler, then all the good stuff should happen in the next one. And yes, I've already got that one planned out :) **

**And I decided to dedicate this chapter to sailorroxy for giving me a few ideas about what Hermione might do in terms of jobs. Thanks :)**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

><p><strong>Dragging my roots through the snow<strong>

**No home sweet and no sweet home**

**I've got nowhere to go**

**I'm rootless, I'm rootless**

Hermione woke up the next morning in an unfamiliar room, and she began to panic until the memories of last night came flooding back to her. Shit, she had finally left Ron. While she knew she should be happy about this, and a fairly large part of her was, she couldn't help but wonder what she had gotten herself into. What had she been thinking last night? She couldn't just run away with her three children! How was this ever going to work? They needed some stability in their life, and jumping from place to place didn't provide it. They also needed warmth, food, clothes, and although she had some basic necessities as well as some of her own money that Ron didn't know about, it wouldn't last forever. In fact, she doubted it would last more than a few months. It had only been saved up in case of emergencies, not sudden decisions to leave her husband and to support her and three children.

She couldn't stay in hotels forever, especially not good ones, but she had no idea how she was meant to quickly find a home for all of them. She would obviously need a job to provide for them, but how could she when she had to look after them? Day care was the obvious answer, but she found it impossible to shake the fear that if she left them for the day, they wouldn't be there when she got back. That was going to make finding a job very difficult, not to mention she wanted to stay as hidden away as possible at the moment.

Wait... her job! She was currently off for maternity leave, but she was meant to be returning in a few months! What on earth was she going to do? _I'm sorry, but I won't be returning to work because I've left my husband and am currently in hiding._ No, that would never work. And quite frankly, she was scared to step one foot near her work in case Ron had a watch over it, looking for any sign of her.

Hermione felt tears form in her eyes once again, not just for her difficult situation, but for the difficult situations she was putting everyone else in. The kids especially were going to suffer, not having a proper place to call home while she tried her best not to be distracted and panic over everything. Ginny was hiding this huge secret from everyone, although she doubted she could keep everything away from Harry. He was bound to find out anyway that she had left Ron, but she doubted Ginny would tell him _everything._ And Draco... who knew what he was going through right now, or what he was thinking. She couldn't help but believe that he had now figured out that everything wasn't quite like she told him. He knew there was some secret surrounding her son (or she should probably say, _their _son, even if he didn't know yet), and as for the many times she told him she was staying with Ron, well the current evidence spoke for itself. And as for Ron, he would probably just be furious that she left him, and may guess that something more was going on with her than just a wife running away from her abusive husband. She was especially afraid of him finding her; he wouldn't be mad because she took the children away and left him because he loved them, rather he would be mad purely because she had the nerve to do it, and right under his nose.

Yes, it was definitely a difficult situation. And as much as she wished she hadn't made this rash decision last night, she had to see it through now, because she couldn't go back. She didn't want to think what would happen to her and the kids if they returned home.

Trying to distract herself from her morbid thoughts, Hermione turned her attention to the small room she had rented for a few days in The Leaky Cauldron. Being such a popular pub in the wizarding world, it probably hadn't been the best place to hide her and the children away, but she just wanted a place she knew well to figure out her next steps.

The room had two single beds, each with a bedside table and lamp, and one dresser. She was currently sharing her bed with Drake, while Amelia and Tom were in the one next to her. She had requested a crib for Drake, but she was told they wouldn't have one available until the next day. So she had been forced to ask for extra pillows to form a protective wall around her tiny son, and she spent the night hovering near the edge of the bed with one arm draped over him, breathing in his sweet smell as a form of comfort. Normally, she would have used her brightest-witch-of-her-age brain to try and transfigure something into a suitable bed for him, but the bleak inn had been surprisingly void of anything she could use.

She had no idea what time it was as she couldn't see the small clock on top of the dresser, but she knew she had gotten very little sleep the night before. She guessed it must have still been quite early judging by the weak light filtering through the small gap in the dust-covered curtains. Plus, Drake never slept very late. She was surprised he had slept so soundly during the night, but she guessed all the travel had exhausted him.

As if on cue, Drake suddenly became restless, waving his legs in the air, and he began to softly whimper. Hermione still found it odd how little he cried, even with the Malfoy genes installed in him. _Had Draco been like this as a baby?_ she mused.

Hermione sat up and picked him up, holding him close to her chest. She gently rocked him while she made soft shushing noises and rubbed his back. She saw Amelia and Tom stir, and they got up from their bed and moved over to hers, Amelia helping her brother climb up before seating herself on the other side by Hermione's feet.

"What are we going to do today, mummy?" She asked, playing with the thin sheet.

"Well, I'll need to go to Gringotts and get some money out. I'm not sure how often we'll be able to go to the bank now, so I might need to take out quite a bit. Then I guess we'll have to buy some bits and bobs too. But first, we'll get dressed, go downstairs and have a lovely breakfast" she answered with a small smile that felt out of place on her face. It was like a smile didn't belong on her. But she had to show strength for her children.

"Where are our clothes?"

Hermione indicted to her bag by the door with a nod of her head, her hands still full of trying to sooth Drake. When they arrived in their room she had searched through the bag so they could get their pyjamas, then they abandoned everything else and went straight to bed, completely exhausted. Amelia ran over and began throwing everything out into messy piles, so Hermione gently put Drake back onto the bed and went to help her find clothes for them all. When she found an outfit for everyone, she hesitated, not sure what to do with the rest of the things in her bag. It would make sense to put everything into the dresser, but a paranoid part of her told her to keep everything in the bag, should they need to make a quick getaway. She shook her head; she couldn't live in fear, afraid to look around every corner. If she was too afraid to even unpack a bag, then she knew she had no chance of surviving very long. Taking a deep breath, she sorted everything into separate drawers. It barely filled it – they really hadn't taken much. She knew she could have packed more – hell, she had packed a whole tent into that bag when she was on the run with Harry and Ron during their Horcrux search – but she didn't want to pack more than the essentials. If they weren't essential, they were unnecessary, and there was no point in carrying them around. Besides, Ginny had promised to try and smuggle things out of Ron's house and into her and Harry's, so if she needed anything she left behind she could get it.

Once again shaking her head at the situation she had gotten herself into, she turned round with some of Tom's clothes in her hands to change him. She suddenly felt a real smile growing on her lips as she watched Drake gurgle happily at his older brother making funny faces, and Amelia, abandoning her efforts to get changed, joining in with silly noises.

'_Maybe we'll all be okay after all,' _Hermione thought to herself.

* * *

><p>Breakfast had certainly been an interesting affair. After eventually making their way downstairs (after nearly half an hour of wrestling Tom and Drake into clothes and helping Amelia brush the tugs out of her red curls, before moving onto getting herself ready, then <em>slowly<em> climbing down the narrow stairs) they found a small table in the corner. She eventually got Tom to sit in a high chair despite his happy, frantic kicking. She knew Tom wasn't misbehaving, he was just a very active child who did not like to sit still for a moment, but he certainly exhausted her. She ordered chopped up fruit for him, then cereal each for herself and Amelia. Halfway through their meal, Drake began crying, deciding that he wanted breakfast too. Hermione reluctantly had no choice but to breastfeed him at the table, thankful that the booth they were sitting in was right at the back, with her back to the rest of the bar. Tom, however, used this moment of distraction to try and get the attention of the woman sitting at the table next to them, who was wearing a long black veil. Hermione desperately tried to get his attention to tell him to stop – she had enough experiences to know that person could be anyone.

Somehow, after feeding Drake and herself, distracting Tom and apologising to the person next to them, she managed to get them all into the courtyard, summoning Tom's buggy on the way. With Tom safely seated, Drake in his sling, she turned to Amelia. "Now Amelia, you have to promise me you won't let go of the buggy. You have to hold onto to it at all times. And whatever I say, I need you to do it, no hesitation, no questions. Promise?"

"I promise, mummy" she said, grabbing onto the buggy to prove it.

She let out her breath. "Thank you. Also don't talk to anyone unless they talk to you, okay?"

"Why-" she started, then remembered she promised not to ask any questions. But she knew by now that her mum had a reason for everything.

Hermione drew her wand and tapped the brick wall in front of them. They watched as a hole formed, growing bigger and bigger, until they were standing in front of a huge arch. Hermione quickly marched forwards, keeping her head down and keeping to one side of the street. There weren't many people there, and she didn't know if that was a good thing. At least with crowds you could disappear, but now she could keep an eye on her children and anyone that looked suspicious.

"Mummy," Amelia asked quietly, and Hermione could tell by her voice that she was slightly apprehensive, "why are we walking so fast?"

"We're in a rush dear, that's all," she replied, trying to keep herself completely composed so she didn't alarm her daughter.

They arrived at Gringotts in no time at all, and Hermione rushed over to the nearest free goblin, their feet echoing loudly against the marble floor.

"Excuse me" Hermione said clearly. The goblin looked up at her from the paperwork in front of him, and she continued "I would like to take money out of my vault please."

"Name?"

"Um, the vault is under Hermione Granger," she replied, a slight waver in her voice that didn't go unnoticed by the goblin.

"And your name is?" He asked.

"My name is Hermione Weasley. I have a private account under my maiden name."

"Hmm, very well. Do you have your key?"

"Yes" Hermione quickly rummaged through her purse. She went through a small pile of sweets at the bottom (a reward for when the kids were well behaved) before she found the little key hidden among it. "Here you go."

He nodded. "I'll take you down to the vault. _That_ won't fit in the cart though" he said, indicating the buggy.

"Oh, um, can I leave it somewhere?" Hermione fretted.

"Would it maybe be better to leave the children here?" the goblin asked, sounding slightly bored.

"No", she said firmly. "They have to come with me."

The goblin eyed her suspiciously. "Very well. You can leave it by the rail tracks before we get in the cart."

They followed him through the set of doors that led to the tracks, and Hermione lifted Tom out of his buggy. "Come on Amelia," she said when she noticed Amelia was still holding onto it.

"You said not to let go of the buggy" she whispered.

Hermione smiled. "You can let go of it now, but when we're in the main room I want you to hold onto it again."

Amelia nodded and followed her mother into the cart. When everyone was seated, the cart took off at high speed, and Amelia leaned her head slightly over the side to look below. They were so high! The air whipped her hair around her face and the cold air washed over her.

They came up to a lot of forks in the road, and Amelia tried to memorize where they went, but she quickly forgot them. She wondered how the goblin knew where to go while she was so lost, but then realised the goblin wasn't even driving.

Suddenly, the cart slowed down and came to a stop, and they followed the Goblin out of the cart and up to a huge metal door. He turned the key and opened the door, and Amelia looked at a pile of money, bigger than she had ever seen in her whole entire life. Except for when she went to her Uncle Harry's vault one time. He had piles and piles and piles of money, like he was a millionaire.

Hermione walked into the dark vault and pulled out a large brown pouch which she filled with as much money as possible, which was almost all the money that was there. When the bag was full and could only just close she nodded her head in satisfaction and left the vault.

* * *

><p>When they were all safely off the cart again and Tom was back in his buggy, Hermione heard her phone buzz. Fishing it out of her purse, she looked at the caller ID with apprehension. She wouldn't be surprised if it was Ron, angrily demanding to know where they were and threatening them to come home. Or maybe even Draco, asking to meet her because he had heard she left Ron. So it was with a sigh of relief that she saw it was Ginny.<p>

"Ginny? I'm surprised you're calling me so soon-"

"Hermione, you've got a problem."

"What? What do you mean?"

"I'll explain all the details about how I know this later, but Ron is heading for Diagon Alley. He might already be there by now."

Hermione froze, her mouth open and her eyes wide. _No no no no no no no..._

"Hermione, are you still there? I said Ron's coming! Are you in your room?"

Hermione snapped out of her trance. "No, I'm in Gringotts!"

"He's probably going to look there first, Hermione! You have to get out of there and hide! Apparate away for a few hours, do anything, just get away. You don't want to see him, do you?"

"Of course I don't want to talk to him, that's why I left!" Hermione cried, panic overtaking her while her heart beat furiously in her chest. _Crap crap crap crap crap crap..._ "Okay, I'll quickly look outside, and if I see him I'll apparate...somewhere. Okay, thanks Ginny."

She hung up the phone and turned to see her daughter's worried face. "Mummy, what's wrong?"

"Nothing honey" she replied, putting her phone back in her purse. "Auntie Ginny was just phoning to say that there was someone in Diagon Alley, but I don't really want to see them. So we're going to try and go back to our room without them seeing us, okay?" She hoped her tone appeared calm to Amelia, because she had hippogriffs flying around her stomach.

"Why, Mummy?"

"What did I say about asking questions?" Hermione almost snapped before composing herself again.

"Sorry" Amelia said quickly.

Hermione sighed. "It's okay, sorry I snapped. I promise to tell you some things, but first we have to get out of here." She led them towards the door and opened it a crack, looking into the main room beyond it. "Can't see him" she muttered to herself. "Okay Amelia, remember what I said. Don't let go of the buggy, don't talk to anyone, and do everything I say. We're going to have to be fast. If I tell you to grab my arm, do it quickly and hold on tight because we might have to apparate. Come on."

With her heart beating fast, she pushed open the door and led them into the room. She glanced around as they walked to the front doors and left the building. Their footsteps seemed louder than before, like the way everything makes a loud noise when you're trying to be quiet. Her racing heart began beating harder, and she could feel it bashing against her ribs rapidly. She had to slowly walk down the steps because of the buggy, but as soon as they were on the ground again she moved them quickly forwards, dodging the numerous people crowding the street while turning her head from side to side, hoping not to see that mop of red hair. At least the streets were busier, she thought. It meant they could hide a little easier. Her nerves were getting to her once they were half-way up the street, her palms sweaty and her hair flying around her face. She prayed that he was in a shop they had passed and therefore hadn't seen her, but she didn't get her hopes up.

Just as they were passing Madam Malkin's, Hermione looked to the door, and felt her heart stop. Ron was just about to leave the shop, his hand on the handle. He was turned slightly away from the door, as if someone had called him back, and she seized this moment to increase her speed, Amelia practically jogging to keep up with her. She didn't slow down, even when she was sure she was far enough away for the crowd to hide her, until she had reached the wall that led her into the small courtyard at the back of The Leaky Cauldron. Pulling her wand from her pocket, she quickly tapped the correct brick to let them through then hurried them into the building and up the stairs, levitating the buggy to make it easier to climb them. Only once they were securely in their room did she stop to catch her breath, collapsing on the bed on her back, clutching Drake close to her chest. She closed her eyes and took in huge lung fills of air. She felt tears prickling at her eyes, but she held them back so that she wouldn't worry the kids any more. No doubt they were already a little traumatised.

"Mum, are you okay?" Amelia asked.

"I'm fine, honey." She sat up, still holding Drake tightly as if she feared he would disappear. "We're all okay."

* * *

><p>They stayed in their room for as long as they could before Hermione was forced to realise they needed to eat. Making sure Drake was content lying on her bed, circled by pillows, and Tom and Amelia were happy playing with some of the toys she brought for them, she slowly made her way downstairs, checking left and right for anyone she needed to avoid. Luckily, she made it down to the bar and didn't see anyone she recognised. She ordered some food to take back upstairs, and was told that there would be a crib available for her tonight, which would be brought up in a few hours. Thanking the elderly man at the bar, she levitated the plates of food in front of her and up the stairs.<p>

She still couldn't believe she had now managed to escape Ron twice. She was sure that that was her luck run out, and next time she wouldn't be so lucky. Why she had been subjected to the feeling that Drake would disappear from her arms, she didn't know, but with little bits of secrets surrounding him slipping out recently, she supposed it was no surprise she was worried. If Ron found out that Drake wasn't his son and found them again, she shuddered to think what he would do. She had an idea of what he would do to her, but what he would do to Drake... she couldn't bear to think about it.

And it wasn't just Ron that had her worried about Drake. If Draco had figured out the truth, there was an idea in her head that he would try to take him away from her. She knew that it was stupid, but the thought was there and wouldn't leave. Was it really so ridiculous an idea that if she wouldn't return to him, he would at least try and take Drake away? He was his own son after all. And with this new group behind him... let's just say, she would be pretty intimidated if they started threatening her. Not that she would give Drake up that easily. She wouldn't give him up with her last breath.

But maybe all this was unnecessary thinking. Chances were he didn't even know he was a father. That's what she was hoping for anyway. At least for the moment.

When she entered the room, she found Amelia had turned on the old radio and some music was gently playing from it. Hermione only had time to register that it was a muggle station the radio was tuned into when the familiar tune attacked her ears and her psyche. It was a song she hadn't heard in a long time, but it brought back a lot of emotions.

* * *

><p><strong>I'm not trying to be smart, I'm not trying to break your heart<strong>

**But if I asked you for a date, will you tell me that I'm not too late?**

**I want to hold your hand, please let me hold your hand**

**You look so good to me, oh-oh-wee**

**I saw you walking all alone, that's why I want to walk you home**

_Hermione and Draco were sitting together in his living-room, comfortable in silence that was only broken by irregular moments of chat between them. Hermione liked that she couldn't really predict what would happen when she arrived at the manor, whether it was enjoyable silence and short conversations, heated debates where they each tried to change the other's stubborn mind, or moments where they only wanted to feel each other's touch and ended up in a tumble under his sheets. Although it was usually a mix of them all._

_Draco suddenly stood up and turned to face her. She looked up at him with a happy-confused look on her face, then watched as he extended one hand out to her. "How about a dance, Granger?"_

_Hermione stared at him. "What?"_

"_Dance, Granger. It's when a person, or in this case two, moves in time to the music."_

"_But there's no music playing."_

_Draco flicked his wand, and soft music began playing from a stereo she hadn't noticed in the corner, and she spun round in her seat to see it._

"_You have a muggle stereo?" Hermione asked, surprised before turning back to face him._

"_Well it's one invention of theirs that I'm particularly fond of. Their music isn't bad either. So how about a dance?" he asked again, moving his hand closer to her._

_Hermione blushed slightly and smiled, taking his outstretched hand and letting him pull her up. Draco wrapped his other arm around her waist and she instinctively put her hand on his shoulder. She looked into his eyes and found they were warm and comforting, like pools of molten silver. Once again she couldn't help but feel plain next to him while he looked like an Adonis in his beautiful manor. _

_Draco smiled. "Do you know how lovely you look when you're blushing?" he asked as they began to move on the spot, which only made her blush more. He pulled her closer and dipped his head so that his mouth was next to her ear. "Absolutely beautiful"._

_Hermione couldn't help herself from closing her eyes and losing herself in the moment. It felt so right to be there with him dancing in his living-room like they had no care in the world. She gently leaned her head on his shoulder, basking in his warmth and firm hold. Draco moved them smoothly with the music and it felt like the most graceful movements despite them never moving from their spot by the couch._

_Draco let go of her hand and wrapped it around her waist to meet his other, so Hermione looped her arms around his neck, standing straight again and looking into his eyes. A million questions were burning in her mind again about what they were doing, but as usual she bit them back, not wanting to tread into dangerous territory that could end everything._

_Draco, on the other hand, was trying to find the courage to voice his feelings. It had been a few months since she had come running to his manor in the middle of the night, the night they had finally slept together. He had obviously developed feelings for her well before then, but they had only strengthened since. And it was in no way purely a physical attraction. While he didn't think they had progressed far enough for him to ask Hermione to leave her husband, he was very tempted to admit he had some feelings. _

_He was just terrified he would scare her off._

"_You look very deep in thought," Hermione observed._

"_So do you," Draco countered._

_Hermione shrugged. "Guess we've both got a lot on our minds."_

"_Never thought there would be a day you didn't," Draco teased her with a small smirk._

"_And what about you, Mr Malfoy, do you often have a lot on your mind?" Hermione asked playfully, moving closer to him so their chests were pressed together as they swayed on the spot. _

"_I seem to have a lot more since you came into my life," Draco said in a tone that seemed playful, but they could both hear the sincerity and almost painful truth behind it._

"_Really?" Hermione asked nervously._

_Draco nodded. "Well... I would say it was inevitable. I mean, this is a rather... delicate situation we're in, so naturally I'd be thinking about it more." That, and the fact that he had deep feelings for her. Why couldn't he just bloody say it?_

"_Oh, right" Hermione said slowly. "I guess that makes sense."_

_Neither of them spoke any further, just swaying and holding each other while they were locked in deep thought. Draco was watching Hermione intently, while she was looking away slightly, avoiding his eyes while she bit her bottom lip._

"_Granger" Draco broke her out of her thoughts, then crushed his lips to hers when she looked at him again. "You're thinking too much," he stressed once they broke apart. "It's giving _me _a headache."_

"_Sorry," Hermione said sheepishly. "Guess it's just a habit now."_

_Draco kissed her sweetly again, deepening it ever so slightly so that she felt content yet still craving more at the same time. And it did stop her from thinking so much for a moment, and judging by the self-satisfied smirk on Draco's face when he pulled back, he was well aware of that fact._

_Hermione just shook her head. "You're unbelievable."_

"_That's what I hear," Draco replied, his smirk still in place._

_They danced until the song finished, and Draco pulled her in for another kiss, his lips lingering longer than before._

"_Mmm, that was lovely" Hermione murmured, resting her forehead against his._

"_The dancing or the kissing?"_

_Hermione smiled. "Both."_

* * *

><p><strong>I'm terrified of what you do, my stomach screams just when I look at you<strong>

**Run far away, so I can breathe **

**Even though you're far from suffocating me**

**I can't set my hopes too high cause every hello ends with a goodbye**

It was reaching the evening of the third night Hermione, Amelia, Tom and Drake were spending at The Leaky Cauldron, and Hermione planned it to be their last. Tomorrow they would head elsewhere, to a small village near the south coast that had a privately-owned Bed and Breakfast catering purely to wizards. From there, she hoped to find some form of day care for the kids while she got herself a job. Preferably, one that was as close to home as possible. That way she could be near the kids if they needed her and her mind wouldn't be plagued by worries about them.

One idea that had been rattling around her head the few days they were stuck in The Leaky Cauldron had been the idea of writing for the Daily Prophet. If she explained that she was unable to actually go to work, then hopefully they would let her just owl them her articles. What she would write about, she had no idea, but she had always loved reading. Maybe she could do reviews of different books? She was sure they didn't do anything like that at the moment. And with working from home, she could fit her hours around the kids, not to mention it didn't matter if they suddenly had to move to a new spot.

So with her plan mostly decided, Hermione packed up the majority of their belongings into her bag. She had already managed to contact her previous work (a task that had terrified her to no end in case she was caught) and told them she wouldn't be returning. She had also had a moment of brilliance, and asked that the remaining money she was due from her maternity leave was put into her account, instead of the one she shared with Ron. It was her money after all.

Looking around the room, she decided everything was packed that they didn't need later that night or in the morning. Drake was sleeping comfortably in his crib, while Tom and Amelia were playing with some toys on the bed. She supposed this was a better time than any to pay for their room and inform them that they were leaving the next morning.

Slipping quietly out of the room, she walked the short length of the dim corridor to the stairs, following the gentle chatter of people downstairs in the pub. It sounded fairly quiet, which she found rather surprising for the time of day.

Just as the stairs turned to get a full view of the bar, she saw him. He was standing at the bar, and looked like he was asking a question. Hermione urged her feet to move, but they may as well have been glued to the step. She just watched him, terrified that he would turn around and see her, but she still couldn't move. Her heart beat dramatically, her palms sweating against the wood of the banister.

Draco seemed to be in an argument with the man at the bar, and Hermione moved her attention from her raging heart beats to his words.

"...sure I saw her coming into this bar a few times, so she must have booked a room here!"

"I'm sorry, sir, but even if she _was_ here, we aren't permitted to give away personal details about our guests. I'm sorry I can't be of more help."

"You don't understand, _I_ _need to talk to her! _It's important!"

"Unless you work for the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, and have a warrant for investigating our guests, there is nothing I can do. Good day, sir."

The man at the bar disappeared into the back, and Draco's shoulders slumped in defeat. Dropping his elbows onto the bar, he ran his hands over his face and through his hair. Sighing, he stood up straight while rubbing his chin with one hand and turned away from the bar. And froze.

Hermione's breath hitched, and she was still. She had forgotten how to move, how to breathe. The increase in her heart's rapid beats was the only thing letting her know she was still alive; everything else was a complete blank as her brain shut off. Her hand gripped the banister painfully, wooden splinters breaking skin.

"Granger?"

That one word broke her out of her stunned paralysis, and all of a sudden her breath was coming out in pants, her mind began to churn again and her muscles worked once more. Turning suddenly, she sprinted up the stairs, the sound of heavy footsteps on wooden floorboards letting her know that he was chasing after her. She forced herself not to panic as she ran to her room, her only thought being to put as much space as possible between her and him. She had no clue what he would be like when they finally met. Would he be angry? Upset? Hurt? Beg her to come back to him? Hermione didn't think she could handle any of those options at the moment.

Her room in sight, she cast a wandless spell to open the door. Rushing inside, she slammed it shut and locked it. She then moved over to the bed where Tom and Amelia were playing. "Amelia, grab some toys and take your brother-"

A hurried knock on the door caused her to jump, but she forced herself to ignore it. "Take Tom into the bathroom and stay there until I tell you to come out. Do you understand me?"

"But mum, why-"

He knocked again.

"Please, Amelia." Hermione begged. "Please, just do what I say. Everything's okay, but I need you to do this."

Amelia just nodded and grabbed some toys while Hermione picked up Tom and followed her to the bathroom, ignoring the knocking on the door that started again.

"Mummy, who's at the door?" she asked, starting to get scared now.

"No-one, honey" Hermione answered, placing Tom on the soft bath mat that lay on the floor. "Please try not to be scared. I promise you everything will be okay."

Amelia nodded again, straightening her back. "Okay, mum."

Hermione hurried out of the room and closed the door, casting a silencing charm so that they couldn't hear anything. Taking a deep breath, she edged over to the door. She noticed Drake wriggling in his crib, obviously distressed over all the noise. Despite knowing she could do little to sooth him while she was in this state, she picked him up and held him close, the feeling that he may disappear coming back to her. If Draco did know the truth and tried to take Drake away from her, she didn't know what she would do.

Standing in front of the door, Drake held close to her chest, she cleared her throat, but words failed to come to her.

Draco knocked on the door again. "Granger? I saw you run into this room, so I know you're there. You can't apparate out of the rooms, so you have to be there."

Hermione found herself leaning against the door. Despite everything, his voice still made her want to reach out to him, to collapse in his arms and just let him hold her forever.

"Hermione, I just want to talk to you. That's all. Please."

Hermione swallowed a small cry, sinking to the floor with her back against the door. This was too hard, too much. She knew she wanted some space between the two of them, but on hearing his voice she was finding it so hard to remember why.

"If you don't want to see me... that's fine. But I need to tell you something. It's important. Not to me, but to you, and you need to hear it...will you just let me know that you're listening?"

Hermione sat there, wondering what to do. It would be so simple to just ignore him, let him leave and she could get on with her life like she wanted. At the same time, she needed to hear what he had to say since it was so important. And... she just didn't want him to leave yet.

Raising one hand, she knocked it gently against the door.

She heard Draco breathe a sigh of relief. "Okay. Ever since you left, Weasley has been going around acting like the caring, worried husband we both know he isn't. He's been spinning some tale to the whole wizarding world about how he got home from the ministry party to find the house in shambles. He's... he's telling everyone that you and the kids were kidnapped, and he's offering a reward to whoever finds you."

Hermione scoffed to herself. _I'd like to see where he finds the money for the reward._

"And by doing that," Draco continued, "he's basically got all of wizarding Britain looking for you. Everyone will be wanting to help find the missing third of the Golden Trio and her lovely children, and bring them back to her loving husband. He doesn't even need to look for you anymore; he's got about a thousand eyes all over Britain now."

Hermione closed her eyes and leaned her head gently against the door. He really seemed to have her trapped.

"That's not all," Draco said, and she could hear his voice sounded tense. "This whole 'kidnapped wife' story he's got, it's also a good cover for what he's actually doing... which is getting a group of Snatcher-like people after you."

Hermione took a deep, shuddering breath. She had read reports about these 'Snatchers'. After Voldemort fell, the organisation of Snatchers naturally fell too, as their only interest had been rounding up muggle-borns and blood-traitors. But recently, a very similar group began to emerge, the only difference being that they didn't care who they were rounding up. As long as they were paid the right price they would hunt after anyone. They were just as cruel as the original Snatchers, though. She didn't even know how Ron could have possibly gotten in touch with them. The organisation was very underground, meaning you had to know the right people to seek a meeting with them. Since when was Ron involved in _that _side of the wizarding world? She felt like crying, knowing who she was married to and what extent he would go to to bring her back. How were she and the children going to outrun them?

"Hermione" Draco said softly through the door. "You have to leave the wizarding world. The muggle world is the only place you'll be safe. And if you can..." there was a lengthy silence. "leave the country. Just get as far away from here as possible."

Hermione sobbed, and Draco must have heard it. "You'll be okay, Hermione. You're a strong, gifted witch, who can do anything you set your mind to. You and the kids will be safe. I know you will."

Hermione wished now more than ever that the door between them didn't exist, that it would just melt away and they could be re-united like her heart desired. But the wood was apparently as stubborn as her mind. Draco hadn't spoken for a while, and Hermione wondered if he was still there. She actually found herself hoping he was. But she was supposed to be starting a new life, not running after something that went wrong in her past. Yet he seemed so concerned about her safety, so desperate to keep her safe that he was sacrificing any chance he had to be with her by telling her to leave.

Maybe things could be different this time. Maybe they could really sort out their feelings for each other, and have the life they both wanted. Maybe he could help protect her from Ron.

Maybe maybe maybe.

_Screw it _she thought to herself, a hard and determined look on her face. Quickly standing up, she turned to the door and wrenched it open.

"Draco-"

But the hall was completely empty.

* * *

><p><strong>Yeah, I'm not overly proud of this chapter, but I hope it was okay. I promise the next will be better! And again, thanks to <span>sailorroxy<span> for the idea about working for the Daily Prophet.**

**So please, leave a review, and I'll have the next chapter up soon :)**

**Songs Used**

**Rootless by Marina and the Diamonds**

**I Want To Walk You Home by Fats Domino (this song was actually used on a tv programme where I got some of the inspiration for this fic. I instantly fell in love with the song, and I picture that's what Draco and Hermione are dancing to)**

**Catch Me by Demi Lovato**


	13. The Reason Is You

**Hope you all like this chapter, some serious stuff is starting to happen!**

**Oh, and I dedicate this chapter to The Wolf Who Walks Alone for the lovely list of songs she recommended I listen to. Her reviews are pretty awesome too :)**

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><p><strong>S<strong>**he's all laid up in bed with a broken heart**

**While I'm drinking jack all alone in my local bar**

**And we don't know how, how we got into this mad situation**

**Only doing things out of frustration**

**Trying to make it work but man these times are hard**

Draco was nursing a glass of firewhiskey with a frown on his face and a look of defeat in his slumped shoulders. He had decided to leave his manor tonight, purely for a different setting as he drank himself into blissful forgetfulness. It was a better way of relieving his stress than chucking random things across rooms and throwing various hexes at other inanimate objects. Which he seemed to be spending an awful lot of time doing nowadays.

But he couldn't help it. He couldn't remember the last time his emotions were so close to the surface, bubbling dangerously and threatening to explode at any time. The only time he could think of that closely resembled this feeling was his sixth year. While he had been able to control himself in the presence of others (besides the encounter with Potter that led to them duelling in the bathroom) it was a different story when he was alone. Nearly every visit to the Room of Requirement involved him breaking down in some way, something his father would surely have scolded him for. Not that he would have even had the chance. He was too busy being locked up in Azkaban.

But even with the knowledge that his father would be disappointed in him if he saw him, he couldn't help becoming a mess when he couldn't get the vanishing cabinet to work properly, and he vented his frustration in a similar way to what he was doing now - destroying anything in sight.

He supposed that was an advantage of being out of school; he could now drink himself into a stupor when he stopped finding satisfaction from mindless destruction.

He quickly downed what was left in his glass and immediately ordered another. He wasn't getting drunk enough in his opinion.

He took a sip, barely wincing at the burning feeling travelling down his throat. He continued to frown into the liquid, wishing he could find his ignorant state sooner.

"Whatever the firewhiskey did to piss you off so much, Malfoy, I'm sure it's sorry."

Draco didn't even bother to turn his head towards the man that had just sat on the stool next to him. "What the bloody hell do you want, Blaise?"

Blaise chuckled. "I decided to get a drink, then thought it would be nice to catch up with a good friend who just so happened to be in the same bar I arrived at."

"Why don't you go find him then?" Draco muttered irritably.

"Harsh, Draco," Blaise said, placing one hand over his chest in a mock show of hurt. "You sure know how to wound a person."

"You'll see what wounded feels like once I get my hands on my wand."

Blaise just laughed at him again and ordered a glass of firewhiskey for himself. _Blaise Zabini never could take a hint_, Draco thought.

"So, you going to tell me what's got you in such a foul mood?" Blaise asked once he had taken a sip of his drink.

"No," Draco replied curtly.

"Stop being such a wanker, mate, and tell me what the hell's wrong."

"What the fuck has it got to do with you?" Draco exclaimed, turning to look at him for the first time since Blaise had arrived.

Blaise shrugged. "I hear it's what people do when their childhood friends are obviously frustrated."

"We're not a pair of bloody Hufflepuffs, Blaise."

"Got that right," Blaise agreed before taking another sip. He noticed with a raised eyebrow that Draco had already finished his and was ordering another. "Aiming to get yourself completely pissed, I see."

"Something like that," Draco said simply, taking a gulp of his firewhiskey.

"Well you're certainly on the right track. So do you want to tell me what your problem is now?"

Draco sighed. "I... I can't tell you everything."

Blaise nodded. "Fair enough. So why don't you tell me what you can?"

Draco picked up his glass again. "I'm going to need to get a whole lot drunker," he muttered as he took another gulp. Slamming his glass back down, he cleared his throat. He wondered what he _could _say. He couldn't say much about the Union. Merlin knew what Blaise would think about that. And he definitely couldn't go into a lot of detail about his relationship with Granger. When had his life become so full of secrets? Granted, there had always been some around his family while he was younger, hiding how much it was into the Dark Arts and how involved they had been with Voldemort. And after the war had ended, he had hoped that it would be the end of any secrets he had to keep.

But then he ran into Granger.

Then his father decided to help form this stupid Union of the Runespoor.

Secrets were just becoming harder to avoid now.

Blaise was waiting patiently for him to start, and Draco was beginning to regret implying there was anything he could tell him.

Draco took a quick sip. "Okay, you know how my father has been back in town for a while now?" he asked, and Blaise nodded. "Well, he's got me involved in some stuff that I really would rather not be involved in. And I can't tell you what it is," he added quickly when Blaise opened his mouth to speak. "And you sure as hell can't go around telling anyone else what I'm telling you."

Blaise scoffed. "Give me some credit, Malfoy. I was never one to ignore the Slytherin loyalty we all had."

Draco nodded. "Fair enough."

"So that's it?" Blaise asked. "It's just your father and what he's doing that's got you all stressed?"

Draco hesitated for a moment, his voice trapped in his throat as he contemplated what to reply to that.

"No..." he said slowly. "No, that's not it."

Blaise didn't say anything, just took another sip of firewhiskey as he waited for him to continue, knowing that he would. He had known Draco well enough over the years to be able to read him fairly well, and he knew that he wasn't about to drop their conversation. He was just debating over what to say.

Draco made a quiet sound that was close to a growl. Whatever he was trying to say, it was causing him quite a bit of pain. Blaise guessed that whatever he was going to admit would be taking a hammering on his pride.

"I met a girl," he suddenly threw out.

"Okay," Blaise drawled as he swirled his glass. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but that isn't usually a thing guys get unhappy over."

"Shut up, Zabini," Draco snapped. "You know I'm not finished."

Blaise just smirked and took another drink. "Okay, what's wrong with her then?"

"She's married," Draco muttered, turning his attention back to the bar top.

He heard the gentle _thump _as Blaise put his glass down. "You've been fucking a married woman?" he asked in disbelief. Draco didn't look at him, but Blaise could see that he was irritated by his choice of words. "What the fuck were you thinking?"

"Clearly, I _wasn't _thinking," Draco growled.

"Come on, Draco, if you needed a good shag there are plenty of single women-"

"Would you stop that?" Draco demanded, raising his head up to glare at him.

"What?"

"Just, stop saying it like that!"

"What the fuck are you talking ab-" Blaise suddenly stopped as comprehension came to him. "Ah. It wasn't just a matter of you shagging some woman, was it?"

Draco didn't reply, choosing instead to drain his glass. When was this alcohol going to start kicking in?

Blaise decided to continue with his own conclusions. "You feel a lot more for her, don't you?"

"Maybe," Draco muttered, avoiding eye contact with him again.

"What about her?"

"What do you mean?"

Blaise rolled his eyes. "How does she feel?"

Draco sighed, at least being able to say one completely truthful thing to him. "I haven't got a fucking clue."

"Well here's a crazy idea," Blaise said in a patronising tone which made Draco scowl, "why don't you ask her?"

"You want me to ask a married woman what she feels for me?"

Blaise shrugged. "Well you're clearly obsessed with her-"

"I'm not obsessed, you son of a bit-"

"So it stands to reason that she might feel the same."

Draco just shook his head. "It's far more complicated than you could possibly imagine."

"But you can't tell me, right?" Blaise guessed.

"Yup," Draco replied, popping the 'p' while his thumbs traced the rim of the glass he was holding in his hands.

"Shit, mate, you're not in love with her, are you?"

"Fuck off."

"Because if you are, you are officially screwed."

Draco scowled at his glass. "You know this is really none of your business-"

"Sounds like you do love her-"

"I told you, it's none of your business-"

"Well you brought it up-"

"Yes, but it's complicated-"

"What could be so fucking complicated-"

"She left!" Draco yelled out, irritated and frustrated. "I pushed her away and she fucking left! Not just me, but her husband too! I have no fucking idea where she is!"

Blaise stayed silent while Draco tried to calm down. So much for his hope of an emotionless evening.

Sighing, Blaise ordered another drink and pushed it into Draco's hands. "Drink," he ordered.

Draco complied, working on auto-pilot as he tried to sort through everything. He hadn't wanted to erupt like that, but Blaise just _wouldn't shut the fuck up! _And it forced every thought that he had been trying to push down to come back to the surface, and he hated himself for losing control. But that was just what he did, wasn't it? He would get frustrated and end up in a rage where he did things that he would later come to regret.

"Do you think she'll ever come back?" Blaise asked quietly.

"I have no fucking idea. Who knows what goes through that woman's head, because I sure as hell don't," Draco admitted. It hurt to think that she might never come back, but hadn't he been the one that told her to leave the country? He was putting her safety before his happiness, something he had never considered doing before without being forced into it.

Salazar help him, when had he become such a bloody Gryffindor?

Blaise grasped Draco's shoulder tightly. "Be patient, mate. She's bound to come round eventually. Since when was there a woman you couldn't get?"

Draco gave a humourless chuckle and took another drink. "Round about the same time I met her."

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><p><strong>What hurts the most was being so close<strong>

**And having so much to say **

**And watching you walk away**

**And never knowing what could've been**

**And not seeing that loving you**

**Is what I was trying to do**

Hermione woke up the next morning to the distant smell of fresh sea air and the sound of harsh winds rattling the window-panes while rain hammered on the glass. It was hard to imagine she had been able to sleep through the noise at all, but when she looked at the clock on her bedside table she realised she hadn't really slept that long anyway. It was only four in the morning, and she pulled the blanket over her head in hopes of a few more hours of blissful sleep. She was absolutely exhausted from all the rushing around she and the kids had done the day previously, ducking in and out of hotels, B&Bs and inns in the pouring rain, hoping one of them had a room available. And of course, they had to be muggle buildings. She wouldn't dare risk staying in a wizarding hotel after what Draco had told her.

She still couldn't believe what he had told her that day. Yes, she had expected Ron to put up a bit of a fight to get her back, but never did she imagine he would take such dark actions. Since when did Ron Weasley get _snatchers_ to find people? Not to mention he was deceiving all of wizarding Britain into thinking she wanted to be found. Once word got out that she had been spotted somewhere, she doubted she would even have time to explain that she didn't want to return before she was taken home.

And for Draco to come and tell her all this... she wondered how he managed to handle himself so well. It was hardly a secret that he wanted to see her again, so how difficult must it have been to tell her to run away? It surely took a large amount of bravery to do what he did.

She felt a small smile grace her lips for just a moment. Her Gryffindor qualities seemed to have rubbed off on him. He wouldn't like that.

But it was undeniable that he had been completely selfless that evening, which was probably why she had felt the urge to open the door to him. The decision had shocked her; she was always one to plan, yet she had spontaneously decided to trust Draco in that moment, something she had been sure she would spend months debating over, analysing the pros and cons and deciding what would need to be different the next time she let him back in her life. After all, there was still the issue of these meetings he had been attending and what the group stood for. She was about to trust him despite all that? Maybe it had been a good thing that he wasn't there anymore when she opened the door. Although she couldn't deny the idea of running to him when she was in the trouble she was now gave her a very safe and warm feeling. She just wished she had been able to say _something_ before he left.

But instead she was stuck here alone, in a tiny hotel near the south coast. Draco's suggestion to leave the country had been bouncing round her head when she was finding a new place to stay, but she just couldn't bear the thought of leaving her old life behind completely. Finding a new place to restart her life was one thing, leaving the country completely was another. So she felt that her decision to stay near the English Channel reflected her indecision over where her future rested. Should she suddenly decide that leaving the country was the best option for her and the children, then it was just a short ferry ride to France and their new lives. She just really hoped it wouldn't have to come to that.

Because truthfully, the idea of being in a different country from Draco caused her far too much pain. If she allowed herself to think rationally, she would probably say that she loved him. But she didn't let herself think rationally over that. Wasn't she meant to be moving on? Or at least trying to move on? But even she had to admit it shouldn't hurt as much as it did.

Sighing, she rolled over and prayed for an easy solution to come to her while she slept.

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><p>A few days later, Hermione was downstairs in the reception with Drake on her hip as she paid for her stay for another week. The woman behind the desk, Mary, was probably around sixty years old, and so far seemed like an uncommonly kind person. She was always doing that little bit extra in her job that made everyone's stay much more comfortable, and in return the guests were always polite and offered her a smile whenever they saw her.<p>

"Are you staying for a while, dear?" she asked, smiling at Drake who was reaching his hand out to her.

"I'm not sure, really," she replied, also smiling down at Drake. "I'm just seeing how things go at the moment."

"I see," Mary replied. She probably knew that there was something not quite right going on – after all, how many times do you come across a woman alone with three kids and no idea how long they're staying? – but she was polite enough not to pry into their business.

She watched Hermione shift Drake slightly on her hip as she handed over some money, and seemed to be deciding whether or not to say something.

"May I ask you something, dear?"

"Of course," Hermione smiled.

"Well, I couldn't help but notice that you always have your kids with you wherever you go, and that must make it rather difficult to get anything done. My daughter runs a drop-in day-care centre just round the corner, and it's a very low fee."

"Oh," Hermione said. "Thank you, but I really don't have the extra money right now for any kind of day-care."

"But that's the thing, dear, it's free of charge to anyone that stays in this hotel."

Hermione almost dropped Drake in shock. "Really?"

Mary nodded her head. "You can drop the kids off and pick them up anytime you want, completely free of charge."

"Well that, that's perfect!" Hermione stuttered.

Mary smiled. "Of course, with regard to your daughter, she is welcome there also but my daughter doesn't do education for older children."

"Amelia's home-schooled," Hermione replied quickly. "I teach her in my free time."

"Well that's lovely. I'll let my sister know that you were interested."

"Thank you so much, Mary, really. You have no idea how much this helps me."

Mary just waved one wrinkled hand. "It's nothing, dear. I'm happy to help."

Hermione smiled to her and headed back up the stairs, feeling like a weight had been lifted from her chest. A free day-care service was exactly what she needed right now. She had sent a letter to the Daily Prophet asking if there was any space in the paper for her to write any kind of article they wanted, just as long as she could work from home. She would be under a false name, of course, but they didn't need to know that. Unfortunately, she had yet to hear back from them and she was worried that she would have to find work elsewhere. But with no idea how to handle that and the children, her outlook was pretty bleak.

But now she had a place to leave them during the day. Granted, Amelia's situation was a bit more tricky. She wasn't sure how she was meant to explain that Amelia was home-schooled if Hermione was at work and she was in a day-care centre all day, but she was sure she could come up with a solution. She still had a nervous knot in her stomach at the idea of leaving her children alone (what if she came back for them one day and found they had been taken?) but she told herself to relax. No-one knew where she was at the moment, not even Draco or Ginny, and she highly doubted anyone would think to look for her here, in a tiny sea-side village with no wizarding connections whatsoever.

Yes, she was starting to feel a little bit safer here. This would be a good place to start setting up their lives again.

Entering her room (which was thankfully bigger than the one at The Leaky Cauldron), Hermione glanced over to Tom and Amelia who were playing with some toys on the floor, dressed in huge woolly Weasley jumpers to fight the cold. Hermione walked over to place Drake back in his crib, but the second she had put him down he started to fuss.

"What's wrong, baby?" Hermione murmured, gently running one hand over his chest. Drake refused to settle, so she picked him back up again and began going over the usual routine. He didn't need changed and he wasn't hungry, so she picked up a random toy to see if he was just bored. But he didn't show much interest in it, preferring to just curl into Hermione's arm, getting as much contact with her body as possible.

Hermione frowned. This wasn't normal behaviour for Drake. He had never been so... clingy. She began to gently rock him, humming gently until she thought he was asleep. But as soon as she placed him back in the crib, he began whimpering again and waving his limps about, clearly distressed.

Hermione's heart clenched. She didn't care that it was common for young infants to cry over any little thing, she couldn't bear to see it and wanted nothing more than to make them happy again. Teaching Amelia and Tom to sleep in their own bed for a whole night without her coming to see them had been absolutely agonising.

Hermione picked Drake up again and his whimpers immediately died down, but he continued to sniffle every now and then. She gently brushed his hair back, and that was when she realised his temperature was slightly raised. It was barely noticeable, but she was sure that was what Drake was so upset over. He quickly gave a little motion that she assumed was meant to be a sneeze, and he promptly burst into tears.

"Shhh, shhh, it's okay, Drake," Hermione soothed, holding him close and rocking him. She quickly summoned over her bag, and searched through it with one hand while she rocked Drake with the other to find his spare blanket. Once she felt the soft material, she tugged it out and wrapped Drake in it to keep him as warm as possible. She had a little pack of potions and ingredients in her bag, but she didn't think any of it was suitable for an infant. Any potion they needed had to be brewed slightly differently, with even the ingredients prepared in a different manner. And she wasn't willing to risk making Drake's condition worse.

When they finally went to bed that night, Hermione took Drake into bed with her as he was still kicking up a fuss anytime she put him down. Even when he was sleeping he seemed to know when she wasn't nearby. She was also hoping her extra body heat would help cure his cold. Keeping him close by with an arm draped carefully over his body, Hermione hoped he would be well again by morning.

Unfortunately, she wasn't so lucky. If anything, his condition seemed worse, and she was worried it could develop into a proper flu. It looked like she didn't have any other option. She would have to go to Diagon Alley.

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><p>Hermione had dropped Amelia, Tom and Drake off at the day-care as early as she could, apologised for handing Drake over in such a bad state, and promised to be back as soon as she got some medicine for him. Her broke slightly as Drake began crying again when she passed him over, and she pressed a quick kiss to his over-heated forehead and whispered a promise to be back soon. She then kissed Tom and Amelia goodbye, then left the building and disappeared into a side alley. Once she was there, she removed a small mirror from her bag and her wand from her pocket, and quickly began altering her appearance. She charmed her hair black and moved it so it covered more of her face, then changed her eyes blue. Finally, she pulled on a cloak that she had enlarged so it seemed to swamp her. She debated whether or not to put the hood up. While it would help covering her face, it would surely look a little suspicious. No-one wore their hoods up around Diagon Alley.<p>

Taking a deep breath to steady herself, she stored her mirror away and disapparated.

It was strange seeing The Leaky Cauldron looking exactly like it did when she left just a week ago. While she had been on the run, she had almost forgotten that the rest of the world continued on without her. A part of her expected to see things just a little darker, a little more run down, so that they reflected how her life felt at the moment. But the bar was exactly the same, with it's odd collection of customers and the man behind the bar. The courtyard in the back was still littered with green weeds, and the wall opened the same way it always did. The shops continued to be bright and welcoming, and the shoppers darted about merrily as they always had.

Hermione felt too exposed walking down Diagon Alley, like she expected everyone to suddenly turn and grab her, claiming to have found missing Hermione Weasley and trying to calm her, assuring her that everything was alright and she would be reunited with her husband soon. If only they knew that was the last thing she wanted. Despite charming her hair to a different colour and style, altering her eye colour, and covering herself with baggy clothes, she was sure she would be recognised by someone.

Quickly heading into the apothecary, she headed straight over to the potions and creams for health care, scanning the shelves for a more dilute version of the Pepperup Potion that she could give to Drake, or Tom if he came down with the cold, too. She decided she better stock up on some of the stronger stuff for her and Amelia just in case, and used the last few sickles she had to pay for it. All the wizarding money she had left was a few galleons and a handful of knuts, and the rest had been transferred into muggle money. Nodding her head as a thanks to the witch behind the desk, she left the shop as hastily as she could without looking suspicious and hurried up the street.

But she couldn't shake the feeling that she was being watched, and her palms began to sweat as she placed one hand into her pocket to grab a hold of her wand.

_It's just your imagination, Hermione, it's just your imagination _she chanted to herself. But she still felt extremely uncomfortable, and her footsteps quickened even more. Just a short distance more and she would be in the courtyard of the Leaky Cauldron, and she could disapparate back to the hotel where she was sure no-one would think to look for her.

She was just passing the final alleyway when he grabbed her.

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><p><strong>I'm sorry that I hurt you<strong>

**It's something I must live with every day**

**And all the pain I put you through**

**I wish that I could take it away**

**And be the one who catches all you tears**

Hermione toppled slightly after the crushing feeling of apparation, a side effect of not expecting it, and was just regaining her footing when her captor spoke from behind her. "What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?" he demanded.

Hermione's breath stopped for just a moment when she recognised the voice and where she was, and she whipped round to face him. "What am _I _doing? You can't just go around kidnapping people, you know!"

Draco had the decency to look sheepish for a split second, but it quickly disappeared as his anger returned. "I'll have you know that Diagon Alley was absolutely crawling with snatchers today! I'm amazed you made it as far as you did without being captured!"

Hermione's hands curled into fists at her sides. Did he think she was stupid? Unable to look after herself? Hadn't she spent nearly a year on the run with Ron and Harry when they were only seventeen? Did she not just get out of an abusive marriage and was now caring for her and her three children, all on her own? A little trip to Diagon Alley was hardly a huge risk for her.

"I'm not an idiot, Draco, I knew there was a risk coming back into the wizarding world, even for a short time. Did I not make sure to disguise myself before I left?" she demanded, furiously yanking her wand out of her pocket to return her appearance to normal.

Draco scoffed. "Please, Granger, I could tell it was you from the other side of the street."

"Well, maybe that's just because you..." Hermione trailed off slightly, a blush staining her cheeks as she bit her lip before continuing her thought. "You know me better."

Draco didn't say anything, just watched her standing there almost embarrassed. It seemed no matter how hard they tried they couldn't even go five minutes without acknowledging their past. He wasn't sure how he felt about that.

His shoulders slumped slightly. He had been tense from apprehension that Hermione was in danger, then furious that she had put herself in such a situation. The woman never failed to rouse a strong reaction from him. But now that she was finally safe he felt himself calm down a little, and he decided to at least hear her out. "Why were you in Diagon Alley then, when you know it's not safe for you?"

Hermione sighed and played with the hem of her top. "Drake got the cold, he was up all night crying because of it. I had to get him some potion, I couldn't bear to see him like that longer than necessary."

Draco swallowed while his head went into overdrive. Not because he knew his son was unwell, although it did concern him more than he ever thought it could, but because she had so casually said Drake's name. It was obvious that it was merely an accident and it had just slipped out from force of habit, but hearing her say his son's name instead of using a pseudonym gave him an elated feeling that was impossible to describe. It just seemed _right_, falling so effortlessly from her tongue as she spoke to him, like there wasn't nearly ten months of bad history between them.

Hermione suddenly looked worried but tried to hide it, and Draco guessed that she had just realised she had used the wrong name for Drake. Draco watched her carefully, a battle clearly going on behind her eyes about what she should do next. Act like her little slip never happened or tell him the truth? Draco found himself almost holding his breath to see what she would say.

Hermione's heart was beating furiously under her ribs as she realised she was forced into making a quick decision. Drake's name had just slipped out, but it was left hovering there and filled with hidden significance that could cause a dramatic change in her and Draco's lives. He was clearly suspicious, she could read it in his face, but any more words were failing to come to her. _What now? _she thought desperately, and she bit her lip. Draco's eyes immediately focussed on the small action, and she knew she was busted. She had never forgotten the day Draco told her he knew what it meant when she bit her lip. And it seemed he hadn't forgotten it's meaning either.

"Draco," she said softly, forcing herself to look into his eyes. "Draco, there's something I need to tell you."

This wasn't really fair, Draco suddenly thought. He already knew the truth, why force her to say something that was obviously causing her discomfort? They could talk about it so much more easily if he just confessed he already knew.

"Granger, it's okay-"

"No, I really need to tell you-" she continued.

"It's fine, Granger-" he insisted.

"Drake's your son."

The next few words Draco was going to say disappeared while his breath caught in his throat. Yes, the weaselette had already told him the truth about Drake, but hearing the words actually come from Hermione's mouth was like nothing he had ever heard before. It was almost like he hadn't fully believed the truth, but being told it from her made it real.

Sweet Merlin, he had a son.

He realised then that Hermione was watching him apprehensively, and a smile grew over his face. He didn't think he had ever felt happier in his life.

"I have a son," he said.

Hermione nodded, smiling slightly as well. "You have a son," she agreed. "Draco, I'm so sorry I didn't tell you the truth."

But Draco just shook his head. "I don't want you to apologise, Hermione. If it wasn't for what I did to you then you would never have felt the need to hide it from me." He stalled for a moment. "You... would have told me, right?"

"Of course!" Hermione exclaimed. "Draco, not telling you the truth caused me more pain than I ever thought possible. I wanted nothing more than to tell you everything, and if things hadn't ended the way they did between us then I would have told you almost straight away! I wouldn't care if there wasn't even a chance for us to be together, or what Ron would say, because you would need to know!"

Draco looked at her sadly. "I really hurt you, didn't I?"

Hermione looked at the ground, finding it impossible to meet his apologetic eyes anymore. "Yes, Draco," she whispered. "You did."

She heard footsteps on the wooden floor, then Draco's polished shoes came into her line of vision as she felt him in front of her. She still refused to look up at him, so he gently lifted her chin with his fingers.

"Hermione, look at me," he pleaded. She did as he asked, and was surprised to find her vision of him slightly blurry. She hadn't even realised she had started crying.

"I'm so, _so _sorry I hurt you. There isn't a day that goes by when I don't regret everything I said. You mean more to me than I ever thought a person could, and I would do anything to take back everything that went wrong between us."

"It's not just what you said, Draco," she whispered, trying to blink back some tears that threatened to fall. "It's what you did. Draco, this group you're in-"

"I'm not in it," he quickly interrupted. "Well, I am, but not in the way I should be."

Hermione's forehead creased. "Draco, you're confusing me. What are you trying to tell me?" she asked. Her heart couldn't help but soar ever so slightly when he said he wasn't in the group, but it quickly plummeted back down when he retracted his statement. She needed him to be clear before she let herself get her hopes up again.

"I'm still in the group," Draco confessed. "But I don't follow their ideas anymore. You were right about them, Hermione. I think a small part of me always knew that. But I wanted to hear what they had to say just a little longer. When you're only hearing one side of something, you're more likely to accept it. But I realised it was wrong."

"Why are you still with them then?" Hermione asked, hysteria starting to creep into her voice. Was he really still doing it even though he knew it was wrong? Her heart beat increased again, starting to feel unsafe around him. She wished he would hurry up and explain, his gentle grip on her chin was making her feel less and less safe...

"I'm watching them. Originally I was waiting to decide whether or not I should still support them. But I know now that they are only interested in power. But everything they're doing right now is still technically legal. I'm just waiting for them to make one bad move and then I can report them with all the first-hand evidence I need to successfully prosecute them."

Hermione couldn't believe her ears. Everything she thought she knew about Draco was changing so quickly she could barely keep up. But something was still nagging at her...

"You told me that a small part of you always knew that what they were planning was wrong," Hermione said slowly. "If that's true, then why did you fight with me so strongly about it that day?"

Draco sighed. "I'm a proud man, Hermione. You should know that about me by now. And when you accused me of being an idiot..."

"So you said everything you did just because I bruised your ego a little?" Hermione spluttered.

"That was only a small part of it. I was just so frustrated over our whole situation and everything I wanted to tell you but didn't and I just..." Draco ran a hand through his hair. "I couldn't make head nor tails of our relationship, situation, whatever you want to call it, and it irritated me. And I clearly don't handle things like that well."

"Clearly," Hermione agreed.

"But I swear to you, I regret everything I said to you that day, and all my actions since then. Well, it's hard to regret snogging you in your kitchen, but I regret that I didn't choose a better time," he grinned.

Hermione couldn't help but smile back. "What happened at the ministry...?" she prompted.

"Another huge mistake of mine," he admitted. "But dammit, Granger, you looked so bloody fantastic and it was hard for me to remind myself that you weren't mine anymore."

"You kept calling me 'Weasley'."

"My way of telling myself not to grab you and ravish you in the corridor."

"That would have been a bad choice," Hermione nodded, subconsciously gently playing with his tie. Draco dropped his hand from her chin and gently rubbed her arm. He was working himself up to ask her a question, and he was just praying that she would agree.

"Granger?"

"Hm?"

"Can I see my son?"

Hermione instantly stopped playing with his tie. In fact, she seemed to have frozen all together. She knew that by telling him the truth about Drake that he would inevitably want to see him, but she wasn't quite sure how to go about it. For goodness sake, she was meant to be on the run! Starting a new life! How was she meant to do that when her past kept popping up for fatherly visits?

"Um..."

"Granger, please."

He was gently rubbing both her arms now, and he had taken a small step closer to her. She could feel her hair ruffling slightly with his breaths, and it felt like the skin beneath his strong hands was burning. He was standing too close. Far too close.

"Draco," she said softly, trying to keep a clear head while she was inhaling his musky scent. Dear Merlin, it was like it was invading her entire body and mind. "It's just... it's complicated..."

"Granger," he murmured, and he was stroking a bit of her hair. He was even closer now, his head bent slightly towards hers. "Please let me see him."

Hermione shuddered at his cool breath brushing over her face, and she was trying to remember what they were discussing. "Draco, I can't think-"

But she couldn't finish her sentence even if she wanted to, because Draco's lips were on hers and suddenly there was nothing else in the world outside the room. She wrapped her arms around his neck and responded to his lips' gentle tugs and pulls, making him groan and wrap his arms around her waist. If she thought his scent had been invading her senses before, she was sorely wrong. His very essence seemed to be inside her, cushioning everything in a warm cloud that worked its way round her bloodstream, reaching every inch of her. Why had she been denying herself this for so long, when it was the best feeling she had ever had. His tongue was tracing her lips, begging her for entrance and she quickly obliged as she moved her hands up his neck and into his hair. Their tongues continued to dance together until Draco suddenly broke away and began placing warm kisses down her neck. Her whole body felt like it was on fire and she was struggling to breath, but she didn't feel compelled yet to tell him to stop.

"Will you let me see my son?" Draco suddenly asked between his kisses, and then proceeded to suck on her pulse point.

Hermione's eyes opened slightly as she tried to process her thoughts. She had completely forgotten what they were talking about, but she was sure there was some reason that she had been reluctant...

Draco suddenly bit down gently on her neck, and she cried out before her lips were once again covered by his.

"Granger," he murmured. "Will you let me see him?"

_Him,_ Hermione thought. Drake. Their son. Draco wanted to meet him and she was unsure because... damn it, she couldn't think with him doing this to her!

Draco moved one of his hands into her hair, and that was when she realised. He was doing this on purpose.

"Draco," she said against his lips, moving her hands down to his chest. "Draco, stop it!"

She pushed him away slightly, just so that there was enough space between them to breath, and she immediately missed his warmth. But she pushed it to the side. "You can't just do that, Draco! You can't just kiss me so that you get your way!"

Draco stood in front of her breathless, the glint of desire in his eyes quickly fading away. "I'm sorry, Granger."

"No you're not," Hermione scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest.

"No, Granger, I really am. I just... Granger, I want to see him."

Hermione sighed, she shoulders sagging and she loosened her rigid arms. "I know you do, Draco. It's just that nothing is going according to plan right now."

"I know, you want to move on and start a whole new life. Well would it be terribly selfish of me if I told you I'm glad things aren't going to plan? I may have told you to leave the country, but trust me that is the last thing I want you to do."

"I don't want to do that either."

Hermione took a deep breath and slowly released it, closing her eyes as she prepared what she was going to say. She knew she was taking a leap here, but it felt right somehow.

"Next to the hotel I'm staying at," she began slowly, "there's a large park on the border of a small forest. In the centre of the park is a large fountain, it's a pretty typical meeting place. I took the kids there once for a bit of fresh air." She took another deep breath. "I was planning on taking Drake out there again in two days. If you want... you can meet us there."

It was Draco's turn to be frozen on the spot for a moment before he swallowed heavily. "Really?"

Hermione nodded. "We'll be at the fountain about twelve o'clock."

Draco moved back over to her, and for a moment she thought he was going to kiss her again, but he simply hugged her tightly. "You have no idea how much this means to me, Hermione," he said into her hair.

Hermione simply put her arms around him as well until he broke apart with a kiss to her cheek.

"What does this mean about us?" he asked carefully.

"I'm not ready to be in a relationship with you again, Draco. Not just because I have no idea where my future is headed anymore, but because I'm not sure how much I trust you right now." She gently put one hand on his cheek and smiled sadly. "You're a good man, Draco, I know you are. Some wounds just take a long time to heal."

Draco just nodded then grabbed her hand from his cheek to place a quick kiss on her palm, then placed it gently back at her side. "I don't care how long it takes. I'll spend every waking moment proving to you that you can trust me again."

Hermione gave a proper smile. "I hope you do."

* * *

><p><strong>Yay, Hermione has got Draco back in her life! At least a little, she's really just doing it for Drake at the moment. Hope you liked this chapter and everything that happened, not much mention of Ron but there should be more of that in the next chapter :) So please, my lovely readers, review! Hope to hear from you :)<strong>

**Songs Used**

**For the First Time by The Script (recommended by The Wolf Who Walks Alone)**

**What Hurts the Most by Rascal Flatts**

**The Reason by Hoobastank**


	14. Resistance

**Finally back! I hate that it's been so long since I updated, but exams and work were taking up so much time. I'm pretty sure my work and college teamed up to try and kill me. Thank you to everyone who wished me luck on my exams, and I hope that they went well for you all too if you had them :)**

**Anyway, I made this chapter a bit longer to make up for my delay. Hope you like it, I'm rather fond of it :)**

**Dedication of this chapter goes to Sapphire2309 for a lovely long list of lyrics 3**

* * *

><p><strong>Is our secret safe tonight, and are we out of sight<strong>

**Or will our world come tumbling down?**

**Will they find our hiding place, is this our last embrace**

**Or will the walls start caving in?**

Hermione pulled her coat more tightly around her and altered her scarf, then made sure the blanket around Drake in the pram was as secure as possible. His cold was starting to fade away thanks to the pepper-up potion, but she wasn't taking any risks. He was already wearing a thick winter suit (a hand-me-down of Amelia's that had miraculously taken care of her and Tom and was still surviving long enough to take care of Drake), and had a woollen blanket beneath him and another on top. They were nearly half-way through December, and the wind had a cold bite to it and they were waking up to a layer of frost every morning.

The park was fairly empty, with only a few people here and there going for a quick walk. It was far too cold to spend a lot of time outside.

She pushed Drake along the tarmac path that cut through two large areas of grass, leading up to a large fountain in the centre. There wasn't any water coming out of the spout at the top of the fountain though; Hermione suspected they only turned it on in summer when the weather was nicer and there were more people to enjoy it. The pool at the base of the fountain was slightly murky, and seemed to be collecting dead leaves and stray twigs. If you looked really hard through the dull water and withering foliage, you could see a collection of copper coin wishes, forgotten by the muggles who had thrown them. Hermione fumbled in one of her coat pockets and found a stray one pence coin, then cast it into the water with a faint _plop._ '_Where's the harm?_' Hermione thought to herself.

She checked her watch. 11:55. Draco would be there in about five minutes. Her heart started racing at the thought. She didn't really have a reason to be anxious as she knew Draco and trusted him to be around Drake. Yet the whole idea made her a little nervous. She was about to introduce Draco to his son that she had kept hidden away from him for so long. He would be a month old in two days. A whole month, and Draco was only just meeting him now. She was a horrible person.

Hermione sighed and pushed the pram over to a nearby bench, wincing slightly as she sat on the cold wood. She wouldn't say she was wrong, per say, in not telling Draco about Drake, but that didn't mean she didn't feel bad about it, especially after she had spoken to him two days ago in his manor. She had thought Draco wasn't the same person anymore, and there was an underlying threat to her and the kids' safety. If Draco was becoming acquainted with Death Eaters again, she wanted nothing to do with him.

But of course he had revealed that that wasn't the case, and he was on the same side as her. She still couldn't believe the fact that he had fought so strongly for something he had doubts over just for his pride and ego. And yet it seemed so in tune with his personality that she couldn't bring herself to be really shocked over it. Just the fact that it had led to their ultimate fight.

She pushed the pram gently back and forth. She had agreed to let him see Drake again, as she believed she should. It wasn't right to keep him away any longer, especially now that he knew Drake was his son. But it didn't mean she was ready to start a relationship with Draco again. She had made that perfectly clear. In time, maybe they could build back up to it. But for now she was still seeing the man who hurt her and cast her aside, not the man who cared about her and was trying to protect her.

A movement in the corner of her eye caught her attention, and she carefully angled her head to get a better look without seeming suspicious. A man was casually strolling along a path, his hands deep in his pocket. _To fight the cold?_ she wondered. _Or to hide a weapon? _She knew she was being a little paranoid, this was a public park after all and was bound to have other people, but she refused to be caught unaware. That was one benefit of being in the second wizarding war, she supposed. She was always alert and ready. Although right after the war ended, she supposed she was _too _alert and ready. Poor Neville had nearly had his face cursed when he made the mistake of coming up behind her and grabbing her arm to get her attention the next year at Hogwarts. He had only wanted to borrow a Herbology book from her.

Hermione watched carefully as the stranger continued to walk closer to where she was sitting. Her breathing elevated a little, but she told herself to calm down. Just because he was getting closer didn't mean he was heading for her. There was still the possibility that he would take the path to the park entrance, the one she had just walked along in the opposite direction. Or maybe he just wanted to see the fountain. Hermione frowned. In weather like this, it was highly unlikely. She made a decision that if he did come over, she would move and wait for Draco elsewhere. Just in case.

Glancing quickly at Drake to make sure he was okay, she saw movement directly in line with the bench she was sitting on. There was another man casually walking forward in a straight line towards her, and she was pretty sure he was heading for the fountain.

She didn't like this; she didn't like this at all. Maybe she was just being irrational. Maybe these two men meant no harm to her and Drake whatsoever. And yet she couldn't shake the feeling of apprehension and dread as each agonising second passed, bringing the two men closer and closer.

Trying to feign casual movements like them, she gently lifted Drake out of the pram and pulled him close, hoping she just came across as a caring mother, not a terrified runaway. But as the men walked closer, she found it impossible to sit any longer. The expression 'sitting duck' came to mind, and she refused to feel vulnerable. Casually walking around a quarter of the fountain area, gently bouncing Drake like she was trying to sooth him, she turned slightly to see the location of the two men.

_Crap_, she thought.

They were a lot closer than they should be.

Watching them with wary eyes, she took a step back.

And another.

And another.

The trees that formed the start of the adjoining forest were just a few metres behind her, and a plan was forming in her mind. That was when she realised – her wand was still in the pram.

Could she chance a quick run to grab it? Or should she just aim straight for the trees? She suddenly felt useless, like a limb had been cut off. What good was a witch without her wand? She could do some wandless magic, but could she do enough to protect her and Drake and get them away safely?

The man with his hands in his pockets slowly removed his right hand, and that was enough for her. She knew what it looked like when someone was taking out a weapon. Turning on her heel, she sprinted towards the trees with Drake held tightly against her chest, wrapped up in his blanket to keep him secure. She heard one of the men firing a spell, and she blinked as the bright light hit against a nearby tree. Her vision suddenly had colourful dots as her eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness, and she stumbled forward, blinking desperately to try and clear it. She dodged behind a tree as another spell was sent flying at her, then continued to run forward. She remembered running through the forest with Harry and Ron while the snatchers were chasing them, and couldn't help but think how different yet similar these two experiences were. Both offered the unknown if she was caught, promises of misery and pain. The burn in her chest as her heart and lungs worked on overdrive was similar, too.

And then there were the differences. She was all alone this time, except for the one person who was entirely dependent on her. She didn't have Harry this time. Ron most likely sent the snatchers.

A sob escaped her throat at the thought, but she forced it down. Now was not the time to get emotional. She could cry when she was free.

Ducking under a low branch, she came up with an idea as she grabbed a pinecone. She had never done this before, but had read the theory of it once in a library book she had picked up for extra reading. During her seventh year, she had been determined that she wouldn't fall behind the level she expected of herself because of the war that had just ended, and she had spent many extra hours in the library, more so than usual, taking in any information she could. Especially, and luckily, on wandless and non-verbal magic.

Holding the pinecone tightly in her left hand as she ran, she gathered all the magic she could and forced it into her hand, then into the pinecone itself. Waiting for another spell to estimate where the snatchers were, she ducked to the left as one flew over her shoulder, then quickly turned and threw the pinecone in the direction it came from. Not stopping to see if she had done any damage, she continued forward, the bang and startled yell letting her know that her attack worked. Spotting another on the ground, she summoned it to her hand with a shouted "accio", then repeated her process. The spells being fired at her were slightly less frequent, and she guessed the snatcher she hit had fallen behind. Aiming over her shoulder, she threw the second pinecone, and there was a blast but no shout or yell. Maybe she missed. Frustrated tears sprung to her eyes as Drake began to whimper, and she just prayed she could get away soon.

Taking a sudden left, she hoped to throw them off her trail while gradually heading back to the park. If she could just get there with enough space between her and them, she should be able to grab her wand and apparate away. Unfortunately, she wasn't one hundred percent positive what direction the fountain was in. What if she emerged from the trees too far away? Were there more people waiting?

A spell from nowhere singed her back, and she yelped out, stumbling a little to the side. It had burned though her coat, jumper, and top, and her skin felt like it was being gently prodded with a hot poker. Trying desperately to dismiss the pain, she straightened up and continued to run. It was only at that moment that she remembered she was meant to be meeting Draco. Draco! Was it possible that he could hear the spells being fired? Would he see the flashing lights bounce off the trees? She hoped so.

Grabbing another pinecone, she forced magic into it and threw it towards the snatcher, but she knew even before it exploded with a weak bang that it wasn't as powerful as the others. She was growing tired and desperate, and the pain in her back was a distracting throbbing.

However, the spells stopped for a moment, and she knew the last one had done some damage. Hopefully now there was more space between them.

Veering slightly more to the left in what she hoped was the direction of the fountain, she heard the voices of the snatchers, and they sounded faint. Maybe she had finally outrun them. Taking a gamble, she leaped behind a wide tree, and was silent. Drake continued to whimper, but she gently bounced him, calming him down.

Over her heavy breaths, she could hear the crunch of branches and pine needles nearby. Just to her left she could see a movement in shadow, and she carefully edged around the tree, out of sight. When she glanced forward, she could see it. The dull grey light of day called to her, so close and yet so far. If she made a run for it, the noise would definitely call attention to her location and she doubted she would make it there without being caught. On the other hand, staying there seemed just as dangerous. Suppose they found where she was and blocked any escape?

_I hope Draco finds me..._

Hermione threw her head back on the tree. This wasn't supposed to happen. She was supposed to be meeting Draco by the fountain, and introducing him to his son for the first time. All the little nerves she had about the meeting seemed silly now in comparison. Draco deserved to see Drake, and now because of her reluctance and then being chased by snatchers, he might never get to.

Hermione closed her eyes, exhausted, clinging tightly to Drake. _Oh, Draco..._

Her eyes suddenly snapped open. She could hear a faint yelling, and for a moment she wondered if they had seen her.

Then the voice got louder.

"Granger!"

_He's here, _she thought with a smile. _He found me._

"Granger!"

His voice was getting louder, closer. She could hear the snatchers searching frantically for both her and the disembodied voice, and she knew she had to get to him. Fast.

"Draco!"

* * *

><p><strong>You were standing in the wake of devastation<strong>

**And you were waiting on the edge of the unknown**

**And with the cataclysm raining down, insides crying save me now**

**You were there, impossibly alone**

Draco arrived in a small street next to the park Hermione had directed him to, and he immediately shoved his hands in his coat pockets. The air was cold and unforgiving, the wind whipping harshly at his exposed skin.

Spotting the entrance to the park, which was a space in the small black metal fence surrounding it, he marched quickly over to it, a glance at his watch telling him it was four minutes to twelve. He picked up his pace, not wanting to be late. It would hardly give a good impression if he was, and he was already trying to do anything to make Granger trust him again. He felt that this moment was important, a breakthrough in their ten month separation. Maybe if this went well, he could convince her to stay in his life. The words she spoke at the manor before she left still rung in his ears, influencing every move he made that could concern her.

'_Some wounds just take a long time to heal.'_

Well, he would be damned if he gave any reason to add salt to those slowly healing wounds. He meant it when he said he would try and make her trust him again, and it wasn't something he took lightly. He had already lost her once, he wasn't planning on doing it again. He doubted he would ever recover the second time.

There was a small map that gave a crude outline of where everything was in the park, underneath hastily scribbled graffiti that informed him who had been there. Like he really cared. His eyes glanced over a play-area, duck pond, and a small shop that was only open April to October before he spotted the fountain. It seemed to be fairly close, but he knew the map wasn't drawn even closely to scale. Frowning, and wishing Granger had picked a better place to meet (preferably somewhere indoors), he took the path that would lead him to their meeting place.

Again he wondered at Granger's choice of location to see him. Did she not want him to know where she was currently living? But that idea seemed implausible, since she had already told him that this park was nearby to the hotel she was in. So he knew she lived somewhere in this area. Choosing the outdoors over a cafe or restaurant just didn't make sense to him, apart from the fact that she wanted to get Drake out for some fresh air. Surely the walk to the cafe would've been enough.

He shook his head. Once again, he had been left completely bamboozled by Hermione Granger. It wasn't a feeling he enjoyed.

After walking for a few minutes, he finally arrived at the fountain. Granger had said it was large, but it seemed fairly small and insignificant, nothing like the elegant fountains that were dotted around his garden at the manor. There wasn't even any water spurting out of it for Salazar's sake! He suspected they didn't bother turning it on during the winter season. Either that or simple muggle technology had failed them again.

Checking his watch once more, he frowned when he saw the time. 12:01. Where the hell was Granger? It wasn't like her to be running late for anything. Seven years of classes at Hogwarts had taught him that. He had always found it irritating and a reason to taunt her back then, seeing the annoying, bushy-haired Gryffindor at the front of every line outside the classroom. Now it was just another one of her quirks that he found surprisingly endearing.

So where was she?

A feeling of dread stabbed at his chest. What if she had changed her mind? Maybe she decided she couldn't face him again, and had packed up her belongings once again and moved on. He scrunched his eyes shut and breathed slowly though his lips. He had been _so close_. He really thought he was being given a second chance with her, and now his hope was being thrown in his face. He couldn't handle it anymore. Grabbing his wand from his pocket, uncaring if there were any muggles nearby, he blasted the nearby bench so that it toppled backwards, then sent another shot to ensure some of the wood was turned into splinters. _Fucking hell!_ He was fed up, fed up of caring, fed up of wanting something that was always just out of reach. He had always prided himself on being able to keep his emotions in check and hidden away, and now it had all gone to fuck. All because of her.

Gripping his wand tightly, he prepared to apparate back home to drown himself in alcohol and hopefully reaching a numb peace.

It was just then that he noticed it. Lying on its side, a few metres away from the fountain like it had been shoved aside, was a pram. His breath hitched. _Granger..._

"Granger!" he yelled. Running over to the pram, he squatted down and found it empty besides a few blankets and a small bag. No Drake.

"Granger!" he yelled again as he straightened up, then frantically spun on the spot, searching for any sign of where she might be. He ran a hand through his hair. He was lost, completely clueless as to what he should do. Did she get caught by snatchers? Was she on the way back to the Weasel? What about Tom and Amelia? Only Drake was meant to be with her right now. _Drake_, he thought. He hadn't got to hold him yet, hadn't even seen him.

He could feel his eyes watering. _No, Draco!_ he shook the thought out. _Get it together and help her!_

But where the hell did he start? He turned again and found himself facing the forest, and he wondered if she was maybe in there, either hiding or captured. Merlin, he hoped it was the former.

His eyes scanned the darkness of the trees, praying for something, _anything_, that would tell him if she was there.

And he was given it. A small burst of light, almost invisible unless you were waiting for it. He knew what that light meant. It meant someone had a wand and was firing spells. It also meant they were chasing something. They didn't have her yet.

"Granger!"

He immediately sprinted for the trees, his footsteps taking him to where he saw the flash of light, the trees at his sides becoming a blur as he raced past them. He had to find her, save her, get her as far away as possible.

They hadn't fired any spells since he had entered the forest, and he began to panic that they had caught her. It only spurred him on. She might still be in the forest somewhere. There was no guarantee that they had taken her away yet. He had to distract them. Maybe if he made as much noise as possible they would search for him, he thought.

"Granger!" he continued to yell, and he heard a muffled noise to his upper-left that sounded like movement. He charged towards it with his wand outstretched, prepared. There was no way in hell he was losing Granger again.

"Granger!"

He could definitely hear movement now and he was confident that he was heading in the right direction. He just didn't know if he was heading towards Granger or the snatchers.

"Granger!"

He could see them. They were nothing more than a pair of shadows, but he could make out two male silhouettes ahead of him. And they had seen him.

He raised his wand. "Stu-"

"Draco!"

His head whipped to the left, and the snatchers followed his action. Running towards him, her hair a mess, her clothes ripped, and clutching a small bundle to her chest, was Hermione.

"Granger!"

He sprinted towards her, then saw movement to his right. The snatchers were heading in their direction and aiming their wands.

"Stupefy!" Draco roared, making a direct hit on one of the snatcher's chest. He fell to the ground, and his partner darted around his body.

"Stupefy!" Draco shouted again, but the second snatcher had quicker reflexes.

"Incarcerous!" he yelled in a deep voice, his wand aimed at Hermione.

"No!" Draco cried. "Protego!"

A shield appeared between Hermione and the snatcher as she continued to run forward, and Draco sent another spell at the remaining snatcher. "Impedimenta!"

This time he hit the snatcher, and he was blasted off his feet. Sprinting towards Hermione, he wrapped his arms around her, only vaguely aware of her terrified tears as he disapparated them away.

Landing in the safety of his living-room, he felt relief knowing that they were away from any danger. But that relief quickly gave way to irritation at Hermione for putting herself in such a dangerous situation. He pushed himself away from her, barely registering the crying bundle in her arms.

"What the hell, Granger?" he snapped. "Why didn't you disapparate out of there the second you knew you were in danger? Bloody hell, you didn't even try to protect yourself when they were firing spells at you!"

Hermione quickly bounced Drake in her arms to try and sooth him. He had only whimpered in the forest from the loud noises and moving about, but it was the apparation that distressed him. "Because I didn't have my wand, Draco!"

"What do you mean, you didn't have your wand? What sort of wizard doesn't carry around their wand at all times, especially when they're on the run?"

"My wand was in the pram," Hermione quickly explained, frustrated at herself for not having it and at him for making her feel stupid over it. "By the time I realised I didn't have it, the snatchers were too close. I had no choice but to make a run for it."

Draco huffed. "Fine, I'm going to get it."

"No, Draco!" Hermione exclaimed, grabbing onto one of his arms. "You can't go back there, what if the snatchers catch you?"

"Well I'm not going to let them get a hand on your stuff," Draco replied like she was a slow child. "I'll be fine, Granger, just let me go."

Hermione stared at him with nervous eyes before she nodded once and let go of his arm. Draco immediately disapparated from the room, which left Hermione to pace back and forth in worry while trying to stop Drake from crying.

Drake finally fell into silence on her fourth trip around the room, gazing up her expectantly like she held all the answers to their predicament. However, she had never felt more clueless in all her life.

A faint pop broke her out of her reverie, and she rushed over to where Draco had arrived with the pram.

"Here," Draco said firmly, and pressed her wand into her hand.

Hermione breathed a sigh of relief. It didn't feel right to be apart from her wand, and she felt more complete when it was back on her person. "Thank you," she sighed as she tucked it into her jeans pocket.

Draco watched her, then focussed on her movements as she gently rocked the bundle in her arms. His breath stuck in his throat as he realised he was finally getting a glimpse of his son for the first time.

"Is... is that..." he stuttered.

Hermione glanced at him, followed his line of vision to where he was staring, then looked back up at him with a smile. "Yes, Draco."

Draco nodded. "Can... can I hold him?"

"Of course," Hermione said softly, then walked over to him and gently passed Drake from her arms to his. "Make sure to support his head."

Slowly bringing up his arms, he made a small cradle for Hermione to place Drake into, then looked down into his face. He felt all the air leave his body as he took him in, from the fair hair that so well matched his at that age down to the slightly pointed chin. He noted he had Granger's shape of mouth and nose, and the shape of the eyes slightly hinted at her genetics as well. But it was when he opened his eyes and Draco saw the colour of steel grey identical to his that it all started to feel absolutely real.

Hermione took a step back once she ensured Draco was holding Drake properly, and she watched with fascination at the scene in front of her. The doubts she had been feeling about introducing Draco to his son were disappearing, now knowing deep down that he was a good man who wouldn't hurt either of them. She may have not been able to fully trust him with herself yet, but she knew she was doing the right thing now. It may not have been in the best situation, having just run for their lives from snatchers, but somehow it still felt perfectly right.

"He's perfect, isn't he?" Draco said quietly, not taking his eyes off him.

"Yeah, he is," Hermione agreed, taking a step closer to them again. She gently ran a hand over Drake's soft hair, but all his attention was suddenly focussed on the man above him. The look on Drake's face could only be described as one of curiosity, as he gazed at someone that he had never seen before yet showed so such care and love. Hermione felt tears forming in her eyes as she looked from Draco to Drake, thinking how this could have been her life had they never had that big fight. Where would they be if it never happened? She would have told him she was pregnant definitely, although it would probably have taken a while to gather the courage for her life to be shaken up so violently. Would she have divorced Ron by now? Maybe run away with Draco and the children? Draco would have been there in the delivery room with her, holding onto her hand like he should have been. He would have been in Drake's life from the beginning, not meeting him a month later. She would be able to trust him irrevocably, no doubt, and her life would be so much simpler.

"What are you thinking, Granger?" Draco asked quietly, finally lifting his eyes off of Drake.

Hermione shook her head. "Nothing important. No point dwelling on what could of happened."

Draco furrowed his brow, but he didn't bother pressing her further. He had a feeling he knew what she was talking about, anyway.

"How are you feeling?" he asked instead. "Are you injured?"

"They shot a spell on my back," Hermione said, removing her coat so that the damage was clearer. "I don't know what spell it was, though."

"Let me see your back," Draco ordered gently. Hermione spun on the spot, and he let out a small hiss. "This looks really painful, Granger."

"It's not too bad," Hermione countered, but even as she said it she could feel the burning pain creeping in. With all the adrenaline and fear she hadn't been able to give her back much thought, but it was demanding attention now that all the other distractions had disappeared.

"You were lucky you were wearing a thick coat and jumper," Draco murmured. "They provided some protection. It could have been a lot worse if the spell had easy access to your skin."

Hermione shuddered. "Could you fix it, please?" she asked quietly.

"You'll need some burn cream," he said softly. "Then I'll try out a spell on it to help it along. This won't heal easily."

Hermione just nodded.

"Here, take Drake," Draco murmured, but Hermione could hear a slight edge to his voice that said he didn't want to let go yet. Hermione turned to hold him as Draco continued, "I'll go find some burn cream to sort it out, it looks really bad."

"I've had much worse, Draco," she replied with a roll of her eyes.

"Don't roll your eyes, Granger, it makes you look like a child."

"I know, Amelia does it all the time-" Hermione's eyes suddenly widened and she let out a small gasp. "Oh no."

"What is it?" Draco asked quickly.

"Amelia and Tom," she told him. "They're still in day-care right now. Draco, if they found me at the park, they must know I was staying in that area, what if they go after Amelia and Tom?"

Draco's eyes widened in alarm. "Shit!"

"We have to do something now!" Hermione cried.

"I know, I know!" Draco ran a hand through his hair. "Tilly!" he suddenly called out.

Hermione didn't have time to ask what he was doing before a house-elf suddenly appeared. "Yes, Master Malfoy?"

Draco removed Drake from Hermione's arms. "Tilly, I want you to look after Drake while we're away. If he is not one hundred percent okay when we get back there will be big trouble, got it?"

Tilly, completely unfazed by Draco's threat, nodded quickly. "Yes, Master Malfoy, of course! Baby Drake will be just fine!"

Hermione frowned at Draco for so easily giving Drake away, but Draco just shook his head. "We don't have time to argue about this Granger. House-elves are naturally good with children, and frankly we have no other options right now, so come on."

Grabbing her hand, he disapparated from his living-room for the third time that day, arriving in the same spot by the park as before.

"What way to the day-care?" he demanded.

Hermione grabbed his hand and sprinted round the corner and down a street, ignoring the burning pain in her back and the sweat gathering in her palms. She just needed to get to Tom and Amelia as fast as possible and know that they were safe. If anything happened to them it would be all her fault and she would never be able to forgive herself.

"We're almost there," Hermione panted, skirting around an elderly couple walking in the opposite direction. When they arrived at the door she prepared to barge inside, but Draco pulled her back.

"What-"

"Wands out," Draco whispered, pulling his own out slowly. Hermione followed suit, then Draco pushed the door open.

The entrance area was empty, but they could hear children's laughter from the next room. Hermione relaxed ever so slightly. There didn't seem to be any signs of distress.

Draco leaned over to whisper in her ear. "Get Tom and Amelia while I keep a look out. Then we're going to your hotel and gathering your stuff. You can't stay here anymore."

Hermione felt disappointed and sadness lance through her. She really thought she had found the perfect place for her and the kids, a remote area with day-care and the possibility of a job. But, just like everything else, reality had gotten in the way and ruined it.

Storing her wand back in her pocket, she walked over to the door on the other side of the room where the noise was coming from. But before she opened the door, the entrance door behind her opened.

"Granger, get down!"

Hermione immediately dived behind the desk by the door, then pulled out her wand to cast a silencing charm and a locking spell on the door. On the other side of the desk she could hear Draco duelling, but she didn't know how many people. Pulling herself up from the floor she found him holding his own in a one-on-one duel, and she quickly aimed her wand at what she assumed what yet another snatcher.

"Petrificus totalus!"

The snatcher's limbs all snapped together, and he tumbled over backwards from loss of balance. His eyes continued to dart about as Draco stood over him.

"I think the last time I stood over someone under the body-bind curse, I broke Potter's nose," Draco murmured thoughtfully.

"Draco," Hermione said in a warning tone. "Don't. Just get him out of here and place a memory charm on him. He shouldn't know we were here, especially you."

"Me?" Draco asked quizzically.

"You're hardly unknown in the wizarding world, Draco. If they find out you're associated with me, it could mean big trouble for you. Luckily I think it was just dark enough in the forest that they might not have recognised you."

"I guess you're right."

"There's an alley at the side of the building. Hide him there, and wipe his memory," Hermione ordered. "I'm going to get my kids."

Once she had turned her back on Draco to remove the charms she placed on it, he cast wingardium leviosa and a disillusionment charm on the snatcher and levitated him out of the door and to the alley, making sure his wand was hidden from any nearby muggles.

Once he was in the alley and away from Granger's scolding eyes, he quickly ended the levitation so the petrified body fell to the ground with a _thump_. Removing the disillusionment charm as well, he discovered with satisfaction that he had fallen face down. He aimed a strong kick in his side so he rolled over.

"Good luck explaining this to your employer," he muttered, and then cast oblivate, watching the hazy look come over the snatcher's eyes. Satisfied his job was done, he turned to leave, only to turn on his heel with a muttered, "fuck it," and stamped hard on his nose.

Now he felt satisfied.

* * *

><p><strong>Every time I try to fly I fall without my wings<strong>

**I feel so small**

**I guess I need you baby**

**And every time I see you in my dreams**

**I see your face, it's haunting me**

**I guess I need you baby**

Twenty minutes later, Draco, Hermione, Amelia, and Tom arrived in Malfoy Manor laden down with their things. Since Hermione had left her magically expanded bag with the pram, they had been forced to shove what they could into a spare carrier bag Hermione had lying about and carry the rest. Luckily she hadn't unpacked much from her beaded bag. She had learned her lesson when she had to make a quick departure from The Leaky Cauldron.

"Tilly!" Draco called, dumping what he was holding onto the sofa. Amelia was looking wide-eyed around the room, confused and wary as to why they in some random man's house. Tom was snuggling into Hermione's neck, still uncomfortable with apparation.

Tilly walked promptly into the room carrying Drake, who looked perfectly happy with being left alone with a house-elf. In fact, he was enjoying himself trying to grab onto her long nose.

"Baby Drake is one hundred percent okay, Master Malfoy!" she squeaked. "Just like you ordered!"

Draco nodded to her and picked up Drake. "Thank you, Tilly. You can return to your duties now."

Tilly disappeared with a snap of her fingers, and Hermione placed Tom onto the sofa to take Drake into her arms. Seeing Draco's confusion, she mouthed 'Amelia' and Draco immediately understood. Amelia was indeed looking curiously at Draco, wondering why this person she had never met was acting so familiar with her mother, and, more confusingly, Drake.

Once she had Drake in her arms, she turned to the side so she could see everyone.

"You have house-elves," Amelia suddenly stated.

"Yes," Draco said slowly.

Amelia crossed her arms and gave him a disapproving look that was scarily similar to Hermione's. "Mum says using house-elves is just slave labour."

Draco raised an eyebrow at Amelia, then looked over to Hermione who only shrugged. "I raised my children to not always go with what everyone else says and thinks."

Draco shook his head in exasperation. "I take it she's a _puke_ supporter, too?"

"S.P.E.W." Hermione said sternly. "And don't act like it's a bad thing to teach my child not to depend on a house-elf."

"Whatever, Granger. But this is my manor, so you'll just have to get used to them while you're living here."

Hermione spluttered in shock. "L-living here?" she repeated. "Who said I was going to be living here?"

"Well you're certainly not going back out there on your own!"

Hermione opened and closed her mouth numerous times, completely lost for words. How dare he just make the assumption that she would live here with him, and tell her what to do? Completely at a loss, she called for Tilly.

"Miss called for Tilly?" she asked.

"Tilly, could you please take Amelia and Tom to the kitchen and get them something to eat?" she asked politely. "They must be hungry."

"Of course, Miss!"

"Thank you. Amelia, make sure you say 'please' and 'thank you' as well."

Amelia lifted Tom off of the sofa, then they followed Tilly out of the room. When the door was shut, she walked over to the pram and placed Drake inside, then turned to face Draco, hoping he could feel the irritation radiating off her.

"Right," she began. "First of all-"

"Great, there's a bloody list," Draco grumbled.

"Don't start, Draco!" she snapped. "First of all, you have no right to tell me what to do!"

"I disagree. What's your next point?"

"You can't just disagree and dismiss it! I am the only person that decides what I need to do, I've been doing a fine job of it so far-"

"Oh yes, I see how quickly you decided you needed to leave your husband!"

Hermione felt like she had been slapped. "Don't you _dare_, Draco! I don't need to explain my decisions to you of all people! You pushed me away!"

"And I tried to get you back!" Draco countered. "But it was you pushing me away after that!"

"That's because it hurt too goddamn much!"

It was Draco's turn to falter.

"I'm not in the mood to discuss this, Draco," Hermione muttered, running through her tangled hair with one hand. "I can't cross that bridge yet. What we should be discussing is your demand that I live here with you. Can't you see that it's a completely ridiculous idea? We clearly have too many issues still to sort out, and my feelings for you are still confused."

"Granger, I'm not suggesting that you living here would mean we instantly got back together."

Hermione nibbled at her lip. "But it would still be hard seeing you every day, being in your home. The place where we..." she let the end of her thought linger.

"I know it'll be hard. But you can't go back out there. They found you once, they'll find you again. And I meant it when I said I didn't want you to leave the country. It was just a worse-case scenario. I definitely didn't expect you to come back into my life when I said it. And now I've met Drake, you can't take him away from me, Granger."

Hermione breathed out slowly. He was right, she couldn't exit his life again now he had such a firm connection. But how could he expect her to live comfortably with him? She hated her situation now more than ever, because it just seemed to prove that she couldn't look after herself and the kids, one of the reasons it had taken her so long to leave Ron. And it looked like she had been right. She couldn't even be alone for a few weeks before she had to be rescued by Draco, and that was with his previous warning about Ron and the snatchers. Merlin, she really didn't have a chance without him, did she?

"Granger, I promise I'll make this as easy as possible for you. I'll avoid you at all costs if that's what you want. I just know I'll feel infinitely better if you're safe here."

Hermione just continued to bite her lip.

"What are you thinking? Tell me."

What was she supposed to say? All logical reason told her that living there would be best. It was safe as well as a secure place to live, no worries over money and how soon they'd have to move away.

And yet she couldn't ignore the warning bells ringing in her head, telling her that this was a very bad idea.

She took a deep breath. "Okay, Draco. I'll stay here."

Draco smiled in relief. "That's brilliant."

"I'm not sure how to explain this to Amelia... Tom will be fine, obviously, but Amelia's too inquisitive..."

"That sounds familiar," Draco smirked.

"I guess I'll just tell her you're a friend who offered to let us stay," Hermione continued. "And we'll just see how it goes from there. Hopefully she'll like you and this will all go a lot smoother."

"What's not to like?" Draco asked, but she ignored him again.

"I still haven't really explained why we're moving about in the first place-"

"Granger," he interrupted calmly. "Everything will be fine. You're going to worry yourself into an early grave."

"That's just who I am, Draco. I like to have everything planned."

"I know," he smiled. "Come on, let's grab Tom and Amelia and I'll show you your rooms."

* * *

><p><strong>Just close your eyes, the sun is going down<strong>

**You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now**

**Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound**

It was about nine o'clock at night, and Draco was just pouring his second drink in the back parlour when he realised Hermione still hadn't come back from putting Amelia to bed. He frowned to himself while his eyebrows furrowed slightly. He didn't have any experience, but surely it shouldn't take this long to put a child to bed?

The evening had been fairly calm since they had all arrived, although Hermione had spent most of it flitting between her room, the one next to it that belonged to Tom and Drake, and the one across the hall that housed Amelia, to organise their things. Granger had been her usual self and insisted that he didn't need to give up three rooms, two would be enough, but the excited squeal that came from Amelia when she saw her room quickly encouraged her to give up the fight. Dinner had been comfortable, although he noticed that Granger was uncharacteristically quiet, not quite having her debating spark she usually had.

He put his glass back down on the table and set off to try and find her, wondering if she had maybe gotten lost, although this seemed like an unlikely idea. She had been at the manor plenty of times before during their relationship, so he was sure she must have the layout memorised by now. So he was more worried that she was hidden away somewhere, upset and having what he referred to as a 'Granger-meltdown', an event caused when she just over-analysed too much and broke down completely. It was a Granger-meltdown when she came to the manor in the middle of the night after Weasley had hit her and Amelia, and that was a part of her he never wanted to see again. It was an odd and unfamiliar feeling he got in the pit of his stomach when she came to him, but he guessed it came from seeing someone he cared about in so much pain. It wasn't a pleasant feeling, either.

He opened the door and left the parlour, deciding to start his search in the kitchen in the off chance that she was merely getting a snack. However, it only took two steps and a glance towards the nearby window to realise he didn't have to search much further. He almost missed her, the reflection of the hall light on the glass blocking off most of the outside view, but he just caught her shape and her hair slightly fluttering in the wind, letting him know she was there. Shaking his head at the impossibility of the woman, he summoned his coat and headed to the back door.

The second he stepped outside, he was immediately assaulted by the sharp, cold air, and he rubbed his hands together to coax some warmth into them before heading over to the still figure in the middle of his garden that was Granger.

"Granger," he called over to her as he walked, but she ignored him, continuing to stand and stare up at the starry sky.

"Granger," he repeated more loudly. "Granger!"

Hermione continued to act as if she didn't hear him, and when he finally rounded to face her, her face was as expressionless and still as the rest of her body. It was only when he looked at her more closely that he realised she was shivering. Merlin, she wasn't even wearing a jacket.

"Granger, you must be freezing," Draco said as he pulled his wand out of his pocket, irritated by her stupidity. He quickly cast a warming charm on her clothes, then grabbed her hands and tried to rub some warmth into her frozen fingers. "Granger, will you snap out of it and tell me why you're outside on a winter night with no jacket?"

He looked at her face carefully and watched as some life seemed to return to her eyes, all the while rubbing her hands. "Granger, I need you to talk to me."

"I forgot it," Hermione said simply.

"What?"

"I forgot my jacket," Hermione clarified, speaking in an emotionless voice.

Draco groaned. He had been right to be worried. She was having another Granger-meltdown. A normal Hermione Ganger would have the common sense to dress more warmly before stepping outside. Stepping closer to her, he dropped her hands and placed his on the sides of her face before pressing his forehead against hers, like he was trying to pass his thoughts from his head to hers.

"Hermione," he said slowly, "I need you to snap out of this. You can't just go outside when its freezing cold dressed like this! You'll get sick, and then what're you going to do? What am _I _going to do? What are Amelia, Tom and Drake going to do? We need you, okay, Granger? We need you, so snap out of it and come back inside."

Hermione just blinked, but he could see from her eyes that his words were starting to get in. She suddenly seemed more aware that he was there, and he held his breath as if afraid that any movement would break her progress.

"Draco," she finally whispered, and he slowly exhaled. "Draco, I-I'm sorry, I just... I was so confused and worried and stressed, and I just wanted to go outside for a little while and look at the sky. I... I like looking at the night sky when I feel alone."

"But you're not alone," Draco stressed. "I'm here, I'm looking after you-"

Hermione just shook her head. "Not that kind of alone, Draco. Physically, no, I'm not alone. But no-one can fully understand everything I'm going through right now, everything I'm thinking and feeling. I barely understand it myself. I've never felt so lost in my life, and I just don't know what to do. I feel trapped, I can't go outside without the threat of being seen and taken back to my old life, I feel all these obligations towards you because of our past, and Drake, and the fact that you're letting me stay here, and I'm still confused enough about my feelings towards you without all these things getting in the way, and I just wish everything would just _stop _so I have time to catch up because I'm so tired and confused and-" her voice was rising, and she was getting near hysterical when Draco finally interrupted her.

"Hermione, Hermione, it's okay," he hushed, stroking her hair gently. "It's okay..."

Hermione just shook her head, tears beginning to form. "It's not okay, nothing about this is okay. I didn't want any of this, I just wanted a simple life after I left Hogwarts, not a whole new war against the whole world I have to fight."

Draco pulled her closer, wrapping one arm around her waist as he continued to stroke her hair, and it reminded him so much of the last time she broke down that he felt like nothing had really changed. Her life was still a constant battle, and he was still trying to pick up the broken pieces and put them back together for her.

"Whatever you have to go through, Hermione, I'll go through it too, if you want. I'm not going anywhere, I'm not leaving you unless you tell me too."

Hermione sobbed into his coat, her emotions still running amuck in all her confusion. It was getting harder and harder to figure out her true feelings towards Draco when he was being as loving and caring as he was now, and while she was pleased that he was there to take care of her, she wished she wasn't so emotionally messed up so that she could make an objective opinion on whether or not she should be with him. Her heart was yelling at her to just take a chance on him, but her brain, the more dominant of the two, kept reminding her of the hurt she had felt, and no amount of kind words or gestures from Draco could make that go away quickly. It would take time, and she couldn't help but wonder if he would really still be there by the time she learned to trust him again. If she ever did learn to trust him again.

"Come on, Granger," Draco whispered. "You need to get inside and have some sleep."

Hermione just mutely nodded, and before she could begin to turn back around to the manor Draco scooped her up in his arms and carried her bridal style back inside and upstairs. She made a weak moan of refusal, but Draco ignored her and continued to carry her as she knew he would. He could be as stubborn as her sometimes, which meant she knew when there was no point in arguing.

When they reached the first floor where the main bedrooms were located, she panicked for a moment that he might take her into his room. While she knew he wouldn't try to initiate anything with her if she didn't want him to, the idea of being in his room, in his bed, again made her uncomfortable. How many times had she lain in that bed during their affair? It felt almost like a symbol of everything that happened, a reminder of how her life had gotten messed up and damaged beyond repair.

But to her relief, the door he opened led to her room. Walking over to the bed, he gently placed her down on the mattress and removed her shoes before pulling the blanket over her, while she continued to cry. He then stood up and looked down at her, and Hermione found herself facing an important question: did she want him to stay with her tonight? Rationally, she told herself that it would be a bad idea. It would only confuse her feelings towards him further if she allowed him to comfort her even more and in such an intimate situation, but she found the idea of being alone while she was like this too much to bear. She had been trying to hold herself together for so long, right from the moment she decided to leave Ron, maybe even before that while she was keeping such a deep secret. But ever since she left her husband, she had needed to be strong, think clearly and deal with everything rationally. Because it wasn't just her that needed herself to keep it together. She had her children relying on her too, and that was enough to push back her own feelings of desperation and hopelessness so that they could survive.

But now, when they finally had a secure place to live and Draco's promise to help them in any way necessary, she found herself able to succumb to everything she had kept bottled up. And despite the emotional mess she was in now, she knew that afterwards she would be grateful that she had been able to just cry it all out. It was an odd form of therapy, but she knew it would bring relief in the end.

Draco was still watching her as she lay in bed, and she wondered if he was going to say anything until his previous words rang in her head.

'_I'm not going anywhere.'_

_I'm not leaving unless you tell me too.'_

He was waiting for her to decide what would happen next, and that pure act of selflessness made her decision.

"Draco," she spoke in a voice quieter than a whisper and still choked with tears. "Don't go."

"Not if you don't want me to," he replied, then took off his coat and shoes and slipped under the blanket.

Hermione immediately sought him out like a beacon of comfort, and she clung to his shirt while her tears quickly rolled down her cheeks and dampened the material. Neither of them said anything, and that was what Hermione wanted. She didn't want to explain her thoughts and feelings anymore, she had done that enough for now out in the garden. All she wanted was to lie there with Draco, crying out all her negative feelings while feeling safe in his arms.

It was a long time before the tears subsided and she fell asleep, but Draco stayed awake until she finally drifted off, holding her tightly just so she knew he was there and that everything would be better by morning. And even though he didn't say anything, Hermione understood. And it made her feelings for him deepen even more.

* * *

><p><strong>Was it worth the wait? I hope so!<strong>

**As always, I would love to hear your thoughts on how the story's going. So press that little review button!**

**Songs in this chapter**

**Resistance by Muse**

**Iridescent by Linkin Park (recommended by Sapphire2309)**

**Everytime by Britney Spears**

**Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift**


	15. Beautiful Mess

**Woah, I nearly had a heart attack when I saw it had been a month since I last updated. I knew I'd be longer but didn't think it would be this bad. But I was on a wee holiday so that took up some time.**

**Anyway, hope you like the chapter. It's a bit of a filler, but necessary. There's also an interesting scene with food. I'm not sure if I like it or not yet...**

**Another dedication in this chapter, you guys are amazing! This one is for JadeeLouise for recommending a song to try out. Thanks! :)**

* * *

><p><strong>I was looking for a breath of life, a little touch of heavenly light<strong>

**But all the choirs in my head sang no oh oh**

**To get a dream of life again, a little vision of the sight at the end**

**But all the choirs in my head sang no oh oh**

Hermione woke the next morning feeling like something was off. Her whole body felt deliriously relaxed, void of sleep-deprived and tense muscles, and it took her a moment to remember through the just-woken haze where she was. As she rubbed some of the sleep out of her eyes, her thoughts and senses became more coherent. The whole place smelt of the familiar scent that was Draco Malfoy, musky and purely male, and she doubted it was just because he had slept there with her last night. The whole manor carried his essence.

Speaking of which... where was he?

Hermione stretched out her left arm over the area he had been sleeping, the spot nearly as cold as it had been when they arrived there last night. Merlin, she really had been in a state then. It had felt for so long like the world was just pressing down on her, trying to push her down and admit defeat. She had too many responsibilities and decisions to make, not to mention the emotional turmoil she was going through, and when some of that was released she didn't know how to cope. She was hardly in a position to start leaping around with glee, not when there were still so many issues to be dealt with.

Issues such as her husband. He was still out there, searching for her. She wasn't naive enough to think he was so desperate to find her because he loved her. People don't search for their loved ones by hiring snatchers.

The chase in the forest had terrified her. Never before had she felt so vulnerable, so defenceless, and she not only had herself to look after, but Drake, too. She had felt like she was letting him down, a mother unable to take care of her child.

Then she was being swept off her feet and saved by Draco, and then nearly had him cruelly snatched away when he decided to go back and reclaim her things. Those few minutes when she had waited for him had been some of the most agonising of her life, closely ranked with watching Harry being put through the various tasks of the Triwizard Tournament, and having Ron walk out on them from the tent in the woods. She wondered if she had any right, or maybe sense, to be so worried about him. People that were trying to distance themselves from a person shouldn't care so much, shouldn't feel like a part of them was ripped apart when that person was in danger. She was scared of developing an attachment to him when she was in such a fragile state in case her heart got shattered again, and knew the best answer to that was to put some distance between them, at least for a little while. She certainly wasn't supposed to be living in his manor, exposed to him every second of the day. Yes, her past had made her insecure and afraid to fall again, and that was perhaps getting in the way of her happiness. And the thought of losing him again brought all that into clarity.

But just like Harry and Ron, Draco had come back, and the relief she felt told her that she still had deep feelings for him, no matter how much she tried to fight it and think sensibly. All she had wanted was some time to get her life together so she could re-evaluate it and decide if there was still a space for Draco in it, or even if she wanted him in it. Her life had taken a spin when he told her he was working undercover, and the betraying Draco Malfoy she had in her head started to vanish. Not that it meant she forgave him and trusted him again. It was still difficult to forget that hateful sneer he had on his face when he told her never to come back. But she knew she should try, because Draco had put himself at so much risk for her that it only seemed fair she should attempt to risk her heart for him. Even if the thought completely terrified her.

Hermione suddenly realised what it was that felt so off that morning. Judging by the light streaming through the window, it must have been near the afternoon. Now that they were in the middle of winter, it was a lot later in the day when the sun finally peeked up, and the sun was definitely in the sky at that moment. Yet she hadn't been woken by Drake or Tom demanding attention, or even Amelia running in to let her know she had been up for hours and wondering why she wasn't awake yet.

Confused and slightly worried, she quickly sat up and was rewarded with a head-rush that made her dizzy and her vision blurred. Clutching her head, a foggy memory crept into her brain of being woken by Tom's calls, then a kiss being pressed to her forehead and a whispered voice telling her to go back to sleep. Draco must have gone to let her have some sleep, she realised, and she felt rather touched by his caring behaviour. Of course, she didn't know why she was surprised. Draco had been nothing but attentive to her needs ever since she ran away, especially last night when she needed him most. He knew how to take of her, that much was true. So why was she still pushing him away?

But she knew the answer to that. Merlin knew she had been analysing her reasons long enough. She just couldn't bring herself yet to just leap in and make herself vulnerable again. That would take time, she knew, and she just hoped Draco would be willing to wait for her.

Once the dizziness in her head had stopped, she swung her legs off the bed and walked to the door, anxious to find Draco and the kids. While she knew Draco had taken care of them, the constant threat of danger made her uncomfortable to be separated from them for too long.

Her feet followed the familiar path to the entrance area at the foot of the main staircase, already well accustomed to the layout of the manor. She had certainly been here often enough.

That thought still made her feel a tiny twinge of guilt. She had been married, after all, good husband or not, and there was always the negative stigma that came with the idea of an affair, no matter the situation. But whenever she felt guilty, she always tried to rationalise it. She had been unhappy, extremely so, and Draco had been a source of comfort. Besides, she doubted she had slept with Draco even half of the times she had been at his manor. He had been her friend longer than her lover, and even when the affair started they didn't have sex every time she was over. Although they did the majority of the time.

She decided to check the dining room to see if they were eating, but found the room empty. Frowning to herself, she turned to check the living-room when she heard laughter coming from nearer the back of the manor. She followed the sound, and was led to the kitchen door. She was a little surprised to hear chatter going on behind the door. Not just because she doubted Draco Malfoy had ever used his own kitchen, but also because Amelia seemed to be very comfortable talking to him. Deciding she had to see this for herself, she gently pushed the door open.

Draco was on the opposite side of the room from the door, leaning against the counter with Drake in his arms. He was facing Amelia and Tom, who were eating breakfast at the island counter, their backs to her. Amelia was chatting animatedly between mouthfuls of cereal, while Tom just sat and ate bits and pieces of various fruits and breakfast bars, only saying random words occasionally.

Draco smiled at something Amelia said, then looked up to see Hermione standing in the doorway. "Morning, Granger."

"Good morning," she smiled politely, then it morphed into a large grin when she moved over to hug Amelia and Tom.

"Morning, mummy!" Amelia beamed at her.

Hermione placed a kiss on Amelia and Tom's heads, then looked down at the food they were eating. "What's this?" she asked suspiciously.

Amelia's smile quickly dwindled and she hurriedly turned back to her breakfast, her head bent down, as if that made her invisible and therefore innocent.

Hermione looked up expectantly at Draco. "Well?"

Draco looked genuinely confused. "What?"

"What have you given Amelia for breakfast?"

Draco shrugged. "I dunno. They didn't like any of the food I had here, so I asked them what they liked to eat and had a house-elf get it for them."

Hermione's next smile was rather too patronising for his liking. "Piece of advice, Draco: when you ask a ten year old what they like to eat, don't listen to a word they say."

Draco raised an eyebrow.

"The last time Amelia had cereal this packed full of sugar, she was bouncing off the walls for hours. It drove everyone mad."

Draco looked at Amelia, who was still keeping her head bent down, her hair hiding her face.

"Amelia," Hermione said, "why did you lie to Mr Malfoy? You know you're not allowed this much sugar."

Amelia finally looked up at her mum, a guilty expression on her face. "I didn't lie, mum," she said, eyes wide in persuasion. "Mr Malfoy asked what me and Tom like to eat. And I like eating this."

Hermione sighed at the same time as Draco let out a short bark of laughter. She frowned at him, but he continued to smile at her in amusement.

"But you know you're not allowed it," Hermione continued, looking back down at Amelia.

"Sorry, mum," she said quietly, although Hermione suspected she wasn't sorry at all. She so rarely got to eat anything so sugary it was probably a huge treat for her.

Hermione sighed again and looked into Amelia's bowl. She was nearly finished. Grabbing the spoon out of the bowl, Hermione scooped up some cereal and popped it into her own mouth. "You can finish the rest," Hermione said once she had swallowed and put the spoon back. "But this is the last time you're getting it, okay?"

Amelia nodded quickly, desperate to be back in her mum's good books again. "Okay, mummy."

Hermione glanced at Tom, who was watching the exchange with fascination, an apple piece held halfway to his mouth. He was at the age where he was picking up everyone else's habits, and unfortunately he spent a large amount of time around Amelia. She had already figured out how to twist people around her little finger, and knowing her luck Tom would follow her lead. Of course, Hermione wouldn't usually let people get away with that sort of thing, but she inevitably had a soft spot for her children. And the fact that they received so little caring attention from Ron meant that she was more willing to give them what they wanted, just so that she could keep them smiling.

"Eat up, Tom," she said softly, moving his hand still holding the apple piece to his mouth. He promptly popped the fruit in his mouth, then continued with the rest of the food in front of him.

Satisfied, Hermione turned her attention to Draco and Drake. "Is Drake hungry?" she asked, walking around the island to them.

Draco shook his head. "He was hungry when he woke up, or so that was what I was told by Tilly that the noises he was making meant. I wasn't sure what to do since you were sleeping, but she said you could buy this formula stuff they could drink. So she got some of that for me to feed him."

He gestured to an empty bottle she hadn't noticed next to him.

"Did you burp him afterwards?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Did Tilly tell you that you have to do that?" she asked teasingly, raising an eyebrow with a small smirk on her face.

"Don't smirk at me like that, Granger," Draco scolded. "It's not becoming."

"You smirk all the time!"

"That's beside the point."

"It is not! Why can you smirk and I can't?"

"It just looks better on me."

"What a load of –"

"Careful, Granger, there are sensitive ears in this room," Draco smirked at her.

"I was not going to curse," Hermione huffed. "And you're smirking again," she pointed out.

"Yes, but like I said, it looks good on me."

Hermione just shook her head in exasperation. "You still haven't answered my question. In fact, I think you're avoiding it."

"What question was that?"

"Did you only know to burp Drake because Tilly told you to?"

Draco clenched his jaw. "Maybe I needed a little help," he muttered begrudgingly. "Give me a break, Granger, I'm new at this."

Hermione smiled at him. "I know. I just wanted to hear the great Draco Malfoy admit that he needed help with something."

Draco stared at her confused. "Why?"

Hermione shrugged. "It makes you seem more human."

She gently lifted Drake out of his arms. "I'm going to get Drake cleaned up and dressed. Would you mind watching him afterwards so I can help Tom then take a shower?"

Draco was about to exclaim '_Of course I don't bloody mind_', until he remembered Tom and Amelia were still in the room. He had to remember to keep up the act with Hermione that he had no real attachment to them other than a caring friend. Talking to her just then had just seemed so natural, he almost forgot everything that had happened between them. It just seemed _right_, to have her waking up in his manor and talking to him at breakfast. He had to remind himself that it wasn't the peaceful image he had in his head.

"Sure thing, Granger. I'll probably be in my office, so look for me there."

Hermione nodded, and there was a look on her face that seemed like she was pleased with his efforts so far. What she was pleased with he wasn't sure, but he didn't really care as long as it was a step towards her trusting him again.

* * *

><p><strong>If I say shut your eyes, if I say look away<strong>

**Bury your face in my shoulder, think of a birthday**

**The things you put in your head, they will stay here forever**

**Our blood is cold and we're alone, love**

**But I'm alone with you**

About thirty minutes later, Draco was sitting in his office looking over some files his father had given him at the last meeting. They were trying to set up a meeting with a small group near Paris that could offer them support when they tried to gather control, and the more people they had on their side, he had been told, the better. Although he knew he was working against them in the long run, Draco still felt a certain type of wrongness helping the Union with their plans. At the moment, his father had him researching any background details of Antoine Broussard, the head of the local French wizarding party, that could be used as 'persuasion'. This persuasion could be offering something that would appeal to him and convince him to give his support, or it could be blackmail to force him to do what they wanted. However, Draco usually found that to get people to do what you want and support you as well, you needed a mixture of both. They needed to feel they were getting something out of it, but still had some fear instilled in them so they knew not to cross you. Seven years of being a Slytherin, and many more years of watching his father, had taught him that.

Draco rubbed his forehead wearily as he stared at the sheets in front of him. He knew he was doing the right thing; he was figuring out how to bring them down, wasn't he? He just had to act like a fully-fledged Union of the Runespoor member to do it, which made him feel a little dirty. He could only imagine how Snape had managed to act as a double agent for so long. Acting as a right-hand man to the person you hated most and wanted to bring down more than anything must have been mental torture.

Draco sighed when he realised he had been attempting to read the same line about five times now. He just couldn't get his mind to stick to the subject, preferring to wander in thoughts about his own situation. But he needed to get this done, because his position in the Union was important. He couldn't afford to mess this up and be revealed as a fraud to them.

He forced his attention back to the page and was just getting immersed in Broussard's friends and acquaintances when his office door opened, accompanied by a small knock. Draco looked up from his desk to see Hermione's head peeking around the door.

"Hello," she said softly. "Hope I'm not interrupting."

Draco shook his head and pushed his chair back to stand up, gesturing for her to come in. "It's fine, I wasn't doing anything important."

Hermione walked into the room carrying Drake towards his desk. "You looked like you were concentrating rather hard," she commented. "It was like you were pulled out of some deep thought when I entered."

Draco moved round his desk so he was in-front of it and leaned against it. "I was, but like I said it's nothing important."

Hermione gave him an odd look that he couldn't decipher. "What?" he asked.

Hermione's expression changed to a small smile. "I've never known Draco Malfoy to do something he didn't consider important."

It was Draco's turn to give her a significant look that she couldn't understand. "I think you should consider your words and remember them."

Hermione was confused. "Sorry?"

Draco leaned forward slightly so he was closer to her, like he was about to reveal a secret. "I don't do anything unless it's important or means something to me. That includes the company I keep."

"So... you're saying you don't associate with anyone unless they mean something to you?"

Draco smirked. "That's exactly what I'm saying, Granger. I don't waste time with anyone unless they have some significance to me."

Hermione could feel a small blush on her cheeks as she dared herself to whisper "What kind of significance do I have?"

Draco gently brushed his fingers against one of her cheeks. "More than anyone else I know."

They stayed in that position, looking deeply at each other with Draco's fingers still resting on her cheek, close enough that they could feel each other's breaths on their face. Hermione felt like her cheek was burning where his skin brushed against hers, and was both scared and longing that he would lean forward and kiss her. But she never got the chance to find out how she would feel if he did such a thing, because Drake chose that moment to gurgle happily and break them out of their trance.

Draco pulled his hand back from her face and straightened up, and Hermione took a small step back. "Um," Hermione began. "I should get Tom, and, um, get him dressed. Are you sure you're not too busy to watch Drake?"

"Even if I was, Granger, I would still want to watch him," he said, holding out his arms to take Drake from her.

"Okay, well I have some stuff to do, but if you need anything just come and find me, or ask one of the house-elves I suppose, or if he seems sleepy you can put him back in his crib if you want-"

"Granger," Draco interrupted her rambling. "It'll be fine."

Hermione nodded. "Okay, I'll just-"

"How's your back?" Draco suddenly asked.

"What?"

"Your back," Draco repeated. "You were supposed to put burn cream on it last night. Did you?"

Hermione bit her lip. Truthfully, she had completely forgotten all about it, but now that she had been reminded she was aware of a faint stinging sensation on her left shoulder blade where she had been hit. She had just been so distracted after getting Tom and Amelia back safely with her new situation, then breaking down completely, that she hadn't thought about it. But now that Draco mentioned it, she felt foolish for forgetting about it.

"No," she mumbled. "I forgot."

"You forgot? Merlin, Granger, that is a serious injury you've got, you need to take care of it."

"I know, Draco, I'm not stupid. I was just... distracted last night."

Draco sighed. "Fine. Come on, I'll get you some cream before you do anything else, then I'll try a healing charm on it," he instructed, and walked to the door. Hermione stared after him, dumbfounded at being told what to do, before she followed.

Draco wandered down the hall and up some stairs, still carrying Drake tightly in his arms and occasionally looking down at him fondly. Hermione couldn't help but watch him, smiling slightly whenever he would glance down at Drake. He was never one to overly show emotions, but she knew him well enough now to know when he was showing affection, anger, hope, doubt...

Hermione broke out of her thoughts when she realised Draco was opening a door. His bedroom door. Her heart skipped a beat at the idea of being in there again, the place where so much had happened between them, where they had had their secret affair.

Draco stood to the side so she could enter, and she hesitated for only a millisecond before walking in. The room didn't seem to have changed at all. It was still furnished with expensive curtains, chest of drawers and a plush sofa in the corner, while the entire space smelled of him, more so than anywhere else in the manor. She didn't look as Draco walked past her to place Drake on the bed. She didn't want to see that bed again. Not yet, anyway. Instead she looked out of the large window on the opposite side, and tried not to think of the many times she had been in there with him.

"Come on, Granger," Draco said quietly, and placed his hand at the small of her back to lead her into the en-suite. She felt something like a small jolt of electricity with that simple touch, and she briefly thought of how Harry had possessed a connection with horcruxes, causing a reaction every time one was close. Was this, in a much less dark and sinister way, maybe what she was experiencing whenever she was close to Draco? A form of deep connection that caused a reaction with every touch? She remembered when he had visited her in her kitchen, how he had touched her hand and the air around them had seemed to be charged with energy. She thought of how people would probably say it was purely lust or maybe even love, but she wasn't sure. Could an emotion create such a strong physical reaction? Besides, she was really in no position to think about things like love. She had her life to sort out first. But she was certainly glad she wasn't doing it alone anymore, even if it did put her in a confusing situation with Draco.

She allowed Draco to lead her into the bathroom, and then stood awkwardly as she watched Draco rummage around in a cupboard. He finally drew out a small, brown-coloured tub and unscrewed the lid. "Turn around," he commanded.

Hermione did as he said.

"Okay, now lift up your top."

"What?"

Draco sighed. "The cream doesn't quite have the same effect if I put it _on top _of your t-shirt."

Hermione just fidgeted nervously.

"Come on, Granger, I've seen you naked plenty of times before," he said, and she could hear the smirk in his voice. She tried to ignore the snarky-ness of his comment and thought about what he said. Why was she so bothered by the idea of being even partially nude near him? It wasn't like he would even see anything; she would probably be perfectly comfortable even letting Harry do this. But having Draco near her naked skin just seemed to send her internal alarms into overdrive.

"Granger," he said softly behind her. "There won't be any funny business. I just want to help you, okay?"

Hermione sighed deeply, then moved her hands to the bottom of her top and gently lifted it up until it had completely revealed her back and just covered her breasts.

Draco gently moved her hair over her uninjured side. He would be lying if he said he was unaffected by seeing her so revealed to him, even if it was only her back and stomach exposed, but he knew he had to be responsible. Psyching himself up for what could turn out to be a very difficult task, he scooped out some of the cream and gently applied it to her wound, which only seemed to have gotten worse overnight.

He retracted his hand the second he saw the muscles in her back tense and she hissed through her teeth. "What's wrong?" he asked anxiously.

Hermione had gritted her teeth but soon began to relax. "Nothing, it just really stings."

"Are you okay?"

She nodded her head. "Yeah, just keep going."

Reluctantly, he placed his hand back on her injured area and gently spread the cream, even as she clenched her jaw.

"Say something," she ground out.

"What?"

"Distract me, please," she begged. "This really stings, Draco."

Draco felt an awful clench in his stomach which felt like it was blocking off his throat. He hated that there was very little he could do to stop the pain, but he had to do it. He wasn't even sure if he could comfort her because the idea of him touching her while she was exposed seemed to only scare her off.

He picked the first thing that came to his head to talk about. "You have a good set of kids there, Granger. Amelia is a lot like you."

Hermione managed a small laugh. "I swear, she's going to end up a Slytherin the way she manages to manipulate everyone."

"Try not to make that sound like a bad thing," he replied, feigning hurt.

"Of course it's not a bad thing, it would just be a bit of a shock... She has a bit of Ron in her too, I guess. She's very impatient, and grumpy if she doesn't get her own way. And as you've seen, she has an obsession for sugar."

Draco paused. "She has far too much good in her. She didn't get that from Weasley."

"You know Ron wasn't always like this-"

"Don't start defending him, Granger-"

"I'm not defending him, not the person he is now, anyway. But you knew him in school, you know he was nothing like this."

"No, he wasn't, but I know Amelia and Tom have too much of you in them to even possibly turn out like him."

"You can't predict anything, Draco. No-one can."

Draco considered her words as he finished. "You're done."

"What?"

"The cream, I've finished putting it on."

Hermione sighed and her body relaxed. "Thank goodness."

"Just stay still," he ordered as he put the tub down on the counter. "I'm going to try a spell that should help the healing along. Hopefully, we won't have to use the cream for as long if it works."

He placed his wand a few millimetres above her wound, then hummed a string of words as he moved it all over the injured area. To Hermione's relief, it created a cooling sensation that eradicated the sting she still felt.

When he was finished, he placed the wand back in his pocket and gently tugged at the bottom of her top to let her know she could put it back down. Once she had, she turned to face him.

"Thank you."

"Anytime."

Hermione swallowed. "Draco, I think we need to talk. We both know I'm more or less screwed up right now, and I'm finding it difficult to really make any decisions. But what I do know is that I can't lose you."

"You were never going to lose me, Granger," he insisted.

Hermione just shook her head. "You want so much more than I'm able to give right now," she said sadly, and she had to blink back a tear. "I know you do, Draco. And I'm so scared you're going to get fed up waiting."

Draco shook his head and began to speak, but she quickly continued. "It's not right that I'm making you wait. I don't _want _to make you wait. But for some reason my head and my heart won't let me make an objective decision, and I can't afford to just leap in head-first anymore."

Draco crossed his arms. "Do you know why you're finding it so hard to make an objective decision? Because there's nothing _objective _about relationships. They are based on feelings and what you want. You can't examine them in some lab or throw spells and potions at them to make it better. Even a love potion doesn't create real love, as you and I both know, it creates obsession. Arranged marriages are based on objective opinion, and they're more business arrangements than relationships. For once in your life, Granger, stop thinking with your head! You can't make a logical decision on this, and you never should. All that matters is what you feel."

"I feel scared," Hermione confessed.

"That's life, Granger. It's filled with risks, mistakes, and rewards. And if you're too scared to take risks anymore, then you're not really living."

"I can't get hurt again, Draco," she whispered. "I just can't handle it."

"Why are you so sure you're going to get hurt again?" Draco asked softly, and he took a step towards her. "I know Weasley hurt you, and I... I hurt you too, but that was a mistake. We were both confused and it fell apart. It doesn't have to happen again."

Hermione nibbled at her lip then suddenly laughed humourlessly, but it was aimed entirely at herself. "This is ridiculous. I trust you enough to look after me and the kids, I feel safe in your presence and I miss what we used to have, but I just... I don't seem able to take that leap."

Draco sighed and looked down to the ground. This had been what she was afraid would happen; he would become impatient and he would be fed up waiting for her. Even without deciding what she wanted her future to be like she was afraid of losing him.

"Why don't we just try again," she suggested. "From scratch."

Draco looked up at her with a confused look on his face, his eyebrows scrunched together. "What do you mean?"

"Let's... let's just act like our past isn't there. Start again as friends..."

"Friends living together who already have a kid," he mocked.

Hermione didn't smile. "This is all I can think of, Draco. It worked before, after all. Do you really think with all our history from Hogwarts I would have started a relationship with you if we hadn't been friends first? Besides, I think right now I need a friend more than anything else."

Draco considered her words, letting the idea bounce around his head. Was it what he wanted, fuck no, but it seemed like it could be heading on the right path. And she was right – they had been friends for a long time before they started to see each other in another light, and if he could get her to develop feelings for him once and take a risk then he could certainly do it again.

"Okay, Granger," he agreed. "Let's do it your way."

Hermione breathed out a sigh of relief. "Thank you, Draco."

"I'm here, Granger, okay?" he suddenly blurted out, and it seemed so raw with truthfulness that it nearly made her gasp. "You're not alone in this. I'm going to help you."

Hermione couldn't help the small sob that escaped as she lunged at him and wrapped her arms around his neck in a tight embrace. He instantly put his arms around her waist and gripped her tight, because he knew he would never get another moment like this for a long time. He focussed on the way her chest moved against his with every breath, and how her hair tickled along his skin. He resisted the urge to do anything that could be considered too intimate, like bury his nose in her hair, because he knew that 'just friends' would never do that. Even if it felt like his muscles were aching from the effort to hold back.

All too soon in his opinion, he felt her slowly pull back, and he fought the urge to stop her. "Sorry," Hermione murmured. "I got a bit carried away."

"I'm the last person you need to apologise to for that, Granger."

"Still, it wasn't exactly following the plan of acting like friends."

Draco snorted. "You don't hear me complaining."

Hermione gave him a small smile. "I'm going to get Tom. I'll see you later, Draco."

"Sure."

Hermione began to leave the room, but just as she was about to pass him she paused. Very slowly, she leaned up and kissed his cheek. "Bye," she whispered.

She immediately hurried out of the room, questioning her sudden decision to kiss him. Sure, it could be construed as a friendly gesture - she kissed her friends on the cheek all the time. But there had been something that seemed just a little bit more, and she wondered if the idea of just being friends would even be possible, or if it would at least last for a week or two. Because something in that bathroom had made her see things a little differently, and she was once again analysing their whole relationship and past.

* * *

><p><strong>I'll leave my window open<strong>

'**Cos I'm too tired for all these games**

**Just know I'm right here hoping**

**That you'll come in with the rain**

"_Do you ever think about how we got to this point?" Hermione suddenly asked him. They were in the middle of enjoying a nice lunch, seated at his overly-large dining-room table, with Draco at the head and Hermione to his right. Just over a month had passed since their friendship had progressed to... more... and Hermione was still fairly clueless as to what that was. If there even was a name in existence that they could be correctly labelled as. She could certainly think of some words to describe a person like her. Adulterer, unfaithful, and slut were just a few that came to mind, as much as it pained her to think them. She could tell herself that her situation was different until she was blue in the face, but the fact of the matter was that she was a married woman having sex with a man who wasn't her husband. She had never pictured herself as the sort of person who would do that, and she couldn't help but question how she came to be in that exact position and, most peculiarly, how the man she was with was Draco Malfoy._

"_Not particularly," Draco said calmly as he took a bite out of a cracker covered in cheese._

"_Why not?"_

_Draco shrugged. "What's the point?"_

"_To understand it, to find out what has made us who we are."_

"_Granger, I think you of all people should understand by now that I really don't care how I came to be. I like who I am and what I'm doing, so why bother analysing it?"_

_Hermione frowned. "I just don't understand how you can't even be a little curious-"_

"_Just drop it, Granger," he sighed exasperatedly. "I know what you're thinking, and it won't do you any favours. Just do yourself some good and live in the moment."_

_But Hermione couldn't back down on this. How could she not question why her life had taken such a drastic turn?_

"_I'm not the sort of person who can just live in the moment, Draco," she frowned. "Never have been. And I want to understand how we were complete enemies at school, I married my teenage crush, and then somehow ended up having an affair with my childhood bully, who is still most likely my husband's enemy."_

_Draco only shook his head. "No good will come from over-thinking this," he said, and Hermione was sure she could hear a warning in his voice._

_Hermione sighed sadly and looked back down to her plate. She couldn't help it that she needed to analyse things. All her life she had learned what she needed from books, and she had always thought there was a lesson for everything. But what she had with Draco... nothing. There were no books, no clear answers, no obvious lesson she was meant to learn from this. Honestly, it made her feel lost._

_She tried not to show that she was a bit hurt by Draco's dismissal of her need for questions and answers, but she knew he would know. He had always been able to read her so well, and right now she was an open book._

"_Granger," Draco's voice cut through her miserable thoughts._

"_What?"_

"_Do you want a strawberry?"_

_Hermione internally scoffed at his attempt of distraction, but she couldn't deny the fact that she really loved those red berries._

"_Yeah," she nodded, tucking her hair behind her ear and straightening up. "I would love on-"_

_Hermione stopped suddenly at the sight in front of her. She had been expecting a fairly plain sight of him holding a small bowl of fruit in front of her. What she hadn't been expecting was to be suddenly contemplating how he always managed to pull off an effortlessly smug look on her face that made her breathless, even while he was holding a strawberry by the green leaves between his teeth. _

_Hermione quickly sucked in a breath of air. This whole 'relationship', or whatever you could call it, that they had was still new, and she was constantly being surprised and taken aback by him and his ability to render her speechless. Hell, he could render her thoughtless sometimes, and it took a lot to stop Hermione Granger's brain from working at a million miles an hour._

_Draco didn't make any move towards her, just watched her expectantly and waited for her to make the next move._

_Hermione licked her lips as she considered her actions. This was definitely uncharted territory for her, and her heart was racing from nerves and excitement. Deciding to just go with her gut instinct, she slowly leaned forward until they were separated by just the red, heart-shaped fruit between them. Her breath shook as she glanced up into his eyes which were watching her carefully and thoughtfully as if she was the most interesting thing in the world. Taking a deep breath, she gently wrapped her lips around the fruit until they touched his and bit down. _

_Maybe it was just a stroke of luck and she got the best of the bunch. Maybe having lots of money really did mean you could buy the best of everything. Or maybe it was the sensually intimate way in which she ate it, but she would swear until her dying day that that had been the best tasting strawberry she had ever eaten. _

_She moved back once she had bitten off the fruit from the stalk to finish it, but Draco quickly spat the foliage onto his plate and popped another one in his mouth. Feeling more confident, she didn't hesitate as much the second time around, and once she felt her lips in contact with his again she gave a bold stroke of her tongue along the bottom of the strawberry, making sure it just came into contact with his bottom lip and no more. She carefully bit down and pulled away, then cast a shy glance towards Draco. The look in his eyes was almost hungry, she thought ironically, and it was amazing how just a look could make her feel more beautiful and wanted than she had ever felt in her life._

"_How are the strawberries, Granger?" he asked smugly, but she could tell he was just putting it on to hide the fact that he was most likely just as aroused as her._

_Feeling empowered, she decided to see if she could push him further, and she delicately picked up another strawberry from the bowl between them. "Why don't you tell me?" she asked quietly, and placed the stalk between her lips._

_Draco's eyes widened slightly and he struggled to stop his jaw from dropping. It almost began to feel like a game, to see who could push who the furthest, and it was one he was determined to win. Smirking in a way he knew made her skin flush, he confidently leaned forward and slowly dragged his lips over the ripe fruit, allowing them to linger in front of hers so that they only just brushed together. The smug look quickly returned to his face as he watched Hermione close her eyes while her cheeks turned steadily pinker from the blush spreading below her skin. Instead of copying her previous moves and just biting the strawberry and moving away, he gently bit it piece by piece, sucking the juice and licking around it. In all honesty, he barely tasted the fruit, more focussed on the way Hermione's eye-lids would flutter and the rosy colour of her cheeks that would put any strawberry to shame. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched a small stream of juice that had evaded his persistent mouth as it made its way along her chin and down her throat, and he made a mental note to reclaim it later. He worked away until nothing of the strawberry remained, and only broke away to take the stalk out of Hermione's mouth before he latched his lips back onto hers. Hermione moaned into his mouth as his tongue quickly slipped in, and they were both overwhelmed by the smell and taste of strawberries they had just indulged in, hungrily seeking more._

_Draco reached out one hand to the seat of her chair, and gave it a quick tug so that they were sitting even closer. Hermione gave out a small yelp of surprise and bit down on his lip, and even though he knew it was an accident and caused by him, he felt the need to bite down on her lip harder. She whimpered quietly and clutched at the collar of his shirt, her nails scraping against the soft cotton. _

_Draco ripped his lips away from hers to follow the red line along her chin and throat he had promised himself, licking it away and kissing the clean skin._

"_Mmm, strawberries are definitely my favourite fruit," Hermione hummed, sounding like she was in a pleasant trance._

_Draco smirked against her throat. "I rather like them, too. I've certainly acquired a certain taste for them," he murmured, and almost to prove his point he bit down on her throat where a larger droplet of juice had accumulated. _

_Hermione sighed. "You know that's just another glamour charm I'm going to have to use," she attempted to complain, but she sounded far too content for it to take effect._

"_I have faith in your abilities."_

"_That's not the point, it's a pain to do all the time."_

_Draco ignored her and began working his way back up her neck to her mouth._

"_And don't think I don't know what you're doing," she said softly._

_Draco froze, his lips millimetres from hers. "What is it you think I'm doing?" he whispered._

"_You're trying to distract me," she whispered back. "Because you didn't like where the conversation was heading, so you prefer to just avoid it altogether."_

"_You're making a mistake with this, Granger. With a situation like ours, thinking is your enemy, and I'm not about to have this ruined because you couldn't turn off that brain of yours."_

"_I don't want to ruin it," Hermione mumbled like she had been told off._

"_Exactly. I'm happy right now – aren't you?"_

_That question caught her off-guard. What did he mean by that? Was he asking if she was happy in general? Was she happy with their relationship? Because honestly, she wasn't completely sure the answer was 'yes' to either of them._

"_I-I think so," she stuttered out. What was she meant to say? And she found it ironic that Draco was so committed to the idea of not over-thinking, yet he just posed the most thought-provoking question he could._

_Draco was apparently unaware of her confusion, because his face melted into a smile as he quickly moved to kiss her again. But there was one more thought of hers that she couldn't ignore, and she pulled back before he reached her._

"_You're happy now," Hermione clarified._

"_Yes."_

"_And... there's nothing you want to change?"_

_Draco began to look confused and wary. "No, I don't want anything to change. Granger, what's wrong?"_

"_Nothing," she replied too quickly, and immediately pulled herself closer so that she could kiss him firmly. She could tell he was confused by her behaviour, but she decided to take a leaf out of his book and distract him in any way she could. And if she was lucky, she could distract herself from the ache that had suddenly appeared in her chest. Because when Draco said he didn't want anything to change, that had certainly sounded like he wasn't interested in anything more out of their affair. After all, why would he? He had the perfect deal, she suddenly thought. He had all the features of a good relationship with none of the commitment, and no-one even had to know, because at the end of the day she was married to someone else. She didn't even know if she would have ever left Ron for him, but the possibility had always been at the back of her mind. Just so long as Draco wanted more from her. But that was a moot point now._

_She hadn't stayed at the manor for long after that. She had been able to dismiss Draco's concern over her as much as she could, but she knew she couldn't handle being in his presence for much longer. She just needed to be alone and sort herself out before she saw him again. Draco had given her a tender kiss as she left that nearly sent her overboard, but she held herself together. As soon as she was safely back home, she allowed three tears of self-pity to fall before she told herself to get a grip. It was not the end of the world, just the end of any hope she may have had that she and Draco could become more. She could still spend time with him, after all, and should he ever change his mind, then she would still be there. She just had to close that small door of hope she had until she knew for definite that he wanted her in a way that would warrant her leaving her husband and breaking up their family. _

_Draco had been right, she thought sadly. Over-thinking things hadn't done her any favours at all._

* * *

><p><strong>And what a beautiful mess this is<strong>

**It's like picking up trash in dresses**

**Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write  
><strong>

**Kind of turn themselves into knives  
><strong>

**And don't mind my nerve you could call it fiction  
><strong>

**But I like being submerged in your contradictions**

The next five days had been seemingly ordinary, but Hermione felt like she could see the underlying tension in the manor. Amelia had adjusted quickly to her new temporary home, but as Hermione predicted it wasn't long until she started asking questions.

_Why are we living here?_

_How do you know Mr Malfoy?_

_Why is Mr Malfoy letting us live here?_

_How long are we going to be here?_

Hermione had been finding it difficult to keep up with all of her questions, especially as she had to carefully omit some information. She was just grateful she hadn't been asked the one question she was dreading.

_When are we going home?_

She was pretty sure Amelia had some idea about what was going on. Among all the questions she had asked and comments she had made, never once had Amelia mentioned seeing her father again. It was like he had never existed, and Hermione couldn't decide if she was happy or upset about that. Bad temper or not, Ron was her father. He had just never acted as a dad. Well, that was a lie. When Amelia had been born, Ron was the most devoted father she had ever seen. He had looked at Amelia like she was the moon and stars combined, and he was at his happiest when he was holding her. But then the stress of being a young working parent kicked in, and the devoted looks decreased and the loving holds shortened. By the time Tom came along, she and Amelia had more or less lost him. She was glad of that for Tom's sake. He never had to grow up wondering why his dad was growing more and more distant.

When Amelia wasn't questioning their situation or exploring the various rooms in the huge manor, Hermione had attempted a few hours of tutoring her every day to make up for the school she had been missing. Draco had wandered in on them one day in the library, and he had watched them from afar while Hermione tried to pretend that his presence didn't bother her, when in fact her body temperature seemed to rise, particularly in her cheeks. When she told Amelia she could go, she had finally glanced up at Draco to see him leaning on a bookcase and wearing a huge smirk on his face.

"What?" She'd demanded.

"I'm finding that Amelia is like you more and more every day. It was like watching you work back in Hogwarts."

"Why would you have seen me working when we were at school, I thought you just ignored me."

Draco had chuckled at that. "You think I didn't stare and wonder how a muggle-born was getting better grades than me?"

"Maybe if you spent less time staring at me and more on your work you would have had better grades," Hermione had suggested.

"Just as well we're not at school anymore then, isn't it?"

"What do you mean?"

"I wouldn't be able to stop staring at you now."

And he had left immediately after that, leaving Hermione to gape after him. She had considered telling him off that evening because he clearly was having trouble sticking to the 'just friends' rule, but she so often found herself craving time alone with him that she wondered if she wasn't having some trouble too. Even when they were in the same room as Amelia and Tom, there were often prolonged stares between them, and if Draco ever came into contact with her, such as passing something to her, his hand would linger on her just a bit longer than necessary. The only times they were really alone was in the evening, applying her burn cream, or when Drake was involved, and she could sense the tension between them no matter how hard they tried to ignore it. Sometimes her insecurities would take over in those moments and she would speak with a sharp tongue, while other times she just wanted comfort from him in any form she could get. She felt bad for what she was putting Draco through, and she kept expecting him to snap and tell her to make up her mind, but he had taken everything in his stride. Not that it meant he was walking on eggshells around her; far from it. He told her when she was being ridiculous over something or if she needed to calm down. He acted his typical cocky self most of the time, and it helped her along and made everything feel almost... normal. She thought more and more about restarting their relationship, and the time they spent together suggested what their everyday life would be like. And it was so comfortable, so natural, that it almost seemed alien to her.

Hermione's mind drifted to the undercover work Draco was doing. He had told her that morning that he had a lot of stuff to do, and so far she hadn't seen him since. Amelia was apparently showing Tom some of the rooms she had discovered (Hermione had politely asked one of the house-elves if they would keep a discreet eye on them instead of doing their usual chores, but unsurprisingly the house-elf had insisted they could do both), so Hermione found herself alone with Drake, lying on the living-room couch with her knees bent so Drake could lean against them. Drake had his hands gripping onto two of her fingers, and he giggled as she moved her hands so his arms waved about, Hermione smiling at his laugh. She made sure he was leaning against her securely before she gently removed his hands from her fingers, and began tickling his sides and making him laugh harder. Hermione laughed along with him, feeling more light-hearted and relaxed than she had for a while.

She was so preoccupied playing with Drake, that she didn't notice the fireplace lighting up and turning green, and didn't realise another person had joined the room until they spoke.

"Well, this is rather unexpected."

* * *

><p><strong>Strawberries? Lol where do I come up with some of these ideas? I hope it comes across okay, I wanted to write something intimate between them without it being too smutty. Agh, I'm really nervous now. But the point of it really was to show why Hermione didn't leave Ron for Draco, she didn't think Draco wanted anything more.<strong>

**A cliffhanger! I don't usually do these but that one was just begging to be done. So who do you think it is? And do you think they are a friend or an enemy to Draco and Hermione?**

**Another question for you, and it's one I really want you to think about. An idea has recently come to me for a sequel, and I was wondering if many of you would still want to read it after this? Just to make it clear, it will be a sequel, not a continuation of this story. I plan on wrapping everything up in this nicely, then the sequel would be a whole new event Draco and Hermione have to face. So let me know if I should be planning a nice 'ten years later' epiloque or a 'few years later' story. :)**

**Songs in this chapter**

**Breath of Life by Florence + The Machine (recommended by Sapphire2309)**

**No Sound But the Wind by Editors (I have been dying to use this song ever since I started this story, so glad I finally got to!)**

**Come In With the Rain by Taylor Swift**

**Beautiful Mess by Jason Mraz (recommended by The Wolf Who Walks Alone)**


	16. I Want to Hold Your Hand

**I honestly feel like there should be fireworks and balloons falling right now because I have finally finished this chapter. I found it so hard to get my thoughts down on paper, and nothing sounded right. But, finally, it's done. Not sure what you'll make of this chapter, but I hope it was at least slightly worth the wait, because I know you've all been dying from the cliffhanger in the last chapter haha. So, without further ado, here it is :)**

**Dedication of this chapter goes to Vmontes743 for recommending a song I am rather now addicted to, and will definitely feature in the story at some point :)**

* * *

><p><strong>Oh please say to me<strong>

**You'll let me be your man**

**And please say to me**

**You'll let me hold your hand**

_Draco walked down the cobbled streets of Diagon Alley, enjoying some of the rare time he got to himself. His time was often taken up now with business to do with the Union, as getting it started up was taking a lot of time and effort. Then most of the time not spent on the Union of the Runespoor was taken up by Granger. Not that he was bothered by that at all. In fact, he found himself looking forward to their meetings even more eagerly than before._

_And it was because of Granger that he was currently walking down Diagon Alley on a fairly grey Saturday afternoon, instead of choosing to stay at home or meet a friend for a drink. She had been ranting and raving about some book for goodness knows how long, and eventually he had just decided to go and buy the bloody thing so she wouldn't feel the need to tell him every detail about it every time she visited. Apparently, it was quite the page-turner, and "really makes you think"._

_Draco stepped into Flourish and Blotts, which was fairly crowded with other customers, seeking out their next book to read or just browsing to see what was new. Scanning the room, his lips twitched into an almost-smile when his eyes landed on the spot where he had run into Granger a couple of years ago. Drifting back to that fateful day, he realised he had never actually noticed what kind of book she had been reading then. He had been much more intrigued by her. _

_Walking over to the spot where they met, he found himself in the second-hand books section. He looked over them all with a frown, strangely disappointed that he couldn't tell what kind of book she had been reading that day, as all second-hand books were thrown together, regardless of what they were about. He would have to ask her what she had been reading so intently that day._

_Turning around, he went back in search of the book Granger was so passionately recommending. After a ten minute search he found the copies on a bookshelf next to the window by the door, and he took one off the shelf and began reading the back cover._

_He didn't know what prompted him to look out of the window at that very moment, whether he had been distracted by a noise or movement outside; he never really thought about it. All he knew was he randomly glanced up through the window, and was greeted by the sight of Granger, Weasley, Amelia and Tom walking down the street towards the store. Amelia was walking just in front of them, while Hermione was holding Tom on her hip. He couldn't hear what they were saying from this distance, but he could tell by the way they were speaking and their posture that they were arguing, but doing their best not to raise attention to it. Hermione had her free hand on the side of Tom's head as he rested it on her shoulder, obviously trying to block some of the noise. Whatever had caused the argument had clearly just happened, as Hermione kept gesturing back up the street with her head. Draco tried not to pay too much attention to Weasley. Just the sight of him made his blood boil._

_Completely ignoring the book in his hands, he continued to watch as they arrived at Sugarplum's Sweet Shop and Hermione opened the door to peer inside. Amelia immediately tried to run in, but Hermione held her back. Draco watched with curiosity as Hermione leaned down to say something to her, then placed Tom down next to her and passed Tom's hand into Amelia's. Amelia nodded and pulled Tom into the shop, his little legs taking two steps for every one of hers._

_Hermione watched them for a moment before she pulled the door almost shut and turned back to Ron. Draco could imagine a horrible scowl on his face. He still refused to look at him._

_Hermione seemed to be continuing whatever argument they had been having beforehand, but not quite as concerned about keeping her voice down now that the kids were inside and they were at the side of the street. It was clear that she had previously been holding back what she really wanted to say._

_Draco found it impossible to take his eyes off them. He knew he shouldn't watch, what with his and Granger's complicated relationship, but he had the overwhelming urge to run over to them and push Weasley away. But if he wouldn't look away, he just had to settle for mentally sending curses at him._

_Weasley had apparently had enough, because he flung his arms up in frustration then stormed into the sweet shop. Draco watched as Hermione's whole body just seemed to sag, like she was slowly being drained of energy and fight._

_Draco wanted nothing more than to run over to her and grab the hand that hung limply by her side, and try to squeeze some life back into it, and hopefully get a glimpse of the smile that usually graced her features. It didn't feel right to see her so down, like his happiness was in some way linked to hers. He needed to comfort her somehow, but there was no way he could even approach her without causing some sort of scandal. Even if Weasley didn't see him, he was sure someone in Diagon Alley would notice that ex-Death Eater Draco Malfoy was talking to muggle-born Hermione Granger._

'_It's Hermione Weasley', a small voice in the back of his head taunted him, and he forced the feelings that came with that thought down into the back of his mind._

_Hermione lifted her head from staring at the ground and straightened her shoulders, and Draco hated how it seemed like a familiar motion for her. Like she was constantly trying to pick herself back up. He watched as she took a deep breath, exhaled, and then froze. Her eyes connected with his across the cobbled street and through the glass, and he could immediately tell she was embarrassed about being caught at such a private moment. She rarely told him about the fights she got into with Ron in any great depth, and he knew she felt ashamed about the truth, though Draco couldn't figure out why. He didn't fully understand why she put up with it, but she didn't need to be embarrassed about the fact that her husband was such a prick. It wasn't like it was her fault he turned out this way, despite what she might be telling herself. She always felt responsible for other people, regardless of whether she was or not._

_Draco didn't bother hiding the fact that he had seen the entire exchange between Weasley and Granger. It was pointless, and he was pretty sure it was written all over his face that he had seen something he didn't like at all._

'_Hi,' Hermione mouthed over to him._

'_Hi,' he mouthed back. 'You okay?'_

_Hermione nodded and sent him a small smile, then reluctantly turned to enter the shop behind her, glancing over to him once more before she disappeared._

_Draco watched her until the door closed and blocked her from sight, then exhaled heavily as he tried to gain control of his emotions. He hated Weasley. _Hated _him. Hated the cold way he treated the people who loved him. Hated how he didn't appreciate a damn thing he had, and hated how he had everything Draco wanted besides wealth._

_Glancing down at the book still tightly held in his grasp, he marched over to the desk to pay for it, then walked purposefully out of the store, up to the Leaky Cauldron, and then disapparated. He didn't want to be there any longer, wondering where Granger and her family were and if Weasley was still being an un-appreciating, bullying dick. And he certainly didn't want to wait and see what would happen if he did run into them. He was pretty sure no-one would get out of it unscathed. _

_He felt guilty leaving Granger to deal with everything on her own, but there was nothing he could do. He couldn't help her or even hope to comfort her. All he could do was leave before he changed his mind and made a bigger mess out of everything. The only comforting thought he could come up with was that in a few days Granger would no doubt be at his manor again, Weasley nothing but a distant thought in their minds. If that was all he could do to help her, then he would take it._

* * *

><p><strong>I got so scared I thought no-one could save me<strong>

**You came along, scooped me up like a baby**

**Every now and then the stars align**

**Boy and girl meet by the great design**

**Could it be that you and me are the lucky ones**

_Hermione found herself alone with Drake, lying on the living-room couch with her knees bent so Drake could lean against them. Drake had his hands gripping onto two of her fingers, and he giggled as she moved her hands so his arms waved about, Hermione smiling at his laugh. She made sure he was leaning against her securely before she gently removed his hands from her fingers, and began tickling his sides and making him laugh harder. Hermione laughed along with him, feeling more light-hearted and relaxed than she had for a while._

_She was so preoccupied playing with Drake, that she didn't notice the fireplace lighting up and turning green, and didn't realise another person had joined the room until they spoke._

"_Well, this is rather unexpected."_

Hermione gathered Drake close to her chest protectively. "Blaise Zabini," she gasped, swinging her legs off the sofa and hastily standing up. While she knew that Blaise Zabini had been a close friend of Draco's during Hogwarts, she didn't know what their relationship was like nowadays. And if it turned out that they weren't that close anymore, then he could therefore be a danger to her. Still clutching Drake close to her, she began to edge closer to the door, never taking her eyes off of Blaise. "Draco," she called in a shaky voice. "Draco!"

Blaise just watched her with an amused look, finding it more interesting to stay silent rather than tell her that there was no reason to panic. Granted, he had no idea why the missing Hermione Weasley was happily relaxing in Malfoy Manor of all places, but he knew Draco wouldn't be letting her stay there without a good reason. He was just enjoying the rare moment of seeing a so-called brave Gryffindor getting so skittish around a Slytherin.

There was a sound of rushed footsteps getting closer and closer, and a few moments later the door to the living-room burst open and Draco threw himself him, his head darting back and forth from an amused Blaise to a scared looking Hermione, who was clutching Drake like a lifeline. "What's going on?" he demanded.

"I was just coming over for a visit, and was welcomed with quite a surprise," Blaise smirked. He was rather enjoying how nervously his presence seemed to be affecting Hermione, but he couldn't help but notice the way she kept glancing over at Draco, as if she was waiting for him to do something. It was like she was looking to him for protection, for security, and he couldn't understand why.

Draco's shoulders slumped a bit as some of the tension left him. "Bloody hell, Blaise, you could give a man some warning before you decide to fall out of their fireplace," he scolded, then carefully stepped closer to Hermione. Blaise watched with narrowed, suspicious eyes as he wrapped an arm around her waist and gave her a comforting look that immediately relaxed her.

"Hold on," Blaise said slowly, as the pieces all began to come together in his head. "Don't tell me... When you said you had feelings for some married woman who suddenly left..." his eyes widened and he suddenly burst out laughing. "You've got to be kidding me! Granger?"

"Mind your own business, Blaise," Draco warned, his arm tightening around Hermione's waist.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me, mate," Blaise continued to laugh. "Granted, I probably wouldn't have believed you, but..." he suddenly trailed off, the laughter dying as his gaze focussed on the baby in Hermione's arms that had turned his head slightly at the sound of his voice. The sight of him between Draco and Hermione made his jaw drop. "Holy shit," he gaped. "Did you knock her up?" he exclaimed tactlessly.

"Blaise!" Draco snapped, while Hermione turned her face into his shoulder, her cheeks reddening from embarrassment.

"Shit, but how am I meant to react when I find out that Hermione Granger, missing member of the Golden Trio and wife to Ron Weasley, is not only hiding out with Draco Malfoy, but has been having an affair with him for Merlin knows how long?"

"You react by keeping your mouth shut," Draco said sharply, and Hermione placed a comforting hand on his arm.

"Draco," she said softly, pulling his attention towards her.

Draco sighed, trying to calm himself down. After a few deep breaths, he looked back at her. "Maybe you should go upstairs," he said quietly. "Until I sort this out."

Hermione nodded and offered him a small, hopefully reassuring, smile, then reached up to kiss his cheek. "I'll see you soon."

Draco nodded and removed his arm from her waist, then watched as she left the room. Hermione gave him one last glance as she stepped through the doorway, then gently pulled it closed behind her.

Draco kept his eyes lingering on the door for a moment, as if he could still see her through the solid wood. Then he turned to face Blaise.

"You really freaked Granger out, Zabini," he said, his relief now being replaced by irritation caused by Blaise creating such a disturbance to their precious moment of peace. After all the turmoil that had occurred between him and Granger, not to mention the gut-wrenching unease he felt when she ran away, he had just been glad to be able to relax, knowing that she was safe and close to him again. His hopes of picking up where they left off may not have been met, but he was sure they were making progress. Granger certainly seemed to be more comfortable around him, and he had noticed the way she looked at him sometimes, or how she would seek comfort from him when she was panicking about everything she was going through. It was beginning to look like they could have what they once did, and he was sure they were all safe there.

Until Blaise arrived that is, and suddenly their safe haven didn't seem so secure anymore.

"It's not exactly my fault," Blaise retaliated. "I'm not the one that left the Floo open for anyone to come through while I'm harbouring a runaway."

Draco sighed, beginning to feel more irritated with himself. How could he have been so stupid and not closed off the Floo connection. It was just inviting people in! "I know," he said reluctantly. "I just... I didn't think about the Floo, to be honest. I was just so focussed on making sure she didn't leave that I didn't think about people getting in. I've always said how well protected my home is against unwanted visitors, but just about everyone is an enemy to her right now."

"I don't understand," Blaise said, his forehead creased.

"That's because you don't know the truth."

"What is the truth then?"

Draco was silent. What did he dare tell him? Could he give him the basics without giving too much away? And would Granger be annoyed to find out he had even said anything? But deep down, there was a part of Draco that was just screaming to let the whole truth out, to just have someone else understand and know what he was going through. Granger may have been an obvious choice to talk to, but he needed someone on the outside, someone who wasn't involved in any way and he could explain his anguish to them without having to think about what they were going through. He just needed someone to listen. Granger obviously had chosen to fully confide in she-Weasley, so why couldn't he have the same opportunity?

Draco ran his hand quickly through his hair, then walked quickly over to the sofas and sat down, like he was afraid he would lose his nerve if he held off any longer. He gestured for Blaise to sit in the armchair next to him.

"I'm not sure where to start, to be honest," Draco admitted once Blaise had sat down.

"Well, I would love to know how you two even got together, so why don't you start there?" Blaise prompted, propping one ankle on top of the opposite knee, giving his full attention to the blonde on the sofa opposite who was nervously leaning over, his elbows digging into his thighs as he linked his fingers together.

"It was about three years ago," Draco estimated. "I ran into her one day, and... it was like I was seeing her differently, somehow. I don't know what it was, but I was just a little bit intrigued by her. In some ways she was still the annoying know-it-all she had been in school, but at the same time it was like she was someone else entirely. And I wanted to know more, so I invited her for a drink."

Draco suddenly chuckled to himself. "Granger would insist I never invited her for a drink, that I dragged her along kicking and screaming to the cafe."

"Well it sounds more likely than your story," Blaise said simply.

"Yeah, probably," Draco agreed with a nod of his head. "She had been a bit reluctant-"

"Shocking."

"But I got her to come with me," Draco continued. "And we surprisingly got on really well, and before I knew it we were planning on meeting again. And it just continued like that, and somehow we ended up being friends."

"Friends with Granger?" Blaise asked with a raise of his eyebrows. "Never thought I'd see the day."

"Trust me, neither did I," Draco laughed dryly. "But it happened."

"Okay," Blaise said slowly. "So how did you go from being 'friends'," Blaise emphasised with a mock shudder, earning him a frown from Draco, "to you knocking her up?"

Draco ran a hand through his hair and slumped back onto the sofa. "Honestly, I'm not sure of that myself. All I know is one day I was looking at her, and I realised there was something more there."

"I see."

"And then I kissed her."

"Weren't you worried she would hex your balls off?"

"A little," Draco confessed. "I don't even know why I did it, but she just seemed so scared and vulnerable at the time, and that great big fucking bruise on her cheek didn't help-" he spat bitterly.

"Wait," Blaise interrupted quickly. "What's this about a bruise?"

Draco snapped his mouth shut. Shit, he didn't know if Granger would be happy about him telling Blaise the truth about her marriage. But surely he must already have some idea that their perfect marriage wasn't all it seemed to be? Hermione Granger, loyal, truthful, honourable Gryffindor, would never be the type to start an illicit affair without good reason.

Draco sighed. Blaise was probably already suspicious, he had slipped out that something wasn't right, and truth be told, Draco was itching to discuss his predicament with someone, anyone. He had managed to keep a fairly cool head with all the baggage that Granger had dragged into his life and his manor, but underneath his emotionless exterior he felt like screaming until his vocal chords burned, desperate to release the tension and stress that was building up inside.

But talking would do, he thought. Talking would let him relive himself of some of it.

"It was Weasley," Draco finally said quietly.

Blaise just stared at him, dumbfounded. "Weasley?" he repeated. "As in Ron Weasley, husband of _Hermione Weasley?_"

Draco grimaced at the name. Weasley never quite suited being attached to the end of her name.

"Fucking hell," Blaise muttered. "So the Weasel hit her, she came to you, you got her pregnant, and now she's left her husband?" he summed up. "Tough year for Granger."

Draco laughed humourlessly. "Zabini, I wish it were that simple."

"What do you mean?"

"Do you not remember what I told you a couple of weeks ago, in that bar?"

Blaise was silent while he racked his brain for the memory, and Draco exhaled a small breath. Yes, talking was definitely helping.

Suddenly, Blaise spoke again, his voice surprisingly soft. "You said that she didn't just leave her husband, she left you as well."

Draco just nodded.

"Did she tell you she was pregnant?"

"No."

"When you found out, did she tell you it was yours?"

"No."

Blaise slowly blow out a breath of air. "What the hell happened between you two?" he finally asked.

Draco ran a hand over his exhausted face, then called for a house-elf to bring a bottle of firewhiskey and two glasses. After it had returned and placed the items on the table, Draco opened the bottle and poured two generous servings of the amber liquid into the glasses. Thrusting one into Blaise's hand and sinking back onto his sofa with his own drink, he took a deep sip of it, like it was providing the ability to speak.

"Okay," Draco sighed. "From the start."

* * *

><p><strong>You're a careless con and you're a crazy liar<strong>

**But baby, nobody compares to the way you get down, down, down**

**I tried so hard to act nice like a lady**

**You showed me that it was good to be crazy**

After Hermione had left the living-room, she had planned on heading straight upstairs like Draco instructed, preferring to remove herself from the strained situation as much as possible. But after only taking two steps, her curiosity had gotten the better of her and she'd crept back to place her ear against the cool wood of the door. She had listened, intrigued, to Draco's confession that he should have done something about the Floo, and she knew that he wasn't going to let himself off easily for that blunder. She didn't blame him in any way though. After all, she hadn't thought of it either, and it was her that was on the run and meant to look after herself. But, like Draco, she had been much too focussed on how she finally felt safe.

Hermione had kept her ear glued to the door until Draco began to explain their past to Blaise. She had lived through it once, and had no desire to live through it again, either from her own or Draco's point of view. So she had tip-toed away and up the stairs, hoping she didn't make any noise that would alert them to her eavesdropping. Once she was safely upstairs, she carried Drake around the manor's upper floors until she ran into Amelia and Tom, and the house-elf that was dutifully following them around. She wasn't sure how long she had been playing with them, but the sun had nearly set by the time she heard from another house-elf that Mister Zabini had left.

Leaving Tom and Amelia to play, Hermione rushed down to her room to place Drake in his crib, then hurried down the main stairs with no clue as to what she would even say to Draco. When she reached near the bottom of the staircase she saw Draco leaving the living-room where Blaise had arrived.

"Is Blaise gone?" she asked, just desperately grabbing at something to start a conversation.

Draco suddenly looked up at her in surprise; he had been so deep in thought that he hadn't even noticed her standing there watching him.

"Yes, he's gone," he said quietly. "I'm sorry, Hermione."

"What for?" Hermione asked, completely thrown off. Why did he feel the need to apologise to her like someone had died?

"I was a complete idiot," he replied, his expression changing to anger that was directed at himself. "I should have disconnected my Floo connection. I was complacent enough to think that you would be safe just by being here, when in actual fact anyone could come and go as they please-"

"It's okay, Draco," Hermione said reassuringly. She had been right. He was blaming himself for everything and wouldn't let it go easily. "Nothing went wrong, it was only Blaise-"

"But it could have been someone else," Draco interrupted. "It could have been my father, it could have been someone else in the Union, it could have been _anyone_, because EVERYONE is a threat to you!"

Hermione gasped at his raised tone. "Draco, you can't do this to yourself," she insisted as she took a few more steps downstairs. "_Neither _of us thought to protect the Floo. And we were lucky, no harm came from Blaise seeing me-"

"You didn't know that at first though," Draco said. "You think I didn't hear how panicked you were when Blaise arrived? You thought you were in danger, I could see it on your face."

Hermione took another step down and nodded. "Yes, I was scared. But not for one second did I blame you for him getting in."

Draco sighed and rubbed his face tiredly.

"Does Blaise know everything?" Hermione asked quietly.

Draco paused. "Pretty much," he said finally.

Hermione nibbled at her bottom lip. "Can we trust him?"

Draco looked straight at her. "Definitely. I know you don't really know him and might not trust him, but-"

"No, it's okay," Hermione said. "If you trust him... I trust him. Because I trust you."

Hermione hoped he caught the hidden meaning behind her saying that. Trust had, after all, become such a huge issue for her that it made it very difficult for her to consider a relationship with him again. But something about him running to protect her when Blaise arrived, and being able to comfort her had made her feel safe, even when she thought she was in danger. And something small had sparked in the back of her mind, making her feel something strange yet oddly familiar.

Draco studied her carefully, like he was indeed trying to figure out what she meant by her words.

"Okay. Good. Well, I still have some stuff to do, so I guess I'll see you around," he said, sounding confused and distracted by other thoughts. He walked off back in the direction of his office, leaving Hermione to watch after him and wonder just what her feelings towards him were now.

Dinner had been quieter than normal with both Draco and Hermione being contemplative about their relationship now, while the children remained oblivious and happily chatted away. A few times Hermione would catch Draco's eye, and he would give her a slight smile that didn't reach his eyes before looking away again. She knew he still felt bad about Blaise getting into the manor, but she couldn't hold it against him. It had been an accident, and they had learnt from their mistake. But Draco still seemed unable to forgive himself for it, and Hermione felt a stab of pity that he was holding himself so responsible. In her eyes, he had done enough by letting her and the children stay there (even if she had been against it in the beginning), and she should be just as responsible for keeping herself hidden. But it was clear Draco didn't feel the same. She supposed it was partly biological. Men had always been seen as the strong ones, meant to protect women and children, and their safety was the man's responsibility. Not to mention someone managing to get into their own home would have felt like a blow. But while Hermione felt that those stereotypes were extremely outdated, it was clear that a man's pride still came from being able to protect others around them, and there was very little she could do to make him feel better.

When the meals had been cleared away and Tom and Amelia had headed upstairs, Hermione turned to Draco.

"You know I still don't blame you for anything," she said.

Draco nodded. "But I do, and that's enough."

Hermione shook her head exasperatedly. "If this is some silly male pride thing, I need you to get over it. I don't want you to feel like you have to protect me, I can look after myself! Stop holding yourself responsible for everything!"

Draco glared at her. "This isn't some 'silly male pride thing', as you so eloquently put. This is about the fact that I let you down! Gender has nothing to do with it!"

"So you're saying you would feel the same if it was a friend you were trying to protect?" Hermione asked disbelievingly.

"I would feel guilty, yes," Draco said in a low voice. "I've let the enemy into my own home. But it would in no way be the same thing."

Hermione opened her mouth then shut it again, at a loss as to how she was meant to reply to that. His words shouldn't have surprised her, but they did. It was like she constantly had to be reminded that she really meant something to Draco, that she was more than just a sex-buddy he had accidently gotten pregnant.

Draco pushed his chair away from the table and walked over to the door, leaving Hermione to sit alone at the table.

Just as he reached for the handle, Hermione called him back. "Draco," she said softly.

Draco half turned, letting her know that he was listening.

"I'm sorry," Hermione said. "I just... I didn't think it mattered that much."

Draco sighed and let go of the handle to face her fully. "Why is it so hard for you to understand that I want you to be safe? That I care about what happens to you? I try to show you, to tell you, but it's like you don't even hear me!"

"Well I'm sorry if my past has left me a little screwed up!" Hermione said heatedly. "All I can really do is try to move past it, but it's hard!"

"I'm trying to help you!" Draco said. "But you'll never move past it if you don't start to trust me!"

"I told you I trusted you!"

Draco found himself lost for words. They both stared at each other with their chests heaving in frustration.

"Hermione, I-"

Draco was cut off by a cry coming from upstairs, and Hermione instantly glanced up at the ceiling then quickly stood up and paced over to the door.

"That sounds like Tom, I better go see if he's okay-"

Draco grabbed her arm as she made to leave.

"Granger," he tried again, but Hermione just shook him off.

"Not now, Draco. I need to check on Tom. We'll talk later. We both need to have a think, I believe."

Draco just nodded and let her leave.

Hermione hurried out of the room and along the corridor to the stairs. She didn't know what to make of her fight with Draco. Was she being completely unreasonable to think _he _was being the one unreasonable? Taking responsibility for his actions was rarely a thing she saw Draco do. He preferred to leap headfirst without consideration, then let any trouble unfold once he was well in the clear. Seeing him so furious at himself for not thinking things through was a whole new side to him, and she actually found it a little worrisome. If he got so worked up over a little mistake like that, what would he be like if something truly terrible happened? Would he blame himself for it, refusing to listen to reason and just tornado out of control? It was actually ironic, in a way. Draco used to always tell her how great it was to live without responsibilities, to just do before you think, and now he was regretting not thinking thoroughly enough. He was a complicated man, she had come to realise. He could lie like it was a second language to him, take advantage of others without mercy and live with no regrets, yet when it came to people he cared about he had a very strict set of morals to live by.

So maybe she _was_ being unreasonable. But she was finding it hard to keep up with the twists and turns that came with being in a relationship with Draco (or whatever it was they were in). Not to mention the way he seemed to be changing her slightly, right from the day they ran into each other in the bookshop. He had a bizarre effect on everyone, and she was still debating whether the change in herself was a good or bad thing. But she came to realise that the change she experienced, while so different from the person she had been when she was married to Ron, was very similar to the person she had once been in school. Positive, outspoken, and accepting that sometimes you have to do drastic things to get results.

_Such as running away from your husband_, she told herself.

Hermione's train of thought was broken when she found Amelia hugging a sobbing Tom in one of the upstairs corridors, who had apparently tripped and scraped his knee on the wooden floorboards. Her focus purely on Tom, Draco became a distant thought in her head until it was time to put the children to bed.

* * *

><p><strong>Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight<strong>

**Just a touch of the fire burning so bright**

**No I don't want to mess this thing up, I don't want to push too far**

**Just a shot in the dark that you just might**

**Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life**

**So baby I'm alright with just a kiss goodnight**

After Amelia had fallen asleep, Hermione busied herself with getting ready for bed. She hadn't seen Draco at all after their argument at dinner, and she didn't like the idea of going to bed with their unsolved issues still hanging in the air, growing and growing then getting dragged into tomorrow to taint that day, too. As she pulled on a pair of pyjamas, she remembered the saying her mother told her that a couple should never go to bed angry. Well, she and Draco were hardly a couple, and to be honest she wasn't sure what they were. But either way, she decided her mother's advice would still apply. She had spent too many nights with Ron going to bed angry, and she wasn't going to go through it again with Draco. With a determined look on her face, she pushed any nerves to the back of her mind and walked out of her room and down the corridor to his room.

But as soon as she reached the open door, her confidence quickly dwindled. What was she meant to say? Was he mad at her? She nervously licked her lips and knocked on his door.

"Draco?"

Draco was standing by the window on the opposite side of the room, and she was hit by a sense of déjà vu, of knocking on Draco's bedroom door on a rainy night dressed in huge nightwear, feeling tense and nervous and unsure of how the night would continue. So much had happened between that point and now, and yet in some ways it felt like nothing was different. Once again she was in the middle of running away from her marriage, dealing with her feelings for Draco and wondering what the future held for them.

No, nothing had really changed at all.

"Granger," Draco said, seeming surprised to see her standing there. "What is it?"

Hermione nervously played with her fingers for a moment before she spoke. "I think we left some things unsaid earlier."

Draco nodded. "There seems to be a lot of that between us."

"Yes, there is," Hermione agreed. "Too much."

There was silence as Hermione's eyes drifted around the room. "After that day we fought, I never thought I'd be here again," she said pensively. Draco didn't need to ask her what day she was talking about. There was only one day that really stood out to him where they fought.

Hermione's eyes landed on his bed. There was no doubt in her mind that it had been the most comfortable bed she had ever lain in, and it was certainly the biggest. There had been days when she was lying in it with Draco, wishing she never had to get up again. She nibbled her lip guiltily when she thought of lying there while she had been married.

"Do you what memory sticks out the most for me in here?" Draco's voice broke through her thoughts. Her eyes darted over to him, still standing in the same spot by the window, and she soundlessly shook her head.

"It wasn't any of the times we slept together, or spoke to each other," he said calmly, as if he was doing nothing more than discussing a particularly pleasant day of weather. "It was the morning after we first slept together, and you weren't there."

Hermione's eyes softened as she began to feel remorse, and she swallowed heavily. "You know why I couldn't stay," she whispered. "I had to get back to the kids, and Ginny. And... I just couldn't stay after what we had done. I was so confused, and I just needed to go. I needed space."

"I know," Draco said, no hint of annoyance or hurt in his voice. "But I'll never forget waking up and just seeing a note left on the pillow. That was the first morning I had ever woken up and felt that something was significantly missing."

Hermione didn't know what to say. Their whole relationship had just been a twisting rollercoaster, with more terrifying drops than pleasurable heights. One minute she would think Draco really didn't care that much, then he would say something or do something that made her reconsider everything she had thought so far. And just when she felt sick from the guilt and the ups and downs, Draco would somehow be able to sooth her and she would be ready to take it all on again.

But she was done with rollercoasters and not knowing what came next. She needed to understand, and she wanted to know now. She needed to know for definite that she meant something to Draco. That she always had.

"I want us to talk," Hermione blurted out.

Draco looked at her like she had gone a bit mad. "I was under the impression we were talking."

Hermione shook her head. "No, I mean _really _talk. Remember when you brought me and the kids here, after we cleared our stuff from the hotel, and we were fighting about why I kept pushing you away after you tried to get me back... I said I wasn't ready to talk about it all yet. I... I'm ready now."

Draco's eyebrows shot up into his hairline. "Are you sure?"

Hermione nodded. "I want to talk about this."

"Okay then, do you want to go sit somewhere, or...?"

Hermione shook her head very slightly and bit her lip again, and this time Draco knew she was trying to get the courage to say what she wanted. "I was hoping, that um, we could maybe talk in your bed," she said quietly, and her cheeks turned a bright pink as she blushed, her head focussed more on the floor so she could hide her face.

There was silence as Hermione continued to stare at the floor. She couldn't see Draco's face, and she couldn't decide if that was a blessing or not. What was he thinking?

"Okay," Draco said suddenly.

Hermione slowly lifted her eyes to meet his. "Really?"

Hermione was sure she could see a smile trying to take shape on his face. "Let me just go to the bathroom to get changed and stuff."

Hermione nodded. Once Draco had closed the bathroom door, she turned her attention to the large bed she never thought she'd see again, let alone climb into once more. She slowly walked around the edge of the bed, letting her hand gently skim over the sheets. Her heart beat furiously as she edged closer to the side that had always been hers. Draco had been adamant that the left side of the bed was his, and would playfully roll them over if she ever managed to claim his side. Hermione smiled as she remembered how happy he could make her once. She wanted that back more than anything.

The rustle of the sheets as she drew them back to climb into bed brought all the memories back stronger, thinking of how often she heard that noise and how significant such a small thing became to her. She carefully climbed in and pulled the cool sheets up to her waist, then arranged the pillows so she was slightly propped up. She had to be comfortable, she told herself. This talk would be hard enough, she didn't need to be fidgeting throughout it all.

As she sat there, waiting and listening to the sound of Draco brushing his teeth in the adjoining room, a whole load of new thoughts suddenly invaded her mind, and they were considerably less pleasant. Had he had any other woman in this bed since her? It had been around ten months since she left, did she really expect him to remain celibate during that time? Even if they hadn't meant anything to him, the idea of him having another woman in her place made her feel sick to the stomach. He had been perfectly free to start a relationship or sleep around, because she had left him. Hell, he was technically free to sleep with other women while he was sleeping with her! They hadn't been in a real relationship, after all. But the thought of him being with someone else at the same time as her made her feel dirty and cheap, even more so than she already did.

But she couldn't think like that. She needed to get rid of those toxic thoughts, because they would bring no positive contribution to the discussion she was about to have with Draco.

She was snapped out of her morbid thoughts by the bathroom door opening, and watched as Draco made his way over to the bed, then looked straight in front of her as he climbed in.

Once Draco was lying in a similar position to her, they stayed there in silence, their heavy breathing the only noise in the room as they waited for one of them to start.

"Did you sleep with anyone else after I left?" The words tumbled out of Hermione's mouth before she could stop them, moving directly from her thoughts to her vocal chords without her even noticing.

She could hear Draco was about to speak, but she quickly waved her hand. "No, don't tell me. I don't want to know. We were, for all intents and purposes, broken up, so you were completely free to do whatever you wanted." She took a deep breath. "But, while we _were_ together... was there anybody else?"

She turned her head in time to see a horrified expression on Draco's face. "Merlin, Granger, no! I'm a lot of things, but I'm not a cheater."

"You wouldn't technically be cheating," Hermione reminded him. "We weren't really together in the true sense of the word, so how could you be?"

Draco looked at her with a frown on his face. "You just said for all intents and purposes that we had broken up; you can't break up if you're not together."

"But was what we did an actual break-up?" Hermione asked. "I suppose it felt like it, but you need to be in a real relationship to break up, and we did not have a real relationship."

Draco leaned in slightly. "It was real enough for me," he said firmly. "So no, I didn't sleep with anyone else. I'm not a cheater."

He slowly moved back to where he was as Hermione processed his words.

"No, I guess not," she conceded. "Just me then."

There was another lengthy silence between them.

"Why did you run away from me, Granger?" Draco finally asked quietly, and she could tell it was a question he had often asked himself, possibly running it through his head many times. "Not when we broke up, but after. I understood running away from Weasley, but why did you run away from me too?"

This was it, she thought. They were finally going to start talking about what had been left unsaid for so long.

"Because I didn't think you cared enough," Hermione whispered.

Draco stared at her. "How could you possibly think I didn't care, Hermione? Weren't you there when I came to your house and tried to get you back, when I said I was sorry I hurt you?"

"Yes, I was there," Hermione replied. "But I didn't think you cared about me. To me, you were just like a little boy who had had his toy taken away from him. You had grown tired of it and didn't really have any strong attachments, but the second you were told you couldn't have it you wanted it back, because you weren't used to losing anything. That's all I thought I was to you, Draco, just something you used to play with until you got fed up, but then you wanted me back even though the outcome would be the same."

"You were never just something to play with, Granger," Draco insisted. "Not for one moment."

Hermione turned her head to face him. "Then why did you never tell me?"

Draco stared at her open-mouthed, completely at a loss as to what to say. "I don't know," he said quietly.

Hermione shook her head sadly. "So you tell me why I never went back to you when I left my husband."

"I just..."

"I thought I was nothing more than good company and a good shag to you," Hermione said, a hint of bitterness in her voice. "I didn't think you wanted anything more to do with me. And after all, why would you? You had a woman to talk to and sleep with, but didn't have to commit to. It's every man's dream, isn't it?"

Draco sighed. "At first, I didn't know what I wanted. Except you, but I didn't know to what extent. I thought I would be satisfied with nothing more than what we had."

"Which was what, exactly?" Hermione asked.

"Close friends, but also slept together." Draco bowed his head down slightly in what appeared to be shame. "I thought that would be enough, and it wouldn't complicate our relationship or your marriage. In a way, we were both getting something we wanted out of it. You were getting what you didn't have in your marriage, and I was getting... well, you.

"I thought it would work out fine. Until I realised how much I hated seeing you leave to go back home, knowing that Weasley was getting you all to himself when he didn't deserve you. Then I realised that maybe our relationship wasn't enough for me."

"But you still never told me," Hermione said. "You never told me you were interested in anything more. Can't you imagine how that made me feel?"

"I'll always claim to be a proud man, Hermione. But underneath it all I'm a coward. I didn't want to admit I had feelings with you in-case you didn't return them, and I refused to receive a blow like that."

"The whole time I thought you didn't want anything from me," Hermione whispered. "The whole time I told myself to stick with my marriage because there was no-one to turn to if I left, no-one who would want me."

"I tried to tell you a few times, I really did. But you never gave any indication that you would be interested. You seemed much too determined to stick with your marriage until the end."

"I had more to lose by telling you the truth. When I married Ron, I married the whole Weasley family, including Harry. How could you expect me to throw all that away on a whim that you might have stronger feelings for me, too?"

Draco looked at her sadly. "All this mess we got into just because we couldn't bring ourselves to tell the other the truth. But why did you have to lie about Drake? Why were you so determined on making sure I wasn't in your life at all?"

"I thought you were a Death Eater," Hermione reminded him. "Or whatever the members of your group call themselves. I wasn't going to let my children near a possible threat, whether you were the father or not. I'm still not all that comfortable being here, knowing that your father could drop by any minute."

"I won't let him, or anyone else come near you," Draco promised her. "That accident with the Floo, it won't happen again, and I've ordered the house-elves to not let anyone in the house without letting me know immediately."

Hermione frowned. "You _ordered_ them?"

"Really, Granger?" Draco asked, looking like he was resisting the urge to roll his eyes. "Is there no time you won't go on about elf-rights?"

Hermione tried to stifle a laugh but failed. And maybe it was because of the tense moment they had had before, but she found it very difficult to stop laughing once she had started. Draco couldn't help but smile along with her, happy to see her looking so care-free and unburdened. It was such a rare look nowadays, and it reminded him so much of what they had before.

When Hermione's laughter had finally reduced to just a small giggle, Draco carefully moved himself closer to her until their faces were barely inches apart. Hermione immediately sobered up at his close contact.

"Hermione, I know I messed up in the past," he said gently, while Hermione strained to hear him over the sound of her pounding heartbeat in her ears. "But I want this. I want a real relationship, where we talk and sort out our issues. I want what we were missing before."

Hermione eyed him nervously. "You know I'm still going to be screwed up for a while," she told him in a tone that matched his. "Even with the truth out there now, I'm still going to find it hard to completely trust you when you say you want me. Even Ron didn't think I was worth it after a while. And..." she bit her lip uncomfortably before she spoke again. "I just couldn't bear to get hurt again."

Draco's face melted into a gentle expression she so rarely saw from him, and he gently reached out to wind one of her curls around his finger. "You know I'm no good at this stuff, Granger. Just tell me what I need to do."

Hermione swallowed heavily and licked her lips. "I told you earlier that I trusted you. Look me in the eyes and promise me you won't hurt me," she whispered.

Draco looked straight at her, piercing grey looking into warm brown. "Granger, we both know I have a habit of doing stupid things. I speak without thinking, and have a tendency sometimes to think with my dick instead of my head. I'm not perfect; far from it, in fact. But if you're willing to put up with all of that, then I promise I will do my best to not hurt you along the way."

Hermione studied his face for any glimmer of a lie, any hint that he didn't completely mean what he said. He had always been so good at masking his true feelings, but it was his eyes that would give him away if you were privileged enough to get that close to him. And Hermione was sure she could trust what she saw in them.

"Okay," Hermione nodded, and Draco let out a small sigh of relief. The hand that was playing with her curl then moved into the back of her hair, and Draco slowly moved them closer until their noses were brushing against each other.

"Draco," Hermione whispered just as he was about to move his lips onto hers, and he looked into her eyes. They looked hurt, and scared, but showed no warning for him to stop. Just telling him not to go too far.

Very gently he sealed her lips with his, and slowly caressed them, like a flower petal being dragged over skin. Hermione had almost forgotten how wonderfully pleasant she found it when he kissed her, but never could she remember a time he had been this tender with her. It was the sort of kiss shown in soppy romance films, the one girls would dream of sharing with their first love, and she found it so ironic that it was Draco Malfoy giving it to her, making her feel like she was gliding on a cloud.

Draco eventually pulled away but kept their faces close together, feeling each other's breaths on their cheeks.

"I've missed you, Granger," he said quietly, his hand now stroking her cheek.

"Then don't let me go again," Hermione replied, her eyelids drooping shut as the day's events started to catch up with her. Between the fear she felt when Blaise had arrived and all the tension with Draco, her body had begun to feel quite weary.

"Go to sleep, Granger," she heard Draco whisper to her. "We can talk more in the morning if you like."

Hermione just hummed a reply, then was quickly asleep in Draco's arms. Draco held her tightly, promising himself that he wouldn't let her go again. Their relationship still wasn't quite where it had once been, as Hermione still seemed reluctant to let herself be vulnerable again, but just as he drifted off to sleep, he decided he didn't want their relationship to be exactly like it had been before. There had been too much distance between them, he now realised, and he refused to have them go through the same thing twice. For once in his life, he felt that he had finally done something right.

* * *

><p><strong>So, good? Bad? I really don't know what to expect in your reviews, which have been awesome so far. I know I usually reply to all your reviews but didn't for the last chapter, but I just never got round to it. But they are very well appreciated, and I love reading them :)<strong>

**Well done to everyone who correctly guessed who was using the Floo! Big gold stars for you all :D**

**Songs used**

**I Want to Hold Your Hand by the Beatles (but I was listening to the Glee version because it's much sadder and fits more with the story)**

**Lucky Ones by Lana Del Ray**

**Just a Kiss by Lady Antebellum**


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